Daft Castle
By Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife.
Based on: "The Daft McDuck", Ducktales 10 (1989)and inspired by "The pyramid of Prac-Ti-Kal", Uncle Scrooge # 393. (Three is my lucky number.)
Uncle scrooge# 394 was the best of the bunch so far. How about doing MORE, Disney. I KNOW you'll bash Launchpad, I'll just rewrite 'em. Why you won't SELL Launchpad is beyond me.
Since in the later story, the Ducktales gang is hunting for treasure in yet ANOTHER lost pyramid (apparently that's what passes for a "typical Tuesday" for THEM,) I combined it with a story in which Mr. McDee looks for treasure in a castle once owned by another practical joker, an ancestor of his.
'LAUNCHPAD!" Mr. McDuck bellowed, despite the fact that Launchpad was standing right in front of him and Launchpad ain't deaf.
"Yes, Mr. McDee?" Launchpad asked.
"I just received word from Scotland. A ancestor of mine died there awhile ago, but the castle he owned was tied up in legal limbo because he died instate- without making a will." Mr. McDuck began.
" I'm his closest living relative and it STILL took forever for the lawyers to decide I should get his castle. They say there is treasure hidden there, someplace. You're going to fly me to Scotland posthaste so I can search for it." Mr. McDuck said.
"Can we come?" the Trins and Webby chimed.
"Welll...I don't know. It COULD be dangerous." Mr. McDuck said.
"Personally, I think you should take them. They will just find a way to sneak aboard the plane if you don't." I began.
" Anyway, don't you think it's high time you taught them something about their Scottish heritage? They called Flinty's cap a pancake hat! Even I recognize a tam o'shater when I see one and I don't have a drop of Scottish blood in my body." I said.
"What's a tam o'shater, Unca Scrooge?" the Trins chimed.
"I rest my case. Maybe it's none of my business, but sometimes I wonder about your priorities, Mr. McDuck." I said.
"No, you have a point. It is time I spend a little more time teaching my nephews. They can come, and so can Webby." Mr. McDuck said.
"Yah!" the kids cheered.
They somehow forgot to mention they had overheard their uncle talking with the lawyers about his upcoming trip to Scotland and had prepared a hiding spot in Launchpad's plane...just in case.
The Beagles saw Launchpad preparing the plane and overheard enough for them to figure out what we were up to. They found the hiding spot the kids had prepared and hid in it. Those wicked jacks didn't pop out of their box until we were nearly at Scotland.
"Hands up, all of you! Not you, McQuack!" Big Time ordered.
Launchpad raised his hands anyway...still holding the controls of the plane. We were strapped in, the Beagles weren't.
"Remember, always wear your seat belts!" Launchpad joked.
WHAM! The Beagles hit the ceiling then WHAM! they hit the floor as Launchpad did some aerobatics that ended with the Beagles being dumped into a loch. (lake)
"Now how do you suppose those cargo doors on the floor got open?" Launchpad joked.
Launchpad continued flying a short distance, then landed near the castle Mr. McDee had just inherited.
"Them that has, gets!" I muttered as I saw the huge old castle.
Luckily, Mr. McDuck either didn't hear me or chose to ignore me.
"My ancestor was a notorious practical joker with a mean streak a mile wide. A lot of his so-called jokes were down right dangerous." Mr. McDuck began.
"It's said he left a treasure hidden in this castle someplace...but everybody been afraid to look. There are undoubtedly booby traps guarding it and all kinds of nasty jokes thurout the castle. And the treasure itself could be a joke, might not exist." Mr. McDuck continued.
"But if there is a treasure, we have to find it first, before the Beagles get here and find it." Mr. McDuck stated.
"WHY? Why don't we let the Beagles go first? Why don't we hide, let the Beagles think we're inside already and let THEM trigger off the booby traps for a change?" Launchpad asked.
"You know as well as I do that the Beagles are likely to try and ambush us right after we find the treasure- Lord knows they've done that before. Why don't we follow THEM and ambush THEM for a change? Especially since we don't even know if there is a treasure or not!" Launchpad suggested.
"Actually...that's a very good idea, Launchpad. Previous experience in this sort of situation does indicate the Beagles will follow us until we find the treasure and then ambush us. I see no reason why we can't turn the tables on them, especially since THIS treasure is ALREADY legally mine, regardless of who finds it." Mr. McDuck agreed.
So we hid right outside the castle. A short time later, some dripping wet Beagles (1)approached the castle.
