Author: JadeHeart
Fandom: Gravitation
Warnings: bad language

Author's Notes: Just a little something that turned up whilst I was away working recently.

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this, they belong to the creators of 'Gravitation'.

The Whisper at My Side

Yuki stretched; arms and legs reaching for the four corners of the bed before he even opened his eyes. He peered through the dim morning light with a slight grimace. Although the curtains filtered most of the sunshine it was still bright enough to make him frown at it in irritation.

He stretched again, feeling joints pop in that satisfying manner, and was tempted to just roll over and go back to sleep. It would be easy enough to do; he could either put his head under a pillow or pull the bedding up to block out the light, enveloping him in a nice comfortable dark cocoon.

He contemplated the thought a little longer, but before he could come to a firm decision he heard the sound of the open bedroom door swing on its hinges and a creak of the floor, drawing a groan from him. Now he had no option but to get up!

"Okay, okay, I'm awake!" he growled as he threw the bedclothes back.

He sat up and raked his fingers through his messy hair, not in any attempt to tame it but to get it out of his eyes. He automatically looked around for his cigarettes and then remembered that he had left them out in the lounge room. Grumbling under his breath, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed to stand. He couldn't be bothered walking all the way out there just yet so he decided to forgo his morning fix and head straight for the bathroom.

"You better not have broken anything!" he snapped, crossing the hall. "And don't bother me!" He scowled down the passage before firmly closing the bathroom door behind him.

Standing under the hot water he vigorously washed his hair. Yes, he definitely needed to get it cut; it was long overdue. He rinsed it thoroughly, pushing it back then, leaving his eyes closed, tilted his head back to let the water rained down over his face. It felt really good and he took a moment to enjoy the decadent luxury of just standing there and wasting water.

He heard a slight sound and raised his voice loudly over the sound of the running liquid. "I thought I told you not to bother me? When are you going to learn to do what you're told? Now get out!"

He listened and heard nothing more; he was obviously alone. He turned and tried to regain his calm but the interruption had shattered his previous almost mediative state, so growling wordlessly under his breath, he reluctantly turned off the water before stepping out of the shower.

He rubbed himself down briskly and returned to the bedroom with the towel wrapped tightly around his waist. As he was entering the room he felt a tugging at the back of the towel where it was stretched taut across his tight buttock cheeks.

"Keep your damn hands to yourself!" he declared, and slammed the door quickly behind him.

He's completely impossible, he thought irritably, pulling out the clothes he intended to wear today. He finished dressing and brushed his hair properly this time, scowling at his reflection. He looked like a damn shaggy dog!

He soon left the bedroom and made his way to the kitchen, collecting his cigarettes from the coffee table on his way through and one was already lit and clamped between his lips by the time he reached his intended destination.

He put the coffee on and leant back to enjoy his morning nicotine fix whilst he waited for it to be ready. His eyes fell on the bottles of pills lined up neatly in the middle of the counter. Why that little…! He glared into the living area, opening his mouth to voice his disapproval – loudly - when he let it close with a snap. What was the point? The idiot never listened anyway!

He turned his back on the bottles, fully intending to completely ignore the medication out of pure spite when his stomach gave a familiar nauseating lurch to remind him pointedly of the consequences of his stubbornness if he persisted in it. His lip curled up in disgust. Damn it! He was going to have to do it no matter what he wanted - betrayed by his own body.

As he reluctantly began to unscrew the lids and tip the required number of pills into his hand the curtains in the lounge room lifted immediately letting more of the bright morning light in.

"Leave the damn things alone will you? Just sit down and stop being a pest! You're being fucking annoying!" he said sharply, tossing a couple of the detested pills into his mouth and washing them down quickly with some water.

The curtains fell immediately to return to their original position and, satisfied, he turned to the cupboard to pull a mug out and pour his much needed coffee.

"Ah," he said out loud after the first sip. "That's good! I've got to admit that this brand of coffee that Tohma gave me is pretty damn good."

Yuki topped up his mug and began to head for his study. "Try and stay out of my hair for at least a couple of hours," His voice indicated that he didn't really believe that it would be possible for that to happen. "You know I've got a deadline for today with this book and I couldn't finish it last night, not with that fucking migraine pounding, which means I'm stuck with having to get the last of it done this morning. So keep yourself amused."

He had reached the study door by this time and turned to look back towards the lounge room as he opened it. "And be quiet!" he almost shouted, before firmly closing the door behind him.

He fell into the chair with a sigh. He didn't want to have to be in here working today but he really didn't have any choice. He had hoped that if he pulled his usual all-nighter he would have had it finished by now and today could be spent in blissful slumber, and hopefully uninterrupted peace. Though that last was debatable with his living arrangements.

