Fable: Now With Two X Chromosomes
Deep in the forests of Albion lay the ancient town of Oakvale, unchanged by time, and untouched by the sword. In this town lived a young girl named Melissa, who dreamed of adventures far beyond this small town, at times, she'd be a beautiful Amazon, and at other times, she'd be a wicked witch, only without the green skin and warts, but she could never fathom her great destiny...
"Melissa, wake up," said Melissa's father. "It's your sister's birthday, remember? Same deal as last year, any good deeds you do, you get a gold piece."
The 10 year old girl sat up, yawned, and rubbed her eyes, she didn't generally keep track of the dates, so she was grateful for this reminder. She was a pretty young girl, and already developing breasts, long brown hair, and lavender eyes, and a light tan, she smiled, nodded, and went on her way, then heard a voice, it was Mr. poupipance, owner of the weapons and armor shop, she walked around and saw him kissing and fondling a woman who was not his wife, She did what any girl who saw a cheater would do, she got angry.
"Uh, Mr. Poupipance, why are you cheating on your wife?"
"Uh... I've never even met this woman... she raped me... who is she? Uh look lass, keep your mouth shut about this, and I'll give you a gold piece."
Melissa thought for a second, she could take the gold piece, tell on him, get another gold piece from her father, and it would teach this cheating bastard a lesson, she didn't see a downside... so she accepted the gold with a smile, then went on her way, as the man disgusted her with statements like "come here my little sangoose."
"MRS. POUPIPANCE, YOUR HUSBAND IS CHEATING ON YOU BEHIND OLD MAN PARGIE'S HOUSE!" she yelled as she was getting close.
"WHAT! right then, I'm gonna to turn him into Balverine food!" she said angrily, and ran to the house."WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!" she yelled.
"I gotta see this," said Melissa, and ran after her.
"uh... uh honey, uh, she... I... we were rehearsing a play, honest!"
"don't insult me anymore, You filthy swine, I oughta chop them right off!"
Melissa giggled at that. She turned and went to her father.
"Hey, dad."
"Hi, I've heard rumors that you're being bad, but I'm a man of my word, so here's a gold piece."
"Thank you."
she ran away quickly and saw Mr. Smith in front of his barns
"hey, girl, could you watch my barrels for me? I need to... do something," he said, his dancing making it obvious what he needed to do.
"okay," she said.
The man ran off, and some punk came up.
"you should smash the barrels." said the punk, and then Melissa kicked him in the nuts, and laughed at him, then smashed all the barrels, got a gold piece, and came back before the man returned.
"Thank you so much lass, you've done me a big favor, I've told your father already."
she ran to her father, who gave her another gold piece. She went back into the town and heard a loud voice.
"Hey, there's the little bitch, I'm going after her"
"Hey, I bin hearing reports of your bad deeds all day, shall we remind ourselves? Kicking of a stupid little punk in the genitals, destruction of a person's vendibles, improper access to man and lady behavior, giggling at a threat of castration. You need to decide if behaving like that is worth it, I'll leave it at that, but do keep out of trouble."
She ran away, thinking about how stupid that guard sounded. She came to a big Jerk and a little boy.
"you stupid little, why are you playing with girls, you're a boy, and get more lunch money next time, I need something from all five food groups"
The girl walked up to him.
"Hey big dodo, I'd say this kid could beat you up. you're bigger, but he's stronger, cause he's not a skinny little pussypuss."
"WHATD YOU SAY! if you weren't a girl I'd... I'd... I'd..."
"Call me names? Run away? Screw me in the ass?"
The kid laughed at the last one.
"Grr, that's it, I don't care if you're a girl, you'll die for that one," he said, and approached, but didn't really do anything else.
"so... hit me. go on. you won't, know why? cause you're just pretending to be strong, you couldn't really do anything to hurt anyone, that's why you never actually attack, you just call people names, cause you're just a big ugly poophead."
"YOU BITCH!" he swung at her and missed, then she grabbed his shoulders and rammed her knee between his legs repeatedly, and he fell to the ground in the fetal position, clutching his nuts in pain.
"dummyhead..."
"thank you for helping me, here, take rosie back to Emily, please."
