This little fic takes place after "Chuck versus The Ex". I started it shortly after the episode aired and wanted to finish it because I make a few references to it in the serial I'm about to post. Plus, I think it flows emotionally into this upcoming serial, at least from Sarah's standpoint. So please, enjoy and review.
I'm rating this "T", but be aware, there is some adult language. Other than that, it should be okay.
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Sarah Versus The Mysteries of Life
It'd been a rough week.
And it all started when Jill Roberts blew into town. Oh yeah, that Jill Roberts. At first, Sarah didn't think it'd be so bad. Chuck was obviously reluctant to deal with the woman who broke his heart.
But then they had their "date". Stuck playing waitress, Sarah was forced to endure a very hurtful comment from Chuck (though he did immediately apologize), and even more painful, the sight of the two old lovers having fun.
Then they had a fight. Sarah's heart began to recover. But then they made up. They kissed. Chuck made his second hurtful statement in as many days. Sarah's emotions plummeted faster than AIG stock.
Then there was the second kiss. Which, even Sarah could objectively admit, was incredibly hot. And then, the cherry atop the cake, was listening to not one, not two, but three straight nights of noxious phone conversations between the rejuvenated lovebirds.
It was then that Sarah made it quite clear to Casey that it was his turn for surveillance duty. After a moment's pondering why he chose "sucker" out of all the words to mock her with, Sarah made a quick phone call, grabbed her car keys and wallet and flew out the door.
Thirty minutes later she found herself at the bar of the Regency Hotel. It was another thirty minutes later, while nursing her second whiskey, that the recipient of her phone call arrived.
James Craig. Nearly sixty. Silver haired, handsome, piercing gray eyes. Arthur Graham may have recruited her to the CIA, but it was James Craig who made her an agent. He was her friend, partner, and mentor... among other things.
"James," she smiled, standing to give the older man a hug.
"Sarah Jane. Still going by Sarah, right?"
She smiled at James' name for her. It was a quirk of his, to assign random middle names to people he liked. She never understood where he came up with Jane, but he said it with such warmth, she never asked him to stop. "Yes sir," she said, helping him ease into his chair.
"Knock off that sir crap. I'm not with the Agency anymore."
"Yeah, I heard you retired." To the bartender she said, "Anything he wants is on me."
"Ginger ale," he ordered. He noted Sarah's surprise. "Hey, vodka martinis are fine and dandy when you're young and saving the world. But I'm too damn old for a liver transplant now."
Sarah laughed. A genuine, heartfelt laugh. "It's good to see you, James. It was my luck to discover you retired to Santa Monica."
James took a sip of his drink. "Well, all those years working ops in the dead of Soviet winters, thought I deserved a little sunshine."
Sarah nodded. Took a pull off her whiskey. Softly, she asked, "Agnes know where you are?"
"Yup."
Sarah spared a glance. "And who you're with?"
"Mmm hmm," James murmured.
"I don't want to get you in trouble," Sarah earnestly said.
James waved off her concerns. "We have little say in each other's lives anymore. We only stay together because we're too damn old to start over with someone else. Don't worry your pretty little head over it."
"Do I have anything to do with that?" she regretfully asked.
"You, and a couple others," he admitted.
Silence. Both sipped at their drinks. Sarah finished her whiskey, ordered a third. James surreptitiously stole glances at his former protégé.
"Much as I'd like to think you called just to catch up," James began, "I sincerely doubt that's the case. What's on your mind, Janie?"
"I just needed a friendly face..."
"You flatter me, Janie-darling. But I know you too well. You didn't call just because you were feeling lonesome. That isn't your style. So what's troubling you?"
Sarah sipped at her whiskey while she tried to put her thoughts into words. James was way ahead of her.
"Ah. Boy trouble," he surmised. Sarah snapped focus upon him. James shrugged, grinned. "Like I said, I know you too well. Just tell me you're not still brooding over that peckerwood Bruce."
"Bryce."
"Whatever. The little punk."
"No, not Bryce," Sarah vehemently said.
James studied her. "But a coworker, right? Of course, in this line of work, it's always a coworker. I hope he's a nice boy. Would I like him?"
