sleeping answers
he knows the answer.
he stares at him, laying there, sleeping, he looks like he's sleeping, but he's slipping away, away, forever. sleeping forever.
he stares, suddenly feeling everything, and too much pain, too much. he has a heart, doesn't he. he feels.
but... he's felt this, before, too. he knows that, he knows...
he's Sora, but he's...
he made him feel...
he's...
who is he?
he's Roxas, that he knows, but what does it mean, being Roxas?
he doesn't know. the sky, the wind, the sea - they don't hold the answer. Roxas can't feel them, just like he can't feel - anything. he doesn't have a heart, after all.
that's how it's supposed to be. he's a nobody.
but.. he's also Roxas. and... he's confused.
there are the times when he almost feels the answer. when he tastes the sea salt ice cream - he can feel the sea. when he closes his eyes on the clock tower, he can feel the wind playing with his hair.
and when he stares into Axel's eyes, he can almost feel the sky.
Axel keeps on saying Roxas's eyes are blue like the sky but strangely, Roxas doesn't feel anything when he looks into the mirror. it's Axel's eyes, just them... they make him feel free, they make him feel like he knows the answer.
he needs to know. he needs to find all the answers. he needs to- he needs to leave.
It.. it hurts. its not supposed to, is it?
he's a nobody.
but he's also Roxas, just Roxas.
and when Roxas looks at Axel, the idea of leaving is just scary.
but... it's just a thought, isn't it?
it's just a thought, but when Axel pushes him into the bed, he can't think anything but I love you I love you I love you.
he embraces him, holds him close, he feels the warmth - so much of it, filling every part of his body. he wants to hold, smell, taste, to never let go. Axel's hair tickles his cheeks, his mouth feels hot, their bodies fit together perfectly and it's all just too much, it's almost painful.
I love you I love you.
he knows it's one thing he can't share, one thing he wants just for himself, one thing he doesn't want to give up. at these times, he just wants to cling to the warm body beside him and never, ever let go.
he wishes, though. he wishes he could feel, for once, how fast Axel's heart would beat for him.
he places a hand over Axel's chest and he thinks he feels - nothing. no heartbeat. no feelings. nothing.
but then he realizes he feels his chest rising; there's a soft breath under his fingers, a proof that Axel is alive - that he's there. just sleeping.
he looks at his sleeping face, soft and relaxed, because he knows he's with Roxas now, someone he trusts, someone who wouldn't hurt him, someone who'd protect him at all costs.
it's what they share, and it makes him think...
it's what he wants.
he touches Axels's face and leans over to kiss him, softly, gently, so he wouldn't wake him up.
and then he watches him sleeping for a long time, memorizing every detail of his face, for when he needs to leave...
he leaves, and then he's... gone...
and he, he is...
sleeping, just sleeping...
disappearing, slipping away...
Sora wakes up- not with a scream, not even a gasp- but there are tears rolling down his cheeks, warm and wet.
that dream again.
he remembers him, fading away, remembers the pain in his chest- that shouldn't be there, not so much of it, but it's there, and- he has a heart, doesn't he?
and he knows.
he knows the answer.
I love this pairing. I really do. They make me feel all kinds of things I've never felt for any pairing out there. And they make my cry, too.
Oh, I don't usually do the lack-of-capitals thing but it seemed to fit this one.
Sorry for mistakes, English is not my native language.
Hope someone out there liked this one. It's just more like a... writing practice. I will start writing "real" stuff soon. :D