"Hurry! Scroogie and co. must be inside already! We's got to finds them so we can grab the treasure once they finds it!" Big Time commanded.
And the Beagles TRIED to enter the castle. They opened a door, only to end up smushed against a very realistic fake "entrance" to the castle, one that was only painted on. (2)
We managed somehow, not to laugh...at least not loudly enough for the Beagles to here.
()()I always thought that sort of thing only happened in cartoons!()() I thought.
The Beagles, as soon as they had recovered, searched until they found the real entrance to the castle and they went inside. We waited a few minutes and carefully followed.
"OK, Launchpad, since this was YOUR idea...how do we know which way they went?" Mr. McDuck asked.
The castle was dark, so Launchpad turned on his flashlight, as did the rest of us.
"Simple. We follow their footprints." Launchpad said, pointing to the footprints on the dusty floor the Beagles had left behide. The long empty castle was covered in dust, especially the floor.
"Good idea. Glad I thought of it." Mr. McDuck replied.
We soon past a hall where antique suits of armor lined both sides. Mr. McDuck eyes lit up.
"Ah! This is something already! Such suits of armor are rare and often valuable!" Mr. McDuck said.
"I didn't know there were Scottish knights, Unca Scrooge..." Huey said.
"There weren't exactly..." Mr. McDuck weebled around an inconvenient truth.
"The Scottish often fought against the English. These may have been taken as trophies of war." I said.
"Our ancestors killed knights?" Dewey asked.
"They invaded Scotland! Imposed their kings, overturned ours...It was long ago and we're part of England or at least Great Britain, now." Mr. McDuck explained.
" And our ancestors may not have killed the men who wore these suits. If they were defeated in battle and surrendered, they were treated as honored guests until they paid ransom. Then they were permitted to go home." Mr. McDuck explained. (3)
"What about their squires?" Louie asked.
"Who do you think delivered the ransom note?" Mr. McDuck replied. "Back then, you could count on them going home with the ransom note- or die trying."
Mr. McDuck then spotted an especially rare and valuable suit of armor and, without thinking, went over to examine it to see if it was genuine. He sent off one of the booby traps. The suits of armor on the opposite side of the hall fell down and almost hit them.
Launchpad caught one as it fell and kept it from smushing Mr. McDuck. As Launchpad pushed it back into place, he noticed a flower on the suit of armor...which squirted water right in his face.
Meanwhile, the Beagles were angry and disappointed. They had encountered many unfunny and dangerous jokes and had seen no gold, no gems, not even any oil paintings.
"Some of the furniture and stuff might be worth something to a collector- but I'm blamed if I know which old stuff is valuable and which is just old! It's too heavy to try and steal it! And we might not be able to sell it even if it's valuable, not without explaining where we got it from!" Big Time groused.
The Beagles walked down the hall, towards a round, black rug that hid a round, black HOLE. DOWN a slide the Beagles went, taking the rug with them. They MIGHT of been able to grab the sides of the hole and stop their fall, but the rug got tangled around them. The slide was slippery and so was the rug and they ended up in a cold, dark cave.
Big Time took a small, powerful flashlight out of his pocket and lit up the cavern.
"FOOD!" said Burger.
And he ran towards the mushrooms that grew all over the cave. (4)
"Idiot! They might be toadstools!"(5) Big Time said.
"Nope. I know food. These are delicious mushrooms!" Burger said, as he happily ate them.
Then they heard voices. Our voices.
"We still haven't found any treasure, Unca Scrooge." Huey said.
"Oh, I don't know about that. A lot of this antique furniture is worth a fortune to collectors. And I may be able to sell the place to a fellow rich man." Mr. McDuck said.
"What if the Beagles have found the treasure?" Dewey said.
"What if they escape with it?" asked Louie.
"If they do I'm holding YOU responsible!" Mr. McDuck said to Launchpad.
"You ALWAYS hold ME responsible for anything that goes wrong! We're in the middle of no where, the roads are all overgrown in weeds and even trees. The only way out of here is my plane and the Beagles don't know how to fly one!" Launchpad replied.
"Did you guys hear that? They're looking for the treasure! We has got to get back up there, fast!" Big Time said.
"Maybe the treasure is down here. People often bury treasure." Burger said, mostly so he could go on eating.
"Nah. It's all solid rock down here." Big Time said.
"How we going to get back up? The slide too slippery to climb back up!" Bicep asked.
