Perfect Kirby: The collective of extraordinary dudes
(Opens in diner, Kirby, Prof. $1.99, Neil, and Link, all sit at a table eating burgers)
KIRBY: (swallows five burgers and a plate of fries at the same time) so Neil, anything new happening that I need to take care of? I'm bored.
NEIL: (puts burger down) uh, Kirby, your last assignment was this morning, don't tell me your bored already.
KIRBY: (smiles) yep, I need excitement in my life, (smile fades) plus I need the money
LINK: (stops in the middle of his bite) you need money, this is a first, why do you need money? Food? You know the institute's cafeteria is always open, you went through the fridge yesterday, I saw you, (eyes narrow) you drank my milk.
PROF $1.99: yes Kirby, why do you need money?
KIRBY: (looks into the air) well, it goes back to when I first came to earth (screen fades into flash back sequence)
NEIL: (during fade) oh yes, I love flash backs
KIRBY: shut up Neil
(Focus in on outer space, Kirby on his warp star fly onto the screen, warp star is smoking)
FLASH BACK KIRBY: damn faulty pop star parts, I'm going to crash into that ugly blue green planet.
(go to Nintendo of America building, Kirby crashes into it)
NINTENDO PRESIDENT: ok people, we need a new idea for a game. Something for the kids, yet having enough spunk for the older kids as well, any ideas?
(Kirby crash lands in the center of the table, gets up and dusts himself off)
FLASH BACK KIRBY: were am I?
NINTENDO PRESEDENT: I'm so brilliant, (looks at Kirby) lets sign him up
(Screen returns to present, every one is looking at Kirby in puzzlement)
KIRBY: and that's how I became one of Nintendo's top characters
NEIL: that doesn't explain why you need money Kirby, next time think your flash backs out
KIRBY: oh right, well, my warp star got totaled that day, and ever sense, I've been trying to save enough money to get it fixed, and maybe get it upgraded even. BUT DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET OUT OF PLANET PARTS????
LINK: yes, I do in fact
KIRBY: not you Link, I was asking Neil
NEIL: well, if you need the money so bad, I think I might have a job for you. I was going to give it to you tomorrow anyway
KIRBY: (excited) oh boy, tell me tell me tell me
NEIL: I would, but first we have to get back to the institute, your new partner has arrived
KIRBY: (sigh) Neil, has it ever occurred to you that I really don't need a partner, every time I get a new one, he either dies or takes all the fame, glory, and the girls
NEIL: ok Kirby, how's this, if this partner doesn't work out, then we won't set you up with one with out your permission
KIRBY: deal
(Screen cuts to the institute's main room, Phill, Neil, and Kirby are siting around the table playing cards)
KIRBY: HA, full house
PHILL: yea, well, I got a strait flush
KIRBY: darn it, ok Neil, what did you get?
NEIL: uh, I got two pair
KIRBY AND PHILL: loser
KIRBY: (looks at Neil) ok, when's this guy supposed to get here anyway? And who the hell is he?
NEIL: calm down Kirby, he'll be here soon, he said he might be a little late on account of the fact he had to talk to Prof. $1.99
KIRBY: ok, but who is he?
NEIL: his name is Nightmare, his skills are awesome, I don't think even Ian could best him
KIRBY: Nightmare? But I thought Siegfried was guarding Soul Edge for eternity at that one really freaking big pit.
DEEP VOICE: he was, until I can and relieved him of his duties
(Kirby, Neil, and Phill turn to the source of the voice. Nightmare of Soul Calibur II stands at the doorway, Soul Edge on his back and a raven on his shoulder)
KIRBY: whoa! (turns to Neil) ok, how did you get Nightmare to work for us?
NIGHTMARE: well, actually, my names not Nightmare, that's the name you get when you take up Soul Edge here (brandishes blade, then returns it to the holster on his back). The armor and mutated hand are just for show on my part, my real name is (takes off Nightmare's helmet, voice changes) is Jester
KIRBY: the Jester? The most powerful assassin in all the U.S....and most of Canada?
JESTER: yep, that's me
KIRBY: (turns to Neil again) ok, how the hell did you get Jester to work for us?
NEIL: actually, he came to me
KIRBY: WAHHHHH???
JESTER: that's right, I signed up to this team
KIRBY: but why?
JESTER: well, to repent for my wrong doings
KIRBY: ok, what's the real reason?
JESTER: like I said, to make up for all I've killed, and because I wanted a couple of things that the Professor had, heh heh heh (looks down at finger to look at the one ring)
KIRBY: well, if you're half the assassin I've heard about, then you must have a cool lair. You know, like bat man, with all sorts of cool nick-nacs, like a giant penny.
JESTER: well, I do have a cool lair, but I don't have a giant penny...yet
KIRBY: well, can we go there, can we, can we? Please?
JETSER: yes, we can go, we can go. Besides, I have to change out of this outfit and into my normal clothes, to my lair
(bat man style cut to Jester's lair, jesters face is used)
(lights flicker to life as Kirby and Jester step into a dark cave like room, the walls are lined with computer hardware)
JESTER: this, Kirby, is the main room, were all the computer type equipment is held.
(Kirby stars mesmerized at a huge monitor)
KIRBY: this must be awesome to play game cube on, we must play air ride some time.
JESTER: later, here (hands Kirby a wave bird) play some games while I get changed
(a few minuets later, Kirby is still playing games as Jester walks back into the room wearing black shirt, pants, boots, and a trench coat, the one ring around his neck and the tome of eternal darkness under his arm)
JESTER: come on Kirby, let me show you round the rest of the place
KIRBY: ("glued" to the game) but I'm doing good, I'm going about 60 mph here
JESTER: come on Kirby, we don't have much time, I may be trying to be a good guy, but I still have a schedule to keep
KIRBY: (looks sad as he sets the controller down) ok, fine, hey wait, what happened to the big mutated arm?
JESTER: I told you, it's just for show, it'll come back once I put on my nightmare armor and take up Soul Edge
KIRBY: I see, well, lets go
(Jester leads Kirby to a room that has white on all the walls except for three doors, the one they came in from, and two on two different walls, one is labeled control)
JESTER: this is my training room,
KIRBY: looks more like an asylum room
JESTER: well, there are high tech projectors that create different training scenarios, and you can set it in the control room over there, here (hands Kirby a gun) ill show you, I'm going to give you a simple accuracy test. (Walks into the control room, part of the wall opens to show him siting down and pushing buttons) ok, give me a sec.
(John walks in to the room from the opposite door that they came through)
JOHN: hi there Kirby
KIRBY: (fires wildly at John) die you little training program
(John lies in his own blood as Kirby runs out of ammo)
JESTER: good shot Kirby, but there's one small problem, that wasn't the training program, it's still loading
KIRBY: Oh, (looks at John's dead body) he was real
(Richie walks in snacking on a bag of chips)
RICHIE: YES!!, Right on Kirby (drags John off screen)
JESTER: (walks up to Kirby) well, lets continue
KIRBY: but what of the blood?
JESTER: oh don't worry about that, my robotic maids will take care of it
(They walk through the door John came in from to a room covered in scientific equipment)
JESTER: this is the lab, here I make all my poisons and do other such experiments, I also keep a wide variety of cool things in cases for study. (walks over to a glass case, opens it and puts the one ring in it, it closes and then starts to glow)
KIRBY: what does this thing do? (Pokes a small contraption on the table, gets shocked)
JESTER: don't touch that, well, don't touch it again, it copies your DNA and stores it in one of these tubes (points to a small test tube that is now being filled with a red liquid)
KIRBY: (holding his arm) why do you have some thing like that?
