This is a oneshot fic, so please enjoy!
Summary: Just when I thought the rain had stopped and the storm was gone... Told in House's POV and this is also assuming that the Ketamine treatment had worked. These are his thoughts and what he feels. It's an inside look at Dr. Gregory House after the Ketamine treatment.
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Life's a vicious storm, no doubt about that. I've lived a life under the dark clouds and allowed them to engulf me without much of a fight. I pushed away everything that gave me meaning because with meaning things made sense and if things made sense that would make me sane. Insanity dulls the pain and gives me a reason to be miserable. It gave me a reason to hate myself. A reason to be alone.
But what does one do when the storm subsides and the sun begins to dry out the waters that have drowned you for so long. What do you do with clarity and...sanity. How do I live without a crutch? Without Vicodin? Without my cane? I live. I live for once in my life. I bask in the sun, ride a bike, do the things I used to love to do. I can run, skateboard, or even just walk. I can live under the light of the sun and enjoy its warmth and feel a sense of freedom.
I walk through the park and enjoy the breeze. I feel like I'm someone else. I feel lighter...happier even. Suddenly, I feel something. A myoclonic jerk in my right leg. I try to disregard it. I try not to think of it, just as a natural process, as if it was nothing, even though I know it was something. I feel it again...harder and more painful this time and now I begin to fear the worst. I stop and slowly try to push my weight on the leg. I collapse to the ground in pain, shooting pain, familiar pain. No one is around to see or hear me. I clench my leg and fumble through my pocket for a very familiar friend. And misery loves company.
I find it. My Vicodin. It's my refuge and escape. My pain's companion. I smooth my finger over the top as I used to and had become acoustumed to doing so. Old habits really do die hard. I find the pill and stare at it, the pain is starting to turn unbearable, as it used to be. I lay there one the ground and down the pill. I knew this wouldn't last forever. Nothing is forever.
Just when I thought the rain had stopped and the storm had gone it had returned. It's a vicious cycle. A sick cycle carosel is what it is. I was back to that again. Back to the way I had been for just about six years now and a part of me was glad. Only now did I realize that my pain had given me definition, it defined me, and gave me a reason. And i'll just lie here and embrace my long time companion. Without the storm and confusion, there is meaning and with meaning comes sanity. With the pain that grips me and the everlasting storm comes obscurity, numbness, and pain. Pain has bacome my best friend and my excuse of choice. No one wants to live with pain, but I can't live without it.
Thanks so much for reading, please R and R!