"Dear Okaa-san and Otou-san,

It's your son. Well, your OLDEST son. The non-bratty one. The far more attractive one. The one with the short hair. Well, Shinya has short hair too but… mine flares! And besides, he said he wanted to grow his hair out like Otou-san's (1). Back to my point! It's me, your lovely son! Finally made it to that "college" in that weird country that you said I should go to. You know, I checked the map twice and not once did I see this crazy place on there. Now, there's a sun in the sky but I never heard of a place called 'Sun.' That's a stupid name for a country. It's not even all that bright! It was pouring when the train pulled into the station! Ridiculous!

…But I heard once a long time ago there was a city named 'Hell.' And it actually did freeze over once or twice. Hmm. Let's all keep in mind to neither say 'when pigs fly' nor 'when hell freezes over' because, apparently, both have occurred. No, really. There was this orange-ish blue-eyed pig monster flying around with wings for ears - minus the curly tail and the bad smell. Okay, so it wasn't a pig. But it still flew. I'm not a zoologist or anything (nor do I plan to be one) but it's not normal. The thing was heavy (yes, I held it; it had an owner, Okaa-san, so don't much a fuss. It had its rabies vaccination). For it to be capable of flight wouldn't it need a small amount of body fat and light/hollow bones? And something about the idea of bones moving that are attached to its skull really bothers me.

I got off-topic. How typical of me, ne? About that "college"... Why do you call it that? It's more like a boarding school, and I'm only seventeen. You just yanked me out of my last year of high school to send me off to this place! What gives? Oh… I'll add more to this letter later. The two weird dudes on stage are about to tell us 'newcomers' what this place is all about. Oh, and by the way… thanks for putting me at the bottom of the social ladder again. You're real pals for that. NOT!"

The brunette sighed and closed his notebook, placing the pen inside the spirals that kept the papers together. The lights dimmed, and soon the only highlighted area was the stage. The 'two weird dudes' mentioned in the letter were a bit unusual. The shorter of the two was also the paler, with watery blue eyes; his long hair was pulled back in a ponytail, colored in assortments of blue, deep violet, pale pink, and lavender. He wore what appeared to be a standard uniform for the female population - in other words, a black tie over a yellow-orange blouse with a knee-length black skirt highlighted in orange. Though the brunette figured the sneakers the man wore were certainly not part of this uniform.

The second man appeared far more feminine in appearance, but he seemed to be wearing the male's uniform. He had long hair as well, but it was permitted to be loose from any confinements known as 'hair ties,' 'berets,' and the like. The color of his hair was a bit more tropical, including greens, yellows, and a tint of turquoise. His skin was darker, more tanned than his companion's. His eyes were a watery green, and a long horse's tail swished behind him. The brunette amongst all the other students blinked. A horse tail? …the other male had one too. Both of their tails were compromised of the same colors their hair were. Strange… Cosplayers, maybe? Although, there had been that flying pig... Hmm. Back to the second strange man. Due to it still being summer, he wore a pair of black capris. His shirt was a button-up yellow-orange one with a black vest over it. For summer uniforms, they looked unusually warm.

"Welcome, fresh meat!" were the first words that came from the males' mouth, and all newcomers 'meeped.' Perhaps it was the word choice, or maybe it had something to do with the devious grins that adorned the two men's faces. Totally had to be the word choice. Also, why was the more masculine-appearing one wearing the skirt? The feminine one would have appeared far more attractive in it, and it'd be less obvious to the new population of students that one of the two was cross-dressing, therefore leaving less room for staring and more room for actually paying attention.

"I'm Masq-san," the effeminate male said, hand on his chest.

"And I'm Ginger-san," the cross-dresser said with a smile, and held a remote control in one hand. "We're pretty sure you're currently wondering why I'm wearing the girl's school uniform, are you not?" A wide grin spread across his face watching all the heads before him in the seating area nod. "Please, do not laugh. We're dead serious." His eyes narrowed to further prove his point. The students exchanged quizzical, expectant looks. "Our dearest principal a few years ago implemented something she considered to be ingenious. Something about acceptance in the future and whatnot." The students, again, nodded to accept what he was explaining to them. They saw no reason to laugh - yet.

