Ohhhh, goodness. How I truly wanted to further a few of the scenes so that they could be a bit…erm…"steamier" than what I've posted here.
Ah well, C'est la vie~!
((Also, the info is at the end, etc, etc, etc~~))
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NOW ONTO THE LOVE 33333
30 Kisses Challenge
Theme #15 : "Perfect Blue"
Tantalizing
Adjective. Tempting; arousing desire; tormenting or teasing by keeping something in sight but out of reach.
This word perfectly described Feliciano Vargas—in the eyes of Ludwig Beilschmidt at least.
Ludwig didn't really know what it was about the small Italian that captivated him so. He suspected it had something to do with the man's uncanny ability to laugh and smile about everything. Perhaps it was related to his sincerity. His honesty. His boundless optimism. Whatever the cause may be, the effect was that Feliciano's seemingly innocent behavior left Ludwig enraptured with every encounter.
These thoughts hadn't always been present in the German's mind. No, far from present at all actually. In fact, if he had come across some sort of scientific device that allowed him to time-travel into the past and meet himself, he still wouldn't believe what he had allowed to happen.
And what he, Ludwig Beilschmidt had allowed to happen was both terrible and great. Beautiful yet disheartening. Unbearable yet so, so easy.
He had allowed himself to feel it. To open his heart, mind, and entire being to the possibility and desire of experiencing the greatest pleasure a living soul can have. Happiness. Buoyancy. Love.
And it was so frustrating to him that the person who had allowed him to experience said feelings was either totally oblivious or just ignoring them while simultaneously pretending they didn't exist at all. The blatant denial hurt Ludwig, although he understood why feigning ignorance for the sake of some sort of semblance of their previous relationship as strictly friends was necessary. Ludwig himself wished that he could take back his actions from that awful misunderstanding on Valentine's Day so many years ago.
Ugh. Even THINKING about that incident brought back all sorts of unpleasant feelings. Feelings that made Ludwig want to smack his face against the dinner table repeatedly. He felt his face heat up and he ground the heels of his hands on his temples. As if that would banish the embarrassment-induced headache. Yeah. Right.
Stupid Love.
Now, Ludwig was a practical man. He couldn't delude himself enough to believe that he was in love quite yet. Although it sure felt pretty damn close to it, if he had to say so himself. What other word could even begin to describe the sensations Ludwig experienced throughout his entire body when the Italian was near?
Well, if there was a better word for it, then please, by all means share it immediately!
Who knew, maybe one day he could allow himself to live in the warm embrace of his emotions and not only admit to himself, but to the world that what he was feeling was wonderful.
And it was wonderful. No matter what everyone else in the whole damn world would say about it.
Ludwig was in possession of a deep, emotional attachment to his ally, his neighbor, and his best as well as truest friend in the entirety of the Earth. And he was even somewhat prideful about that fact as well. At least a little bit anyways.
He rubbed on his temples once more, putting all his money on the hopes that the centralized pressure might somehow alleviate his headache. Thinking too much is something that Ludwig has become apt in as of late—much to his chagrin—especially in relation to his smaller companion.
Feliciano was tantalizing. IS tantalizing in his every action and movement.
Ludwig imagined the two, holding hands and chatting quietly to one another—occasionally laughing, occasionally crying a bit—under softly falling snow while walking through a park with lots of trees, as naked and wanting as the hearts of the two men. The moon shining brightly through the exposed limbs revealed only their true intentions.
Nothing more.
The night-time sky orb shone just brightly enough to see the others' features swathed snugly in an ethereal glow. An expression of desire, need, and an intense hunger passed over his dear one's face. As he stood en pointe, in order to better access the German's face, Feliciano suddenly convulsed and was seized with a terrible shudder.
Laughing quietly, Ludwig drew Feliciano closer to his side and whispered into the smaller man's ear that he should have worn a heavier jacket since it was the dead of winter. Pouting, the Italian feigned displeasure and attempted to pull out of the embrace. To no avail. As he drew the lithe Italian in once more, he dislodged their gloved hands. Bringing his palm to rest upon the neck of his lover, Ludwig lightly rubbed his thumb over the other man's jaw, chin, and finally bottom lip. Feliciano quivered from the contact, and his eyes fluttered. Open, close. Open, close. Eventually, he became tired of resistance, and allowed his long dark lashes to dust close over high, sun-kissed cheekbones.
