Disclaimer: South Park and all of its characters, dialogue, and locations are affiliates of Matt Stone and Trey Parker. No profit in anyway is being made on the existence of this fan fiction. All rights reserved.

Author's Notes: Sorry about Cartman's occasional Jew related comments- you know how he is. These remarks do not reflect my own thoughts in anyway. Also, this is a slash story (Stan/Kenny, etc.), slash meaning two boys attracted to one another. If this offends you, feel free to press the back button. Lastly, sorry if the whole thing is a tad crappy…first fic blues, y' know? Anyway, I hope you enjoy!...oh yes, and I have nothing against fat little boys either! 

This story takes place in the episode "PreSkool". So I guess it can be considered an AU.

"The Art of Hiding"

"Of course Trent Boyett is going to recognize us after five years," Kyle Broflovski remarked mournfully. "I mean, who wouldn't know Cartman here? He's the only kid in South Park who lives on six meals a day."

"Ay!" Kyle ducked his green-hatted head to narrowly avoid Eric Cartman's wild swing. "Don't call meh a fatty, stupid Jew-boy!"

Stan Marsh sipped his can of Coke and decided to step in before either Kyle attacked Cartman or the fat kid simply jumped on the smaller boy and called it a day. "Kyle does have a point, you know. Trent is pretty smart, like it or not…he's going to remember us. Done with your soda? There's more in the cooler."

Kenny McCormick glanced up curiously from where he was fiddling with his hood strings. "Mmrph rmm mph rmmph?"

Stan made a face. "No way, Kenny! We are not going to runaway from South Park."

Kenny looked vaguely disappointed.

"Guys! You guys! I just had the most awesome idea."

"I'll bet you did," Kyle retorted tiredly.

Cartman ignored him. "Why don't we dress up differently?" He popped the top of a fresh Coke can, the crisp click of the punctured air oddly comforting to hear. "Like, you know, disguises!"

Stan considered. He shook his head, mainly to rid his head of the image of himself hidden by a scarf and oversized sunglasses. "No, I don't think that'll work…"

"Oh I see! Now no one can do anything until Stan says it's okay. Well you know what- screw you guys…" Cartman stood up abruptly, having finished his soda in what must have been record timing. "I'm goin' home!"

"Mm rmhh mhh?" Kenny demanded, annoyed.

"I'll tell you what you did, Kenny…you're friends with these douches! Anyway, Trent's probably gonna be catching up to us all soon- see you all in the hospital."

Kyle shuddered, images of Indian burns and tittie twisters floating hauntingly in his mind. "Wait Cartman!"

"Whatever, we'll give it a try, alright?" Stan sighed in long-suffering. "Come back."

Grumbling about stupid Stan and Jew-boy, Cartman grudgingly took a seat. At least they had food. Cartman tore into a super-sized bag of Cheesy Poofs voraciously, still scowling. "You guys wanna hear meh plan or what?"

"Sure we do. Right Kyle?" Stan nudged his best friend frantically. Torn between asking Cartman for a plan and getting jumped by Trent Boyett, Kyle could only grunt in what he hoped sounded like an affirmative. Kenny carefully inspected a tube of mints (remembering the catastrophe that had occurred the last time he had eaten Mr. Broflovskli's "mints") and cautiously tasted one before nodding to Cartman as well.

Cartman looked a tad happier. "Okay, but first- Kyle, go get me another soda."

The red-head was exasperated. "But you just had your fifth one!"

Cartman rolled his eyes. "Kyle now what is it that we are taught everyday? Help and be helped, isn't that it? Surely fetching me a little can of Coke should make up for the thing I'm about to do for you all."

Kyle seethed. "That's total bullcrap dude; we don't even know if your plan is any good yet!"

"Mph rhmm mrhpm." Kenny offered, voice muffled even further by the mint he was speaking around.

"Nope. Has to be Kyle." Cartman grinned, obviously enjoying himself.

"Go ahead dude; it's not really that big a deal, right?" Stan pushed.

Kyle sighed, giving up. "I hate it when he just has to prove he can make me do stuff," he muttered, reaching into the cooler.

Cartman accepted the can graciously. "Now, for my plan- you know we can't go overboard with this stuff, or our parents will start asking what's up."

"Yeah, you're just awesome at not going overboard, aren't you?" Kyle pointed out, frowning.

"Shut up Kyle. Anyway, we'll start out small. Kenny! Come here!"

Kenny looked up, crunching on a mint. "Hmm?"

Disregarding his earlier command, Cartman stood himself to stand beside the orange parka clad boy, making as though he were regarding the blond studiously. "Here we see an orange jacket…the same jacket worn since preschool, thanks to his poor piece of crapness- AY!" Cartman returned Kenny's glare, rubbing the side of his head furiously. "Don't throw mints at me poor boy! AY!" The pack of Lifesavers was wrestled away from the blond.

Stan scowled. "Enough about the money status, Cartman. Get to the point." Somehow, seeing Cartman belittling Kenny was stirring an odd anger in his blood…hm, well that was strange. Oh well. "Can we just hear what we should do please?"

"Okay, okay. Here's the answer to all our problems. Tell me what would happen if I did-THIS!"

"Hey! You fat dick!" Kenny yelped, jumping up and away from the bigger boy. It took the other boy s a moment to register that Kenny's voice was not muffled. "Was there a point to that you motherf-"

Cartman quickly clapped a fleshy hand over the blond's mouth, effectively stifling his next words. "Now, tell me Kyle…Stan…Do either of you recognize this boy here?"

Stan blinked. It was Kenny unhooded, struggling to bite the fat hand covering half of his face, golden locks askew, but…"Yeah man. It's Kenny."

"Just Kenny," Kyle agreed. "Tell me again what we're doing?"

Cartman sighed in exasperation, finally releasing and pushing away the smaller boy. "Alright gentlemen, let me rephrase meh question…Would either of you recognize this boy if you were Trent Boyett?"

Kyle hesitated. "Oh yeah- Trent's never seen Kenny without his hood, has he?"

"Wait, this is your plan? Take off our hats?" Stan asked skeptically.

"Not just our hats, gentlemen…change our hairstyles as well. Dress differently! Stan, you seemed to like being a Goth…"

"Hold on, this is it?" Kenny inquired, frowning. He blew a lock of blond hair from his eyes. "This is your big foolproof plan? Geez, with all that fanfare you would have thought-"

"Shut up Kenny"

"But wait Cartman…my mom would kill me if I did anything to my hair."

"And no, I did not like being a Goth." Stan pointed out flatly.

"You looked nice though." Kenny said without thinking.

Cartman groaned. "Kenny, please. This is no time for faggocity."

The blond boy flushed. "Shut up! I didn't mean it like…I'm not…!"

"Thank you," Stan cut in with a smile. He watched with some level of amusement as Kenny turned an even darker shade of pink. This was fun.

Cartman had fortunately turned his attention to a certain Kyle Broflovski. "Kyle, maybe you should dress as a hippie…"

"No way fat boy. I'm not giving you any excuses to beat me up."

Cartman pouted. Well, you couldn't win everything.

Thank you for reading! Yes, I used plenty of references to different episodes in this fic. Kenny's just a little mint junkie, ain't he? Please review and tell me if you'd like to see additional chapters. Constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. Oh, and please drop a word on whether you would like to see Kyle and/ or Cartman paired with anyone. Thanks again!