JESTER: (takes vial and puts it in a cabinet full of them, each has a different label) well it lets me do DNA like experiments, I can test different reactions with genetics. You know, like how to inherence or decrease power
KIRBY: like steroids?
JESTER: no Kirby, but for me to explain would b long and boring for you, what you want to do is fallow me to the weapons and costume room
KIRBY: (jumps onto Jester) lets go!
(they walk through a sliding door to the next room)
JESTER: this is were all of my weapons and other such items are kept. (Walks over to a demonic looking shrine, the four ancient's essences sit on pedicels, a glades hangs above it, and Pious's staff sits next to it, jester places thew tome in the center, all things glow for a second) take a look around
(Kirby explores the room for awhile looking at all the different weapons. Among them are Samus's suit, Soul Edge and Soul Calibur, the master sword, the crystal staff, and many other video game weapons. Kirby comes to a cabinet labeled "guns" and presses the open button. It opens to reveal a small room full of guns and ammo, Kirby walks in hypnotized)
JESTER: Kirby? Kirby were are you, we have to get to the briefing soon and I still need to show you two more rooms,
KIRBY: (eyes wide, slight drooling) so many guns, so little time
JESTER: KIRBY!!!
KIRBY: (snaps back to reality) who? What? Were? When?
JESTER: calm down, come on, lets get you suited up, then, we hit the institute for the briefing, we can use my car
(They walk out of the weapons room into the costume room, Kirby notices a whole wall is covered in different masks, mostly jester masks)
KIRBY: what's with all the masks?
JESTER: (looking masks over,) it's a part of the character, along with the outfit,
KIRBY: a trench coat and a mask?
JESTER: no, this is just my normal outfit, (points to awesome jester costume on the wall next to the Nightmare outfit) that's my assassin outfit, another part of the set, now, lets suit up
(Suit up segment, Kirby dresses in matrix style trench coat and glasses, Jester in his out fit with mask, more details on that in picture)
KIRBY: (close up) lets do this
(They drive off in a corvette stingray, black, with jester mask painted on the hood and license plate of EVIL 1)
(Car pulls up to the institute, Jester and Kirby step out)
KIRBY: wait, we forgot the weapons!
JESTER: no I didn't, I had them packed during the changing scene
KIRBY: ah, ok then, let's go
(They walk into the building, cut to briefing hall, Neil, Prof. $1.99, Phill, Prof. Oblivion, and Luke are there waiting.)
NEIL: bout time Kirby
KIRBY: sorry about us being late, but we had thing to do
LUKE: dude, why are you dressed so cool?
JESTER: were dressed to kill, and kill we shall
PROF. OBLIVOIN: well, if we can get down to the matter at hand. (Turns on slides) we have uncovered an illegal cloning ring operating at an abandoned government cloning facility
JESTER: that was my factory, I started it, clones at a cheep price. I was doing well, but then I was taken over by Microsoft, what happened then, I don't know, it just closed down.
PROF. $1.99: yes, but it seems that a group of unknown people have reopened it and are using the technology with in, it's up to you two to stop them. Now, I know that Jester has provided all the equipment you will need, but I have a gift for you Kirby. (Hands Kirby a small black box) I think you will find it to your liking.
(Kirby takes the box and opens it, in side is a little star on a chain, his warp star made into a portable necklace)
KIRBY: wow, thanks Prof., this is great, uh, what does it do?
PROF. $1.99: well, u just say the type of warp star u want when holding it, and it' turn into it, the only ones that it wont become are the two legendary ones, u must find those
KIRBY: I don't think I'll nee them, this is cool enough,
NEIL: well, I think you two should get going, that is unless you want to stay around for the rapping contest.
(Kirby and Jester look at each other and race out the door, Neil looks sad)
NEIL: no one likes rap anymore, I should write a song on that
(Luke and Phill look at each other, then jump Neil, cut to Kirby and Jester arriving at the abandoned cloning building,)
KIRBY: ok, now if the professor is right, that means that the whole thing is being run by Microsoft, but my question is how, Gates was killed, who can be behind this?
JESTER: its best we don't worry about it right now and beat those men that are now coming to get us due to the silent alarm u just set off.
(Kirby looks down at the big red button he's standing on; he looks up and does a fake smile, then they pull out guns and kill the horde of men coming at them, once done, they go to the roof and look through the convenient glass ceiling)
KIRBY: wow, that's a lot of guards, how are we going to do this?
JESTER: I say we jump down there all action movie style and just shoot the crap out of all of them, but first, (casts a protection spell from the tome on both of them) there, now lets go!
(The jump down, fight scene, lots of killing and matrix rip-offs, Jester runs out of bullets, pulls out Soul Edge and turns into Nightmare, then goes on a killing spree. Kirby pulls out the Shadow Star and flies around killing people, hits a box that reveals a dragoon part, he picks it up and just keeps on killing, when he runs out of ammo in one gun, he throws it at someone and pulls out another one.)
NIGHTMARE: (once done killing some random guy) there's, no turning back.
KIRBY: (lands and picks up the second dragoon part) well, behind those doors is the room that leads to the room that leads to the center, and to the one behind all this, I think were going to need more help if that took so much out of us. (Retracts shadow star and puts it round his neck) we need (Sean Connery voice) The Collective Of Excellent Dudes!
(Cool back round appears for introduction of the seven members of T.C.O.E.D.)
(Kirby, the hero)
(Ian, the immortal)
(Joanna, the vampire)
(Fox McCloud, the mechanic)
(Link, the wise cracking new guy)
(The ghost of Edward Roivas, the invisible man)
(Dr. Jester/Mr. Nightmare)
(Group shot with them all in it, zoom in on Kirby)
KIRBY: (Sean voice) right, the teem has been assembled, lets get to it, but first, a couple of questions. Johanna, I didn't know you were a vampire, when did this happen?
JOANNA: well, I wasn't until Jester gave me vampire blood
KIRBY: (Sean Voice still) what?
JESTER: I told you, genetic testing, I merle gave her a special serum and she's a vampire till she takes the antidote
KIRBY: (Sean still) I see, now, Ian (looks at Ian), how did u become immortal?
IAN: (points to Jester, then makes some signals)
KIRBY: I see, well, that settles that,
METAKNIGHT: good, the collective has been assembled, now you can continue on the tradition that past collectives have done,
(Everyone looks at each other then, back to Metaknight,)
KIRBY: (Sean voice) what are you talking about laddie? This is the first one made
METAKNIGHT: I know, but I wanted a part in this episode,
LINK: well, why didn't you just ask John and Richie?
METAKNIGHT: I was scared, but I'll do that now
(Metaknight leaves)
FOX: we must waste no more time, let's get on the Great Fox
(Cut to the Great Fox landing on top of the factory, then all of them jumping out into the building)
KIRBY: (pulls out guns, Sean voice) lets get to killing
(They bust down the door and begin long fight sequences were we see all of them use there individual talents, they then walk into the next room)
KIRBY: (Sean voice) we made it, now, let's see who's behind all this mess
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: well done Kirby, I'm surprised to see that you made it this far, but, your luck just ran out (turns around to reveal that it's Bill Gates)
KIRBY: (Sean voice) but your dead
EDWARD: like me
GATES: yes, I am, but I've dies many times, you can't kill evil such as me, HAHAHAHA. And besides, I just have to clone myself and download my memories into it when I die
JESTER: and I thought I was hell spawned, but you beat me on this
GATES: yes, and now, because I'm a pansy, I have a little surprise for all of you, look at your perfect matches!
