. : Watching You : .

by The Rose of the Abyssinian

Watching you.

Apparently, it was all I could do to distance myself from the temptation that desired to devour me. I would avert my gaze whenever you'd smile at me, and then I would blush for a strange reason I'd never figure out. I didn't know it at first, but it was love blossoming. The temptation was getting stronger, every time I lock my gaze on your soft, amber eyes, and your almost pale-gray hair. It was very difficult to imagine the Sohma estate without you, very difficult. We would meet only on certain occasions, especially that particular one with that stupid cat, and then you would disappear into the mountains again. Do you know how hard that is for me to not see you for a very long period of time?

Watching you.

I would always be beneath the shadows, always waiting but never telling you anything, not even trying to speak to you. I always felt guilty whenever you would start a conversation, and then I would abruptly end it, with phrases of 'Excuse me, I want to go finish my book' and the like. Do you know I always feel guilty, even if you smile at me as if there's nothing else that matters but your carefree personality? I would always hide when you were around when I was younger, I never opened up to you like he did, and now I wish everything was different like that. I would always smile gently when a small bird would twitter happily, but I would never smile when you would smile as a bird sings. Now, I feel so incredibly stupid.

Watching you.

I would always be so silent, and I would never tell you anything. I shut myself out from you, but I would always open up to her, or even him! I never did understand why part of me would scream 'What are you doing!' back then, but now, I really understand it since so much things have developed the past few months. It's been quite hectic, and I should know. I would try to act normal around you, but it never worked. It would always be so awkward, as if I'd never met you before, with a strange tension in the air that never seemed to loosen up. No wonder we're always so formal with each other, it must be a trait inherited within the interrelated family. I don't know if you know, but I've never been so secretive from anyone except you; I don't know, either, if you would be pleased or shocked if you actually ever heard me reveal that to you. I can almost picture both expressions on your face.

I've never found the courage to tell anyone how I've felt about them -- except, of course, that -stupid- cat! -- even, surprisingly, Haru. It's actually been hard keeping it down now, because you come over more often now; I think I've made it obvious by the way I act around you, but the only people who notice are my vocal brother and Shigure, which doesn't bode well for me, since the both of them love to blabber everything they hear to everyone -- wherever they picked up that habit is none of my concern, just to let you know. But both he and that dog notice my reactions whenever you come closer, and I think they've spread it to Hatori-san, since -he's- giving me odd glances as well. The air swishes in now, from my open window. The birds trill loudly, one flapping toward me, and then nipping my ear. I sighed lightly, and then watched the clouds that moved like paintbrushes that painted the sky. There would never be a chance to tell you, I'm almost ninety percent sure of it.

Funnily, I never took these things into consideration -- I'd once thought to myself that it was merely a passing phase and that I would soon get it out of my system, perhaps replaced by her, Haru, even; but none of those thing that I'd planned out worked. I never wanted my 'secret' to get passed on from independent Sohma house to the large Sohma Estate, and then I gave another small smile to the leaves that caressed the wind as I stared out. I shake my head, and smile.

Watching you ...

I don't even know if I'll --

-- a knock on my door. A tall frame is leaning against it. Is it ... you? It seems to be. I step away from the window, and open it, peering at the form on the other side of the shoji doors. I could feel the flaming crimson on my face; it is you.

"Good morning, Yuki-kun," you smile.

And I reply, looking up at you with my blush still evident on my face, "I have something to tell you, Shishou-san."

Watching you ...

Perhaps I'll just get over that phase, and enter a new one. One that I'll actually talk to you, open up to you, and tell you how I -really- feel about you. Perhaps it's time I actually opened up; maybe then, you'll get a chance to read me like a book, with pages -not- torn and frayed, so that you can see the real Sohma Yuki within me.

And now, I tell you the truth I've been longing to for so long, "Shishou-san, I ... I love you."

-OWARI-

Shounen-ai Yuki/Kazuma drabble; I haven't actually seen any pairings that concern Sohma Kazuma, so I took it upon myself. Besides, I'm rather fond of this couple, too. I enjoyed writing from Yuki's P.o.V.: It gives me a chance to explore some territory I've been wanting to for so long. I hope that Yuki's characterization wasn't too far off from the Yuki you all know. If I am, then I am very sorry for it.