An/ Another piece for the One Word Prompt Series.
"In youth we learn; in age, we understand."
-Maria Von Evner-Eschenbach
Unfinished Bussiness...
You still have some left, but you have to leave now. You're a tough guy, but you know your limits and you can't do this anymore. For so long you've been doing this out of duty, out of some deeper sense of humanity. But you can't protect the world from themselves anymore, you need something else. Its time to capitalize on what you do best.
You say goodbye to the men you've served with--and Katie Cole.
Sometimes you forget that Katie doesn't count as a man because she's tougher than nails. You've seen her take down unsubs with one fair swipe, no woman should be able to do that. That's what you say to her as you give her your final good bye.
She just rolles her eyes and says some snide remark about wife number three. You take a slight offense to this, you and Martha are going to last. Wife number three is going to be your final marriage. Martha is nothing like Karen or Jane, she's a keeper. Martha can actually read, that's more than you could say for Jane. But never mind that, Katie was someone you always liked, she never took no as an answer.
You also say goodbye to Max Ryan and Jason Gideon, not pretending you ever liked them. Because you never did, and you won't insult their intelligence by lying and acting like you did.
Gideon was always too touchy feely for your taste, like some tree-hugging, humanistic hippie that can't take the stark reality of what a real unsub is. Unsubs aren't wounded or sick, they are killers, and should be treated as such.
And Max, Max Ryan was always too much like you for your own good.
Max Ryan wanted to be right all the time, and you always were. Butting heads came naturally when he couldn't come to terms with it. You were right and he was stubborn, that's the end of it. But you do owe him a goodbye, if only its just a handshake.
Then, its the last one, the only good bye you think you might even care about in the slightest.
You remember when Aaron Hotchner, now known as Hotch to the younger recruits who hero worship him, started his first day. You thought there was no way the kid could last, but he survived the first month, soon learning what it took to be in the BAU. He pushed himself to grow the callous demeanor that the BAU specialized in, the one you wore every day, and suddenly, he didn't seem so bad. Maybe "Hotch" had a chance after all.
You never really fancied yourself a great writer, having never much cared for words, but the American public thinks differently.
You're at the top of the New York Bestseller list, the critics seem to be pleased, though you wouldn't have listened to them if they hadn't liked it.
Because if there is anything you do well, its protect your own ego.
You have to give Katie some credit, she called what you couldn't.
Maybe Martha isn't going to be your final marriage after all.
Or maybe she will, you don't know if you feel like going through any more divorce proceedings.
But nonetheless, 'til death do we part seemed like a little too long for the two of you.
It was time to protect your own sanity.
Now if only your wallet got the same courtesy. No, you had too many crazy ex-wives for that.
Out with the old and in with the new.
You get yourself a dog because you start to get a little lonely--aside from the company you can so easily find.
Mudgie seems like a good name for the lab.
He'll be a great companion on hunting trips.
And once more, he's something for you to protect.
And you need to feel like the protector.
Financially, its a stupid plan. You're raking in millions and what can the Federal Government offer to pay you? Nada.
But you have to go back, and now that Gideon's gone, what's stopping you?
You can't let yourself stop without catching the Galen killer. You have to finish. Failure isn't an option, it never has been.
Because if you stop searching, who else will? You have to catch him, you have to find justice for the Galen children.
Its a secret that you would never confide in anyone, but you see yourself as their guardian angel, as the protector and you've taken too many days off to be alright with yourself.
Its time to go back.
So, you are going back to the BAU and everyone thinks you're a moron.
At least your mother would have been proud.
"Welcome back David." Erin Strauss says, holding out her hand, and that's when it hits you. What in the world were you thinking?
The reason you left the Bureau was to get out from under the shadow of controlling sycophantic ladder climbers like Strauss and now, you're back to square one. You actually have to listen to what she says. Are you sure that this was a good idea?
If Erin Strauss were a dog, she'd be a show dog. She'd jump through hoops and show everyone how special she could be.
She wouldn't be like you.
You would be Mudgie.
People say you have a strong connection to your dog and its true.
Its because you're the same.
And you can't be a hunting dog in a world of showy canines like Strauss. You don't do that.
But you may have sold your soul to the devil.
Who is going to protect you?
