Title: The Rain Incident
Author: Sariyuki
Date: 19 May 2004
Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki and its characters. And for your information, I worship the very ground that Minekura Kazuya walks on.
Notes: Written for the "38 Incidents Project".
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Hakkai looked up.
The sky was darkening as clouds clustered overhead, a sure sign that it was going to rain soon. He'd got to hurry back to the inn, as he hadn't got an umbrella with him. There was a distant rumble, a warning from far above about what was to come.
Little drops of water began to fall. Hakkai slowed down. There was no need to hurry after all. He was sure to be caught in the rain anyway. He adjusted his hold on the shopping bags.
The rain started pouring on him as he walked on the damp street, crowded with people who seemed to hurry now to their immediate destination. No one liked to get caught in the rain.
Hakkai walked on in between the busy crowd, feeling rather lonely.
It was getting colder as the uncomfortable dampness of his clothes touched his skin. But he didn't want to hurry just yet, didn't feel the need to. Rather he wanted to savour the chilly sensations that he was beginning to get, the cold feeling that he thought he had forgotten. It had been a long time since then. Then was raining too.
Water trickled down Hakkai's pale face. Some people spared him puzzled looks as he seemed to be oblivious of the pouring rain. The street was beginning to clear out of people.
"Ah! I'm sorry!"
A girl bumped him from behind as she was rushing ahead. Hakkai gave her a small smile.
"Don't worry."
The girl smiled and ran forward hurriedly to avoid from getting too wet, she didn't have an umbrella either.
Hakkai stared after her. There was a man waiting for her in the corner of the street. The girl came up to him, took his hand into hers and they walked away.
It was long after the couple had gone and Hakkai was still staring, longingly.
Wouldn't it be nice to have someone to hold hands with? Wouldn't it be nice not to be lonely anymore?
But how could he be lonely with the friends he had now? How could he possibly be lonely with all the adventures and excitements he had been given?
Why was he still lonely?
But it was no use to think about it. Hakkai knew. The only thing that he could do now was to place one foot in front of the other and to keep walking. Just keep walking.
That way, he would end up somewhere. That way, he would know what the end was like. One step after another.
He knew he could go through this rain. He could go on. But he couldn't go back.
It was close now.
Hakkai could see the shape of the inn's building. The light had been turned on inside. It looked homely and warm. Homely. And warm. He walked forward, dripping water with each step he took. Strange, he hardly felt the rain.
Someone was standing outside the inn, keeping out from the rain under the roof's protection. Hakkai walked towards the silent figure by the door.
"You're late."
"I'm sorry, Sanzo. It's the rain."
"You're shivering."
Hakkai put his shopping bags down on the ground next to Sanzo's feet and spotted quite a number of cigarette butts laying around. He sighed.
"It is quite cold, yes."
"Go inside."
Without another word, the monk grabbed the shopping bags and walked through the door. Hakkai followed behind. He was right, it was warm inside. Now that he was inside he could feel that he was cold. He was indeed shivering. How could he not notice?
"Sanzo."
"What?"
"Tell me, whom do I live for?"
A stupid question, thought the monk. But not unexpected. Not on a night like this. Sometimes he himself wondered about the same thing.
"You live for yourself. That's the only way to live."
Hakkai knew the answer even before he was told. But it wasn't what he wanted to hear, what he needed to hear.
"Isn't it rather lonely to live by oneself, Sanzo?"
Sanzo stopped walking but didn't answer. He had always been proud of his loneliness, proud of his solitary life. It was the only kind of life that he knew and he did. But on a night like this, no man should ever be alone. No man should ever be cold.
He dropped the shopping bags carelessly as he turned around to face the questioning green eyes of his companion.
"Come here, you."
He pulled Hakkai towards him and felt the man's body stiffened on his touch but he held him close. There was a short intake of breath and the body relaxed. Instinctively, Hakkai placed his hands around Sanzo's waist. Everything seemed to fall into its place. Their cheeks touched. Hakkai's were cold. But the coldness melted into the warmth. Or was it the other way around?
If asked, Sanzo wasn't sure if he knew why he did it. It was just the kind of thing to do at the time. It seemed like the right thing to do. And it did feel right to him. The man he was holding was soaking wet, his night shirt was damp, and water dripped on his face but he didn't mind. Strange, he didn't really notice those things while he was holding Hakkai. All he noticed was the sound of their faint breathings against each other.
Minutes passed unnoticed and they stayed silent.
Maybe Sanzo was right. The only way to live was to live for oneself. But Hakkai was also right. It was lonely to be alone, even lonelier to live alone. And sometimes even the most solitary person needed to be held. Sometimes even the coldest heart needed to be warm.
"I could get used to this, you know."
Sanzo pulled away and looked up. The green eyes he was staring at were the greenest he'd ever seen. He allowed himself a little smile and replied,
"I know."
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