黒羽 三日月
Entry I: "Where Am I Now?"
Who am I? Where am I? Who are these….people I see in my head? Mother? Brother? Sister? Where are you…? Where are you?! I wanna go home….
Entry II: "Another Day"
I spent another day away...Today, a few men dressed in light blue had come upon me. They were shocked...Soon, a redheaded man in black had stepped forward. "I am your friend." He said. I hope he's right…
Entry III: "Taken"
I was an idiot! I fell for it...I was captured, handcuffed. Shackled to a wall. It felt like they were taking my pride away… "You lied to me! You aren't my friends!"
Entry IV: "Longer Days: Meeting Twin Girls"
Today felt like hours….Hours of testing, hours of questioning. I sat there, remaining silent to them. They asked what my name was...But I don't even know my name! They asked when I was born….I don't even know….It's not fair….They act all high and mighty 'cause they have names and birthdays and families...I don't even remember much...I remember their names, though….But my Mother….I can't remember her name, just….Her face. What she looked like...But my brother and sister….I remember their names very well….But now….These Shinra idiots have called me "Lost Name"...I don't even know my name...So that "nickname" will have to do…Hell, I even wrote their "fancy script" on the wall when I was unshackled at one point. It looks like this: "ロスト 名" and I wrote another message that looked like this: "私は一人で決して思いません。ある日、私はあなたのすべてを殺します!" (I am never alone. One day, I'll kill you all!")...Life can't get any worse than this, can it?
I met two girls today. They were quite "tall", one being at least five foot nine and the other five foot seven. Purple hair, one had two different eye colors. It was….A medium blue and a deep pink...The other had turquoise eyes. Hmph. I bet they're just like me….No name, with no knowledge….With no purpose set ahead...My gray eyes peered upon them. Although I could see them, they could not see me. I wondered if they felt my presence…
Entry V: "Strange Girl"
It was a cool evening. The moonlight had reflected into my face. They left my "cell" door open for some reason…Of course, I'm shackled to the wall, so I can't escape. The girl, with the two different eye colors...She stepped into my cell tonight. Perhaps she was curious. I had tried to sleep, so I left my head "hang" down as I kept my eyes closed. Out of the blue, a hand had been placed upon my bare shoulder. Obviously, I was hurting a bit, but I wasn't gonna give in. "A...Are you alright?" The girl was clearly trying to talk to me….I gave a slight groan, like someone would when they were being bothered in their sleep. "Am I...Am I bothering you?"
"No…"
"Does it hurt…?"
"Does what hurt?"
"Your wounds?"
"Not really…"
"They look painful…"
"I don't feel a thing."
"Are you...uncomfortable?"
"Uncomfortable with what?"
"You look like….You've been held like that for hours…."
"For your information….For a few days."
"I'm sorry I can't get you out of that…"
"Don't worry about it."
"You look so sad…"
"What would you know about being "sad"?"
"..."
"I'm not sad…"
"You don't have to lie, sir…"
"I don't respond to "sir"."
"Then...What's your name?"
"I...I don't know…"
"Hmm? You don't know…?"
"Not a thing."
"Then….Do you have any idea when you were born….Where you came from?"
"Look, if I knew...I would've told someone by now!"
"You don't have to yell…"
"I'm sorry…"
"Are you really?"
"I don't really know…"
"Surely you have a place to...go back to?"
"I have no place...I don't belong. Not here, not there. Not anywhere..."
"That's not true…"
"You liar…"
"You look so sad...Like you've….forgotten what a real place is…"
"I've already told you...I'm not sad!"
"...Let me heal those wounds."
"Don't touch me!"
Too late. She already healed my wounds. Green light surrounded me. I felt so free...Just after, she was called back, and my door closed...Perhaps I was too harsh…?
Entry VI: "First Calling"
Perhaps I was. I don't know...Even if she came back every night to check on me. Someday...I felt something calling to me...It felt like it was urging me. I called for the redheaded man. "Hey, you!" No answer. I hate these people…
"Hey, you! Redhead!"
"Shut up, yo! I'm busy!"
"I have a deal for you!"
