FORKS HIGH SCHOOL NEWSPAPER
The Forks High School Newspaper is delivered to students for $1.50 every week. Enjoy!
Jessica Stanley food poisoning from Cafeteria Food?
by: Melanie Parker
Jessica Stanley was brought to the Nurse's Office by boyfriend, Mike Newton, for complaints of stomach ache, dizziness and head ache. These are some of the known symptoms of food poisoning. Ms. Stanley was brought in during her Biology class which was right after Lunch yesterday. The Cafeteria served mystery meat and sloppy joes which may have been the cause of Ms. Stanley's illness. This reporter asks if the school could dip lower into their budget to provide more edible food for its students to eat or else parents will be taking further action, as quoted by Jessica Stanley's parents. Fortunately, Mr. and Mrs. Stanley will not be suing the school in case it is proven that their daughter had food poisoning from our cafeteria.
THE ADVICE COLUMN
by: Emmett Cullen
Dear Emmett, I really need a girlfriend right now but I have no idea where to find one. Any help? ~StillSingle
Dear StillSingle, for starters: SHUT OFF YOUR COMPUTER, GO OUTSIDE AND MEET SOMEONE. Lastly, I'm an advice columnist and not a matchmaker. ~Emmett
Dear Emmett, I suck at Algebra but I'm too shy to ask questions. What can I do? ~?
Dear ?, You ain't gonna live life if you don't ask "Why?" ~Emmett
Dear Emmett, I love my boyfriend but my parents don't want me to be with him. Any ideas? ~HotChick
Dear HotChick, Don't worry. Love starts with a hug, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. You'll be without him soon enough and you're parents are going to be happy soon. ~Emmett
Dear Emmett, my parents yell at me all the time. What can I do to make them stop? ~Hurt
Dear Hurt, get earplugs. Smile and the World will smile with you. Don't take them too seriously, they're just tired or jealous. ~Emmett
Dear Emmett, I failed Biology and I'm too scared to tell my parents. What should I do? ~A+
Dear A+, Tell them that they probably failed Biology too when they were at school and what can you do about inherited genetics? As quoted by Homer Simpson, "Blame yourself once and move on" ~Emmett
Dear Emmett, r u available? ~GirlNextDoor
Dear GirlNextDoor, SUFFER THE WRATH OF ROSALIE HALE! ~Emmett
so, how do you guys like it? I figure with Emmett's Journal ending and all, I better write another one about Emmett. :)