He clicked his laptop on and continued to smoke while it fired up, sipping his coffee. It really was good coffee; whatever else Tohma was he did have good taste - in many things. The machine flared to life and he quickly called up his latest novel – nearly finished. It was really annoying that the migraine had struck him down last night before he could fully complete it and he now hoped that he would be able to pick up the train of thought that he had been running with and get back into the flow of things.

It irritated him to find he was suffering from migraines more frequently than he used to. Obviously he was getting more susceptible to them the older he got – a thought that only served to raise his ire further. They had certainly increased dramatically for a time there a year ago then they had begun to ease off, but they hadn't gone completely. It looked like they might be something that he was going to have to learn to put up with. That thought didn't please him in the least. He read through the last pages on the screen and then began to type, immersing himself in the story once more.

When he finally finished the last word and leant back with a sigh, eyes still fixed on the screen, he felt a great sense of relief. He reached up and pulled off his glasses, letting them hang from one hand as he brought up his other to pinch the bridge of his nose tiredly. Glancing at the clock in the bottom corner of the computer screen he was surprised to see just how much time had passed by whilst he had been engrossed in his writing. Well, it had been time well spent; he was now finished.

He pushed his chair back, letting it slide on its wheels across the floor so he could stretch out his long legs. He allowed his eyes to drift closed for a moment, feeling the knotted muscles in his shoulders begin to release slowly and a little painfully. As he relaxed his desire for his obsessions grew – nicotine and caffeine. He reached out one long arm to draw his cigarette packet to him, pulling one out and lighting it. It was much lighter than when he had begun typing, the overflowing ashtray testimony to that fact. With a heavy sigh he exhaled before standing, intending now to head for the kitchen to fulfil his second urge.

All was still quiet on the other side of the study door and he was a little surprised at having been left alone and undisturbed for the length of time he had been. Well, he would be thankful for small mercies. He continued on his way towards the kitchen, gazing around the rooms as he walked through. Hmm, no sign. Where had he gone to? All remained silent in the apartment. Yuki mentally shrugged. He'd turn up eventually.

He made a fresh pot of coffee as quickly as possible and could barely control his eagerness for that first sip. Oh, he really needed it! That first mouthful was hot enough to sear the roof of his mouth but he didn't care, he just savoured the buzz of caffeine almost rushing through his veins. Man could live on coffee alone, he thought, taking another sip, a little more carefully than the first. Well, at least along with cigarettes he amended.

He pushed away from the counter he had been leaning against and carried the steaming cup back to his study. He needed to send the completed manuscript off to Mizuki now before she started nagging him. He quickly ensured it was saved securely to his laptop hard drive, as well as a copy burnt to CD as a back up to be safe, and then quickly attached it to a curt email. He pressed the button to send it winging invisibly across the electronic airways and felt more than satisfied once it was done.

Just then there was a knock at his front door, surprising him. His hand paused, cup halfway to his mouth, as he frowned in that direction. Another knock and he put his cup down reluctantly, pushing back his chair and making his way out of the study to answer it. Opening the door he saw Tohma standing on the other side. Ah, of course, he thought as he remembered what day it was. In light of that revelation he would have been surprised if it had been anyone else really. Not that it made him any happier to see his brother-in-law.

"Are you ready?" Tohma said with a small smile, though his eyes looked sad.

Yuki scowled at him and turned his back, walking away yet leaving the door open through which Tohma now entered and followed him. He thrust his hands into his pocket, biting down hard on the cigarette clasped between his teeth, turning to frown at his visitor.

"I don't know why you bothered coming here," he growled.

Tohma tipped his head to one side to view Yuki seriously. "It's been one year," he said softly.

"That's no reason to do this." Yuki lifted a hand to remove the cigarette, blowing the smoke away and making no other move.

Tohma sighed and perched on the arm of the couch. "It is the best thing for you to do. Your therapist thinks so too. You have been doing so well lately."

"Humph!" Yuki snorted, not looking any happier with this information.

Tohma gave another sigh and stood, extending his hand to Yuki. "You know that the sooner this is over, the better it will be for you," he said. "It will do you good to do this."

"How do you know what's good for me?" Yuki accused.

"I don't," Tohma replied calmly, not taking any offence at Yuki's antagonistic question. "But I do know that you have never coped well if you keep things to yourself and not face them."

Yuki's scowl deepened, brows drawn down, glaring at Tohma before he angrily stubbed out his cigarette with low wordless snarl. He reached out to snag his jacket from the chair it had been thrown carelessly across then stalked to the door, every line of his body radiating his irritation.

"Well, come on!" he growled, not turning. "Let's get this crap over with."

Tohma didn't say anything, just ensured that the door locked securely behind him as he followed Yuki down the stairs.

"So who's going to be at this 'dog-and-pony' show?" Yuki grouched, looking out the window as Tohma drove.

"I don't really know," Tohma replied honestly.

"Mika and Tatsuha?" Yuki queried.