Taking this as permission, Ludwig leaned forward into the wanting man and traced his love over Feliciano's face with feather light lips. Feliciano, becoming impatient, nuzzled Ludwig's nose with his own and made a low, barely audible growl of desperation. Smiling in satisfaction, Ludwig complied and drew the sprightly man into a closer embrace, tucking their faces together in a light, sweet kiss.
Pulling apart just enough so that they could gaze upon one another adoringly, Feliciano purred that "Ludwig's eyes are so very, very blue tonight. They're the most perfect blue I have ever seen." Then, the smaller man took initiative and pulled Ludwig's face to his own once again, but this time deepening the kiss from sweet to passionate.
Hazy images filled Ludwig's mind as he felt his hands roaming the expanse of the Italian's thinly covered back, fingers burning to touch skin to skin. Grunting, he pulled away to remove his leather gloves, and discarded them upon the snow-covered ground.
His companion's sound of displeasure was all he needed to return to the heated kissing.
Resuming the exploration of Feliciano's back, he allowed his hand to travel slowly up and down, trailing his palm over every inch of it from shoulders to hips. Comforting his lover in every way he could was what was the most important to him. Ludwig's hand ventured to Feliciano's hair, and massaged his scalp, which elicited a sigh of pleasure from his partner. Deciding to be bold, Ludwig removed his hand from the scalp, and focused on stroking the lone curl that projected from his lover's head. Feliciano immediately weakened at the contact and—
"Ve~Germany? Are you listening to what I'm saying?" Feliciano asked, forsaking the fork with a speared meat ball on it in order to gently place his hand on top of Ludwig's in a gesture of pure concern.
Ludwig, being shocked out of his daydream/contemplation drew back a bit from the soft hand on his, and nodded stiffly in the affirmative even though he really had no idea what his friend had been rambling on about at all. He felt his face redden.
No. He felt it more than redden. He felt his face radiate.
"Germany…are you okay? You're face is red. Like, REALLY red. Are you sick?! Aah! Should I call a doctor? I should call a doctor right?! Uwaaaaa!! Germany! Where's your phone book?! Maybe I'll just call France-nii-chan, he has good doctors at his place! Come on, I'll take you over to—"
Shaking off the arm that had been previously trying to pull him up, Ludwig muttered with as much authority he could muster, "No, Italy. I'm okay. I'm…fine. I just, think I'm about to have a heat stroke...or…something…"
Mein Gott. What a lame excuse!
"But…it's the middle of winter, and you're wearing a tee-shirt. What's really going on Germany?"
Great. He's actually reading the atmosphere successfully for once. Just great.
Excusing himself from the table, Ludwig quickly ran through the back door to the pool patio (doing such with as much dignity as he had left), leaving a very confused Italian in his wake.
I need to think…wait! No! No more thinking Ludwig! EVER. I just need to cool off for a bit. Maybe I'll go visit East and stay with him for the night. No…that wouldn't work. He would pry too much as to why I wasn't staying with Feliciano like normal. Gah!
Pacing in front of the pool, he mumbled mostly incoherent sentences about how he shouldn't have been thinking such lewd—yet totally romantic—things about a man who doesn't have feelings for him in the same way as he has for them—ESPECIALLY with said man in the room!
"What was I thinking?! Oh wait, that's right. I was thinking about…kissing…Feliciano."
He felt his face redden once again at the memory of the—certainly pleasant—daydream.
Unbeknownst to Ludwig, Italy was right there. And he heard the whole mumbling, muttering affair where he was the central topic.
"Ve…does Ludwig…really want to kiss me that much…?…Why would you…?"
Ludwig stiffened at the use of his human name. Feliciano never used it out loud unless he was crying out in desperation upon awakening from one of his nightmares of Ludwig forgetting about him. Or unless he was really mad at him. Or about to deliver bad news. The last time Feliciano had called him 'Ludwig' was at that long-ago betrayal by joining with America and the rest. Alfred…that bastard. Ludwig still didn't blame him for leaving all those many years ago towards the end of that god-awful war. His boss had gone insane, and had by turn made Ludwig go a bit mad as well. He shook his head. He really didn't need to be thinking about that of all things right now.
