Tuna for Mr. Chen
The Disclaimer: The recently formed organization known as "The Pen With No Name" does not own the rights to Neon Genesis Evangelion: That includes the characters, plotlines, and all that jazz. They belong to the brilliant director Hideaki Anno, character designer Yoshiyuki Sadamoto and Gainax co. In the end, THEIR names will live on. Hail!
Exchange Rates: $7.20 HK = Around $1.00 US
[Setting: Stanley, Hong Kong 14th Hour and a Half on a Monday; Summer Season, Year 2025 AD, Ten Years after the End of Evangelion; A harbor bustling with people (as it always is in Hong Kong)]
Ikari Shinji: [warmly] "Good morning, sir."
Mr. Chen: [Like a stereotypical Mafioso] "Good fkin morning to you too, Water-Sht."
Shinji: [A bit uncertain] "Yeeah. What can I do for you?"
Mr. Chen: "I fkin need a fish, pronto, fkin pronto."
Shinji: "Do you have a particular type in mind, sir?"
Mr. Chen: "Fk yeah! I wanna fkin tuna, son!"
Shinji: "Uh huh. About this much?" [measures with six foot tuna and a knife]
Mr. Chen: [Hocks and spits in front of Shinji's booth] "Fkin sht $$ punk."
Shinji: "Will this do?" [measures more]
Mr. Chen: "Yeah, that'll fkin do, you sht fkin tuna haulin $$-wipin water fkin hockey playin bad $$ Canadian sht-nose fk walkin goat fkin herder."
Shinji: '' "........" (
Mr. Chen: "Will you Fkin stop that, punk? You remind me of my girlfriend."
Shinji: "...you want three feet."
Mr. Chen: "Pfft! Hell, yeah! I want it to get to three fkin feet, but I've never gotten past [hand gestures for emphasis] eight fkin inches when I try—"
Shinji: "The fish, I mean."
Mr. Chen: "That st? Uh...yeah, just get me the fkin fish, $$-sniffer!"
Shinji: "Ahem. That'll be $140 HK for the whole half of the fish, my friend."
Mr. Chen: "140? 140!? Are you fkin loco? What kind of tuna costs fkin $140 HK for half of it? Where I come from, it fkin costs...140 fkin HK for the whole fkin fish!"
Shinji: [Now a bit irritated] "140 HK for half of a fat, healthy, well-bred 6 foot tuna? That's anything but a poor deal, sir."
Mr. Chen: "Fk, no. You'll tax me."
Shinji: Please go away "No tax."
Mr. Chen: [Shrewdly] "I don't Fkin believe you."
Shinji: [Pulls on a chain, a sign falls down] "Look at the sign." [TAX FREE]
Mr. Chen: [Looks, scratches his head] "Supernal Fk!"
Shinji: [Deep breath] "Mr. Chen...I would really appreciate it if you did not talk about my sign that way. And you have the money...you're the wealthiest man in Stanley. Of course, you could pay $140 HK for a tuna."
Mr. Chen: "Fk you, you Fkin Swindle-St! I refuse to buy it!"
Shinji: [Points] "Then go to Murasaki's! They've got dozens of pastries for free!"
Mr. Chen: [Draws a pistol] "Give it to me, Fat-St-so!"
Shinji: [Shakes his head once] "No." [Defiantly]
Mr. Chen: "Give. Me. The. Fkin. Fish!"
Shinji: "Only if you buy it, blood-sucker."
Mr. Chen: "I WILL shoot you, Fkin Dick-$$ Bigshot-wannabe-a-Fka- loogi!"
Shinji: "You too."
Mr. Chen: "TAKE ME SERIOUSLY, YOU HAIRY FK BUTT!!!"
Shinji: "Wake up, carrot-top! You pull the trigger and you kill a minority! Next stop is the Chair!"
Everyone else: [Turn and look, astounded]
Mr. Chen: "I'm a Fkin powerful man, kid! I'm gonna fkin shoot you dead!"
Shinji: "Is that the best you can do, spittle-lips!!??"
Mr. Chen: "Fkin' Kid! I'll Fkin blow your Fkin head off your Fkin scrawny little shoulders!!!!"
Shinji: "Pull the trigger! [Hits a pager] Make my day, gull-catcher!!!"
Mr. Chen: "Damn Fk!! I'll fkin slaughter the living day-st outta you!!! Fkin kill you to Hell and the Great Beyond, you dip-suckin-tree- hug'n'humpin-$$-fkin dn fkin $$ wipe! No Fk-wad talks to ME, your fkin holiness, like that!! I'm gonna empty this Fkin gun, starting with your Fkin — !!!"
[Sirens in the distance]
Mr. Chen: [jumps in surprise] "Oh, fk!!!" [Runs away with police-men on hover-bikes chasing him] NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! [He trips over a trashcan and they swarm him with billy clubs and tasers...his resistance is anything but perpetual]
Shinji: [Watches them take away the crime boss and wrinkles his nose] Hmm...[Adjusts his bandanna (like the one worn at Pearl Harbor by Japanese pilots) and turns to the next customers, a pair of 6th grade schoolgirls] "Hi, girls! I have the order your mom requested..."
The End...
