I like to think of Marth as slightly feminine.
Okay, maybe mostly feminine.
Okay, maybe homosexual.
Whee. Don't own SSBM.
Chapter One: Puffballs and Daisies
"Wait, what are we doing here again?" Marth said to his companion.
Aha! We all know Marth, our brave adventurer who's very…brave. Who's also a prince! And he has blue hair! You don't want to forget the blue, shiny hair! And he has a pretty sword! It has a funny name! Something that has to do with a bird, I think. Like Falcon or something. No, he wouldn't name his sword after that pedophile Captain Falcon…anyway, we know Marth is very noble! A noble man must have noble companions! Someone just as brave and courageous as he, with good-looking hair and a pretty sword that isn't named after a pedophile! This noble companion could only be…
Jigglypuff turned to Marth. "Shut up! You're making this process very frustrating!"
"We're picking daisies…" Marth murmured.
"But we have to know which daisy to pick!" the puffball retorted. "Like, how many petals this one has, or how white this one is, or if the yellow thing in the center is round enough and not squashed flat!"
"I didn't know this required such precision…" Marth muttered sarcastically.
"Are you shitting me?!" Jigglypuff exploded. Yes, puffballs and cuss and explode. It's one of those sides you rarely see because you think they're just so damn cute and you want to glomp them, and they smile and laugh, but they secretly wish to annihilate you. It's true. "Of course this requires precision! You want the dining room table to look nice, right?!"
"It looks fine the way it is."
"You have absolutely no taste."
So what the hell is Marth doing with Jigglypuff? No, they're not dating. Get your mind out of the gutter. And don't think you can make a good comeback by saying, "I was born it, and I'm stuck in it!" I've heard that too many times.
Anyway, here's where you wonder, "Where the hell is Roy?"
Ah, Roy. Marth's faithful Super Smash Brothers Melee companion with fiery red hair and blue eyes and a temper that makes people think he's PMSing…but he can't be because Marth's supposed to be the one who acts like a girl. This is why Marth was with Jigglypuff. Marth simply knew Roy was too masculine for him. While Roy settled his problems while yelling at people and throwing things, Marth sat and calmly tried to discuss the matter, but it didn't help because people thought he was a fruitcake already.
Poor Marth.
It must be his hair.
The fact is, Marth didn't leave Roy as a friend. Roy left Marth. Even though Marth thought Roy was too masculine, Roy thought Marth was just plain homosexual. It's sad, really. They would have been soooooo cute together. Erk.
So Marth went searching for new friends. Of course he has his ol' pal ol' buddy ol' pal Link. Marth thought Link wouldn't be too bad because Link wore a skirt and tights. However, Link was too busy trying to figure out how pants work so he could win Zelda over. So he was occupied.
Captain Falcon tried to hug Marth, so we'll skip that part.
Marth liked Samus. Not in a romantic kind of way, but in a kind of way that said "How can you be so girly but so tough?…I wish I were like that." Marth really wondered what her secret was to her being a perfect role model for him. Oh, maybe it was because she was actually a girl and Marth wasn't. Yes, that's it.
"Samus, teach me how to be tough and girly at the same time," Marth told her before thinking.
She punched his face. Don't worry, it wasn't anything personal. She's antisocial like that.
And so Marth wandered from Smasher to Smasher, seeking friendship. Each one was busy with his or her own thing, and finally Jigglypuff offered to take Marth outside so he could help her perform a difficult task. So there they were, standing in the backyard, picking daisies.
Marth picked a daisy and lifted it up to his face to look at it.
"Fool!" Jigglypuff slapped Marth. "That was has twenty-seven petals! We need even numbers!"
"How could you count so fast?" Marth asked. Jigglypuff didn't answer. Marth counted the petals. "There's twenty-eight."
"Don't correct me, bitch!" Jigglypuff slapped him again.
"Hey!" Marth snapped at the pink puffball. "You know what?"
"What?"
Marth grabbed her handful of daisies, through them on the ground, and stomped on them. Then he lit them on fire because he happened to have matches on him. Hmm. And I thought Roy was the pyromaniac. Once he was done, he grunted in frustration.
"There, you happy, you insolent little—wow, when did you become so fat?" Marth turned to see Jigglypuff double her size.
Then she jumped on top of Marth and squashed him.
"Jigglypuff!" Kirby called from the doorway. "What are you doing?"
"Oh, hi Kirby!" Jigglypuff leapt off Marth and returned to her normal size. Marth lay on the grass, gasping for air and staring at the sky.
Was it…? Yes it was! Puffball love! Everyone say, "Aww." Jigglypuff secretly liked Kirby. Of course, everyone knew it, so it wasn't really a secret. She made it so obvious she liked him. Only Kirby didn't know himself. Aren't guys kinda stupid that way? Yes.
"Does Marth have asthma?" Kirby walked over to see the Altean taking in as much air as he could.
"Yeah, and he doesn't have an inhaler," responded Jigglypuff.
"Shouldn't you get it for him?"
"But I want to see his face turn blue!"
"He looks fine now."
Marth sat up. "Hi, Kirby."
"Hey, Marth," Kirby replied. "What are you guys doing out here?"
"Picking daisies," Marth responded.
"Well, I was," Jigglypuff snorted. "Marth had to be the one to start stomping on them."
"Well, you were being picky!"
"No, you were being lazy and just picking random daisies!"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes, it does!" With that, Jigglypuff punched Marth, knocking him out.
Kirby's eyes doubled in size. "I didn't know you could—"
Jigglypuff realized what she had done right in front of Kirby. "Oh…uh…it's just to wake him up. He looked a little sleepy."
"But you guys were just yelling at each other…" Kirby wondered.
"But Marth always yells before he gets tired, right Marth?" The Pokemon pointed to Marth. "See, he's sleeping like a babe. Poor guy must've been so tired."
"He's not sleeping, you knocked him out…I'm confused…"
"Want to help me pick daisies?" Jigglypuff offered cheerily.
"Yay flowers!" said Kirby.
Hahaha whee…