"…Ludwig…did you mean…"
Awwwwww shit. Fuck. Goddamn fucking fuck fuck!
Turning slowly, he kept his eyes averted and began to walk briskly past the cause of his distress.
"What are you talking about Italy? You're hearing things. I'm just going to go back inside and go to bed. You should go back to your place too. Romano's probably plotting my murder for kidnapping you for so long anyways…brothers should be together every once-in-a-while too."
Feliciano remained silent, and Ludwig prayed to whatever God there was that he would help him to keep it that way.
Seems like God wasn't listening to a sinner like Ludwig tonight though. Or maybe he was just sadistic and wanted to see him be tortured by his harbored, unrequited feelings for his friend.
Yeah. That's it. God's a masochistic deity who loves fucking with lives for pleasure. Ironic. Ironic indeed.
"Ludwig…"
Ludwig paused just behind Italy, and he heard the rustling of fabric signifying that Feliciano was now facing the taller man's back. But, as that masochistic God as his witness, Ludwig was not going to turn around. Not. For. Anything.
"…"
"L…Lud…Ludwig…"
Oh no. Ohhhh no. No, no, no, no, no! He was NOT doing what he thought he was doing. No way!
Ludwig heard a soft series of sniffles. Crap.
Crap, crap, CRAP! He's crying. Crying! Gah…he knows I'm not good at dealing with his tears! He knows that I don't like it when he's upset! Why is he pretending like he's broken-up over what I said?! I already know he doesn't have any feelings for me, like I obviously do for him! I think he made that pretty damn clear on that blasted Valentine's Day fiasco! I'm not turning around. No way, no how. I'm just going to keep on walking, go inside, and get in bed. And lock my bedroom door. Not that a simple lock would keep Feliciano out of my room if he really wanted in…stop! Stop torturing yourself like this! Just…walk forward. That's right. One foot, two feet, three feet, fo—
Another sniffle, this time accompanied by a partially restrained sob.
Fuck.
"Feliciano."
Ludwig turned around fully to face the youngest Vargas just as he looked up. His face was wet, his eyebrows arched, and he was flushed. Ludwig unfortunately found that face to be really…cute in a way.
Another sniffle.
"Feliciano."
"…"
"…"
The two men, so close to one another, physically separated by only a few feet, were only just out of emotional reach from each other. Neither wanted to be the one to talk about this. Both men just wanted to go back inside, sit back down to the dinner of spaghetti and meatballs, and resume friendly chatter without any substance or depth.
This is because that kind of life is normal.
That kind of life is safe.
But, in their line of work, nothing is safe. Nothing is normal. And you won't get anywhere without taking a risk. So, swallowing his nerves to his best ability, Ludwig squared his shoulders, stood up as straight as he could under the weight of what he was going to say, and stared the center of his affections directly in the eye.
"Yes." He stated simply, for that single word was all that he could bring himself to utter. All semblance of self-control left after the release of that one-syllable word from his lips. He felt that sting in his upper nose, the sting that signifies extreme despair, and struggled to push it away. Breathing deeply, he observed the Italian's features. His movements. His every expression, which changed abruptly from distraught, to shocked, to confused, to hurt, to uncomfortable, and back to shocked before settling with a calm expression reserved for when he is so upset that he feels the need to hide his despair.
"Hehe! Germany, why are you lying like that? Huh? Y'know, lying is really bad! Really, really bad! I don't think we should play this game anymore." He said the last part with such a serious tone…
Now Ludwig was confused. VERY confused. Wasn't he just crying about me wanting to kiss him? About these unnatural feelings I harbor towards him? He had to be…
"Game? What do you mean…?"
"Don't play with me like that! I can't stand being lied to! Don't pretend that you're feeling—" He gripped his heart while saying thing—"what I'm feeling!"