"Basically, every week there's a special day, a very special one indeed. Every Wednesday it's a school requirement you wear the school uniform of the opposite sex," Masq informed them. There was silence, then… the students burst into laughter, of course. It was the single most ridiculous thing they ever heard. It was a joke. It had to be.

"Aww, Masq-koi, you made them giggle. Now how will we explain to them how this school works?" Ginger asked his companion, who in turn gave a sly grin.

"The usual way. Do something to snag their attention, and then force them to listen," Masq mumbled lazily, yawning somewhat. "So, whose turn?"

"You know, I think I actually forgot…" Ginger mumbled.

"How absent-minded of you." Masq frowned somewhat, and looked at his koi. "…I think it should be my turn. You're the one wearing the skirt."

"Ah, but you're the one standing like a woman dear Masq," Ginger countered, a grin on his face as well.

"Have you heard of the uke height rule?" Masq asked, picking at his fingernails gently.

"That's only in the fantasies of fujoshi(1)," Ginger snorted. "I can't control what my genes decide my final height will be."

"True, true…" Masq couldn't help but agree with the truth in that statement. "I have bishounen hair."

"I can kick your ass."

"Is that really what you would prefer doing to it over another option?"

"Never said it's what I prefer, simply what I could do. Among other things."

"In front of all these poor children?"

"Especially in front of all these poor children. They could use a good, first-hand lesson in ya – oh my, how long have they been listening?" Ginger asked, feigning shock. Either this 'argument' was just a ploy at obtaining the students' full focus, or he was used to this situation.

"I think you caught their attention with 'ass.' It caught mine. Or at least, yours did." Masq said, his grin still playing at the edges of his mouth.

"No, no, I think you caught their attention with 'uke.' You would make an ideal one, so it's hardly surprising at the thought of you being bene—"

"Will you two just get on with the introductory phase of this school?" a woman's voice from behind the curtain interjected.

"Her hangover seems worse than usual," Ginger said with a snicker. "Very well. Camera?"

"Hello, students! My name is Sแlvatien! n.n I hope you are all enjoying this presentation so far! If any of you step out of line… I WILL FEED ON YOUR SINS AND SEND YOU DOWN TO THE DEEPEST DEPTHS OF HELL WHERE YOU WILL SUFFER ETERNAL DAMNATION! Onto the school, teehee." The woman on the projected scream seemed as though in all reality this wasn't how she acted, and the students doubted she was the type to 'teehee.' Actually, it looked like a horribly done voice-over. She had snakes in her hair, and wore large quantities of white – a contradiction of herself, in more ways than these students realized, unless they watched 'Ecittal,' which came on very late at night. "All right! Who's ready to learn? Okay! Ready, steady, go!

"Fanservice High was established several years ago by an unknown provider. Through this provider's money and resources this school was built up, up, UP! All the provider requested was that we implement this woman to be the principal." On the screen it flashed to a photo of a woman with maroon hair fluffing out to make her head appear mushroom-shaped, and wide gray eyes. "You may call her Scara-san. Her legal name is Touya-san, but everyone calls her Scara-san because usually she's half-asleep when putting on her make-up, so her mascara is everywhere. How embarrassing!

"This school only accepts students when they have reached their last year of high school, and nothing beyond that. We don't like being considered neither a 'high school' nor a 'college.' We're a special school whose profit comes entirely from our provider and the fundraisers we hold. We do not accept payment from parents on their children staying here year-round, for we have no qualms in taking care of you for one full year. Although, spending money is something you earn by taking a part-time job or having your parents send some to you. We are not buying everyone a video game console, as nice as a brand-new XBOX 360, Nintendo Wii (WHEEEEE!), and PS3 sound.

