Disclaimer : I don't own X/1999. If I did, Seishirou and Subaru would get married and live together and have hot man-sex!
Note : This was set somewhere after the first time they met again in X. In my opinion, it's kinda weird…
TALK
Everything was quiet. They were sitting side by side but neither one spoke. Subaru didn't want to give in, even though the silence was unsettling; Seishirou, on the other hand, was used to it.
"How many years has it been since we last met?"
Subaru was surprised. Most of the time, they didn't talk when they were together. The green-eyed onmyouji thought for a few minutes.
"Around nine years, Seishirou-san."
"Has it been that long?"
"Yes."
Silence again. They had always been like this. But Subaru was used to it, used to being hurt and toyed with. Seishirou didn't care about him anyway. Why should anything change now?
"During those nine years, did you think about me?"
Another question.
"Everyday," he whispered. Why was he admitting that? Seishirou didn't love him; he would only get hurt. So why was he admitting that not one day passed by that he didn't think of the first person that he loved until now? That he was always in Subaru's heart?
Seishirou simply smiled.
"Why is that? I never really thought about you…"
Subaru's chest tightened. It was always like this; his emotions would be toyed with then the remaining pieces of his heart would be destroyed.
"Subaru-kun, during those nine years, did you look for me?"
"You know the answer to that question, Seishirou-san."
"But it would be nicer if you told me. I want to hear you say that you looked for me, that you did everything you could to see me. It's true, isn't it?"
"Yes."
Nothing but the smell of cigarette smoke. Subaru turned to look at Seishirou. "Don't you know that that's bad for your health? You might get lung cancer." In retrospect, he was being a hypocrite. After all, he was a heavy smoker as well. But he didn't care about himself anyway. Why should he when Seishirou didn't?
Seishirou smiled again. "We're all going to die anyway, Subaru-kun. The end of the world is near."
Subaru didn't speak. The assassin was right; the end of the world was near.
"Destiny is quite entertaining, isn't it?"
"Why do you say that?"
"We come from rival families. I killed your sister. We're on opposite sides in the battle for the end of the world. You're good, I'm evil. And yet…here we are, talking as if we weren't separated for nine years, as if we're friends."
Subaru fixed his eyes on the ground; he couldn't bear looking at Seishirou's face.
"We shouldn't see each other again. Leave me alone from now on."
His arm was suddenly held in a painfully tight grip, Seishirou's hand holding his chin and forcing him to meet his eyes.
"Never tell me what I can or cannot do with my toys."
Toy. Seishirou only saw him as a toy. Something made to be broken. Something made to be used then discarded. He wasn't able to speak and after a while, Seishirou let go of him.
"You haven't changed at all, Subaru-kun. You're still so unsure of yourself, still so weak."
"Seishirou-san, stop trying to distract me."
"Distract you from what?"
"I don't know."
There was a pause. "We can't be together, Subaru-kun. There are a lot of things in the way." He smiled again. It was strange how annoying that smile could be, yet Subaru felt as if the world would end and he wouldn't notice, just as long as that smile would become genuine and Seishirou would only smile for him.
"And you probably know that I don't love you."
"I know," Subaru whispered. "And I'm not asking for your love."
Before the taller man could say anything, he continued. "During those nine years that we didn't see each other, how many have you toyed with?"
Seishirou's expression clearly conveyed his surprise but it only took the assassin a few seconds to recover. "Nine new toys. One for every year." A few more seconds. "I guess I was looking for someone to replace you. But you're still my favorite."
"Am I supposed to be happy with your answer?"
"You know that I can't experience any deep emotions, Subaru-kun. Love, hate, anger, loneliness, sadness. I can't feel any of those. I can only feel shallow imitations. That's why I can't love you. I don't know how."
Subaru swallowed. "But…if you knew how to love, would you love me?"
"…I don't know."
"Can I love you?"
"If you want to."
Subaru knows that he should hate Seishirou, that he should get angry whenever he sees the man that destroyed his life. But whenever he sees Seishirou, it's like he's floating in midair with nothing to catch him if he would fall. It's like the end of the world didn't exist at all.
"I want to love you."
Seishirou stood up and started to walk away. "Just don't expect me to love you back."