THE PRAYER

a Detective Conan fanfic

I don't own Detective Conan.

"It's like we've already gotten used to these, the feeling of waiting for and being waited for. What a dramatic scenario for a movie. But should I play the role? If I wait, will you really come back?"

We both stood still, as she waited for my response. Was she expecting anything in specific from me? But of course, if you waited that long why wouldn't she? It's not like I would like to cause her more pain and be involved with any Kudo Shinichi issue. If it's too much for her to handle, then I… then I…

"I love you more than anything." Tears befell into her face, sweet sad tears of solitude. She was the victim, the one that was most hurt. And somehow, even I can't stand the pain. To tell the leading lady to let go of the past, I wonder how Holmes would react in the situation. I've gotten myself worn out, too vulnerable to even think. She's fragile, like a baby turtle from her newly hatched egg which left the shore for the ocean for the very first time. She got her hopes to explore the ocean. She was being pushed back by the waves, but still she goes on and on. But when she finally reaches the ocean, what if it's not what she thought it was? What if the ocean would just burry her in deep sorrow? The future's like the ocean, too big for me to explore. If I let her alone, maybe she could find one of her own, because I can't really tell if there's a future waiting for me.

"I feel…"

"Strange!" She halfsmiled, her tone excited. What was she thinking anyway?

"Kudo Shinichi, unable to utter even a single word, is he really? Boy that's new. So I saying I love you must be a shock to you." She bent over, her long hair waving to me as if we were still the simple minded high school students in search of life.

"Ran I." She moved over, her pointing finger in my lip. If it's right, then I'll go ahead and kneel and ask her to marry me already.

I grinned. "The person that you like, what do you like about him?"

As expected, I took her by surprise. But somehow she managed to go with the flow. Admitting she likes me, Ran what were you thinking? You know the possibility that I won't really come back…so why?

"What I like about him you ask?" She walked away from me and closer to the window, her gaze focused on the shining moon. "I don't know. But I know I like him."

"Huuhhh?" I was left with an eyebrow raised. Was I so unlikable that she can't even tell me a good trait? Come on, was I that bad?

"Shinichi…" she said, somehow I sensed she wanted to say it again, and again, and God knows for how many more times. She's feeling weaker and weaker, her heart gets it, but why does her eyes show me strength?

"What do you see in the girl you fell in love with?"

I grinned. "And what makes you think I fell in love?"

"Nothing. But am I wrong?" She said again. It's as if this topic of me liking someone didn't happen after she told me she loved me. It's as if I was being cornered, and to me it's interesting.

"Nope." I fixed my cap, pulled off a chair from the table and sat there. Somehow I didn't know how I rented the entire restaurant my dad chose to propose to mom without even hesitating in using Kudo S's name. It wasn't like me to act so carefree. Just that using other name would be suspicious in Ran's part. Anyway it was dad's idea. He assured me it'll be fine. Seeing how my plan to break my own heart's going, I wouldn't say it's going well.

"She has a strong personality, the type to fight despite the odds. She's always honest. She's fun to be with, knows how to make things interesting. She's patient, to the point of crying nonstop but still waits anyway. She's beautiful, inside and out, she's the one I love." I described the girl in my dreams, with my eyes closed. Somehow I can feel Ran bending again, staring at me with new tears.

"You're imagining her, aren't you?"

She asked and I nodded. I couldn't care if I open my eyes or close them. I know I'll see the same person anyway, the same beautiful person, that I will have to let go.

"Open your eyes." She whispered. And when I opened her eyes, it was her beautiful crying face that pacified me.

"Shinichi, don't you think that girl's stupid for waiting for so long? Why doesn't she just ask you to not leave? Or maybe it's even better if she tells you she no longer wants to wait for you, that she can't stand you, that she hates you and wants you to leave her life!" She started shouting, screaming, to the point of lifting her head and holding her mouth back, her eyes showing her pain.

"Maybe she should." I commented. I stood up, and blew it off to her face. "She's stupid! The boy's a liar. In reality, she doesn't know if I really have intentions of coming back! I could have a whole new life without her! I could start all over, leaving her broken, completely shattered by my disappearance. I could leave without telling her! I could break her heart…" And I couldn't do all that without breaking my own. But I just had to stop the tears for myself, the weakness of a detective. That's why Sir Arthur Conan Doyle didn't get Holmes a lady.

Ran's hurting I know, I know. But what should I do? If it'll be easy for her to forget me when the last memory she had of me was this bad, then I can do it.

She coughed…and it went on and on. I couldn't stand her like that. Was she sick or something? I ran to her and held her tight, rubbing her back and begging her to be fine. Ran's kneeling, coughing and crying in pain, and the last thing I was able to do was to hold her tight, an action that I didn't even know whether it has a meaning or not. I'm leaving her anyway. I'm leaving the girl I love.

"Jeez Shin…" She said in between coughs. "You're too stupid to think like that." Finally, she talked steadily. "If you're too worried just because a girl's coughing, what more letting her by herself without your care?" She sighed, finally catching her breathe. "I don't think God's going to let you live for long if you leave."

"What?"

"The boy I like…I only forbid him to die. That's all I ask, then he could take his leave for as long as he wants and I'll still be waiting for him." She told me confidently.

She's stubborn, isn't she?

I can't help it. I laughed hysterically. Then I asked, "But isn't that…that you can never forbid anyone from dying, even the person you love?" I asked seriously, somewhat expecting a comeback from this strong of the woman I love. Right in front of me, as I saw her stand on her feet, I no longer see a girl, but a woman who can stand on his own and would still choose to wait for me.

She stared at me, innocence in her eyes, and the passion for something I can't figure out. A person with a pure heart, and the fire in the belly to take on challenges huh, since when did my first love transformed into this strong of a woman?

"You don't have the right to give up. Because you promised God you'll make me happy."

And again, God she's right.

I covered my eyes with my hand, lifted my head, and somehow admitted defeat from her and from God.

Eyes closed I said and let her hear, "I know God, I know." And in my mind I had this vision, of Kudo Shinichi sitting in a picnic carpet, his hand reaching over to Ran Mouri who's standing a step away and still hesitating whether she'll accept being fed by him. And on their left, sat in a mini bed, sleeping soundly was a baby girl, who's named Irene Kudo.

I opened my eyes to face reality, pulled her into a hug and murmured a prayer, "God make me comeback, and make her happy."

I felt her hugging me tighter, a feeling that finally I know I'll never let go, and won't have to let go.

Because when God gives a vision, there's going to be His provision.

Hayella: Finally thank God I got to finish another story! And I actually thought I can't anymore. Oh God how great you are. :)

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