At this point, you must all be wondering why we don't mind taking care of you. Ask your teacher, it's why we pay them money. To answer your stupid questions (YES, ALL YOUR QUESTIONS ARE STUPID, DON'T LET THE TEACHERS LIE TO YOU) so we don't have to hear them. Got it? No? I don't care. Voice acting doesn't pay as much as you think it would. Now, about your schedules…

At nine in the morning you are all expected to start gathering inside of the building. Why? Because breakfast is served at nine, and if you want any you have to be there first or none for you. School starts at precisely TEN AM! If you are late to a class, you will not be admitted in. You will be sent straight to Scara-san's office where you will face her wrath in a hung-over stupor of too much partying the previous night. Now, once the first period commences… oh, I'm sorry. They don't call them 'periods' here. They call them 'zones'. Once the first zone begins, you are in that class for one full hour.

In total, you all have six zones. Your lunch is an hour long, and commences right after third zone. You remain in that third zone for the duration of the lunch, and the food is brought to you. This is a far simpler process to go through than you going to get your food. Once lunch is over, you head to a fourth zone. And now, the rules: all dorms fit two people. An application is being sent around. If you lie on it about any of your information, we will know. And you'll suffer. Dearly. Have a wonderful time here at Fanservice High!" The screen went blank.

"Why did they use Sแlvatien from 'Ecittal' as the background and pay a woman to do a voice-over? Isn't it cheaper and NOT against copyright laws to just hire someone to say all that?" Ginger asked in a hushed whisper.

"You'd think that," Masq sighed, encircling his arm around Ginger's waist. The two were sort of hugging each other, but neither in a dominant stance - just leaning. The new student body stared. "…What?"

"Right! You wanna know the rules! While we explain the rules and then make-out for your entertainment (wonderful store, FYI) that lovely young man over there will pass out the applications for you all to fill out," Ginger announced. The 'lovely young man' was actually a very ticked-off looking man. He had short, well-kept blonde hair, and droopy violet eyes that looked in annoyance at the expectant students. He wore a loose, collared button-up white shirt, beneath it a black leather top; casual denim jeans; and dangling from his mouth was an unlit cigarette. OMG DRUGS IN THE SCHOOL! Someone is getting sued! Nu!

Obviously not too interested in passing out papers, he yanked on the ponytail of one of the students. Nice and gently. Gentle enough so the teen was pulled straight out of his chair and right onto the floor. Ahh yes, gently. Really. Okay, so it wasn't gentle - hush. It's bad enough the blonde man is going to get himself sued for carrying drugs into a school; does he really have to get arrested for child abuse as well?

"Pass them out, saru," the man ordered. Requested. Ordered. Requested. Which to use without getting him in trouble but still revealing his true personality? …threatened. The man 'threatened.' Yes, it works perfectly! Looking up at the man with a half-pout, half-scowl, the longhaired teen got up to do as he was told, muttering complaints (or were they insults?) along the way as he did.

"Don't worry. Those two are relatives. Really," Masq said, eyeing the two before coughing.

"Uhm… you sure you want to give them that impression?" Ginger asked as he gave the droopy-eyed blonde and longhaired 'saru' a strange look.

"Rules! Onto the rules! R-right! No running in the hallways, no food fights in classrooms…" Masq rambled, shifting from one obvious rule to the next trying to get off the subject of the obviously angry man who didn't want to pass out papers and the teen he roughly handled to do his bidding. HIS BIDDING! AHAHAHA!

"Uhm, no talking back to your teachers!" Ginger pitched in, yelping for some unknown reason. The brunette raised a brow at them, and looked down at the paper handed to him by the disgruntled teen. Shrugging, he figured he might as well fill it in.

Name (Last, First): Kanbara, Takuya

Age: 17… ish.

Height: 5'6

Gender (circle one): Male; Female; Hermaphrodite; Undecided; Trans; Other; None

Date of Birth: August 8, 1989

Previous School Attended: Odaiba High School

Interest to Major In? (Please name only two): Soccer; Graphic Design

Home Phone: 1-342-232-2356

Cell Phone: May all cell phones burn… I'm too poor to afford one.

Life Expectancy: Uhm… until I'm 80? What kind of question is this? How am I supposed to know?

Mother's Name: Jude. Like that Beatles song.

Father's Name: Shugyo

Guardian's Name: See mother and father

Favorite Color?: Red. Red. RED.