(Underneath him seven holes in the floor open to reveal different enemies, one for each of the collective, dark Link, a werewolf Joanna, an evil Fox, Siegfried with Soul Calibur, Pious disguised as Edward, an evil Ian, and white Kirby)
GATES: they are you opposites, have fun,
(All of them fly into battle, we focus on one at a time)
(Edward's battle)
PIOUS: we meat at last Roivas, your grand daughter killed me, but I was able to remake myself into this copy of your soul with the help of Bill Gates
EDWARD: (lunges at him with sword) but your dead, and your meant to stay that way
(Edward and Pious fight until Edward stabs Pious, Pious vanishes,)
EDWARD: now stay that's the ticket, I'm tired, I think I'll just watch the others for a time, (pulls out flask and sits down,)
(Ian's fight, Ian and the other Ian just go at each other, then the good Ian gets shot by the bad Ian, but doesn't die)
IAN: (moving his arms to talk) (I'm immortal, you are not)
BAD IAN: (moves arms) (no fair)
(Good Ian shoots the bad one killing him, he then joins Edward)
(Joanna's fight)
JOANNA: (vampire) why do WE have to fight?
JOANNA: (werewolf) I don't know, I don't think it'll do much good
JOANNA: (vampire) speaking of good, why not join us?
JOANNA: (werewolf) ok, it's better then working for that pervert (points at Gates) but can you guys get this werewolf blood out of me? I didn't want it but he forced it in me
JOANNA: (vampire) of course we can, Jester has just the stuff
JOANNA: (werewolf) great, and who's that attractive young penguin over there?
JOANNA: that's Ian, let's go say hello
(The two Joanna walk over to Ian,)
BOTH JOANNAS: hello Ian
(Ian's eyes open wide, then he faints, both Joannas gigle)
(Fox's fight, both foxes jump into R-wings and zoom into the sky, they dog fight for a time then they face each other and turn on connection)
FOX: wait, I have a question, we are indeed evenly matched, but you're not in any of my games
EVIL FOX: what do you mean?
FOX: well, all of the others, with the exception of Ian, are fighting characters from there games, and in none of my games do I fight an evil me
EVIL FOX: but what about Joanna? She never fought an evil her
FOX: so that's why her clone wasn't evil, and besides, the multi player a that game lets as many of her play as you want, but your not real in any of my games
EVIL FOX: but I..... This can't.... Oh, damn it (vanishes in a puff of smoke)
FOX: works for me (flies down to meet up with Edward, Ian, and the two Joannas)
(Jester's fight, Siegfried and Jester star each other down, Jester pulls out Soul Edge and turns into Nightmare,)
SIGEFRIED: (gets into ready position) that sword does not belong to you, return it to me, it is not meant for the mortal world
NIGHTMARE: (gets into ready position) I won it from you far and square, and I don't want to kill a skilled fighter like you,
(The word "ready" flash and heath bars appear above the fighters, then the word "fight" flashes and the two go at each other)
NIGHTMARE: unlike you, I am not possessed by the sword, so I will use it to my advantage instead of its
SIGEFRIED: the blade is evil, it can't be trusted, you will be consumed by it as I was, I must put it back into the pit, there it can do no harm
NIGHTMARE: have I done any evil by it? Have I killed for it? No, I use it for good, why can you not let me?
SIGEFRIED: I know what that blade can do, and I don't wish t on anyone
NIGHTMARE: why not join us, as Joanna did, if I become controlled by the blade, you may kill me, other wise, you can relax and enjoy the simplicity of life at he institute, I know they could use a good sword instructor, think about it.
SIGEFRIED: (pauses and thinks) I accept I grow bored of my guard duties, so you really think I could teach swordplay?
NIGHTMARE: (turns back into Jester) I think I can work things out
(The two walk over to the rest of the group discussing different sword stories)
(Kirby's fight)
KIRBY: I think we both know that there's only one way to solve this
WHITE KIRBY: yes, a race, your warp star viruses mine
KIRBY: ummm, yea, right, what I was going to say (tucks gun back into coat) right, so, SHADOW STAR, I CALL YOU!!! (Shadow star appears)
WHITE KIRBY: (holds up arm and make a snapping sound) Hydra, come forth (hydra formation happens) now, lets race
(Both Kirbys warp to some random course not in air ride and the stoplight appears, when it hits green, Kirby bolts out as White Kirby charges up)
KIRBY: hahaha, I'm going to because you're to slow
(White Kirby finishes charges and blazes past Kirby,)
KIRBY: (eyes widen) wow, that's fast, its going to take a faster star to win, and the only one is the dragoon, but I only have two pieces (third piece falls next to him) convenient
(Kirby grabs last piece, dragoon transformation happens, Kirby blazes forward)
JESTER: (connects to Kirby's com-link in his sunglasses) Kirby, are you ok?
KIRBY: Going...to...fast.... Can't...control...speed.... Too sexy for shirt....
(Kirby blazes bast White Kirby, causing him to crash into the wall and blow up, ending white Kirby's life. Kirby tries to slow down but cant, ends up hitting the emergency stop button [never use is under it]. The ship turns back to the necklace form and Kirby falls to meet the rest of them, he's caught by the to Joannas)
KIRBY: (looks up) am I in heaven?
JOANNA 2: oh Kirby, you're so cute
(Kirby smiles and adjusts him self in her arms)
(Link's fight, the two star each other down western style)
LINK: you ready for this?
DARK LINK: never been ready
LINK: one
DARK LINK: two
LINK: three
DARK LINK: draw!!!
(Both Links pull out there fists at once)
BOTH LINKS: ROCK...o darn it
(They continue on in this fashion, always getting the same thing the other did. Pan over to Kirby and the rest)
KIRBY: ok, this is getting boring, Jester, just kill the evil one and let's get on with it
JESTER: with pleasure (pulls out magnum and shoots Dark Link) done
LINK: hey, I was going to win, I could feel it, u didn't need to do that
FOX: shut up link
KIRBY: right, we have to get to work (looks up at Joanna 2,) darn it, that means I have to move, oh well, (jumps out of her arms) ok Gates, its time to end this... (Looks at were Gates was, he's not there) were did he go?
(Ian points at a little piece of paper on Gates' chair, Kirby picks it up and reads it)
KIRBY: you can not catch me, you will never find out that I went to the Skedar planet, witch I bought out two years ago... man, can he be any dumber? He told us were he went, wait sense when did Microsoft own the Skedar home planet?
JOANNA 1: they bought it after my first mission there, he became the new Skedar king, he even had a Skedar body man for him, it's sickening.
KIRBY: wow, that's just evil, ok, Fox, get the Great Fox ready
FOX: it's been ready, for a while now, were waiting for you
KIRBY: oh, well, lets go then
NEIL: good idea
KIRBY: whoa, were did you come from?
NEIL: I was in the Great Fox, hey, what happened to your accent?
KIRBY: I got tired of it, now let's go
(Cut to the inside of the Great Fox, Joanna 2 sits at a Matrix style computer while Neil stands at a table in front of the CXL members)
NEIL: ok, we have your objectives have been made for this mission, you will have to complete three of them Identify Temple Targets Activate bridge Assassinate Skedar Leader (a.k.a. Bill Gates) Think you can do it?
KIRBY: oh yea, this is going to be a piece of cake
JESTER: but Kirby, it's only going to be you and me, the rest are staying on the ship
KIRBY: but we still can kick their asses, I know it,
JESTER: then get your weapons were going out (pulls out black staff) I'm ready
(Kirby loads a ton of guns into his coat, then follows Jester outside onto the Skedar planet)
KIRBY: lets find those pillars
(Jester and Kirby walk around the Skedar planet as outlined in Perfect Dark, placing the charges on the targets, when they come across a Skedar, they kill it, Jester goes bad ass on them with his staff and Kirby just shoots them, then picks up the reaper. Before the last pillar is blown up, Kirby pulls out a reaper and tries to fire it. He fails)
KIRBY: well, this isn't going to work, I need the strength to wield this weapon (a Skedar Walks up behind them) that'll work (Kirby sucks up the Skedar and becomes green under the trench coat) much better (picks up reaper and fires with ease)
JESTER: last one (puts charge on the pillar) now, stand back
(One by one the pillars explode as Jester and Kirby walk to the next section, when they get to the part where in the game you destroy the wall they stop)
KIRBY: dead end
JESTER: no, if I know the Skedar, they put some sort of secret entrance around here (pushes small button on the side of his mask, red lenses cover the eye holes, looks around) there (points to wall) its week
KIRBY: lets shoot it! (Pulls out guns and just unloads on the wall, leaves a small dent) well, that didn't work
JESTER: trigger happy, aren't me?