He broke down once more, and started to cry angry tears laced with such a deep sadness unlike Ludwig has seen in a very long time. The hot, wet liquid flew freely down his face, and he breathed heavily, unable to continue with his reprimands. Ludwig could tell that the Italian wanted more than anything to just sink to the hard, snow-covered patio floor and sob his eyes out like normal. But no. Feliciano was serious right now, and even though he was an emotional person by nature, Ludwig had known him for enough years to tell that his friend was trying to be as in control as possible. He was trying to be a "strong man" as Ludwig had told him to strive to be so many times during their training sessions. The fact that Feliciano was holding his own, glaring at the blonde man through his tears made Ludwig just a little proud of how far he'd come—as well as a little broken-hearted.
"Ita—Feliciano. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not playing with you. And…and…I…I don't…I mean, I do…want…well, you see, what I'm trying to say is…is…well—" Ludwig knew that he was rambling. He knew if yet he took no precautions against it. He just continued dancing around what he was trying to avoid saying. Trying to avoid speaking the one desire that would surely destroy their friendship. Feliciano was still looking at him, but now there was a look of expectance on his naturally tanned face. Perhaps even hope?
Taking a couple of deep, shaky breaths, he spoke once more.
"What I mean is that I, well I, I want…to know what you meant." Shit. He chickened out. But really! Feliciano had just dropped a bomb of his own! What was he supposed to do? Just forget that the smaller man had said "don't pretend that you're feeling what I'm feeling?" What did he mean by that?
As soon as the words left his mouth though, he realized that it was the wrong thing to say, because a rage unlike Ludwig had ever seen in his companion briefly flashed through Feliciano's features before settling back into a look of disappointment and resignation.
Silently, he backed up a few steps to the glass ice-cream table next to the pool, and sat down. He did not make a gesture requesting or suggesting that Ludwig follow suit, but Ludwig walked over regardless, and sat down upon the frozen, snow-covered metal. He didn't even bother to brush the light covering of powder off, opting instead to allow his body heat to absorb the icy punishment.
Neither man said a word, and strangely, Ludwig was oddly happy about that. In a sense. At least this gave him some time to consider his approach to any questions Feliciano might ask him. But really, Ludwig was at a total disadvantage.
Normally, in any other matter than the heart, he would have already taken charge like his normal anal self, and demanded that the confusion and hurt be sorted through immediately so that whatever work needed to be done could get done. But, Ludwig didn't know anything about the heart.
He only knew about his own experiences. His own heart break. His own confusion, hurt, and thoughts that what he was feeling was unnatural and sinful.
He certainly didn't know much about other people's hearts, much less the openly buoyant yet internally mysterious North Italy—Feliciano Vargas.
He really, really had no idea whatsoever on how to approach this.
Clearing his throat, Ludwig hoped that his friend would be the first to fill the silence. With happy chatter or a serious discussion. It didn't matter. Ludwig was becoming uncomfortable with his own thoughts.
Feliciano on the other hand, was obviously set against being the first to speak, so he hummed a tune to a song that Ludwig recognized, somewhere in the back of his mind.
Thinking on it, he bit his lip, when it occurred to him. Of course…he thought.
Sighing, Ludwig brought his un-gloved hands up to the top of the table, and rubbed them together, in attempts to dispel the cold. His companion also brought his hands onto the table, and sat them just in front of the German's, yet kept humming his tune, keeping his eyes trained on the green-blue chlorine of the pool.
Oh, how he truly wished to take those hands into his own!
Ludwig observed Feliciano's hands. They were small, slender, and delicate. Like a girls. But, they were no girl's hands. Those beautifully soft, calloused hands belonged to a man. A strong, passionate man. A man that Ludwig cared all too deeply about.
The combined light from the under-water pool lamps and the moon made for a spectacular show on the Italian's soft skin. Ludwig couldn't stop staring. The reflection of the water seemed to dance across Feliciano's skin, making his features seemingly shake and shimmer in it. Even though he was far stiller than normal. Ludwig observed the jaw line of the man opposite of him. The curve of his lips. The slope of his ear and the long, long eyelashes that kissed gently upon his high beautiful cheekbones.
God, this man was beautiful.
And he knew what he had to do.
Swallowing his pride, his nerves, and his sense of self, Ludwig took Feliciano's hands into his own and bent over to kiss their frozen, white knuckles.
When he came back up, he looked his companion into the eye, and smiled.
Seeing this expression, Feliciano released a bright smile of his own.