"Its such a pleasure to meet you sir." The young blonde--JJ informs, soon going off and telling you her function with the team. You immeadiatly notice that she is a very attractive young woman. She also seems to be very competent at what she does, and you can't help but take a second look. So lost in your musings, you're relatively surprised when she turns and walks out of the room.
"We didn't have that ten years ago." You mutter after the delightful woman you just met.
"What's that?" Hotch presses, you see a possessive glint in his eye.
"A communications liaison." You answer quickly, now fully understanding that JJ is out of bounds.
Hotch likes you, but not that much.
And if you tried, you have a feeling he would push you over a bridge.
And you like him too much to do that to him.
For the first time, you are protecting Hotch.
Its just a good thing he doesn't know it.
But part of you wonders what's up with his wife?
Hotch isn't the type to have a crush when he's actively married.
And he hasn't called Hailey yet.
He calls Hailey every ten minutes...
or at least, he used to.
And he hasn't reached for the phone once.
And this is the moment you hope that you didn't ruin him.
That your example of what a profiler should be cost him his marriage.
As you meet the team, you can't help but profile them.
Its a habit.
There isn't anything on this earth that you don't profile.
You know that its fairly unique, but you can't help but relate them to dogs.
Hotch is a hound, loyal until you piss it off. You notice that he's still made no mention of Hailey, maybe something is going on with the blonde.
JJ is one of those deceptive looking dogs. The small ones that you don't think can do much, like a beagle, but then end up dragging their owner out of the burning building.
You immediately like Morgan. For some reason, you see a lot of yourself in him, which never hurts a person's chances. Needless to say, you see him the same as you, a hunting dog. The only kind of dogs that ever matter.
The tech girl--Garcia, she's more of a poodle--or a cat. You still aren't quite sure. One thing is for certain, if she was a dog, her owner would have been one of those cruel ones that would dress her in a sweater or a leather biker suit.
Emily seems like the border collie type, though you have no idea why. You like her in spite of yourself, she reminds you of Katie Cole. That same feisty energy that Katie Cole always had you see in Emily. She won't be so bad to work with.
And then there is the genius kid. The one who keeps quoting your books and asking if he can get an autograph. He...he's a Yorkie. A yappy Yorkie that everyone here has seemed to gotten used to, but you aren't sure if you will. You hate yorkies.
And all the while you are sizing them up, you know they're doing the same to you. But unlike them, you aren't on your best behavior.
In fact, you're far from your best behavior.
Because you're protecting them.
They need to know that you aren't Gideon.
And you aren't going to play the proud parent role.
And that you aren't going to go easy on them.
And that you will do whatever you have to in order to catch your guy.
Whether its step on their toes or not, you won't play nice.
Because being a jackass is the one thing you are perpetually good at.
Just ask your exwives. (They were all yorkies)
The moment you step onto the plane, you're slightly disgusted at what the BAU has turned into.
They're all sitting in a circle, discussing their thoughts.
It reminds you of the time wife number two made you go to couple's therapy.
And you know how that turned out.
Its basically more habit than a choice, keeping your observations to yourself. And you don't really care what they think about it.
Because you don't share.
And you brought your notepad and pens for a reason.
And while profiling may have become some big, collaborative effort, you know it from its glory days.
You know how its meant to be.
So now, your protecting something infinitely more precious, your protecting the old ways of doing it.
The old fashioned way. Where you were more like John Wayne than Sherlock Holmes.
Or maybe Al Capone, you are Italian after all.
So what? You leaked the mask.
You don't know what Aaron is mad at more, that you went behind his back or that he got mad at Blondie for it.
You've figured it out. Hotch and Hailey are done, finished. The man couldn't go five minutes without calling or mentioning Hailey in some way and now, you've been with him for hours and...nothing.
"Things have changed in the last ten years." He bites out angrily, and then you realize that maybe he took that BAU callousness a little too seriously.
"No, the bells and whistles have changed. An unsub is still an unsub and I know how to deal with an unsub." You assure him firmly. It almost pains you to see how much your coworker---your friend--has changed. Its almost as if he's lost his humanity.
"Dave--" He begins but someone opens the door.
Barbie to the rescue, not that you would ever call her that to her face. You laugh because Hotch isn't going to rip into you with her present.
"We found something." She says, her eyes boring holes into you.