Tohma shook his head, "No, they said to see them afterwards. Will you?"

Yuki shrugged. "Maybe," was all he was willing to commit to.

Tohma pulled up at their destination and Yuki had opened the door and was alighting before he had even turned the engine off.

Yuki looked over at the building before them, the slanted rooves and tiles catching the midday sun, the tree lined pathways beyond the open doors visible as they led visitors through the grounds. A rustle in the branches made him raise his head to view the swaying trees above, moving in response to the wind as it picked up. He stood in silence for a moment just watching. Tohma remained where he stood on the other side of the car, not disturbing his contemplation.

Finally he dropped his eyes and stepped away from the vehicle, stretching his long legs and covering the distance in ground-eating strides, ignoring the fact that Tohma would have to almost run to try and not only catch up, but keep up. But that didn't make him slow down.

He knew where Tohma expected him to go and so he made his way there, ignoring the perverse thought that tried to tell him to just go somewhere completely different and leave Tohma searching frantically for him. That was just his cruel streak trying to break out, which it still did every now and then. He grimaced to himself and kept walking, ensuring his feet remained on the path it should and not deviate as a part of him wanted to.

It didn't take him long to reach his intended objective and he stopped. He had no qualms about being here now; it was nothing more than a place like any other; no more, no less. It held no special meaning any longer for him. Not now.

He gazed down to clinically view the various images and shapes assembled before him. The falling leaves of autumn had blown across portions of the erection but he felt no urge to clear it away. It would be a pointless exercise as far as he was concerned.

He was still irritated that Tohma had insisted on coming here today. He hadn't wanted to and he saw little point to it, but he had also known that if he hadn't come he would never have heard the end of it, or got rid of Tohma's overprotective presence.

Nor would he hear the end of the ongoing dramatics that would arise with his therapist if he refused, and he didn't need that aggravation in his life again. Not after finally being able to convince her that he was no longer a danger to himself or to anyone else. And that he wasn't completely crazy either. He learnt quickly at the very beginning that it was so much better for him to just keep certain particulars to himself and not even attempt to raise them with her. After getting her to finally agree that he was 'cured', he didn't need for any doubts to be cast on his state of mind now. Not after he had gone to such lengths to convince everyone otherwise and get them off his back. The overly concerned attitudes from so many people had grated on him.

He continued to look down, eyes moving across everything, noting every little detail in a distant analytical manner and then sniffed in sardonic humour. This was really quite funny - in a totally macabre manner.

A soft scuff at his side heralded the arrival of someone and he turned his head to see Tohma there. He didn't look flustered in any way, not even a sheen of sweat on his unlined brow from his exertions; and he would have had to exert himself to have caught up with Yuki so quickly.

"It's hard to believe that it has been a year," Tohma said quietly, his soft voice blending perfectly with their tranquil surroundings. "It truly doesn't seem that long."

Yuki said nothing, simply reaching into his pocket to draw out his cigarettes. Tohma knelt down and laid some flowers on the marble, gently brushing some of the dead leaves aside. He held out his hand and Yuki handed over his lighter with an irritated sigh, and watched as, with great care, Tohma lit the incense sticks he had brought with him and then placed in the receptacle, observing the smoke curl upwards.

"I still find myself expecting to see or hear him," Tohma said softly, "As though he is still here in some way."

You have no idea, Yuki thought, continuing to smoke. He felt a soft touch across the back of his hand as it hung by his side as though in reassurance.

"Can we go now?" he said abruptly, turning and walking away, pushing both hands into the pockets of his jacket.

Tohma turned his head to watch as Yuki quickly disappeared behind the other monuments. He didn't worry that Yuki would leave without him. He had the keys to the car and Yuki wasn't in such a pigheaded mood that he would just up and get a taxi to leave, so he didn't rush in rising to his feet and straightening his coat and hat. He cast one last glance at the tombstone and a wry smile touched his lips.

"As you can see Eiri is doing so much better now; better than I could have hoped. It was very worrying for a time but it seems to have resolved itself finally. I don't know what the turning point was. I guess you're the only one who would know the answer to that."

A gentle breeze made his hair shift across his cheek like the touch of a hand lightly brushing the skin. He started a little at the soft touch then shook off the feeling.

"Well," he directed to the silent stones. "I had better go and find Eiri before he really does decide to do something irresponsible." He reached down to lightly run his hand over the name engraved there, tracing the letters with his fingertips, a small smile still on his face. "Be at peace." Then he stood and turned his back to walk away.

Another breeze gusted through the area, lifting some dried leaves from the path, spinning them around and making them twirl and dance on its currents, carried along in its wake. The leaves brushed against the stone settling lightly around the flowers resting there, a few petals being knocked from their place to fall lying around the engraved letters, almost framing the name that was written there.

Shuichi Shindou.