"Oh, you'd love him," Sarah automatically answered. When she realized what came out of her mouth: "But that's not the point."
"What is the point, Janie?"
Sarah thought about it. "Why are men such assholes?"
"Why do dogs lick themselves? The great mysteries of life."
Sarah reacted despondently to his flippant response. James immediately felt sorry. "So who's the other girl?"
Sarah looked at him, completely unsurprised by his psychic prowess. "How do you know there's another woman?"
"Judging from your reaction, I narrowed the list of possible reasons. First being he failed to lower the toilet seat. Second, he forgot your anniversary. Third, there's another girl." Sarah turned back to her drink. "Is she a looker?" James asked.
"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"
"Simple curiosity," James shrugged.
Begrudgingly, Sarah answered, "Objectively speaking, she might be classified as a hottie." Then, she mumbled, "If you like a bony ass."
James, having plainly heard her comment, chuckled. "Wow. It's finally happened. Sarah Walker's found the guy she's absolutely gaga for."
"It isn't funny," she snapped back. "It's compromising my ability to do my job."
That certainly got James' attention. "I'll be damned. He isn't an agent. He's an asset. Civilian?"
Sarah's answer was another deep pull off her whiskey.
James shook his head in disbelief. Ten years ago the thought would have been ludicrous. Sarah Walker lived and breathed the agency. That being said—
"You never were cut out for this work," James flatly stated.
Sarah whipped around, looked at him with death in her eyes. "Excuse me?!"
"For an agent, you were always lousy at hiding your emotions. Coupled with your compulsive need to form the attachments you never made as a child, Secret Agent was probably the last job you should've taken."
Sarah stared, dumbfounded, betrayed. "If you felt that way, why didn't you have me booted out during training?"
James shrugged. "I tried to. Graham overruled me."
After several long moments... "You son of a bitch."
Sarah made a move to stand, but James' strong hand gripped her wrist. "Hey," he easily said, "it isn't an insult, Janie. You're too good for this job."
"How can you--!"
"Janie." Sarah's tirade ended at James' firm tone. "Sit down."
"Yes, sir." She immediately sat.
"We can discuss my opinion of your career choice at a later time. Let's talk about this boy first. So you say he's a nice kid?"
Sarah grunted in a decidedly unladylike fashion. She fully intended to return to his opinion of her career choice.
"When he isn't ending our cover relationship to go chasing after any skirt that winks at him." Crap. Maybe she should ease up on the whiskey. Crap. Did she say skirt? Casey was rubbing off on her...
"Wow," James chuckled, "did I say you had it bad? I think I'm jealous."
"I get why he does it," Sarah continued. "I'm not exactly the sort of girl he can settle down with. And God knows I've given him plenty of reasons to look elsewhere."
"You mean your uncanny ability to close yourself off emotionally at the slightest sign of intimacy?"
Sarah sighed. "You know, I called hoping you could make me feel better."
"No, you didn't," James stated. "You called looking for approval."
"Excuse me?"
"Seems fairly obvious. You finally found the guy who has made you realize there's more to life than duty. Was bound to happen eventually."
Sarah stared at James like he'd grown a second head. "Where do you get this?"
"Please, Janie, you're not that hard to read. Like I said, you're lousy at hiding your emotions." After taking a sip of ginger ale, "And I have your personnel file memorized."
"Listen, I do this job..."
"Because you continue to suffer under the delusion your father's sins are your own," James interrupted. "Sarah Jane, you are quite possibly the most remarkable woman on the planet. Can do things that simply boggle the mind. Anything you set your mind to, really. But you're scared to death to give normal a chance because you think you'll fail. That's why you continue this charade. You give your life to the CIA and your country because you're afraid to live it for yourself."
Her mouth instinctively opened to object. But to Sarah's immense surprise, nothing came out. Not a word. Not a single blessed word.
"Ah. Speechless," James smirked. "I like that."
Sarah shot him a look. James continued on, not really noticing, but already moving to more serious issues.
"Look, this guy you like..." He let the thought hang, hoping she would supply a name. After a brief hesitation, Sarah said—
"Charlie."
