Disclaimer: This book is written as an "alternate universe" to Half-Blood Prince, seeing as that book was not released when I began writing. It's loads better than Rowling's version, though, and I'm very modest.

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…For all you students out there,
and all the teachers too.
Kindly remember these words,
exactly as said to you.

The sorting hat, finally finishing the song, stopped singing the song, and everyone in the Great Hall had a chance too look at the bedraggled hat, whose dark gray outer thing had numerous patches of multiple colors that were red and blue and yellow and other colors that were obviously, of course, not red, blue, or yellow, but different colors, as it magically hopped from the bedraggled three-legged stool, which was chipped in many places and obvious to all that it had seen other days, and waited on the ground for Professor McGonagall to pick it up again, for no apparent reason, which she promptly did, her chin high and her delicate green robes dragging on the floor creating a soft, dragging sound that everyone could hear because no one was talking at all.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were whispering to each other.

"That was really weird," hissed Ron.

"Yes it was," mumbled Hermione.

Harry was silent.

McGonagall said sharply, "I will now call up all the first years to be sorted.

"Weasley-Granger, Serendipity."

Ron thought, 'Gee, that's odd. All the first years' surnames are near the end of the alphabet.' He did not realize the true implications of the name because he was stupid.

However, Hermione did. She gasped in shock. She was surprised! The first year's last name was a combination of hers and Ron's. And she didn't think it was coincidence.

Harry was silent. He wasn't silent in his mind though, because he was thinking, duh. He looked between Ron and Hermione and decided that even if they had been willing to copulate in the first place, they would've had to been five to produce such a beautiful child, so he decided that wasn't it. "It's not fair," he grumbled. "It's not 'Potter-Weasley-Granger,' is it? I'm always typecast as the famous egotistical hero. I never get into interesting situations like this. It's not fair. Also Voldemort," (even though he was mumbling, a collective shudder spread across the room) "is after me."

And she was beautiful. Her hair cascaded past her knees, Harry could see as she walked up to the stool, and continued to cascade, cascading like mad down the hall and finally ending, still cascading, at Harry's feet. He looked at the hair closely. It was black, with one large white stripe down the middle, which made her look like a skunk only prettier than a skunk. Stripes of red and brown, which were obviously natural, cascaded down her hair next to the white stripe, which proved she was the child of some Weasley and some Granger.

Harry couldn't see her eyes (luckily, they didn't cascade to him like the hair; that's would've been weird and not beautiful), but they were a hot pink, with a darker scarlet around the pupil. They shone as if someone had inserted a 100-watt lightbulb in her skull, and twinkled more than the stars above (even though it was daytime). The entire school could hear the two talking to each other, and at one point the hat muttered, "What's wrong with Slytherin?"

A collective gasp spread across the room. Ron and Hermione especially gasped, Hermione especially so. They all knew only pure-bloods went to Slytherin, but Hermione was Muggle-born. …Right?

But the two continued conferring. When they had finished, the sorting hat breathed in to speak Serendipity's house, but she stopped the hat. "Might I say the house name?" she asked politely. A collective gasp spread across the room. Harry was silent. The hat was a bit taken aback; nobody had ever asked him that request before. But he had super-magical powers and sensed there was something special about Serendipity, so he agreed.

She stood up gracefully, and shouted softly, "GRYFFINDOR." Her beautiful voice cascaded across the room and entered Harry's ears, like a pillow for his ears. It glistened of roses and daffodils, and was sweeter than honey. Harry sighed happily. He was relaxed, just by the sound of her enchanting voice.

'NO!' his head cried. 'She's only eleven, fool! She'd also stare at me when I'd mention Voldemort,' (even though he was thinking, a collective shudder spread across the room), 'which always happens. Why does everyone think I'm so strange? I don't want to be famous. It's not fair.'

The sorting hat got through the rest of the children in half the time it took to get through Serendipity, because she was so special. Ron was wrong about his observation (because he's stupid); it went through the others in alphabetical order starting with Abigail Amstrophy, but since Serendipity was so important she had to go first.

While walking back to the Gryffindor table, she tripped elegantly, and fell onto a potion. Instantly she became five years older. She grew taller, and her breasts because four times bigger, which was really big since they were big already.

The new Potions teacher, Daius X. Machina (Snape had died, oh yeah), chuckled. "I probably should have been more careful as to where I put my Autoturn Sixteen Potion."

Dumbledore said, "Well, I guess Serendipity is a sixth year now, which is enormously convenient and coincidental. You'll have no problem being able to perform at their level of study since you are special."

She replied back, in the same flowing voice, "Well, I guess I am a sixth year now, which is enormously convenient and coincidental. I'll have no problem being able to perform at their level of study since I am special."

Her speech was so moving, half the students broke into cascading tears, and only Hermione had the shrewd observation that her speech what exactly what Dumbledore had just said, only just changing the pronouns. The Hufflepuff table cried so much that their tears enveloped them all and drowned them. This was a huge tragedy, and Serendipity said in response, "I'm very sorry for the loss." Even though nobody knew what she was talking about, even more started crying; her magnificent way with words was better than anything all of them combined had ever heard, and Hermione was silent. Dumbledore declared September 1st to be Serendipity Weasley-Granger Day, and even Snape wept (he's actually alive, just kidding).

Serendipity Weasley-Granger walked through the Hall, chin up elegantly, her hair cascading through the food that was now on the table and getting annoyed looks from hungry Hufflepuffs (they're alive now). When she sat down at the table next to Harry, she giggled, and he blushed.

He was in love.