Something tells you that Blondie doesn't like you so much anymore.
She looks like she's going to run over you--with her car. Or a steam roller.
Maybe you can hire Morgan for your own protection.
The team found Enid White.
You'd give yourself a pat on the back, but you don't.
What's the point in congratulating yourself for one victim when there are so many more out there?
And that's when you see it.
The kid is giving out trick-or-treat candy.
At a crime scene. Maybe he isn't a yorkie after all, but an abnormally large hamster.
Emily and Morgan join in, but that isn't what you find interesting.
You find it strange that some children would actually go trick-or-treating at a crime scene.
What would their parent's do if they knew?
Sometimes you worry about the protection of innocence.
You are just about to walk up the stairs to your office when you hear Reid's high voice shouting some sort of a chastisement.
You immediately know what's going on.
Because if Morgan really is anything like you, he is currently going through your desk.
And if Emily is really anything like Katie Cole, she's helping. Elatedly, you might add.
And if Reid is anything like Jason Gideon, which he probably isn't, he's telling them not to profile while actively helping.
Yep, the yorkie is helping, you hear them talking about your art and your walls.
And you're slightly impressed at the observations they are making. Maybe the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew in there actually do have what it takes to make it as a profiler.
But that doesn't change the fact that they are in your office.
And you need to protect you privacy.
So here comes the fun part.
"Oh I believe in a lot of things. Catholic? Yes. Italian American, 52 years, strict up bringing? Not so much." You make your entrance, fighting a smile as all three of them look at you in shear panic. "And that art that's fifteenth century original. more than my first house. And its just a base coat, the painters will come in and finish tomorrow."
You can't help but smile, because while everything had changed in the last ten years, more has stayed the same.
Funny how the memory works.
You can't help but think of Ruby Ridge and the lives lost there.
Everyone is curious.
Everyone is waiting for you to tell them all about it.
At least Blondie decided to forgive you.
You instantly can tell she's from a small town.
That she doesn't understand how people could turn their back on their own.
But you understand.
You understand it very well.
Because militia...militia hate the feds, and you understand that better than anyone.
To bad you can't protect yourself from the past.
You get stuck going to one of the houses with Reid, who holds his gun like a six-year-old girl.
He is definitely a Yorkie.
This job definitely has its perks.
Like hearing Emily site to you a discovery you came up with.
You can't help but laugh as she blushes and thanks you.
Notoriety sometimes has its bright spots.
And as you hear Reid quote to you--word for word--your own book, you realize that you may have influenced the world of profiling more than you thought.
But that isn't the surprise.
You can't help but wonder if Reid and Emily know how much the world of profiling has influenced you.
True, without the job you would probably still be married to wife number one.
You probably would have still ended up content.
But you wouldn't have been you.
You wouldn't have woken up each morning for the thrill of it.
Gideon left his team because he couldn't find it in him to love it anymore.
But you won't do that.
Not that your perfect and won't leave your team.
You just love it too much to leave like he did.
And you're willing to do whatever you have to in order to protect that feeling.
Because while you live for it...
Its all you have left to live for.
Sometimes you just can't protect people.
You can't protect Morgan from his own hatred.
You had to allow him to grow.
You had to allow him to face his own demons.
But then you feel guilty, like you threw him in too deep.
Because you realize that Morgan isn't bounding in faith.
And this case is enough to cause you to lose your religion.
Cannibalism in Satan's name?
Even you have a hard time stomaching it.
And you thank the heavens that you weren't feeling hungry when the search was going on.
Because you did mention to Emily that it smelled good.
And while you are thinking all of this, you say something. Something that is none of your bussiness.
You remind Morgan that Reid is right, that one can't exist without the other.
Because while you don't give a damn what Morgan believes in,
You can't allow him to believe in Hell without the equalizing balance.
Because a world with a hell and no heaven is too much for you to take,
Even after everything you've seen.
So while you can't protect Morgan, you try to protect something else.
Faith.
You feel a little guilty when you first hear the news.
You like Garcia alright, though both of your mannerisms are impeccably different.
But deep down, she just isn't your favorite team member.
And you hate feeling like you're rooting against the underdog.
And for once, you aren't the protector.
You're the antagonist.
You have to find the truth, no matter what the rest of the team thinks.
Sure, they treat you like you're a giant jackass.