James did a double take. "Charlie? Really? Okay. Anyway, for stepping out on you, Charlie's a real dope. I can say that without even meeting the other girl. Because, really, looking at you, the word that naturally comes to mind is 'Damn'."
Sarah actually blushed.
"But I'm assuming the kid has his good qualities?"
"Of course," Sarah immediately said. "He's sweet, charming, funny, and very sexy, in an offbeat sort of way."
"Okay. So he's fantastic, except for his nasty habit of chasing other girls. You're fantastic, except for your inability to emotionally commit. If you solve your problem, perhaps that will solve his. Or, just to prove I'm not entirely sexist, if he solves his problem it will solve yours."
"And how do you propose I solve my problem?" Sarah dryly asked.
"Easy. Talk to him. Give him something to hold on to. Granted, eventually he's gonna figure out it's impossible to do better than you, because like I said, damn, but actually sharing a few feelings might help him figure it sooner."
"That's all well and good," Sarah started, "but there's still one problem..."
"Oh yes, your civic commitment," James said. "Are you still stuck on that?"
"How can you be so flip? I've worked hard to get where I'm at today. In fifteen years I could be sitting in a Deputy Director's chair."
"Mmm. Nice salary, good retirement package, still be miserable as hell."
"I'm not miserable," Sarah lamely retorted.
"Of course not. You've got a boy you're crazy about. But sooner or later, Janie, this assignment will end. And you'll be back in DC to accept your next soul crushing endeavor."
"So what?" Sarah sarcastically asked. "Am I supposed to give up my career for a cute boy? Do you really think I would ever do that?"
"I think if the right boy came along and knocked some sense through your thick skull, you hard headed girl, you just might."
Sarah shifted in her seat, uncomfortable.
"Listen, Janie, you're marvelous. And I were twenty years younger..."
Sarah smiled ruefully. "Didn't stop you ten years ago."
"And that was wrong of me," James sadly admitted. "I took advantage of you."
"No, you didn't," Sarah objected.
"Yes, Janie, I did. You knew crap about the world and you didn't need some old man warping your view even further. Sometimes I wonder how much harm our relationship did to you."
Sarah fell silent. Unsure what to say. James took a pull off his ginger ale, thinking about what he needed to say.
"Janie, the decision is ultimately yours. I mean, you can continue on with life as you know it, but you will always feel an emptiness in your heart. It can't be helped. You're too good a person. No matter how much good you perform in your duties, it will never fill that void. There's only one thing that will – the one thing you've never had. Love."
James took another drink of ginger ale. Waved dismissively. "But what do I know? I'm a stupid old man."
Sarah clutched her whiskey with trembling hands. Tears threatened to spill down her cheeks. She shook her head. "But he's with her now."
"Give it a little time. He'll realize she doesn't fill his void."
He sounded so certain. Sarah couldn't believe it. "How can you be so sure?" she asked.
James looked at her as though she were crazy. "You just want me to say 'damn' again, don't you?" With one last gulp, he finished his ginger ale. Pushed back away from the counter and stood. "Listen, think it over, will ya? A good night's sleep might clear things up for you."
Her hand immediately latched onto his. With wet, shining blue eyes she looked up at him. "Or you could stay with me tonight."
"I'm flattered, Janie, I truly am. And I'm also sorely tempted. But that isn't gonna solve your problem." He gently pulled his hand from her grasp and cupped her cheek. Very gently, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'm sorry, Janie. For so long I've wanted to help you. Maybe tonight I finally got it right."
And with that, he was gone.
The bartender approached, indicated her nearly empty glass. "Need a refill?"
Sarah tossed back the remainder, slid the shot glass across the counter. "One more. Then could you please call me a taxi?"
The bartender nodded, went off to fulfill her requests.
Sarah leaned back in her stool, waiting on her drink, trying to formulate a few thoughts. Suddenly, her phone began to chirp. Taking the device from her coat, she saw the caller ID.
Chuck.
After a few moments hesitation, she pressed the 'Ignore' button. The bartender chose that moment to return with her drink, which Sarah promptly tossed back in one gulp.
"Not yet, Chuck," she murmured. "I'm not ready. But maybe tomorrow."
She tossed a couple twenties to the bar, grabbed her coat, and went to wait on her cab.
END