KIRBY: sorry
JESTER: its ok, stand back (trusts out hand and throws three small darts that explode on impact with the wall, wall opens up) lets go
(Kirby and Jester walk through the opening and down the hall, when the true Skedar attacks them, Kirby just shoots it as it jumps at him, they continue on until they come to cassm)
KIRBY: I guess we need to extend the bridge
JESTER: good, now, what else have we learned?
KIRBY: shut up
(they walk back to the dilapidated door, Kirby tries to open it, camera goes to behind the door, we hear Kirby and Jester playing with the door trying to make it open)
JESTER: maybe this will (loud bang) nope
KIRBY: wait, I got it (chicken sound) no that didn't do it
JESTER: I got it (electricity sound) darn
KIRBY: cursed door, feel my wrath (sound of four remote mines being placed)
JESTER: Kirby I don't think...
KIRBY: HIT THE DIRT!
(There's an explosion and the door and the Skedar behind it are blown to oblivion)
KIRBY: see, it worked
JESTER: sadly, now, help me push thins obelisk to the activation pad
(Jester and Kirby activate the bridge and go across it they go on until they reach the two Skedar with the Rocket launchers. Jester jumps down and deflect the two oncoming rockets with his staff and sends them back at the Skedar, killing them. Kirby jumps down and picks up the fallen rocket launchers)
KIRBY: lets move on, I have a strange feeling that we're in for a fight
JESTER: stop reading the player's guide that's unfair for them
KIRBY: sorry (puts perfect dark guide in his coat
(They continue to the Skedar secret army hibernation room, all the doors open and all the Skedar [each having a x-box x on their forehead]. Kirby looks at them then at Jester)
KIRBY: ok, I can take on a few normal Skedar, but these are X-box Skedar, I don't know if I can take them
JESTER: I don't think you'll have to
KIRBY: (looks up at Jester, Jesters mask is turning evil, basically Soul Edge is fusing with the mask) um, are you ok?
JESTER: (deep demonic voice) I'm unleashing the true power of Soul Edge, I have over powered it and now have taken control. And there's one more thing (a scythe blade forms at the end of his staff,) this is really the Grim Reaper's scythe, and now I'm going to use my new power to take these weaklings out. Killing music please
(Kirby pulls out boom box and puts on some heavy metal song. Jester warps around the room all cool and slays all the X-box Skedar one by one, Kirby walks around picking up the guns. Once done Jester warps next to Kirby)
JESTER: take my hand, I'll warp us into the main shrine
(Kirby takes Jester's hand, they vanish and reappear in front of Bill Gates, Kirby lets go of Jester's hand)
GATES: so, you made it this far, well it ends now, I will kill you two myself. (Holds hands up to the big obelisk above [the glass thing from the game but now has the Microsoft symbol on it] it sends down a lightning blot that shocks him. His body changes in to that of the Skedar King, only a bit bigger and the Windows logo is on his forehead) now feel the true power of my empire!
(Gates fires a mass of rockets at the two, they scatter, but Jester gets ht with one, he gets up, weakened, and runs at Gates in blind furry, he hits him in the head but Gates grabs him and throws him at a wall knocking him out. The Soul Edge mask falls off his face leaving the normal one there.)
KIRBY: Jester...NO!!, how can I win now?
METAKNIGHTS VOICE: Kirby, the Soul Edge mask, suck it up
KIRBY: how did you get into my head? Are you using the force?
METAKNIGHTS VOICE: no, this is your com-link, you forgot to turn on the visual mode
KIRBY: the mask eh? Well then, if you think it'll work (sucks up mask, starts glowing red) what's happening...to me? (Begins to change)
(Cut to on board the Great Fox, Joanna 2 sits at the computer panels with Metaknight siting next to her, Mario walks up with a bowl of pasta)
MARIO: heya, what's a going ona
JOANNA 2: Kirby just ate Soul Edge, so now I believe he's going to become Nightmare Kirby
METAKNIGHT: no, to become Nightmare, one must wield Soul Edge, but Kirby has eaten the Demonic blade, it will transform him into an entity far more evil then anything Gates can create, he will become Demon Kirby!
(Mario's eyes go wide as he hears this and drops him pasta, cut to the changing Kirby. The glowing body is engulfed by shadows and then its shape changes, when the shadows recede, Demon Kirby stands there [he looks like a red Kirby that has just consumed Bowser in melee, only add two bat wings coming out of his back, his voice is evil])
DEMON KIRBY: (deep voice) now Gates, it's time to show you real evil let's go
GATES: (knees trembling) right, ok, I'm game
DEMON KIRBY: (charges) I will show you, the greatest nightmare!
(Kirby full on hits Gates in his Skedar gut and knocks him back to the stand. He follows close behind and starts pummeling him when he lands)
DEMON KIRBY: Why won't you die? (speeds up hurting on Gates) this is still taking to long, (jumps back, starts to glow black) blood, darkness, come un to me! (Changes into Demon hunter transformation [war craft 3] then lunges at gates, but stops as obelisk falls on Gates killing him, spits out Soul Edge and turns back to normal) hey, I wanted to kill him
(Camera pans up to were obelisk was, Jester is floating there with scythe in hand)
JESTER: you weakened him, I just finished him, we'll say we both did, and can I have Soul Edge back?
KIRBY: one sec (pulls out guns) YEA I'M THE GREATEST, YEA!! (puts them away after sound of dyeing Skedar) ok, here's Soul Edge (hands it to Jester) now let's get back to earth
(Screen fades to black as Jester and Kirby walk out the door, reopen in Kirbys room. Kirby lies asleep as Joanna 2 walks in and shakes Kirby awake)
JOANNA 2: Kirby, wake up, its time for it to start
KIRBY: just ten more minuets, then I'll get up
JOANNA 2: Kirby, come on, it's a party, plenty of food and girls
KIRBY: (bolts into Joanna's arms) let's go
(Cut to institute main room, lots of people are dancing and partying [Ian is dancing with Joanna 1 while Kirby dances with Joanna 2, Luke brake dances in the center]. Party games are also being played, like shoot the X- Box, bobbing for apples [Neil does this and Phill dunks him in it]. After a few second of partying, Prof. $1.99 walks to the front of the room and pulls a screen down, lights dim)
PROF. $1.99: ok people, settle down, it's time for the main event (pulls out remote and points it at the screen, pushes a button and the screen turns on showing the Skedar planet [with a huge windows logo on it]). Now the time has come to end it, Kirby, would you like to do the honors?
KIRBY: WOULD I? (Runs over to Prof. $1.99, Prof. $1.99 hands him a controller with one red button on it.) Here goes! (Pushes button, the Skedar planet blows up)
EVERY ONE IN THE ROOM: YAY!!!
(As the cheering goes on, we zoom out to the castle and just go to credits)
JOHN: and so ends another great adventure of Perfect Kirby
RICHIE: who said you could narrate?