Written with Love by
The Pen With No Name on May 21, 2004 at 9:32 PM
The Disclaimer: The recently formed organization known as "The Pen With No Name" does not own the rights to Neon Genesis Evangelion: That includes the characters, plotlines, and all that jazz. They belong to the brilliant director Hideaki Anno, character designer Yoshiyuki Sadamoto and Gainax co. In the end, THEIR names will live on. Hail!
Exchange Rates: $7.20 HK = Around $1.00 US
[Setting: Stanley, Hong Kong 14th Hour and a Half on a Monday; Summer Season, Year 2025 AD, Ten Years after the End of Evangelion; A harbor bustling with people (as it always is in Hong Kong)]
Ikari Shinji: [warmly] "Good morning, sir."
Mr. Chen: [Like a stereotypical Mafioso] "Good fkin morning to you too, Water-Sht."
Shinji: [A bit uncertain] "Yeeah. What can I do for you?"
Mr. Chen: "I fkin need a fish, pronto, fkin pronto."
Shinji: "Do you have a particular type in mind, sir?"
Mr. Chen: "Fk yeah! I wanna fkin tuna, son!"
Shinji: "Uh huh. About this much?" [measures with six foot tuna and a knife]
Mr. Chen: [Hocks and spits in front of Shinji's booth] "Fkin sht $$ punk."
Shinji: "Will this do?" [measures more]
Mr. Chen: "Yeah, that'll fkin do, you sht fkin tuna haulin $$-wipin water fkin hockey playin bad $$ Canadian sht-nose fk walkin goat fkin herder."
Shinji: '' "........" (
Mr. Chen: "Will you Fkin stop that, punk? You remind me of my girlfriend."
Shinji: "...you want three feet."
Mr. Chen: "Pfft! Hell, yeah! I want it to get to three fkin feet, but I've never gotten past [hand gestures for emphasis] eight fkin inches when I try—"
Shinji: "The fish, I mean."
Mr. Chen: "That st? Uh...yeah, just get me the fkin fish, $$-sniffer!"
Shinji: "Ahem. That'll be $140 HK for the whole half of the fish, my friend."
Mr. Chen: "140? 140!? Are you fkin loco? What kind of tuna costs fkin $140 HK for half of it? Where I come from, it fkin costs...140 fkin HK for the whole fkin fish!"
Shinji: [Now a bit irritated] "140 HK for half of a fat, healthy, well-bred 6 foot tuna? That's anything but a poor deal, sir."
Mr. Chen: "Fk, no. You'll tax me."
Shinji: Please go away "No tax."
Mr. Chen: [Shrewdly] "I don't Fkin believe you."
Shinji: [Pulls on a chain, a sign falls down] "Look at the sign." [TAX FREE]
Mr. Chen: [Looks, scratches his head] "Supernal Fk!"
Shinji: [Deep breath] "Mr. Chen...I would really appreciate it if you did not talk about my sign that way. And you have the money...you're the wealthiest man in Stanley. Of course, you could pay $140 HK for a tuna."
Mr. Chen: "Fk you, you Fkin Swindle-St! I refuse to buy it!"
Shinji: [Points] "Then go to Murasaki's! They've got dozens of pastries for free!"
Mr. Chen: [Draws a pistol] "Give it to me, Fat-St-so!"
Shinji: [Shakes his head once] "No." [Defiantly]
Mr. Chen: "Give. Me. The. Fkin. Fish!"
Shinji: "Only if you buy it, blood-sucker."
Mr. Chen: "I WILL shoot you, Fkin Dick-$$ Bigshot-wannabe-a-Fka- loogi!"
Shinji: "You too."
Mr. Chen: "TAKE ME SERIOUSLY, YOU HAIRY FK BUTT!!!"
Shinji: "Wake up, carrot-top! You pull the trigger and you kill a minority! Next stop is the Chair!"
Everyone else: [Turn and look, astounded]
Mr. Chen: "I'm a Fkin powerful man, kid! I'm gonna fkin shoot you dead!"
Shinji: "Is that the best you can do, spittle-lips!!??"
Mr. Chen: "Fkin' Kid! I'll Fkin blow your Fkin head off your Fkin scrawny little shoulders!!!!"
Shinji: "Pull the trigger! [Hits a pager] Make my day, gull-catcher!!!"
Mr. Chen: "Damn Fk!! I'll fkin slaughter the living day-st outta you!!! Fkin kill you to Hell and the Great Beyond, you dip-suckin-tree- hug'n'humpin-$$-fkin dn fkin $$ wipe! No Fk-wad talks to ME, your fkin holiness, like that!! I'm gonna empty this Fkin gun, starting with your Fkin — !!!"
[Sirens in the distance]
Mr. Chen: [jumps in surprise] "Oh, fk!!!" [Runs away with police-men on hover-bikes chasing him] NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! [He trips over a trashcan and they swarm him with billy clubs and tasers...his resistance is anything but perpetual]
Shinji: [Watches them take away the crime boss and wrinkles his nose] Hmm...[Adjusts his bandanna (like the one worn at Pearl Harbor by Japanese pilots) and turns to the next customers, a pair of 6th grade schoolgirls] "Hi, girls! I have the order your mom requested..."
The End...
Written with Love by
The Pen With No Name on May 21, 2004 at 9:32 PM