"That part of the cave heads up. Maybe we can get back up that way." Big Time said.
So they grabbed Burger and dragged him away from the mushrooms and headed up the cavern.
The Beagles soon found themselves in a maze. They wandered around in circles for quite some time. Then the maze was lined with mirrors. But being dogs, the Beagles could use their sense of smell to guide them. The smell of grass and flowers wafted down and the Beagles followed the smell of the surface back up, even if it took them awhile.
Then they ended in a cave where blast of hot air kept bursting up unexpectedly. They were just about to retreat to avoid these blasts when they spotted several large treasure chests ahead.
"The Treasure!" screamed the Beagles
And Big Time opened the first and largest box. It exploded. Being a cartoon character, Big Time was dirty but unhurt.
"You open the second one!" Big Time ordered Bicep.
Bicep did so. A mechanic monster that looked like a miniature Loch Ness monster almost bit his head off. The Beagles had to work together to push the thing back in the chest and lock it.
"You open the third one!" both big Time and Bicep told Burger.
Burger did so.
"GOLD!' screamed the Beagles.
For the chest was cram full of gold dust.
"How we going to get it out of here? We is in the middle of nowhere. No car and no decent roads." Bicep asked.
"There's Scroogie's plane, ain't there? We just borrow it and forget to give it back!' Big Time replied.
"But none of us know how to fly a plane." Burger objected.
"How hard can it be? That idiot McQuack does it! It's just like driving a car! Everybody knows that." Big Time said.(6)
So the Beagles carried the heavy chest, which weighed a ton, up to the castle. Then they waited till they were sure our Heroes were no place near. Then they snuck into Launchpad's plane. They TRIED to hot wire it. Lucky for them, Launchpad is prepared for that sort of thing. Trying to fly a plane if you don't know how is hazardous to one's health.
They triggered off a booby trap. Trying to start the plane without the key opened the a trap door in the plane's seats. They landed in a well ventilated cargo bay, one used to transport live animals. They were locked in, trapped. And the plane's "burglar alarm" went off.
"I don't believe those stupid Beagles! They must of tried to steal my plane!"Launchpad said.
"WHAT? If they get away with MY treasure..." Mr. McDuck began.
"Relax. I prepared a booby trap just in case the Beagles interfered. I figured they might, and I didn't know that Bomber WASN'T going to be with them." Launchpad said.
"They might of stolen your plane!" Mr. McDuck screamed.
"Then we couldn't hear the burglar alarm anymore. They'd be way out of earshot by now, if they stole my plane." Launchpad pointed out.
But we ran out to check. The plane was still there. And over the sound of the burglar alarm, we could hear faint shouts. Launchpad shut of the burglar alarm so we could hear ourselves think.
"Let us out! Put us in a PROPER jail! Being locked up like dumb animals is undignified!" screamed the Beagles.
"Oh, I will. Radio the authorities, Launchpad. I'm sure they'll find proper quarters for trespassers and would-be thieves." Mr. McDuck said.
Launchpad did so. The local cops soon showed up and hauled the Beagles off to jail.
"Unca Scrooge! Come here! A treasure chest full of gold dust!" screamed Huey.
The Trins had checked out the plane to make sure the Beagles hadn't damaged it. In doing so, Huey had found the Treasure chest the Beagles had swiped.
We ran to see .
"Mr. McDuck...that "gold" dust..." Launchpad began.
"Yes, I KNOW, Launchpad! It's FOOL'S gold! Iron pyrite!" Mr. McDuck snapped.
Mr. McDuck soon found out his ancestor had been paying "people" in fool's gold...and they had since found out about that. They expected Mr. McDuck to repay them in REAL money. And they had lawyers. (Ut-oh!)
But Mr. McDuck managed to sell the antique furniture and other antiques for enough money to break even. He made some money from selling the castle itself to the CEO (7)of a food co. Mr. McDuck owned.
He was soon harvesting the rare and expensive mushrooms that grew under the castle, which made lots of money for Mr. McDuck.
The End.
(1)PU! Wet dogs!
(2) How's about doing that sort of thing to somebody who actually DESERVES it?
(3) Does it seem to anybody else that people have gotten LESS civilized?
(4) How the bleep should I know if mushrooms grow in Scotland?
(5) I.E.: poisonous mushrooms.
(6) Amazing how many people think that. Especially when you consider how many lousy drivers there are out there.
(7) Chief Executive Officer