JOHN: but Richie, I just
RICHIE: no, no excuses (gun shots, the credits are done by blood dripping down the screen)
-End
Out takes
Given to John and Richie to make up (
(Opens in diner, Kirby, Prof. $1.99, Neil, and Link, all sit at a table eating burgers)
KIRBY: (swallows five burgers and a plate of fries at the same time) so Neil, anything new happening that I need to take care of? I'm bored.
NEIL: (puts burger down) uh, Kirby, your last assignment was this morning, don't tell me your bored already.
KIRBY: (smiles) yep, I need excitement in my life, (smile fades) plus I need the money
LINK: (stops in the middle of his bite) you need money, this is a first, why do you need money? Food? You know the institute's cafeteria is always open, you went through the fridge yesterday, I saw you, (eyes narrow) you drank my milk.
PROF $1.99: yes Kirby, why do you need money?
KIRBY: (looks into the air) well, it goes back to when I first came to earth (screen fades into flash back sequence)
NEIL: (during fade) oh yes, I love flash backs
KIRBY: shut up Neil
(Focus in on outer space, Kirby on his warp star fly onto the screen, warp star is smoking)
FLASH BACK KIRBY: damn faulty pop star parts, I'm going to crash into that ugly blue green planet.
(go to Nintendo of America building, Kirby crashes into it)
NINTENDO PRESIDENT: ok people, we need a new idea for a game. Something for the kids, yet having enough spunk for the older kids as well, any ideas?
(Kirby crash lands in the center of the table, gets up and dusts himself off)
FLASH BACK KIRBY: were am I?
NINTENDO PRESEDENT: I'm so brilliant, (looks at Kirby) lets sign him up
(Screen returns to present, every one is looking at Kirby in puzzlement)
KIRBY: and that's how I became one of Nintendo's top characters
NEIL: that doesn't explain why you need money Kirby, next time think your flash backs out
KIRBY: oh right, well, my warp star got totaled that day, and ever sense, I've been trying to save enough money to get it fixed, and maybe get it upgraded even. BUT DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET OUT OF PLANET PARTS????
LINK: yes, I do in fact
KIRBY: not you Link, I was asking Neil
NEIL: well, if you need the money so bad, I think I might have a job for you. I was going to give it to you tomorrow anyway
KIRBY: (excited) oh boy, tell me tell me tell me
NEIL: I would, but first we have to get back to the institute, your new partner has arrived
KIRBY: (sigh) Neil, has it ever occurred to you that I really don't need a partner, every time I get a new one, he either dies or takes all the fame, glory, and the girls
NEIL: ok Kirby, how's this, if this partner doesn't work out, then we won't set you up with one with out your permission
KIRBY: deal
(Screen cuts to the institute's main room, Phill, Neil, and Kirby are siting around the table playing cards)
KIRBY: HA, full house
PHILL: yea, well, I got a strait flush
KIRBY: darn it, ok Neil, what did you get?
NEIL: uh, I got two pair
KIRBY AND PHILL: loser
KIRBY: (looks at Neil) ok, when's this guy supposed to get here anyway? And who the hell is he?
NEIL: calm down Kirby, he'll be here soon, he said he might be a little late on account of the fact he had to talk to Prof. $1.99
KIRBY: ok, but who is he?
NEIL: his name is Nightmare, his skills are awesome, I don't think even Ian could best him
KIRBY: Nightmare? But I thought Siegfried was guarding Soul Edge for eternity at that one really freaking big pit.
DEEP VOICE: he was, until I can and relieved him of his duties
(Kirby, Neil, and Phill turn to the source of the voice. Nightmare of Soul Calibur II stands at the doorway, Soul Edge on his back and a raven on his shoulder)
KIRBY: whoa! (turns to Neil) ok, how did you get Nightmare to work for us?
NIGHTMARE: well, actually, my names not Nightmare, that's the name you get when you take up Soul Edge here (brandishes blade, then returns it to the holster on his back). The armor and mutated hand are just for show on my part, my real name is (takes off Nightmare's helmet, voice changes) is Jester
KIRBY: the Jester? The most powerful assassin in all the U.S....and most of Canada?
JESTER: yep, that's me
KIRBY: (turns to Neil again) ok, how the hell did you get Jester to work for us?
NEIL: actually, he came to me
KIRBY: WAHHHHH???
JESTER: that's right, I signed up to this team
KIRBY: but why?
JESTER: well, to repent for my wrong doings
KIRBY: ok, what's the real reason?
JESTER: like I said, to make up for all I've killed, and because I wanted a couple of things that the Professor had, heh heh heh (looks down at finger to look at the one ring)
KIRBY: well, if you're half the assassin I've heard about, then you must have a cool lair. You know, like bat man, with all sorts of cool nick-nacs, like a giant penny.
JESTER: well, I do have a cool lair, but I don't have a giant penny...yet
KIRBY: well, can we go there, can we, can we? Please?
JETSER: yes, we can go, we can go. Besides, I have to change out of this outfit and into my normal clothes, to my lair
(bat man style cut to Jester's lair, jesters face is used)
(lights flicker to life as Kirby and Jester step into a dark cave like room, the walls are lined with computer hardware)
JESTER: this, Kirby, is the main room, were all the computer type equipment is held.
(Kirby stars mesmerized at a huge monitor)
KIRBY: this must be awesome to play game cube on, we must play air ride some time.
JESTER: later, here (hands Kirby a wave bird) play some games while I get changed
(a few minuets later, Kirby is still playing games as Jester walks back into the room wearing black shirt, pants, boots, and a trench coat, the one ring around his neck and the tome of eternal darkness under his arm)
JESTER: come on Kirby, let me show you round the rest of the place
KIRBY: ("glued" to the game) but I'm doing good, I'm going about 60 mph here
JESTER: come on Kirby, we don't have much time, I may be trying to be a good guy, but I still have a schedule to keep
KIRBY: (looks sad as he sets the controller down) ok, fine, hey wait, what happened to the big mutated arm?
JESTER: I told you, it's just for show, it'll come back once I put on my nightmare armor and take up Soul Edge
KIRBY: I see, well, lets go
(Jester leads Kirby to a room that has white on all the walls except for three doors, the one they came in from, and two on two different walls, one is labeled control)
JESTER: this is my training room,
KIRBY: looks more like an asylum room
JESTER: well, there are high tech projectors that create different training scenarios, and you can set it in the control room over there, here (hands Kirby a gun) ill show you, I'm going to give you a simple accuracy test. (Walks into the control room, part of the wall opens to show him siting down and pushing buttons) ok, give me a sec.
(John walks in to the room from the opposite door that they came through)
JOHN: hi there Kirby
KIRBY: (fires wildly at John) die you little training program
(John lies in his own blood as Kirby runs out of ammo)
JESTER: good shot Kirby, but there's one small problem, that wasn't the training program, it's still loading
KIRBY: Oh, (looks at John's dead body) he was real
(Richie walks in snacking on a bag of chips)
RICHIE: YES!!, Right on Kirby (drags John off screen)
JESTER: (walks up to Kirby) well, lets continue
KIRBY: but what of the blood?
JESTER: oh don't worry about that, my robotic maids will take care of it
(They walk through the door John came in from to a room covered in scientific equipment)
JESTER: this is the lab, here I make all my poisons and do other such experiments, I also keep a wide variety of cool things in cases for study. (walks over to a glass case, opens it and puts the one ring in it, it closes and then starts to glow)
KIRBY: what does this thing do? (Pokes a small contraption on the table, gets shocked)
JESTER: don't touch that, well, don't touch it again, it copies your DNA and stores it in one of these tubes (points to a small test tube that is now being filled with a red liquid)
KIRBY: (holding his arm) why do you have some thing like that?
JESTER: (takes vial and puts it in a cabinet full of them, each has a different label) well it lets me do DNA like experiments, I can test different reactions with genetics. You know, like how to inherence or decrease power
KIRBY: like steroids?