The redhead had stepped up close, smirking. I could tell the girls were perking up from what they were doing. The other girl was shocked…She seemed to have felt my presence, but didn't actually think it was real. I had an idea, but...I knew it was gonna really hurt my body.
"A deal, huh? I'm listening."
"However long….you take to do whatever to the girls…I'll take that time, but doubled! But…"
"But…?"
"But you have to let me go outside."
He thought about it. A smirk painted onto his face, and the smell of whiskey in his breath.
"Alright. You'll be guarded, though. Try anything and you'll die, yo."
"You'll let me go anywhere I want?"
"You have two hours, yo."
"You have a deal."
I was lead outside. I was followed, of course...But I had gone to where I felt the "call". It seemed to be a "city" of sorts...A Capital? But what's here…? I stepped inside. Hues of blue had been everywhere. I saw a little green glow in the water. I realised…This is what's calling!
"Don't worry….I'll be right there!"
I dived into the waters, swimming down. The water had turned black around me. But what was calling...was something I hadn't expected...An orb, of a greenish-white color. I grabbed it, and swam back up...But not before setting it in my arm to hide it. I had an hour, now...Something appealed to me...Another pool of water.
"Something's here too…"
I dived down, but to my surprise...The water hadn't turned black. There...There was a body there, at the bottom. She was a woman, with brown hair and she wore a pink dress and a red jacket over it.
"Who...Who are you…?"
No answer. I should've expected that...I resurfaced, but as I did so...I heard a voice…It was a woman's voice...She sounded so sad...She had said… "You don't remember me…?"
Entry VII: "No Stranger to the Cold"
The girl had come back tonight. I noticed that she had just gotten more and more "hurt". I had been trying to sleep again, though...Although...I didn't mind...
"Are you hurt?"
"No…"
"Don't lie."
"I'm not."
I earned myself a giggle from her. Sheesh….People need to learn what "being serious" is…
"But you look so hurt...You...Your arms…"
"What about my arms?"
"They're all cut...They're...black.
"So what?"
"What happened…?"
"That's none of your concern."
"I...You're right…"
Silence had taken the room.
"Have you….learned your name?"
"No."
"Do you….want me to call you anything?"
"...Call me…"
"Call you...what?"
"Call me…"
I couldn't remember…
"Call me "Lost Name"..."
"That's...an interesting name…"
"I guess so…"
"I'm MoonPaw. You can call me Moon...If you'd like?"
"Named after the moon, huh?"
"Yeah…"
"Who gave you the name?"
"I…"
"You…? "I don't remember."
"I see."
"Of course…"
"Perhaps maybe it'll come back to you."
"I'm more worried about you remembering what you need to remember…"
"Why…?"
"Because I…"
"Because you…?"
"It's nothing. Good night."
"Good night."
Obviously, she was called back. But she had healed me to the best she could. Tonight...I could hear the sounds of screaming...Sadistic nature never gets far, does it? I couldn't sleep tonight...The screams and the pain in my arms had prevented it. She hadn't seen the cut just above my eye, though….Ironically, I can't even feel it….As if it's gone…
Entry VIII: "I'll Remember Your Smile, Bright as the Shining Moon"
A better world, huh…? That's never gonna happen. Yet Shinra claims so. Watching their television...Ugh...It disgusts me. I gave a slight groan, as my back had started to hurt.
"Damn you all…! I'll get out of here, just you watch!"
My arms hurt….Everything hurts...What did I do to deserve this…?
"Why are you keeping me like this…?"
"'Cause you're dangerous, yo. Menace to society, never truly normal."
"That's not true…"
I knew it wasn't true...I haven't hurt anything!
"Idiots…"
"Words can't save ya, yo."
I know that…
"At least let the girls go…"
"Afraid I can't yet, yo."
"Fuck off…"
"Heh. Fool."
Shut up…I had cried for her, actually….I didn't know my cries couldn't be answered...She couldn't hear me…
"Moon...Where are you…?"
I gave up...What was the point? I just bowed my head, and sat where I always did, in the same way I was always forced to sleep. I felt so alone…So much as to talk to the voice in my head. Y'know, that woman's voice.
"I wanna see you smile again…"
"Hmm? You wanna see who smile again?"