"Okiedokes." she said, then took the bully's money out of his pocket and ran off
"Hey sissy, what's up?" asked Melissa.
"Hi, I hope you haven't forgotten what day it is..."
"Nope, it's wednesday" Melissa responded "and a very nice Wednesday at that. I bought you a gift to celebrate this lovely Wednesday."
Theresa laughed, and accepted the chocolates happily.
"We should get home, Mother will be here for my party soon." They walked on...
"Wait, something's not right," Theresa said unnecessarily, seeing as everything had suddenly went silent, then...
"BANDITS!" said a man and got killed by an arrow.
"Oh no, you've got to hide, I'll warn mom and dad, STAY OUT OF SIGHT UNTIL THE BANDITS LEAVE!" Theresa said so commandingly that Melissa had to obey. She jumped behind the fence and waited till the bandits were out of site. when they were all gone, she ran to the town, the main path was blocked by a raging inferno, so she ran up the hill, crossed the burning bridge, and saw her dad laying on the ground.
"Daddy? daddy wake up! DDDAADDDYYY!"
"Aha," a Bandit walked over and raised his sword, but she lost consciousness before he brought it down. She woke up in a bed, and sighed in relief.
"It was all a dream," she said calmly.
"Afraid not, child, I am deeply sorry for your loss, Maze told me what happened," said an old bald man with a white moustache.
"What! what's going on? who in Skorm's name is Maze?" she asked.
"He's the head of the guild, and he saved you," the guildmaster answered.
"So I'm at the heroes guild? Cool beans!" she said half heartedly, she had always wanted to be in the guild, but not because her hometown was destroyed."where is Maze, I want to thank him."
"He's in his quarters, the top of the large tower next to the garden, after you speak to him, meet me at the melee ring to begin your training."
She stood up and ran down the stairs, then looked at the big door, she ran forward, and hit an invisible wall, she rubbed her head in pain mixed with confusion, having never seen magic, except for mom's occasional candle-lighting, she decided the guild wouldn't have put the barrier here if she was supposed to go through the door, so she ran the opposite way, saw an exit to outside into a lovely field, and a garden, she noticed the tower, and ran in, looked around at the armor, then ran up the stairs where two odd looking men were talking.
"The Oracle must be protected." said the one who looked like a skeleton with a big head.
"How can you be sure, we might need you here, we might need your help, who know what battles we might face?" asked the one with shiny blue tatoos and blue glowyness surrounding him, "
"Nothing is certain."
"I hope no one thinks you are trying to run away again, you know how people talk."
"Talk is of no consequence to me, may death close his eyes to you, Maze." The skeleton man was surrounded by blue light and then he was gone, Melissa gasped in shock.
"Well, come in, would you like some tea?" asked Maze.
"Uh... sure... are you Maze?" she asked, a bit nervous.
"That's right, I suppose the guildmaster told you?"
"Yes, uh... thank you for saving me," she said
"It was nothing... literally, you have potential as a hero, that is all," he said handing her a cup of hot tea, she took a sip.
"Who was that skeletony looking guy?"
"That was Scythe, he is one of our oldest heroes, and a great one, back when had flesh on his bones, and blood in his veins," he answered.
"How come he disappeared?"
"He teleported, you'll get the ability when you have a guild seal?"
"oh..." She said. she had drunk all of her tea, and she didn't really trust the man sitting before her, he seemed like a 'meany', sure he saved her, but he acted like he didn't really care."Well, I think I should go, the... um... the guildmaster said to go to the melee ring after I spoke to you."
"Yes, go on then"
she ran off down to the melee ring, and saw the guildmaster, "hello, child, if you are ready, we can begin your training," he said.
"okay!" she was eager, she wanted revenge very much, she walked into the ring.
"okay, attack the dummy."
first she punched the dummy, which hurt her hand, so she kicked the dummy, and the dummy got a dent, so she kept kicking, which dented it, but she never destroyed it.
"Not bad, here, try it with this stick," he said, and she wacked the dummy with the stick over and over and smashed the dummy.
"BEETLES IN THE WOODS!" said some apprentice...
"Damn beetles, hey, why don't you take care of them
"Okiedokes," she ran to the woods
To be continuified.