A/N- This is my first Twilight fanfiction ever! Ahh. Anyways, this just came to me while I was reading HP fanfiction. Weird, yeah. Ehh, anyways..enjoy. Or not.

Setting- During Eclipse.

Warnings- swearing and major OOCness.

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight.

"Why so glum, chum?" Jasper's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Fuck off, Jasper. Why would I tell you?"

"Well, for starters, I'm your favorite brother." ("I don'think so!" Emmett could be heard yelling from his room) Jasper ignored him and continued, "Secondly, you are giving off very strong emotions. The strongest one being anger. Something's really bothering you."

"You know, Edward, sharing your feelings really helps," Alice added.

"Uh..you know what? I think I'll just write it down." With that, I went up to my room. Time to share some feelings.

I decided I'd right a letter to the person I was mad at. The person is, drum roll please, Jacob Black.

Dear Dogg,

Hahah, like Snoop Dogg. Sometimes I crack myself up.

You have been really getting on my nerves. First, you fucking kiss my girlfriend. Then you decide you're better that me? Where the hell did that come from? I am a vampire. You are a dog. Vampires are way cooler than dogs; ask anyone. I sparkle in the sun. You grow fur. I smell entrancing. You smell like wet...dog. You really need to lay off, man.

I sounded like a hippie there. I could pass for one; I lived in the 70's.

I understand that you and Bella somehow connected while I was gone, and I understand you think I shouldn't have left her to die. But seriously, how was I supposed to know some crazy Jamaican vampire was going to come kill her.

When Laurent became Jamaican, I do not know. Oh well.

At least she's alive, right? That's all that matters.

But, this insane little triangle, that I did not sign up for, ends here, pal. I'll let Bella go if she wants to go, but if she doesn't, you can't force her to go to the Dark Side(your side). If you do force her over there, I will call the cops on you. For rape. Yeah, I can do that because I am a vampire. There's another advantage. Vampires can get away with anything. Except for posing as humans in the same place for 10 years. But that's it.

Anyhoo, you need to stay away from MY Bella, unless she wants you to go to your side. Ugh, I'm gagging right now. But, I know she won't want to stay on your side for long..you are a dog.

Well, nice talking to you..hope all is well down there in La Push. Uh, not really. Goodbye, you immature little motherfucker.

Oooh, that felt good.

From, Edward Cullen, the coolest vampire on Earth.

Get it?! Cool. Cold. Ha ha.

P.S.: I hate you.

Well, there you have it. Definately not the best story I have ever written. Jacob fans, I mean no offense. I admit, I don't like Jacob, but this was just for fun.

I got the P.S.: I hate you thing from a story I was just reading. So yep. No flames, I already know this sucked. Hopefully it made you laugh, though. Or at least smile. Uhhh, review? :)