"That girl…"
"Are you in love?"
"In love…? Are you crazy?!"
A giggle. Sheesh...People can't take me seriously.
"A little bit, actually."
"Hmm?"
"You weren't expecting that answer?"
"Not really."
"Do you know who I am yet?"
"No."
"Do you want to know yet?"
"Not really."
"You're such a stubborn boy…"
"Is that a bad thing?"
"Not at all."
"..."
"I believe you're a really kind boy on the inside...Very gentle..."
"I'm not gentle…"
"You are with the girl."
"That's a different story!"
"Your brother and sister miss you…"
I sat up immediately.
"Y...You...You know...Shadow and Mutsuki?"
"Of course I do...I'm a very close friend of the two, actually…"
"Can I speak with them too…?"
"I'm sorry…I can't do that for you…"
"I...I see…"
"But you'll have a chance…"
"When?"
"Whenever fate allows it."
"Not very helpful of you…"
I sighed. I'm setting this journal down...I'm gonna fall asleep, so...Good night.
Entry IX: "Borrowed Notes"
I had gone to visit the boy again, he was asleep this time so I didn't wake him. He had fresh wounds… I really wish there was something more I could do to help him, but the men in uniforms always kept an eye on me. Last time I had healed him….
Shuddering I had closed my eyes, trying not to make a sound. I really didn't want to wake him. Before I left, I found this journal sitting beside him.. I guess he wouldn't mind if I borrowed it right? Atleast then I'd know what they do to him….
Placing a kiss on the boys forehead, I had gone back to my own cell. Sitting in my bed, silently flipping through the pages of the journal. It seems… They've done a lot to him, but… I really don't understand this part of his entry… Why would he make a deal with the red headed man to take double the pain then I did... ? Or the entry where he mentioned a woman… Why was I mentioned in that entry…? I had better take his journal back before he wakes up but… before I do… Taking out my pencil, I had written one small sentence on the next blank page which read…
"I love you too"
Entry X: "Not My Handwriting"
Hmm? Someone's written in it too? That's….interesting. The handwriting, though….Why does it seem familiar? Could it be….hers?
"Can you hear me?"
No answer. The place was quiet, the girls were playing together. It seemed like silence was the only thing keeping us apart. A guard had stepped in. Obviously, the girls had stopped what they were doing and stood tall, as if to be at attention. Until the guard told them to relax. He had opened my door quietly.
"Hey...You awake in there?"
I did not answer. I had been counting down time from an hour ago. Six…
"Hello? Can you hear me?"
Five...Four…
"I came to check on you…"
Three...Two...One. An electrical shock had jolted through my body, as I had groaned loudly. It hurt each time…Heh. Bad timing to open the door. The guard had freaked out, and ran out of the place. I guess Shinra had their own things to do today. The girls had ran in, checking on me.
Actually, it was kinda funny...There were at least half my size and still running in…
"Are you alright?"
I didn't answer. I didn't feel it was needed. I sat there quietly. Finally, the other girl had spoken.
"Is this the boy you were talking about…?"
"Of course."
"He's...certainly taller than you seemed to mention."
"What's that mean?"
"I just mean...I thought he was shorter."
That didn't amuse me at all.
"Shorter?"
"Yeah."
"I see."
"Is he awake…?"
"I...I don't know."
"He didn't answer you…"
"Maybe he doesn't want to?"
"Why wouldn't he?"
"I…Don't worry about it, Yuj."
"Whatever."
"Oh, shut up."
I had lifted my head up, giving a very aggressive scowl. As if I wanted to be left alone.
"He's scary, Moon…"
"...It'll be alright."
"Why does he seem so scary…?"
"He's…"
"He's...what?"
"Something's different about him…"
Finally amidst the talk, I quietly spoke.
"Just...leave me alone…"
The girls had taken the hint. They left. But...Moon stayed behind for a moment.
"Would you...like me to close the door?"
"Yes...Please do…"
"Will I...be able to see you tomorrow?"
"Depends…"
"I see…"
Finally, the girl had left. She had accidentally left the door open a little. I didn't care...I just wanna go back to sleep…
Entry XI: "Writing a Story"
Heh, I took his journal while my sister wasn't looking. You'd think he'd be more careful about people finding it. Maybe I'll write in it too, since he let my sister… Tapping my pencil, I had started writing..
