Author's Note: Helloo, fellow iCarly fans out there! I was sitting in my bathtub last night musing amidst the bubbles and I suddenly had an epiphany of sorts. I'm feeling kinda blue about a certain someone and decided to translate some of my feelings into a small Creddie oneshot that I wanted to share with all of you. Hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or Creddie. Just my own twisted ramblings.
I'm sitting in front of my desk, staring blankly at my computer screen. I'm used to the brightness counteracted by the darkness surrounding me in my bedroom. There isn't a single light on in the whole apartment, my mom working the night shift at the hospital tonight. And that's exactly how I like it. But there's still one thing missing:
Carly.
Hasn't it always been this way? Two strangers passing each other on a frosty night somewhere in Kennedy Square just like this? Even when we were actually dating a few months ago, I still couldn't be sure that she saw me, really saw me. Maybe she didn't really want me after all, just someone to save her. A nameless face that she could attach any feeling and meaning to. Maybe Carly just wanted someone to see her. It could've been me or a million faces staring at her through a computer screen, just like I'm doing right now. Except that I don't see her, just my own face.
I open up a new chat window on my screen with Carly's username attached to it. We chatted occasionally after hours; we talk about everything and nothing all at the same time. Some nights, there are just empty silences, pauses that stall for something to interrupt it, like daybreak.
I want Carly to do more than just move her fingers across the keyboard tonight. I don't know why it matters so much right now. This sudden desperation has crept over me and I need Carly to act on something, some hidden instinct or desire deep inside of her. I always make the first move: check to see if she's online; open the chat window with her username on it; type in a few lines, then hit 'send'. Then I wait for an answer. I'm always waiting for an answer from Carly.
I can't wait anymore. It's like Carly already knows that I'll always be the first to begin the chase. I think she expects it. I can't stop myself. I initiate and she responds in kind. But now I'm reading it differently, like we're starting a new game.
We're not separated by a bedroom door, a hallway and some stairs anymore. It's only a door between us and Carly's in the next room, staring at her computer screen just out of reach. My fingers ghost across the keyboard impatiently.
u still there?
i'm going to get some juiceā¦
Her chair slides out from underneath her and she's on her feet. They don't make a sound against the wooden floor as she moves closer and closer. I hear a soft knock on my bedroom door and I look up from my computer screen. My chair scrapes against the floor as I get up and walk towards the door.
i'm back.
I open the door and Carly's standing in front of me, not saying a word.
how's the juice?
My head is filled with questions while I stare at her. The first is easy: "Why are you here?" The last is harder: "Will you stay?"
it's good.
Carly's pouty lips curl into a small smile, shimmering through her dark brown eyes and this fills my head with even more questions.
it's getting late, think i'll hit the hay.
I leave her standing in the doorway while I move backwards towards my bed. I lie down on top of the covers and rest my head against the pillow. The ball's in her court now.
me too, i'm feeling pretty tired.
Carly walks towards my bedroom door and closes it with a soft click. And then she come closer, her body bathed in the pale moonlight shining through the window.
sweet dreams, carly. *virtual hug*
I grab hold of the loop in her jeans and pull her to me. Then she's in my arms; body to body, lips to lips.
you too, freddie. *virtual hug and kiss*
Carly pushes me down onto the bed and climbs on top of me. Her hands are in my hair and her lips are tracing a line across my neck and chin.
It's the near of the conversation and I know Carly's running out of things to say. I can picture her distractedly checking her email while she's talking to me. I can almost see her finger pressing down on the mouse, scrolling through the pages with a flick of her wrist.
She rolls my t-shirt off my body like a papery scroll. Her fingernails press into my skin, deeper and deeper.
I can't think of anything else to say to her either. So I scroll through the list of emoticons before me. Then I send her a virtual smiley. Click.
With one click, I unfasten Carly's bra with a loud snap. My fingertips stroke across her back, conveying more than words could ever say.
With a few more clicks and strokes, the conversation's finally drawing to a close. It isn't long before Carly logs off, leaving me staring at a blank page.
She falls asleep first, her hand underneath her chin with her black hair splayed out over the pillow. I'm still awake and watching her. I'm always watching her. Carly likes people looking at her, even when she's not standing in front of a camera.
My mouse clicks involuntarily on Carly's username again even though I know she's not there anymore.
My index finger grazes her bare shoulder blade with the lightest of touches. I know she won't wake up now, and it's okay.
With a loud sigh, I right-click the chat window and eventually sign off. The screen goes blank and I'm very much alone. Just like every other night.
I sigh one last time and finally turn away from Carly's sleeping form. I lie on my side and close my eyes. The left side of my bed feels strangely weightless. My mind's gone blank. We're both alone now, offline.
Disconnected.
Author's Note: I'm sure there are plenty of question-marks floating around now. I just thought I'd try my hand at some pure angst without my usual fluffiness and marshmallow clouds. Drop me a line if you have any burning questions (even if they're not necessarily about the above oneshot) Now, if you'll excuse me, I feel the burning desire to eat a pork chop right now. Adios!
