Chapter One: A Rude Awakening

Disclaimer: I own nothing in this fan fiction. I only own City-Town, a fictional extra planar town that I came up with. Credit for help goes to nessfan and ITSOVER9000ish.

WARNING: This fanfic is very harsh. Come and read if, and only if, you have tough skin and an analytical mind. Otherwise, you may wish to reconsider reading this as you will be either very offended or not understand the big concept behind the story. The plotline is confusing, but there is one. Basically, the people of City-Town are tired of Cream and Cosmo constantly fighting over Tails, so they come up with a solution to end the fighting: one of them must obtain a kiss from Tails to become his lover. Unfortunately, the competition has some rather bad effects: the competition is taken too seriously and the town is divided in two factions and horrible things happen such as bar fights and besieging a fancy five-star restaurant. If you don't want to see the points of view from nessfan, ITSOVER9000ish or me, then feel free to skip those chapters. They are marked with the phrase "A Voice Aside" in the chapter reel. Read at your own risk.

Six o'clock in the morning. Dawn. The world outside was light blue as the sun started to slowly rise across the sky. The buildings were light blue and the blinds in the windows were down and blew in the breeze. Not a single vehicle was in the street. Dew glistened in the azure light on the soft green grass and swaying flowers. The air was cool and gentle moving in one direction, and then moving in another direction like the wind was half-asleep. The local pool was closed; its water lazily lapped the walls of the pool making only a slight sloshing sound. The entire town was silent; letting dreams and sleep seduce the townsfolk in their beds and unwilling to leave the buttery-warm feeling of their mattresses and the cool wind leaving them unable to quit the toasty comfort of their blankets. Everyone was affected by this sudden dream time, for it was summer. And the people of Doolitz Boarding House were sleeping in.

Doolitz Boarding House was a very fancy house. A mansion that was owned by a billionaire playboy businessman, his wife divorced him and took the mansion when custody was being decided. She converted the mansion into a fancy boarding house. There were twenty-five bedrooms, thirty bathrooms, ten studies, five kitchens and a huge living room and basement. They were all decorated beautifully with white tiles and marble columns. Persian rugs hugged the floors, and the beds were king sized. The studies had ten shelves, fully stocked with encyclopedias, magazines and novels. Only truly rich people could live in the boarding house, but there are fifteen residents living there. And they are heroes.

Tails is a resident at Doolitz Boarding House. In a room whose door is marked with a golden two, Tails lived there with his friends occupying the other rooms. His head lay on his pillow, his hair ruffled against the soft white surface. He didn't snore. He breathed quietly through his nose. A spot of drool lay near his mouth on the pillow. He moved his mouth imperceptibly and his eyes began to open. He sat up in his bed and stretched back. He let loose a small yawn. He swung his legs over to the side of his bed. He hopped off and grabbed his backpack. He shoved in his notebooks for science, math and English. But then it hit him.

It was June 24th.

High School was over for the summer.

He and his friends were free.

He moved his backpack into the closet next to his bed. He smiled. Finally, he was free to go to his work shop and tinker with his machines to his heart's content. Homework wasn't a problem during the year, because Tails was able to finish it, and the tests were easy for him, even though he was in very advanced classes. But because of his advanced placement, he always had homework, and by the time he finished it all and studied, it was nine o'clock. And he had to get up at six to prepare for the day.

But now he didn't need to do that. He could sleep in. To sleep, to dream, to relax, and to decompress…His body craved it. He slipped back under the covers and closed his eyes.

And it is here the troubles began.

Tails rolled over in his sleep. He felt something breathing next to him, but paid no attention. It was probably the wind.

"What did you get up for?" A light, high-pitched voice asked softly.

"I thought we had school today. So I got up to get my things, but then I realized it was summer." Tails said. A sudden feeling seized Tails. He forced open his eyes. He saw a pair of brown eyes staring into his. Tails jumped out of the bed, and screamed. He saw who it was: Cream was under his covers and in his bed.

"CREAM? WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?" Tails screamed.

Cream shrugged under the blankets. "I got scared in my own room last night. I tried to bunk with Amy, but she and Sonic were doing something weird with each other, so I came here." She smiled wryly and her eyes glowed with a seductive light. "And I thought you would like the company."

"You didn't touch me, did you?" Tails said.

"No, I didn't. I slept on the sofa."

"And why are you in your cheerleader uniform?"

"My PJs are being washed." She struck a pose with her hand on her thigh. Her fingers slid across her skirt and pulled it up gracefully, revealing more of her leg. "Don't you think I look cute in this, Tails? Or maybe a little…hot?"