JESTER: no Kirby, but for me to explain would b long and boring for you, what you want to do is fallow me to the weapons and costume room
KIRBY: (jumps onto Jester) lets go!
(they walk through a sliding door to the next room)
JESTER: this is were all of my weapons and other such items are kept. (Walks over to a demonic looking shrine, the four ancient's essences sit on pedicels, a glades hangs above it, and Pious's staff sits next to it, jester places thew tome in the center, all things glow for a second) take a look around
(Kirby explores the room for awhile looking at all the different weapons. Among them are Samus's suit, Soul Edge and Soul Calibur, the master sword, the crystal staff, and many other video game weapons. Kirby comes to a cabinet labeled "guns" and presses the open button. It opens to reveal a small room full of guns and ammo, Kirby walks in hypnotized)
JESTER: Kirby? Kirby were are you, we have to get to the briefing soon and I still need to show you two more rooms,
KIRBY: (eyes wide, slight drooling) so many guns, so little time
JESTER: KIRBY!!!
KIRBY: (snaps back to reality) who? What? Were? When?
JESTER: calm down, come on, lets get you suited up, then, we hit the institute for the briefing, we can use my car
(They walk out of the weapons room into the costume room, Kirby notices a whole wall is covered in different masks, mostly jester masks)
KIRBY: what's with all the masks?
JESTER: (looking masks over,) it's a part of the character, along with the outfit,
KIRBY: a trench coat and a mask?
JESTER: no, this is just my normal outfit, (points to awesome jester costume on the wall next to the Nightmare outfit) that's my assassin outfit, another part of the set, now, lets suit up
(Suit up segment, Kirby dresses in matrix style trench coat and glasses, Jester in his out fit with mask, more details on that in picture)
KIRBY: (close up) lets do this
(They drive off in a corvette stingray, black, with jester mask painted on the hood and license plate of EVIL 1)
(Car pulls up to the institute, Jester and Kirby step out)
KIRBY: wait, we forgot the weapons!
JESTER: no I didn't, I had them packed during the changing scene
KIRBY: ah, ok then, let's go
(They walk into the building, cut to briefing hall, Neil, Prof. $1.99, Phill, Prof. Oblivion, and Luke are there waiting.)
NEIL: bout time Kirby
KIRBY: sorry about us being late, but we had thing to do
LUKE: dude, why are you dressed so cool?
JESTER: were dressed to kill, and kill we shall
PROF. OBLIVOIN: well, if we can get down to the matter at hand. (Turns on slides) we have uncovered an illegal cloning ring operating at an abandoned government cloning facility
JESTER: that was my factory, I started it, clones at a cheep price. I was doing well, but then I was taken over by Microsoft, what happened then, I don't know, it just closed down.
PROF. $1.99: yes, but it seems that a group of unknown people have reopened it and are using the technology with in, it's up to you two to stop them. Now, I know that Jester has provided all the equipment you will need, but I have a gift for you Kirby. (Hands Kirby a small black box) I think you will find it to your liking.
(Kirby takes the box and opens it, in side is a little star on a chain, his warp star made into a portable necklace)
KIRBY: wow, thanks Prof., this is great, uh, what does it do?
PROF. $1.99: well, u just say the type of warp star u want when holding it, and it' turn into it, the only ones that it wont become are the two legendary ones, u must find those
KIRBY: I don't think I'll nee them, this is cool enough,
NEIL: well, I think you two should get going, that is unless you want to stay around for the rapping contest.
(Kirby and Jester look at each other and race out the door, Neil looks sad)
NEIL: no one likes rap anymore, I should write a song on that
(Luke and Phill look at each other, then jump Neil, cut to Kirby and Jester arriving at the abandoned cloning building,)
KIRBY: ok, now if the professor is right, that means that the whole thing is being run by Microsoft, but my question is how, Gates was killed, who can be behind this?
JESTER: its best we don't worry about it right now and beat those men that are now coming to get us due to the silent alarm u just set off.
(Kirby looks down at the big red button he's standing on; he looks up and does a fake smile, then they pull out guns and kill the horde of men coming at them, once done, they go to the roof and look through the convenient glass ceiling)
KIRBY: wow, that's a lot of guards, how are we going to do this?
JESTER: I say we jump down there all action movie style and just shoot the crap out of all of them, but first, (casts a protection spell from the tome on both of them) there, now lets go!
(The jump down, fight scene, lots of killing and matrix rip-offs, Jester runs out of bullets, pulls out Soul Edge and turns into Nightmare, then goes on a killing spree. Kirby pulls out the Shadow Star and flies around killing people, hits a box that reveals a dragoon part, he picks it up and just keeps on killing, when he runs out of ammo in one gun, he throws it at someone and pulls out another one.)
NIGHTMARE: (once done killing some random guy) there's, no turning back.
KIRBY: (lands and picks up the second dragoon part) well, behind those doors is the room that leads to the room that leads to the center, and to the one behind all this, I think were going to need more help if that took so much out of us. (Retracts shadow star and puts it round his neck) we need (Sean Connery voice) The Collective Of Excellent Dudes!
(Cool back round appears for introduction of the seven members of T.C.O.E.D.)
(Kirby, the hero)
(Ian, the immortal)
(Joanna, the vampire)
(Fox McCloud, the mechanic)
(Link, the wise cracking new guy)
(The ghost of Edward Roivas, the invisible man)
(Dr. Jester/Mr. Nightmare)
(Group shot with them all in it, zoom in on Kirby)
KIRBY: (Sean voice) right, the teem has been assembled, lets get to it, but first, a couple of questions. Johanna, I didn't know you were a vampire, when did this happen?
JOANNA: well, I wasn't until Jester gave me vampire blood
KIRBY: (Sean Voice still) what?
JESTER: I told you, genetic testing, I merle gave her a special serum and she's a vampire till she takes the antidote
KIRBY: (Sean still) I see, now, Ian (looks at Ian), how did u become immortal?
IAN: (points to Jester, then makes some signals)
KIRBY: I see, well, that settles that,
METAKNIGHT: good, the collective has been assembled, now you can continue on the tradition that past collectives have done,
(Everyone looks at each other then, back to Metaknight,)
KIRBY: (Sean voice) what are you talking about laddie? This is the first one made
METAKNIGHT: I know, but I wanted a part in this episode,
LINK: well, why didn't you just ask John and Richie?
METAKNIGHT: I was scared, but I'll do that now
(Metaknight leaves)
FOX: we must waste no more time, let's get on the Great Fox
(Cut to the Great Fox landing on top of the factory, then all of them jumping out into the building)
KIRBY: (pulls out guns, Sean voice) lets get to killing
(They bust down the door and begin long fight sequences were we see all of them use there individual talents, they then walk into the next room)
KIRBY: (Sean voice) we made it, now, let's see who's behind all this mess
MYSTERIOUS VOICE: well done Kirby, I'm surprised to see that you made it this far, but, your luck just ran out (turns around to reveal that it's Bill Gates)
KIRBY: (Sean voice) but your dead
EDWARD: like me
GATES: yes, I am, but I've dies many times, you can't kill evil such as me, HAHAHAHA. And besides, I just have to clone myself and download my memories into it when I die
JESTER: and I thought I was hell spawned, but you beat me on this
GATES: yes, and now, because I'm a pansy, I have a little surprise for all of you, look at your perfect matches!
