note(s): this is for The Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, round one. I'm meant to be writing about two people who do not like each other, no underlying feelings whatsoever.

There were many, many things Scorpius Malfoy didn't like. He even kept a list of those things: rainy weather; the month of November; fish; vegetables; first years; the colour yellow; his father's father; idiots; carpet; extreme heat; extremely cold weather – the list could go on and on and on, really. But for all of the things on that list, there was only one that could make his blood absolutely boil. And that thing wasn't actually a thing (Scorpius wasn't quite convinced of this, however), but a person.

Rose Jean Weasley.

It was quite funny, really. Everyone seemed to mistake all of their arguments as sexual tension – Scorpius got quite a laugh out of that one – and, even better, seemed to compare the two to James Potter and Lily Evans. As if.

Scorpius was quite insulted, actually, to be compared to such... such... imbeciles (Lily may have been bright, but he had to question her brains for actually saying yes to James Potter I).

Not the point, however. The point was, there was nothing nor anyone that he disliked more than he did Rose Weasley. They couldn't be within five hundred feet of each other, let alone the same room together for more than two minutes without starting some ginormous argument over something petty, like who scored higher on their O.W.L.s – Scorpius did, obviously.

So you could understand why locking the two of them into a closet together would be a very horrible idea. Sadly enough, Scorpius' and Rose's friends didn't see it that way. Now, Scorpius understood that everyone seemed to think this was what was best for all involved. 'Oh, Scor and Rosie will finally hook up and then we won't have to listen to them screaming at each other in the Great Hall/Common Room/On the Quidditch pitch/in the middle of class/etc.'

However, Scorpius really had to wonder – did they really think this plan through?

His friends were idiots, he decided. Imbeciles, right along side Lily and James Potter and everyone else who seemed to think a guy and a girl couldn't actually hate each other, lest there be some sort of underlying feelings.

Ha, ha, ha. No.

You're going to make Scorpius barf.

"How long have we been locked in here?" Rose Weasley moaned, the dull thud of her head hitting against the wall behind her gracing Scorpius' ears. Idly, he hoped that it had hurt. This was her fault, after all, getting them locked in here. If only she had just learned how to keep her bloody mouth shut, then they never would have gotten into it in the library, which in turn never would have lead to their friends being sick of the arguing, which never would have lead to this: Both of them stupid enough to allow themselves to be lead into a bloody broom closet, of all places. Really, he thought. Get an imagination.

Scorpius decided that he would not grace Weasley with an answer. This was all her fault for being so infuriating. If she could have just dialed back her entire personality to zero – or, even better, moved to Antarctica – then they would not be stuck in this stuffy closet. Instead, Scorpius would be with the rest of his classmates in Hogsmeade, flirting up pretty girls, flirting up bartenders to get them to serve him alcohol; you know, actually having a good time.

Glancing over at Rose, he scowled. But nope, he was stuck inside of a closet. No pretty girls in sight. No fire whiskey when he really could have used it. And definitely not having a good time.

"Ugh," Rose grumbled to herself. "I cannot believe Al. When I get out of here I'm going to murder that prick and then stuff him inside a closet and we'll see how he likes that-"

"Can you just, I don't know, stop talking? Your voice is very high pitch, shrill, and generally annoying and I really don't want to hear it." Scorpius interrupted, frowning as he rubbed at his temples on either side with his fingers.

Rose's scowl deepened. "I'm surprised you could hear me, or anything for that matter, over the sound of your own self-righteous thoughts."

"Oh, I'm sorry? Was I meant to be offended? Because the only thing here that's offense is your breath. Seriously, do you even own a tooth brush, let alone use it?"

Rose's hand shot up to her mouth, which had formed an 'O.' Scorpius grinned. Scorpius – 1, Rose – -8. "Yeah, in fact. I do own one. Which you'll be quite aware of when I shove it up your arse." Her eyes flashed dangerously and Scorpius fought the urge to laugh. It was hard for him to take Carrot Top over there seriously.

He just waved a hand casually. "I'm already visualizing ductape over your mouth." He sighed, leaning back against the wall. He was pretty sure Rose turned several different shades of purple, but it was hard to tell given how dark it was inside here. He subconsciously began to reach for his wand before remembering Albus had somehow managed to sneak it from him without him noticing.

Git.

A few hours and several black eyes later, Rose suggested something which Scorpius would never admit to finding quite as brilliant as he did.

"What if we played them at their own game?" She asked suddenly. Up until then, neither had spoken within the last thirty or so minutes. Scorpius wasn't sure if the time was legit. Time in here felt different. It could have in reality been five minutes, or, maybe even five days. He didn't feel near dehydration or starvation, though, so he figured it was closer to the former.

Hesitant, he replied. "...What do you mean?"

Talking to her in such a civil manner was weird. He felt the urge to wash his tongue.

"They want us to be together so badly. So, let's pretend to be together."

Scorpius made a face, but Rose continued. The more she spoke, the more Scorpius had to admit she wasn't as much of an imbecile as he thought.

He still hated her, though.

An hour later, the doorknob began to turn.

"I hope you two have made up in there," Al's voice came floating through the hard wooden door, suggestive and amused. Scorpius fought the urge to punch him. Instead, he twisted his face up in what he considered was 'love-sick fool.'

Rose rolled her eyes at his dramatics, but did her own look of admiration.

The door opened and she jumped up. "Al," she gushed. "You were right! Apparently, all that we – me and my snuggle bear – needed was a little.. one on one time." She cooed, winking. Scorpius vaguely felt the taste of vomit inside of his mouth. Urgh, just the idea was gross. He would need some serious bathing after this. That, and ten pounds of tooth paste to get this nasty taste out of his mouth – maybe he'd even offer her some. Merlin knows she needed it.

Al's face fell, just a little, as if the detail mixed with the horrid nickname was too much for him, but all together he still looked pretty pleased. "That's great, Rosie. See, I knew it. You guys are perfect for each other." He offered them both their wands back – his first mistake. "I'm sorry I had to lock you guys in here, but, well. Gotta do what you gotta do."

Scorpius smiled and took his wand. "Oh, don't sweat it, mate. I completely agree."

Before Albus could blink, Rose had stunned him and then snatched up his wand. She scowled down at her frozen cousin. "Don't ever, and I mean ever, try and set me up with anyone, least of all Malfoy again." She spat his name out like it was dirt and then moved out of the cupboard.

Scorpius glanced down at Al. Now would be the perfect time to punch him, really. But his knuckles were bloody enough dealing with one member of this crazy family. "Now, I do hope you've learned your lesson. See you in a couple of hours, buddy!" Scorpius added cheerily... "maybe." He flashed a wicked smile before following Rose out, shutting the door behind him.

"I still hate you," she growled as she locked the cupboard.

Scorpius shook his head and began walking away. "What was that?" He called without glancing back. "I couldn't hear you over the ductape."