What else is new?
Because it will do more good to get to the bottom of it all than protecting her.
Its like she seeks these things out.
JJ shot Battle, even through three inch thick glass.
That's the moment she stops being Blondie.
That's the second that you stop thinking of her as BAU Barbie.
Because she's a good shot and she hit her target.
She saved an IAB agent's life.
Maybe you can forgive her for that one day, you think to yourself.
You notice Hotch, and how he's cringing.
You know that he wants to be the one comforting the small woman.
But he can't.
Because he is too worried about breaking the rules.
And pushing the issue with JJ isn't in his agenda.
Its not like it would have stopped you.
You are ninety percent sure that you would have jumped at the opportunity.
If it wasn't for one thing, Hotch is in love with her.
And while you usually don't worry about the competition and go for what you want, you won't this time.
Because you are still protecting him.
The way that JJ was willing to protect her family.
As soon as you see her sitting there, you notice that she looks like she's been kicked in the gut, and you are instantly curious.
Emily Prentiss doesn't seem like the moping type, but that's what she's doing...
As if she's trying to hide from the reality of the job.
And as you speak with her, you realize that she has a hard time stomaching it.
How a person could be perfectly normal six months ago,
and then suffer a break and kill and torture multiple people?
To her it makes no sense.
But you can tell the deeper fear,
That she's afraid of how easily it comes to you and her
How the team can become the unsub
And she's afraid of how thin the line between innocent and guilty can be
So now you have a new mission,
Protect Emily from her fears.
And for some reason, you look forward to the challange.
You don't usually get to see the future, but today you did and it scared the living day lights out of you.
Sherrif Caufield is who you'll be if you continue on the road your going.
This isn't who you want to be...
You meet the detective, and you have to get the case done with.
You have to get the Galen killer...
Not for them, for you
Because you don't want to end up a washed out drunk because of it
You've already let so much slip away from your life because of this case, you don't want any more casualties
You have to do it
You have to catch him
Because in ten years...no, one year,
you want to say that you caught him
You want this to be behind you
You want the Galen parents to finally rest in peace.
You have to protect yourself from what could be your future.
Oh no...
Road trip?
With the Yorkie?
You wonder if you'd still get your pension if you 'accidently' slit your wrists and ended up in the hospital.
You know that would be a bit extreme, but its for a good cause.
You have to protect yourself from Peter Coyote reading the entire Foundation trilogy.
You're starting to think your book tours did more harm than good.
Sometimes you wonder if your books did more harm than good.
You never thought of the implications when writing them, but now you see the unintended consequences of your decision.
Like how you inspired sycophants like Jill Morris to step on top of others and do whatever it took to get where she wanted.
And now, her friend is dead and she's doing interviews.
You truly feel like it might be your fault.
You encouraged this.
You've always encouraged getting at the tops, and with the "cost justifies the means" attitude, it was bound to catch on.
You can't help but wonder what Jill would be like if you had never poisoned her.
You look at Emily and JJ and suspect she would have been something like them...
Someone that earned respect quietly, not feeling entitled for greatness, but working for it.
But you,
You created her.
You created the monster.
Maybe someone should be protecting people from you.
The tech girl is schlupping the one guy.
But you really don't care,
and as you enter her apartment, you couldn't care less what she was up to
Because you have a case that needs solving.
And as you go to Indiana, you think you are doing your duty by being there...
Wrong.
The kids hate you.
And its okay, because you never expected them to love you,
But you've often thought that you were caring for them the way you'd care for your own.
But now it's time to protect yourself.
And as you get to the bottom of it, you can't help but think of all the time you must have wasted.
But in the end...
You catch the guy.
But its bittersweet,
Because while this is all behind you, the bad guy wasn't who you wanted it to be.
It was someone who didn't know any better,
Not someone who intentionally meant harm.
Which is why you wonder why you held on so tight to this case.
But as you say goodbye to the kids, you remember that maybe they had been protecting you too.
The kid decided to give you guys a wrong turn in order to save Owen.
Damn Yorkie is going to get himself killed...
And for what?
To protect a murderer?
Does the idiot not realize that he has no one to protect him?
You are definitely going to need some Scotch after this.
Morgan is sitting at the bar, and you can't help but find the irony.
Because you find yourself at bars all the time.
