She sat at the pond's edge, a broken woman. She had just lost her best friend and the only man that she had ever truly loved.
She stared at the young skaters trying to rope each other into playing a game and felt the knife twist deeper into her heart as she thought about how he too had been one of them, young, cocky and determined to win.
He had once told her that when he was out on the ice he didn't have a care in the world, it was the only place that he was truly free.
She glanced down at the skates and jersey that lay next to her and wondered what life would be like had he survived the accident.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………….
They first met at practice, their first real practice as Team USA. She had been selected as the leading goaltender and he was a part of the original Mighty Ducks team.
They had struck up the kind of friendship that teammates do. She never really felt a part of the Ducks but they were all still friendly to her nevertheless. It all sort of changed when they won the Jr Goodwill Games. They became even more accepting towards her, especially since she was the one who stopped Gunnar Stahl's goal in the shootout to avoid going in to overtime.
What no one knew was that her father had died shortly after the games and drinking was the only way to numb the pain she felt.
He had left a big empty space inside her and there was no fixing it. The alcohol was the only thing that made her feel alive inside an otherwise dead and empty existence.
Her family were too caught up in their own grief to bother with her, they didn't care enough about her to force her to stop and then one day he came along and found out her secret…………………..
He wasn't too keen on helping her in the first place, he didn't know enough about the situation to deal with it but he saw something inside her that drew him to her.
Underneath all the newfound sarcasm and the anger lay a person who was waiting for someone to get to know the real her, someone to unlock all her secrets and fantasies and see her for what she truly is, the most remarkable human being on the planet.
She felt incredibly annoyed with him when he first brought it up and he seemed to thrive on it.
She knew he could be a pain in the ass but it was like whenever she was making excuses for her illness to the others he saw straight through her, saw her tough exterior as a freshly cleaned window.
He had seen in her what no one had ever seen before, her soul.
The first time they kissed had been a huge mistake. He had been insisting that she should tell everyone, including their new coach at their new school about what she was going through.
Rather than admit he was right her stubborn ways ended up with her telling him he had no idea what he was on about and that she'd reveal all of the secrets he'd told her.
That was when she found out one of his weak spots. He revealed to her that he was constantly worried about her and if something happened then he couldn't live with himself, he'd had the same trouble with his older sister, only she'd lost the fight with alcohol and ended up killing not only herself but a family of four when she got behind the wheel of her car blind drunk one night.
He was getting close to breaking down in tears.
She felt the guilt and pain she'd caused him by bringing back the memories to him and realised why he'd cared so much.
"Okay, I'll tell them. You've annoyed the hell out of me, just enough to do it!" she joked.
He looked up and saw a glimpse of the old Julie, the one before the alcohol and that made him smile "I'm planning a career out of annoying people but I try to annoy you even more cos its fun!"
She didn't know what to say or do so she just leaned in towards him. It felt right at the time but thinking about it now she could see that it was wrong.
He didn't back away either and they shared their first kiss. It had been awkward and a little embarrassing like they were two 12 year olds having their first ever real kiss.
What made it even worse was that Connie and Guy had come back from wherever they had been and saw the entire thing. She couldn't quite look them in the eye but she could feel their vibe that they didn't feel comfortable with it. All she could do was just run from the room, she had never felt so bad in all her life.
A cold shiver ripped through her spine and she hugged her legs even closer to her body trying to keep warm. It wasn't quite time yet to end a lifelong dream so there was nothing to do but wait. Running sand through her fingers her thoughts drifted back to him.
She had decided that she could never face him or the team again. He was couldn't help her and all she wanted was to curl up with a bottle of scotch and wish everything and everyone would just disappear.
She couldn't do that though. "One more drink and your body will shut down completely" the doctor had told her.
She dismissed it as a load of bull, she could still play hockey couldn't she. Then the doctor showed her what a healthy liver looked like and compared it to what hers looked like. She tried not to let it show but she was scared out of her mind.
She wasn't quite ready to say her final "screw you" to the world just yet.