All That Never Was - an HIMYM drabble. Pairing is pretty darn obvious. Spoilers for 412 "Benefits".
When he found out they were sleeping together (again), he felt his heart crack along the fault line that had formed because of her.
Of course, pages one through 83 of his List would argue that Barney Stinson didn't have a heart, that that crack must have just been his ego bursting because she had chosen Ted as a fuck buddy and not him. No, no way, Barney Stinson would never let himself like- much less love- anyone ever, at all.
Pages one through 83 (and a small part of him hoped there would never be a page 84), would be completely and utterly wrong.
That said, however, he wished he didn't love her. He wished he didn't find himself constantly watching her across the table, memorizing every facet, every freckle, and every expression. He wished he didn't love everything about her, from her chestnut hair to her diamond smile, and even the poorly concealed "Eh" at the end of each of her sentences.
He wished he didn't have to know that his best friend got to touch her, feel her, and hold her in his arms. He wished he didn't have to know that Ted once had her all to himself, and continues to have her all to himself, and probably will have her all to himself forever.
So he orders another scotch (though even now his vision is blurring a little), and he makes his way over to the bleached blonde who's been eyeing him all night. She doesn't look a thing like her, but even as he feels and sees and hears the blonde beneath him later that night, he can't help but think of Ted and Robin, and of all the things he'll never have.