Tails looked at her with a freaked out expression. He sighed. "Okay, you can sleep in my bed until seven. Right now, I'm going to go take a shower." Tails grabbed his robe and headed into the bathroom. He shut the door behind him. He looked at his robe and saw the words Tails+Cream=4Ever on it. He sighed. He put the robe on the counter and turned on the shower. The water came rushing down and Tails stepped into the shower. He rinsed his body and looked at the shampoo rack. Darn it, where's my body rinse? Tails thought. The problem with having thirty bathrooms was that they were all public. And people often took one another's shampoo, as a result.

"Where's my body-rinse? Am I going to have to look for it all morning?" Tails said.

"Why don't you look for lips on a girl?" A voice asked. Tails spun around and could not believe what he saw. He saw Cosmo standing in the shower, clad in a one-piece bathing suit that said City-Town High Girls Swim Team. Her hands were stationed on her hips. She was wearing a pair of swim shorts that read City-Town Certified Lifeguard, which was rolled up slightly to reveal more of the thighs. She looked at Tails with a playful glint in her eyes. Tails grew wide-eyed.

"No!" Tails cried as Cosmo glomped him in the shower. The sound of lips pecking at various body parts and moaning was all that could be heard beyond the running water.

By seven, everyone was awake and at the table in the downstairs kitchen, eating breakfast. Cosmo was in her usual green flower dress and Cream was in her orange dress with a blue ribbon. Both were giving each other deathly cold stares as they ate breakfast. Ever since they found out they both had feelings for the same guy, neither of them got along. Stomp! Stomp! Everyone turned their heads toward the stairway. They saw Tails stumble down the stair, almost falling with each step, and he trudged toward the table.

"Morning, sleepyhead!" Called out Amy, "Come and eat! Your sausages are almost cold."

Tails sat down at the place he usually eats: between Sonic and Knuckles.

"Oh, that's not possible," said Cream. She directed her gaze toward Tails. "Eat up Tails. I made them with love." Cosmo bent her fork. Her scowl on her face disappeared and she smiled.

"Uh, Tails? I think your sausages are cold already," Cosmo said, "I can make you a fresh batch if you want." Cream sensed no threat from Cosmo and started to drink her milk. "Plus, I know you like my cooking better."

Cream spat out her milk. She coughed a few times and looked at Cosmo. "WHAT?" Cream screamed. Cosmo shrugged. "We both know Tails likes my cooking better."

"No, he doesn't!" Cream said, "He likes my food better, because he loves me!"

Shadow, Sonic, Rouge, Blaze, Silver and Tails groaned. "Not this again," whined Knuckles.

Cream got out of her seat. She balled her hands into fists and stormed over to Cosmo. Cosmo got out of her seat and balled her hands into fists. Amy slid out of her seat and raised her hammer.

"Stop it, you two," Amy declared, "You both always fight like this! What happened to you both?"

Cream said, "We were friends until that (bleep) over there tried to steal my Tails from me!"

Cosmo gasped. "(Bleep) am I? I'll show you (bleep)!" Cosmo leaped over Amy and started to attack Cream. They both rolled out the door fighting.

"And they're off, ladies and gentlemen," commented Silver.

Outside, a man was talking to a woman. The man was garbed in a blue jumpsuit with a yellow stripe going down the middle of his shirt. He had on black shoes and had blonde hair. The woman had on the same attire and had blonde hair.

"Vault Girl, my sweet, I'm sorry I have to go back to work, but the Enclave are getting horny again." The man said.

"It's alright Vault Boy, just-wait, the Enclave are horny?" Vault Girl said.

"Er, no, they aren't horny. I meant to say rambunctious." Vault Boy picked up his brief case and opened a portal with a portal gun. With a quick click and a blasting sound, a blue portal appeared where there once was nothing. But then Vault Boy heard the sounds of frenzied screaming and yelling, and was swept in the fight between Cream and Cosmo. The fight carried on into the portal as they disappeared with no sound or alert.

Elsewhere, two men gathered at the base of a tower, one man sported a yellow and black jacket with a knap sack stylized with the face of a raccoon on it. He was tall and had a shaved head with faint outlines of a moustache-beard combo. The other man was short and fat and sported a brown coat with several tattoos and sunglasses that reflected in the sun. His brown hair covered the top of his head like a brown spider. The tall man spoke.

"I was afraid you weren't going to show, Zeke," the tall man said.

"So what's the plan here, Cole?" Zeke asked.