Sexuality? (Sorry to ask this question, but when assigning dorms in previous years there were some uhm… mishaps.) (Circle one): Hetero; Homo; Pan; Bi; A; Undecided; Confused; Questioning

Please List Any Prior Offenses. If none, leave blank:

Please List All Previous Offenses In Past Schools: Seven referrals, twelve detentions, and once suspended

Marital Status? (Circle One): Married; Single; Engaged; Fooling Around

Any Pets?: Eleven cats. Seriously. Oh, and three dogs. Very cuddly. Do strange birds giving you a funny look every morning count as a pet as well? If so, one bird.

How Many Licks Does It Take To Get To the Center of a Tootsie Pop?: …you've got to be kidding me. I don't know, and I really don't care. You shouldn't either. It's a marketing ploy. DO NOT FALL VICTIM!

"Psst!" A teen next to him was obviously trying to get the brunette's attention. In the distance he could he strange sounds from the stage - he figured it was best to NOT look up.

"What?" Takuya whispered, looking over at the person trying to obtain his oblivious attention. In doing so, his mahogany (a fancy word for a reddish-brown color, it makes writers sound more intelligent by using these nifty words) eyes met with the bluest eyes he had ever seen. Awkward thought, but true. The person was another guy, just like him, except his hair was a sandy blonde, or maybe a golden brown. It was hard to tell. But it was really spiky.

"Three-hundred and sixty-four," hissed the person, hinting at the answer.

"To how many licks it takes?" The more brunette brunette asked.

"Yes," the more blonde brunette brunette replied.

"You fell for their marketing ploy!" The more brunette brunette hissed, appalled by this. How dare he! Fall for a marketing ploy, shame!

"You have a sexy immune system," a guy said to someone behind the more brunette brunette, and a loud 'SMAYACK' echoed after. Weird.

"Marketing ploy? My friend gave it to me for free, and I figured, why not?" The less brunette (but still a brunette) but with more blonde in his hair dude answered simply.

"Oh. Well… hey uhm…" The more brunette began, and then peered over at this new guy's paper. His name was 'Sora.' Just… Sora. No last name? "…Sora… thanks, but I'm god." The poor more of a brunette did not realize there was a typo in his words, and so it was misunderstood.

"…But your application says you're Takuya," Sora mumbled.

"Right. Right. Word-o. It happens," Takuya admitted sheepishly. Yes, this mahogany-eyed teenage youth of seventeen (actually sixteen, his birthday was a month away) was Kanbara Takuya, or Takuya Kanbara, depending on which country you live in.

"Okay!" Sora nodded good-naturedly, overlooking the strangeness of what just happened. This was turning out to be quite a unique school so far… quite unique indeed.

(1): Takuya's father in Digimon Frontier did indeed have hair long enough to be placed in a ponytail.
(2): Fujoshi - a woman/girl whose interested in fictional stories depicting two men in love with each other. Betterly known as yaoi fangirls.

Disclaimer: Totally not owning that niftiness known bestly as Digimon, Saiyuki, or any other sexy copyrighted material mentioned and/or used.
Claimer: 'Ecittal' and one of it's charries, Salvatien, belong to three people. Though Salvatien only belongs to one of those three. Solange MacLeod. She rocks.
A/N: Why, hello thar! This was edited by the wonderful Solange MacLeod (read her fics or suffer), and written by... uhm, so whacked out girl who probably needs some major psychiatric help. This is the Prologue. DOOM.
Warnings: Have you ever heard of, "playing with pairings?" If not, basically it's where you mess around with all these lovely possibilities. As you can already see, there's the problem of hentai (perverted) jokes. There will be yaoi (nothing hardcore), yuri (again, totally not hardcore), straight people (straight enough to pierce your heart - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART! AND YOUR TO BLAME!), and a bunch of other crazy things.
IMPORTANT: This might interest some of you. OCs and Mary Sues... are love. We like them here. If you have any to donate to this ficlet, please leave a review saying so or a nice e-mail! Any anime/video game characters you want in here, also, totally will be added. The more the merrier!
Dominant Pairings: Kouji/Takuya; Mimi/Izumi; Sanzo/Goku; Ginger(OC)/Masq(OC); Ken/Daisuke
Joke Pairings: Ueda/Jima;