(Underneath him seven holes in the floor open to reveal different enemies, one for each of the collective, dark Link, a werewolf Joanna, an evil Fox, Siegfried with Soul Calibur, Pious disguised as Edward, an evil Ian, and white Kirby)
GATES: they are you opposites, have fun,
(All of them fly into battle, we focus on one at a time)
(Edward's battle)
PIOUS: we meat at last Roivas, your grand daughter killed me, but I was able to remake myself into this copy of your soul with the help of Bill Gates
EDWARD: (lunges at him with sword) but your dead, and your meant to stay that way
(Edward and Pious fight until Edward stabs Pious, Pious vanishes,)
EDWARD: now stay that's the ticket, I'm tired, I think I'll just watch the others for a time, (pulls out flask and sits down,)
(Ian's fight, Ian and the other Ian just go at each other, then the good Ian gets shot by the bad Ian, but doesn't die)
IAN: (moving his arms to talk) (I'm immortal, you are not)
BAD IAN: (moves arms) (no fair)
(Good Ian shoots the bad one killing him, he then joins Edward)
(Joanna's fight)
JOANNA: (vampire) why do WE have to fight?
JOANNA: (werewolf) I don't know, I don't think it'll do much good
JOANNA: (vampire) speaking of good, why not join us?
JOANNA: (werewolf) ok, it's better then working for that pervert (points at Gates) but can you guys get this werewolf blood out of me? I didn't want it but he forced it in me
JOANNA: (vampire) of course we can, Jester has just the stuff
JOANNA: (werewolf) great, and who's that attractive young penguin over there?
JOANNA: that's Ian, let's go say hello
(The two Joanna walk over to Ian,)
BOTH JOANNAS: hello Ian
(Ian's eyes open wide, then he faints, both Joannas gigle)
(Fox's fight, both foxes jump into R-wings and zoom into the sky, they dog fight for a time then they face each other and turn on connection)
FOX: wait, I have a question, we are indeed evenly matched, but you're not in any of my games
EVIL FOX: what do you mean?
FOX: well, all of the others, with the exception of Ian, are fighting characters from there games, and in none of my games do I fight an evil me
EVIL FOX: but what about Joanna? She never fought an evil her
FOX: so that's why her clone wasn't evil, and besides, the multi player a that game lets as many of her play as you want, but your not real in any of my games
EVIL FOX: but I..... This can't.... Oh, damn it (vanishes in a puff of smoke)
FOX: works for me (flies down to meet up with Edward, Ian, and the two Joannas)
(Jester's fight, Siegfried and Jester star each other down, Jester pulls out Soul Edge and turns into Nightmare,)
SIGEFRIED: (gets into ready position) that sword does not belong to you, return it to me, it is not meant for the mortal world
NIGHTMARE: (gets into ready position) I won it from you far and square, and I don't want to kill a skilled fighter like you,
(The word "ready" flash and heath bars appear above the fighters, then the word "fight" flashes and the two go at each other)
NIGHTMARE: unlike you, I am not possessed by the sword, so I will use it to my advantage instead of its
SIGEFRIED: the blade is evil, it can't be trusted, you will be consumed by it as I was, I must put it back into the pit, there it can do no harm
NIGHTMARE: have I done any evil by it? Have I killed for it? No, I use it for good, why can you not let me?
SIGEFRIED: I know what that blade can do, and I don't wish t on anyone
NIGHTMARE: why not join us, as Joanna did, if I become controlled by the blade, you may kill me, other wise, you can relax and enjoy the simplicity of life at he institute, I know they could use a good sword instructor, think about it.
SIGEFRIED: (pauses and thinks) I accept I grow bored of my guard duties, so you really think I could teach swordplay?
NIGHTMARE: (turns back into Jester) I think I can work things out
(The two walk over to the rest of the group discussing different sword stories)
(Kirby's fight)
KIRBY: I think we both know that there's only one way to solve this
WHITE KIRBY: yes, a race, your warp star viruses mine
KIRBY: ummm, yea, right, what I was going to say (tucks gun back into coat) right, so, SHADOW STAR, I CALL YOU!!! (Shadow star appears)
WHITE KIRBY: (holds up arm and make a snapping sound) Hydra, come forth (hydra formation happens) now, lets race
(Both Kirbys warp to some random course not in air ride and the stoplight appears, when it hits green, Kirby bolts out as White Kirby charges up)
KIRBY: hahaha, I'm going to because you're to slow
(White Kirby finishes charges and blazes past Kirby,)
KIRBY: (eyes widen) wow, that's fast, its going to take a faster star to win, and the only one is the dragoon, but I only have two pieces (third piece falls next to him) convenient
(Kirby grabs last piece, dragoon transformation happens, Kirby blazes forward)
JESTER: (connects to Kirby's com-link in his sunglasses) Kirby, are you ok?
KIRBY: Going...to...fast.... Can't...control...speed.... Too sexy for shirt....
(Kirby blazes bast White Kirby, causing him to crash into the wall and blow up, ending white Kirby's life. Kirby tries to slow down but cant, ends up hitting the emergency stop button [never use is under it]. The ship turns back to the necklace form and Kirby falls to meet the rest of them, he's caught by the to Joannas)
KIRBY: (looks up) am I in heaven?
JOANNA 2: oh Kirby, you're so cute
(Kirby smiles and adjusts him self in her arms)
(Link's fight, the two star each other down western style)
LINK: you ready for this?
DARK LINK: never been ready
LINK: one
DARK LINK: two
LINK: three
DARK LINK: draw!!!
(Both Links pull out there fists at once)
BOTH LINKS: ROCK...o darn it
(They continue on in this fashion, always getting the same thing the other did. Pan over to Kirby and the rest)
KIRBY: ok, this is getting boring, Jester, just kill the evil one and let's get on with it
JESTER: with pleasure (pulls out magnum and shoots Dark Link) done
LINK: hey, I was going to win, I could feel it, u didn't need to do that
FOX: shut up link
KIRBY: right, we have to get to work (looks up at Joanna 2,) darn it, that means I have to move, oh well, (jumps out of her arms) ok Gates, its time to end this... (Looks at were Gates was, he's not there) were did he go?
(Ian points at a little piece of paper on Gates' chair, Kirby picks it up and reads it)
KIRBY: you can not catch me, you will never find out that I went to the Skedar planet, witch I bought out two years ago... man, can he be any dumber? He told us were he went, wait sense when did Microsoft own the Skedar home planet?
JOANNA 1: they bought it after my first mission there, he became the new Skedar king, he even had a Skedar body man for him, it's sickening.
KIRBY: wow, that's just evil, ok, Fox, get the Great Fox ready
FOX: it's been ready, for a while now, were waiting for you
KIRBY: oh, well, lets go then
NEIL: good idea
KIRBY: whoa, were did you come from?
NEIL: I was in the Great Fox, hey, what happened to your accent?
KIRBY: I got tired of it, now let's go
(Cut to the inside of the Great Fox, Joanna 2 sits at a Matrix style computer while Neil stands at a table in front of the CXL members)
NEIL: ok, we have your objectives have been made for this mission, you will have to complete three of them Identify Temple Targets Activate bridge Assassinate Skedar Leader (a.k.a. Bill Gates) Think you can do it?
KIRBY: oh yea, this is going to be a piece of cake
JESTER: but Kirby, it's only going to be you and me, the rest are staying on the ship
KIRBY: but we still can kick their asses, I know it,
JESTER: then get your weapons were going out (pulls out black staff) I'm ready
(Kirby loads a ton of guns into his coat, then follows Jester outside onto the Skedar planet)
KIRBY: lets find those pillars
(Jester and Kirby walk around the Skedar planet as outlined in Perfect Dark, placing the charges on the targets, when they come across a Skedar, they kill it, Jester goes bad ass on them with his staff and Kirby just shoots them, then picks up the reaper. Before the last pillar is blown up, Kirby pulls out a reaper and tries to fire it. He fails)
KIRBY: well, this isn't going to work, I need the strength to wield this weapon (a Skedar Walks up behind them) that'll work (Kirby sucks up the Skedar and becomes green under the trench coat) much better (picks up reaper and fires with ease)
JESTER: last one (puts charge on the pillar) now, stand back
(One by one the pillars explode as Jester and Kirby walk to the next section, when they get to the part where in the game you destroy the wall they stop)
KIRBY: dead end
JESTER: no, if I know the Skedar, they put some sort of secret entrance around here (pushes small button on the side of his mask, red lenses cover the eye holes, looks around) there (points to wall) its week
KIRBY: lets shoot it! (Pulls out guns and just unloads on the wall, leaves a small dent) well, that didn't work
JESTER: trigger happy, aren't me?