"At the top of that tower-" Suddenly, a blue WoW-like portal opened up and a voice spoke out of the portal behind the men. "I'M GOING TO (bleep) JOO!11!" Zeke looked at Cole with a disturbed face.

"Whoa, hold on there Cole! I didn't even KNOW you were into men!" Zeke said.

Cole looked at Zeke with an incredulous look. "What are you talking about? I was saying that-" The portal then echoed the sound of another voice: "I'll kick your (bleep), (bleep)! Tails is mine!"

"Okay, now you're freaking me out," said Zeke.

"I didn't say that!" Cole said.

"Then what is…?" Then they both lost their balance and were pulled into a fight. They both looked at their attackers: two little animals dressed as girls were having it out, and a man was clutching onto Cole with a beseeching plea: "Help me!" Cole then realized what was going on.

"Not again," Cole and Zeke both groaned. Afterward, Cole's head was grabbed by Cream. She then smashed Cole's head into Cosmo's multiple times, leaving him quite disoriented. Cosmo then grabbed everyone except Zeke and rolled them back into the portal. Zeke lay on the ground stunned for a few seconds until he got up. He sighed. "Great, first we have some weirdo stealing my ray sphere, now we have Cream and Cosmo fighting again. Don't worry, Cole, I'm coming to save you." He then dived into the portal.

Elsewhere, four people were facing off against each other in an ancient castle foyer. They stood looking at each other quite fiercely in groups of two. On one side was a man so muscular one would think he uses steroids regularly, wearing a tight green muscle shirt and having brown hair. Next to him was a woman who was quite tan and had brown hair, wearing a purple top with khaki pants and boots. Opposite of them were a man in a black body suit that drew attention to his six pack abs and was blonde. Next to him was a woman who was blonde and held it in a ponytail and sported a cat suit. They all looked at each other quite fiercely, preparing for battle, and from the worn-out expressions of the first group, were already recovering from battle.

"Now," began the blonde man in sunglasses, "I think things are a little more fair- with two on two." He made gestures with the number two. Soon, a portal opened up and spat out what could only be described as a war zone, albeit with only two people fighting. They all fell on the four people and they two were pulled into the storm cloud of passion and fighting. The cloud spat out its contents with a rabbit and a plant fighting. The four people groaned. "Not again!"

"This is exactly what happened last time," complained the brown haired man as he lifted an unconscious Vault Boy off of him. Vault Boy woke up and screamed. "So many teeth and fists and clawing and…!" He then fainted again.

"Chris has a point," the blonde haired man said. "Jill, would you please erase the days since last catfight sign over there in the corner?" The blonde haired woman shook her head.

"Sorry, Wesker, but I did it last time. It's Sheva's turn." Jill said.

Sheva, the brown haired woman, agreed. "Alright. But while I'm doing that, can you and Chris pry them apart?" Jill nodded. Sheva ran over to a corner in the room and unveiled a sign that read Days since Cream and Cosmo's Last Catfight. The sign had the number 02 written on it in red marker. She erased it and changed it to 00.

Chris and Jill ran over to the feuding Cream and Cosmo. Cream and Cosmo had grabbed each other by the necks and were trying to choke each other. Chris and Jill broke apart their hands by chopping their arms with a karate chop, grabbed their arms and separated the two. They were gasping for breath and cursing each other and hooting insults at each other.

"Let me at her! She's got what's coming to her!" Cream screamed as she was pulled away by Chris.

"Let me go! I'll kill her! I'll wear her skin like a robe!" Cosmo shouted at Jill.

"And that's why I'm not letting you go," Jill said as she gave Cosmo the sleeper's hold. Cosmo then fainted. Cream laughed until Chris gave her the sleeper's hold. She also fainted.

Wesker helped Cole up from the ground. Zeke fell from the portal onto Jill. On the ground, Zeke said to her: "Hey there. Do you come here often?"

Jill then kicked Zeke in the balls. Cole then healed Zeke, quipping how awkward the ordeal was. Vault Boy regained consciousness and he got up from the ground furious.

"DAMN IT ALL!" He shouted, "I'M LATE TO WORK AGAIN BECAUSE OF THOSE TWO! I HATE THESE STUPID CATFIGHTS!"

Chris then looked at him. "I understand. I'm sick of them fighting too."

Wesker then looked at him. "That's the only thing we agree on. They get in the way of everything, and for what? Some mutant of a fox dimensions away from us that doesn't even sound that great."