"Experiment: Remnant, Yuj"
Met the boy today that Moon had been talking about, he seems a lot shorter and pretty scary. He had lots of scars on his body, so why would my sister be drawn to that…? I guess she's been healing his wounds for awhile now… Even if she does get punished by the red headed man for it.. Yet she does it anyways. I guess…. I just want to see Moon happy, but why… why him, how could he… He just seems so… negative, but he's never laid a hand on Moon so that's all that matters… As for me, they've started the "breeding" tests… Moon always asks, but… I never tell her what they do… Even if I do always come back to my cell crying…. I don't want her to know.. I wonder if they've done tests like that to him..?
I guess, it's time to return the journal he can be pretty scary….
Entry XII: "I Guess I Really Am"
Nonetheless, you all write something. Some little thing. As for you, whoever's writing in my journal besides just me from here...What in the living hell is a breeding test? I've ever heard of such a test. Also...Why in the world am I still here? What's keeping me here, when I've done nothing to help…
Is it the fact that I don't even know about myself…? The fact that I hate Shinra…? What have I done wrong…?
If you, the other writer comes across this...Do you know? Is there...something I did…? Just….Why?
I read your notes, writer...Yuj, right? What might've interested you in reading my journal? Were you curious? Either way...I don't care. My pen ran out of ink...So if this looks darker than my previous writing...It's because I'm writing with my blood.
It's easier than getting ink from the men in blue. All these wounds...Hell, I had to cut my wrists just to fill up the ink of the pen. It hurts a lot...To cut my wrists...But unlike a normal person, I cannot die from that...It hurts. I guess you're right, Yuj. I can be pretty scary sometimes…
Entry XIII: "Six-Thirteen"
All the more less, I've realised...I called out to you, but I realise you can't hear me.
"Moon? Can you hear me?"
No answer. As usual.
"Yuj? Moon? Anyone…?"
Still no answer…
"I see…"
Five...Four...Three...Two...One? An electrical shock again. It doesn't hurt anymore…None of it does, not even cutting my wrists open…
Entry XIV: "Eyes of a Madman"
Earlier, this morning I looked in the mirror. Obviously being awake, no electrical shocks...I knew now, that my eyes did not show any pain. No, no more of that. Just the eyes of a madman. I wonder what's gonna happen today…I'll leave it here…For now.
...The girl had come back...Wait, why do I keep calling her "the girl"? Her name's MoonPaw…
"Good evening…"
"Evening."
"You seem different today…"
"Why's that?"
"Because all the pain in your eyes...It's gone now."
"There is no pain anymore."
"Your wrists!"
"What about them?"
"Didn't I tell you to stop it?"
"No."
"Oh…"
"..."
"Does it still hurt?"
"No."
"Hey...Tomorrow, my sister and I are gonna have a permanent break from all the experiments…."
"Hmm?"
"Would you mind if I came back here?"
"I...I...I don't mind…"
"So I can?"
"Yes."
She healed my wounds again...
"Good night."
"Good night...Moon."
She had left, seemingly given a sigh. I'm gonna leave my journal open...Moon...I hope you write. I really do.
Entry XV: "Moon's Last Note"
Stole Lost Name's journal again, the red headed man said they were going to give me and my sister a break from testing… I wonder why.. He said I could come back to see him again, after my final test..
Experiment: Remnant, MoonPaw
Test subject has refused the final test, we've given her something to think about. Experiment has been exposed to electromagnetic volts. Subject has shown further signs of resistance, we have upped the voltage power, experiment has stopped moving. Experiment MoonPaw has been sent to MT Nibel, testing has been terminated.
I never did get to go back to see Lost Name, the men in blue uniforms had lied and continued testing, The last thing I remember is the electric volts, after they upped the power everything went black… Lost Name if you see this…. I'm sorry...
Entry XVI: "Last Order"
Finally, after long enough...Wait...Those screams…? What did they mean? Why's the redhead coming back...What's the syringe? What's going on…?
-End of Journal-