And now you are expecting him to put down the glass and get back to work.
You basically are a filthy, hypocritical bastard.
But you're a filthy, hypocritical bastard who is right.
And so as you talk Morgan into coming back,
You hear him say all the reasons why he can't
and your only decent response is
"Or is there any other reason you haven't touched that beer?"
And while it isn't a lot
Its enough.
Maybe you can help protect the team from themselves.
Damn Yorkie,
he's just going to keep getting himself killed.
At least until someone finishes the job.
You hear Prentiss start getting attacked.
You see Morgan's clenched fist,
You can tell that Hotch wants to act,
but something stops you.
And for the first time in a while, you listen.
You listen to what she's saying.
And she's telling you all to stop.
To let her hide.
And though you want to protect her,
you also know that you have a lot more people to protect.
When Reid convinces Cyrus that he's a true follower,
You're moderately impressed.
Maybe the kid isn't a yorkie after all.
Maybe he's a Shih Tzu.
You never meant for him to deal with this.
You never meant for him to have to face the possibility of what his father might be.
And while the entire team goes back to Virginia, you and Morgan stay
because you need to feel like you're protecting something.
And Morgan...
Morgan probably has to do the same.
Because you are both hunting dogs,
And as you watch Reid during the hypnosis,
You really worry about the outcome of this,
Because you know that Reid desperately wants to prove that his old man's a criminal.
And you aren't so sure he will be satisfied with the truth if it turns out that his father is innocent.
But you can't help but admire the kid's strength through all of this.
He might just be a crocker spaniel.
Not that you would ever admit that to him.
As Henry Grace blames you for taking his family away, you suddenly realize what you are going to have to do.
Turn your back.
Because the second you do...
His ass is yours.
And as you have him in a half-nelson before slapping on the cuffs.
You can't help but feel the victory.
This is the type of person you are protecting people from.
This is the type that makes you write books because you just want to show the world how pathetic they are.
This is the time that you beat because sometimes, the good really does win.
You can see Jordan Todd nearly falling apart in front of you.
You know Hotch has never been one of her favorites,
so it falls to you to protect the one thing that no one mentions,
humanity.
Because you have to let Jordan know that it's okay to feel,
it's okay to be disgusted and horrified.
And you've known for a long time that JJ was under-appreciated,
because sometimes, you can barely stomach your own job.
Hers has to be terrible.
But you have to let Jordan know that it's not about being strong enough,
it's about being human.
Because if all of you lose your humanity,
then what good are you at chasing the monsters?
You hate psychics.
You've had your experiences with them,
And they're nothing more than liars.
But JJ is eating up every single bit they tell her.
And you can't help but feel disappointed.
Because you were sure that she had to be smarter than that,
And now you aren't so sure.
But she's a new mother, and maybe it's just those damn hormones,
But she's wrong, and for some reason, you just can't let it go.
And as you tell Hotch of it,
You instantly regret it.
Because he shouts at JJ, and you know how hard that is for him
And for her
And if Garcia knew that you were screwing up the little romance she's hoping to happen someday,
You are sure that she would do things to your hard drive that would be irreparable.
But you have to protect the families,
Because false hope can only get them so far.
And if you were being honest with yourself, you'd admit that more than anything,
You're trying to protect JJ.
Because trusting in psychics and weird cockamamie ideals may give you hope,
But hope in something fickle isn't lasting.
And all you have faith in now is the profile.
She's dead.
Zoey is dead.
You wouldn't even remember her name if she hadn't ended up this way, but she did so you do.
And worse.
Worse, she's dead because of you.
You couldn't protect her.
Hell, you didn't even try.
Because you poisoned her into thinking that this is what she wanted.
And you told her to never stop looking.
And now she's dead.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Do you end up killing more people than you save?
Zoey's mother hates you.
She probably should.
Because Zoey is dead and its all your fault.
You had to be disinterested.
You had to think she was just another annoying college student who wouldn't make it to the FBI.
You had to brush her off, to tell her to just keep looking.
She shouldn't have been the one looking.
She wasn't old enough to be the one looking.
And now she's dead and you're the one doing the looking.
So you do what you think can make up for it, though you know nothing can.
You pay for the girl's funeral.
And JJ, your partner in crime, walks in anxiously, telling you that the woman knows.