Vault Boy brushed off his jumpsuit. "You know what?" He said, "I'm going to do something about this. This is absolutely ridiculous." He pulled out his cell phone and went through the contacts until he found one name: a person we shall call the writer.

"No!" Called out Zeke, "you can't call him!"

Vault Boy turned around and made a melodramatic pose. "I've got to. It's the only way…" Cream then sat up. "Ohhhh…what happened?" She asked. Vault Boy generated a frying pan and hit Cream over the head with it. She slumped to the floor.

Cream and Cosmo stood in the center of the dais in the City-Town court, located in the Cornerstone of the Multiverse monument. They both felt uneasy standing next to each other as everyone in about hundred dimensions peered at them with looks of anger and hatred. They both faced the monarchs that governed City-Town: the Princesses Sally, Zelda, Peach, and Daisy and…well…the King and the writer. The King spoke.

"Mah bois…"

"They're girls," said Zelda.

"Whatever…you both have disrupted the peace in our town with your constant bickering and fighting over the one you call Tails. You have injured many and destroyed many livelihoods in order to fulfill your hearts' needs. Is there any way we can stop your fighting?"

"Well," began Cosmo, "you would need to tell Cream that Tails is mine and she should back off…"

"No!" Cream said, "Tails is mine! You can't have him!"

"Speaking of which, where is he?" Asked Sonic, who was in the audience.

"He is at home asleep," Amy said.

"Stop," said Peach, "you know we cannot force either of you on him…"

"Isn't there a way to decide who Tails ends up with?" Asked someone in the audience.

"Yes there is!" Exclaimed Bokkun. Everyone looked at him. He grew still for a moment and was frightened. "Um…you give Cream…to me?"

"Is that a question?" The writer asked.

"No?" Bokkun said.

"Cole, you may fry Bokkun." Then Cole zapped Bokkun with a lightning strike.

"I can't wait until you get that cattle prod," the writer said to Cole.

"I know. That thing was awesome!" Said Cole.

"There is a way!" Exclaimed Vault Boy. Everyone looked at him. "After searching through a library for a long two seconds, I found this!" He held up a book that was written in an archaic language.

"The heck is that?" The daedric prince Lord Shegorath asked. "It looks like a book."

"Because it is! And it has the very instructions for this type of event. But it is written in the archaic language of gurl. This language isn't known to anyone…"

"Wait," said Sheva, "if nobody knows what the language is, then how do you know the instructions?"

"Because I had it translated by the only two people who understand the ancient language. Deckard Cain and Zexion, tell everyone what the book says."

Zexion looked at everyone impatiently while Cain was sleeping with the papers in his hand. Zexion nudged him. "Wake up, you old coot."

"Wha-? EVIL!" Cain screamed as he woke up. "Oh, heh heh, sorry about that," he said, "the book of ancient gurl law says that in time like these, the victor is decided by whoever saw the man in question first."

"Ha!" Cream laughed as she smiled at Cosmo, "I win, so back off!"

"But," said Cosmo, "when Cream saw him, she didn't love him. When I saw him, I fell in love with him."

"She has a point," said Daisy.

"What?" Said Cream, "That's not fair! I've be around here longer than she has! I HAVE FULL RIGHTS TO THAT TWO-TAILED, SHMEXY, HANDSOME, SMART HUNKMUFFIN!"

Deckard Cain sighed. "There is another law in the book. If a victor must be decided, a competition will be held for the two competitors. Whoever receives a kiss from the man will become lovers. They can be assisted by teams in order to win the person's love."

"Then it is settled," said the King, "who here is in favor of Tails and Cream being together?" About half of the people in the Cornerstone raised their hands. Among these people were Martin Septim, Deckard Cain, Chris Redfield, Jill Valentine, Vault Boy, Lucas, Dark Oak, Vanilla, Ammon Jerro, Bishop, Neeshka, and Paula. "Now who thinks Tails and Cosmo should be together?"

About half of the people in the Cornerstone raised their hands. Among them were Sheva Alomar, Albert Wesker, Leon S. Kennedy, Sheogorath/Jyggalag, Haskill, The Eds, Ness, Cole, Zeke, Bokkun, Charmy, Hertia, and the Archangel Tyreal.

"Look upon these people, and remember them, for they shall lead you to victory," the King said.

And everyone left the Cornerstone to prepare for the competition, each leaving with a knowing sense of foreboding that something would change the course of the small town forever…

There were only a few people who were neutral. Sonic and Amy are one of them. But they knew that the upcoming days would soon test their friendship…

Theme: The division starts…