KIRBY: sorry
JESTER: its ok, stand back (trusts out hand and throws three small darts that explode on impact with the wall, wall opens up) lets go
(Kirby and Jester walk through the opening and down the hall, when the true Skedar attacks them, Kirby just shoots it as it jumps at him, they continue on until they come to cassm)
KIRBY: I guess we need to extend the bridge
JESTER: good, now, what else have we learned?
KIRBY: shut up
(they walk back to the dilapidated door, Kirby tries to open it, camera goes to behind the door, we hear Kirby and Jester playing with the door trying to make it open)
JESTER: maybe this will (loud bang) nope
KIRBY: wait, I got it (chicken sound) no that didn't do it
JESTER: I got it (electricity sound) darn
KIRBY: cursed door, feel my wrath (sound of four remote mines being placed)
JESTER: Kirby I don't think...
KIRBY: HIT THE DIRT!
(There's an explosion and the door and the Skedar behind it are blown to oblivion)
KIRBY: see, it worked
JESTER: sadly, now, help me push thins obelisk to the activation pad
(Jester and Kirby activate the bridge and go across it they go on until they reach the two Skedar with the Rocket launchers. Jester jumps down and deflect the two oncoming rockets with his staff and sends them back at the Skedar, killing them. Kirby jumps down and picks up the fallen rocket launchers)
KIRBY: lets move on, I have a strange feeling that we're in for a fight
JESTER: stop reading the player's guide that's unfair for them
KIRBY: sorry (puts perfect dark guide in his coat
(They continue to the Skedar secret army hibernation room, all the doors open and all the Skedar [each having a x-box x on their forehead]. Kirby looks at them then at Jester)
KIRBY: ok, I can take on a few normal Skedar, but these are X-box Skedar, I don't know if I can take them
JESTER: I don't think you'll have to
KIRBY: (looks up at Jester, Jesters mask is turning evil, basically Soul Edge is fusing with the mask) um, are you ok?
JESTER: (deep demonic voice) I'm unleashing the true power of Soul Edge, I have over powered it and now have taken control. And there's one more thing (a scythe blade forms at the end of his staff,) this is really the Grim Reaper's scythe, and now I'm going to use my new power to take these weaklings out. Killing music please
(Kirby pulls out boom box and puts on some heavy metal song. Jester warps around the room all cool and slays all the X-box Skedar one by one, Kirby walks around picking up the guns. Once done Jester warps next to Kirby)
JESTER: take my hand, I'll warp us into the main shrine
(Kirby takes Jester's hand, they vanish and reappear in front of Bill Gates, Kirby lets go of Jester's hand)
GATES: so, you made it this far, well it ends now, I will kill you two myself. (Holds hands up to the big obelisk above [the glass thing from the game but now has the Microsoft symbol on it] it sends down a lightning blot that shocks him. His body changes in to that of the Skedar King, only a bit bigger and the Windows logo is on his forehead) now feel the true power of my empire!
(Gates fires a mass of rockets at the two, they scatter, but Jester gets ht with one, he gets up, weakened, and runs at Gates in blind furry, he hits him in the head but Gates grabs him and throws him at a wall knocking him out. The Soul Edge mask falls off his face leaving the normal one there.)
KIRBY: Jester...NO!!, how can I win now?
METAKNIGHTS VOICE: Kirby, the Soul Edge mask, suck it up
KIRBY: how did you get into my head? Are you using the force?
METAKNIGHTS VOICE: no, this is your com-link, you forgot to turn on the visual mode
KIRBY: the mask eh? Well then, if you think it'll work (sucks up mask, starts glowing red) what's happening...to me? (Begins to change)
(Cut to on board the Great Fox, Joanna 2 sits at the computer panels with Metaknight siting next to her, Mario walks up with a bowl of pasta)
MARIO: heya, what's a going ona
JOANNA 2: Kirby just ate Soul Edge, so now I believe he's going to become Nightmare Kirby
METAKNIGHT: no, to become Nightmare, one must wield Soul Edge, but Kirby has eaten the Demonic blade, it will transform him into an entity far more evil then anything Gates can create, he will become Demon Kirby!
(Mario's eyes go wide as he hears this and drops him pasta, cut to the changing Kirby. The glowing body is engulfed by shadows and then its shape changes, when the shadows recede, Demon Kirby stands there [he looks like a red Kirby that has just consumed Bowser in melee, only add two bat wings coming out of his back, his voice is evil])
DEMON KIRBY: (deep voice) now Gates, it's time to show you real evil let's go
GATES: (knees trembling) right, ok, I'm game
DEMON KIRBY: (charges) I will show you, the greatest nightmare!
(Kirby full on hits Gates in his Skedar gut and knocks him back to the stand. He follows close behind and starts pummeling him when he lands)
DEMON KIRBY: Why won't you die? (speeds up hurting on Gates) this is still taking to long, (jumps back, starts to glow black) blood, darkness, come un to me! (Changes into Demon hunter transformation [war craft 3] then lunges at gates, but stops as obelisk falls on Gates killing him, spits out Soul Edge and turns back to normal) hey, I wanted to kill him
(Camera pans up to were obelisk was, Jester is floating there with scythe in hand)
JESTER: you weakened him, I just finished him, we'll say we both did, and can I have Soul Edge back?
KIRBY: one sec (pulls out guns) YEA I'M THE GREATEST, YEA!! (puts them away after sound of dyeing Skedar) ok, here's Soul Edge (hands it to Jester) now let's get back to earth
(Screen fades to black as Jester and Kirby walk out the door, reopen in Kirbys room. Kirby lies asleep as Joanna 2 walks in and shakes Kirby awake)
JOANNA 2: Kirby, wake up, its time for it to start
KIRBY: just ten more minuets, then I'll get up
JOANNA 2: Kirby, come on, it's a party, plenty of food and girls
KIRBY: (bolts into Joanna's arms) let's go
(Cut to institute main room, lots of people are dancing and partying [Ian is dancing with Joanna 1 while Kirby dances with Joanna 2, Luke brake dances in the center]. Party games are also being played, like shoot the X- Box, bobbing for apples [Neil does this and Phill dunks him in it]. After a few second of partying, Prof. $1.99 walks to the front of the room and pulls a screen down, lights dim)
PROF. $1.99: ok people, settle down, it's time for the main event (pulls out remote and points it at the screen, pushes a button and the screen turns on showing the Skedar planet [with a huge windows logo on it]). Now the time has come to end it, Kirby, would you like to do the honors?
KIRBY: WOULD I? (Runs over to Prof. $1.99, Prof. $1.99 hands him a controller with one red button on it.) Here goes! (Pushes button, the Skedar planet blows up)
EVERY ONE IN THE ROOM: YAY!!!
(As the cheering goes on, we zoom out to the castle and just go to credits)
JOHN: and so ends another great adventure of Perfect Kirby
RICHIE: who said you could narrate?
JOHN: but Richie, I just
RICHIE: no, no excuses (gun shots, the credits are done by blood dripping down the screen)
-End
Out takes
Given to John and Richie to make up (