Each leaned forward a bit over the tabletop, and Ludwig whispered huskily, "I want to kiss you, Feliciano."
Smiling, the Italian replied with, "Really? I thought that Ludwig didn't like me in that way. Hmm, I wonder what Ludwig would taste like, ve~"
And in the dancing reflected light of the pool, two people frozen in time and their frozen hearts melted a little bit as their lips made contact in the sweetest gesture those falling in love can give.
A kiss.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
As their kiss deepened into something more than chaste, Ludwig stood and led them back to the house, where the two could work things out. Because really, it was far too cold outside for anything to be talked about seriously. Well, they could talk later. After a bit of the pent-up sexual energy was released though their tender affections and gestures.
Cuddling up on the couch together for warmth, Feliciano said to Ludwig in a hushed tone full of adoration, "You know Ludwig, your eyes are really blue tonight. They're the most perfect shade of blue when you're happy, ve~!"
After saying that, both of the men laughed wholeheartedly.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ludwig thought, Yes, tantalizing was the right word to use. Feliciano is always tempting me, always testing my self-control and desire. He's constantly making me want him with me.
I think I just might be in love.
These feelings and events were so, so much better than a daydream.
They were real.
And they were his.
~END~
Title:
Fandom: APHetalia
Characters: Central focus on Germany, with Italy
Genre: Introspective, Romance, Angst?
Rating: T+ ((16 or older reccomended for highly...erm...homosexual themes XD...oh, and language too HAHA))
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA. That is all. And I'm glad in a way that I don't, lest the whole thing become a romance story. Y'know. More so than it already is, hahaha. All belongs to Hidekaz...ALL HAIL HIDEKAZ!
Warning: ADULT THEMES! SLIGHTLY SEXUAL THEMES! BL! SHONEN-AI! ((not quite yaoi, but...YAOI!)) SLASH! READ AT OWN RISK.
Total Word Count: 3,527
Total Pages: 12
SPOILER-SPOILER-SPOILER-SPOILER-SPOILER-SPOILER
Okay, so here we go!! This story is rediculosly OVERLY long and verbose. I'm sorry to say it but, I think I got carried away. Heh, I've never been very good at condensing things...*sweats*
I really like the first part up to just after the fantasy...but then I just kind of feel that it got weak.
There really wasn't any plot line, other than that Germany was SOMEHOW, SOMEWAY going to end up kissing Italy FOR REAL in the end.
Ah well, please excuse any grammitical or spelling errors I might have made. Or, you know what?
Don't ignore them! Please, tell me where they might be so that I may be able to correct them!
Funilly enough, the idea for this story just kind of poped in my head yesterday afternoon when I was *cough* cleaning *cough* my room. I'd picked up an old vocabulary card, and the word was "tantalizing". I suddenly was seized with the image of Germany and Italy sitting by the pool, the water dancing across their faces. So, I started writing. But, I really had no idea where to take it, so I kind of just let my fingers spew out words and string them together into a semblance of a story.
In case you were wondering, the song that Italy is humming is Verbotener Kuss ((Forbidden Kiss XDDD)) by the Krautrock band Schandmaul. I reeeeally like Schandmaul~!
Hmm, I don't often see an Introspective!Germany like the one I wrote, I hope that I kept him in character and not too OOC!! Haha!
OH OH OH, ALSO! This is my belated fanfiction gift for the most wonderful of VUNDAHBAH lover of sexy Germans on deviantART, Boomeranger!
Here you go my lovey!
See, I told you I didn't forget...just that I was a bit behind!! Heh!
AS WELL AS BEING A GIFT FOR BOOMERANGER, this is also my entry for the 30 kisses challenge...theme#15, Perfect Blue
I hope you enjoy the story, and please, please, please drop a comment! It would make my day!!
NOTE: Hehhehe, not to use this as bait..but I'd consider making a sequel or a more…"finished" version of this if I get 20 reviews or more! In other words….you know those "steamier" scenes I mentioned wanted desperately to add earlier? Yeah, well, I'd consider adding those for you, my darling fangirls 333
:)))))))))))))))
NOT TO GOAD YOU OR ANYTHING! NO, NOT AT ALL!