Zoey's mother knows
And she rips you a new one.
And that's when you find.
No deed, good or ill, goes unpunished...not even selfish ones.
Because while you'd like to say you were going to pay for it because you wanted to help the mother out.
Because it was never about Zoey.
It was never about her mother.
It was about you.
It was about you trying to protect yourself from all this damn guilt.
And no matter what you do, you don't think you will ever forgive yourself.
Because you've done more harm than good.
Because the killer knew you too.
Because you played hero to both victim and killer and you don't think that's a connection you want to be.
Some influence you are.
You began to wonder why you did it, why on earth you would do this day after day.
Week after week.
Month after Month.
Year after year.
And then JJ reminds you why.
Because you have a capability for good.
An influence in justice's name.
And you can't help but swell slightly with pride as JJ walks away.
Because you helped BAU Barbie come into the FBI,
and your influence on the world can easily be pushed away,
But you've seen the good that JJ has done in the world.
And if that's your one contribution to the world,
then maybe you're a better protector than you thought.
You can see that this case is personal for Prentiss,
but you can't figure out why.
Sure, she knew the guy that died--that's happened to everybody at some point.
But there's more to this than she's telling everyone,
and for some reason, you can't push her away like Hotch does.
You need to know what's going on.
And you chalk it up to some desire to want to help,
but really, it's all about wanting to protect her.
And when she tells you about her childhood pregnancy,
it suddenly makes sense.
And you have to protect her from the guilt.
Because this isn't her fault.
It wasn't her fault that someone lost their faith,
Because she retained hers.
She never asked Matthew to harm a priest.
She never asked him to turn his back.
It was his choice.
It was a choice only he could make.
Because she didn't ask him to mock a priest
She asked him to be her friend.
And you sure as hell won't let her feel guilty for that.
Hotch feels guilty for leaving one case, little does he know what you deal with every day.
Because there were a lot of killers that you should have helped stopped.
And there was a lot of good you could have done but didn't.
And so as you listen to him, to try to convince him of the same things you tell yourself every morning.
And at first you think its a lost cause, because Hotch is more stubborn than you half of the time.
But for once, the sorry jackass decides to listen,
and you actually get somewhere.
And you actually think you might have helped.
And as you walk away, you see Hotch has some room to tease,
And you realize you might have not been protecting a lost cause after all.
Maybe your friend has a shot at pushing himself to act like a human being again.
Its a long shot--
But stranger things have been known to happen.
You learned to care for Reid on some basis after all.
Maybe miracles are possible.
He's been shot.
Hotch, the only person you actually consider a friend on this planet has been shot.
And you took it upon yourself to protect him
And you failed.
And now the fate in your friend is in his hands.
And whether he chooses to fight for his life,
That's up to him.
But now its time for you do your own thing.
And as a get well present for Hotch, you decide your going to catch his shooter.
Aren't you a great friend?
Five years later, you actually retire from the FBI.
This time with no unfinished business to attend to.
You've fulfilled your purpose.
You've done everything you felt you needed to,
And its time to allow yourself to actually be at peace.
Because you have spent the last 8 years protecting the innocent,
And its time to let go and let yourself be protected.
And for once, you're alright with that.
And as you see the team that you have grown so close to, you can't help but think of the times you had together.
And although you feel like some broad, you reflect easily.
You think of Hotch and how he was always there for you, even when you were an ass and didn't deserve it.
You see him with BAU Barbie and feel a pang of respect for the woman who taught Hotch how to live
You see Reid, who has now been updated to the status of a Beagle,
Because you can't acknowledge that you, deep down, learned to like a yorkie.
You see Morgan and feel proud that he, though so very similar to you, didn't make your mistakes. He is a better form of you than you could ever hope to be.
You say a quick hello to Emily, who often reminded you what it was like to be human.
And then, its the big one.
You say goodbye to Garcia, who taught you how to seek the best in people.
And suddenly you feel a bit nostalgic, not that you are going to cry
Italians don't cry
But you know that this is it,
Your time with the BAU is over,
And while you always faniced yourself the protector of your coworkers,
You realize,
All along they were protecting you.
"For we pay a price for everything we get or take in this world; and although ambitions are well worth having, they are not to be cheaply won."--Lucy Maud Montgomery