Blaine was hanging out with Rachel, sitting on the couch in the apartment she shared with Kurt and Santana. It had been two months since he graduated from McKinley, moved to the city and started his classes at NYADA. He liked it here, as soon as he touched down it felt like home. He was supposed to be here. New York and performing was in his blood and Broadway was his future. But at the same time he knew he would never feel truly complete unless he got Kurt back...and that thought scared him, because what if Kurt never came back to him? Then what? Would he be destined to love him from a distance for the rest of his life, to be so close to everything he wanted, yet so far?
They had stayed friends after they broke up but their friendship never really went back to how it was and after he moved to the city and started at NYADA, they began to hang in different circles. It was not like they ignored each other, never. They would go for coffee on occasion but not often, greet each other in the halls and at the apartment, but when he was over it was usually because Rachel invited him, not Kurt. And Blaine never turned down an opportunity to see him - it wasn't like he didn't like Rachel and didn't want to see her too, but his world revolved around Kurt and if he had to use Rachel as an excuse to see him, he would. Even if being around Kurt was a sweet burning torture. It took a hold of his heart and slowly burned it away, until there was nothing left but ash, but he still kept coming back to this place...just to get a glimpse of him...because Kurt was air and Blaine needed to breathe.
It was a friday night in the city that never sleeps and he was enjoying himself. Despite everything. Blaine had hoped Kurt would be there, but according to Rachel he had gone out to Callbacks with Adam, his boyfriend...before Blaine arrived.
Boyfriend. Blaine swallowed hard. He hated it. The situation, not Adam. No matter how much he tried he couldn't bring himself to hate the tall british blonde with the cute accent. Not when he brought that smile to Kurt's face. He had met Adam a couple of times and Adam was likable, good to Kurt and even good looking...if you were into that kind of thing.
Blaine had plastered his best poker face on, even when it killed him to watch Kurt in his arms. Even when they kissed and he just wanted to scream or jump out of the window. Even when Adam had asked if he would join the Adam's Apples and he had to say no because he wouldn't be able to look at him with his Kurt on a daily basis. He stayed ever polite and dapper. Like a true Dalton man, even when it hurt him so deeply that he would go home to the small apartment he shared with Sam and cry in his room.
He never let the pain show because he didn't have the right. This nightmare he was stuck in was one of his own creation. He was the one who had ruined his own happily ever after. It wasn't like Adam had stolen Kurt away from him. He had already lost Kurt before he met Adam and Blaine had stopped trying to win Kurt back or expressed his feelings after the first time he saw the two of them together, because it was clear that Kurt was happy. Someone had made the love of Blaine's life happy and it wasn't Blaine. He had died a little inside that day and every day ever since, but there was nothing he could do about it. Nothing but wait. And he would wait forever if he had to.
He sighed deeply and let his fingers drift over the fabric of the couch, no longer paying attention to the movie they were watching. He was playing with a string of thread sticking out and mentally made a note to get some scissors and cut it off before Kurt got home and saw it. Kurt was very attached to his furniture and everything had to be perfect. He remembered the Skype date right after Brody had molested Kurt's vintage flea market chairs with his naked ass and smiled. Rarely had he heard such profanities come out of Kurt's mouth. He figured it was about pride, Kurt was all about pride. In himself as a gay man, in the way he dressed and carried himself, why should he be any different when it came to his home.
This would have been your home too, if you hadn't messed up.
He scolded himself, now was not the time, but thoughts like that had a habit of sneaking up on him without warning. He returned to watching the movie while absent-mindedly pulling at the string and glanced over at Rachel who was totally enthralled by the movie, mouthing along to the musical they were watching. She was an acquired taste but he had come to appreciate her and he really liked their movie nights with just the two of them. Well, it was supposed to be just him and Rachel, but Santana had come home early from what she had described as a "disastrous date" just as The Sound of Music had started and with a: "Move hobbit, I can smell your heartache from here", plopped down next to him. He had glared at her until she had sighed deeply and added: "Sorry but I am already drowning in the stench of my own and that's all I can handle at the moment".
He had let her off the hook then because...well...she wasn't wrong and they could sympathize with each other. They were both in love with people who had moved on from them. Only difference was that Santana was actively trying to get over Brittany while Blaine was still hung up on Kurt and hadn't even been on a single date with anyone else. And it wasn't because he didn't have the chance, the guys were practically falling all over him, it was so different from being gay in Ohio. Here the gay men didn't hide and they weren't afraid of making a move. It was shocking in a way. Not exactly uncomfortable, but he didn't like the predatory gays who hit on anything that moved and came on too strongly and were too forward in their advances and they were everywhere in New York.
I bet Sebastian would fit right in, he chuckled to himself at the random thought and shook his head a little. Rachel and Santana looked his way then.
"What's so funny?", Rachel asked.
"Yeah, spill shorty", Santana echoed.
"It's nothing", Blaine sighed when they both sent him pointed looks and continued. "I just suddenly thought of Sebastian."
Santana raised an eyebrow and Rachel looked confused.
"Why in the world would you waste time thinking about that creep?"
"I just think he would love New York, that's all. It's full of his kind."
"All the more reason why we don't need one more", Rachel stated and Santana nodded, then she seemed to realize something.
"His kind? Wait...did someone hit on you?"
"Men hit on me every day, Santana." Blaine rolled his eyes. "And if you think Sebastian was extreme you should try walking in my shoes for a day. I assure you, he wasn't that bad. If you compare Sebastian to the guys in this town, he is almost polite".
"Did you...um...", Rachel seemed to have a hard time asking. "...ever say yes?"
"What? Rachel, no." Blaine suddenly got annoyed. He could sense where this was headed.
"Why not?"
And there we go...why couldn't she ever mind her own business?
"Because I don't want to."
"But why not? One of them must have been cute?"
"It's not about being cute", he sighed.
"Then what is it about Blaine?"
It's about them not being Kurt...
"I am not ready for a relationship, okay. I don't want to date!" Blaine wished she would just get off his back.
"Bullshit." Santana said.
"Excuse me?" Blaine's mouth dropped open.
"You heard me. I said bullshit, Frodo. You want to date, but you only wanna date Kurt."
"Santana, don't." Rachel pleaded watching as Blaine turned red in the face from either anger or embarrassment. But Santana ignored her and pushed on.
"No, he needs to hear this, Rachel. We both know the only reason he comes here is to see him, he isn't here right now because he is our friend, he is just using us to get close to Kurt and I for one is sick of it."
Rachel looked down at the floor not daring to say anything because she knew Santana was right. But she also wished Santana would stop this before she pushed Blaine too far. From the looks of it he was about to explode.
"Listen Blaine. Truth time. You are not getting Kurt back, he has moved on with Adam, they have been together for a while now. And he is happy without you, trust me. Kurt is extremely satisfied with Dr. Who if the noises coming from his bedroom in the middle of the night is anything to go by."
That was the last straw for Blaine. He was not gonna listen to this. And not just because it gave him mental images of Kurt in bed with Adam, that would haunt him forever.
Who the hell does she think she is?!
"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, SATAN!" He yelled as he stood up from the couch.
"Hit a nerve, did I?" She smirked. Fucking smirked at him. Bitch!
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!" Except she totally did and that was the reason Blaine was yelling right now. They all knew it. And he couldn't stay there a second longer with them staring at him, knowing how pathetically in love with Kurt he still was. He bolted for the door, when Rachel grabbed his arm.
"Blaine...please. Don't leave like this. I just want to help you. Santana too, even if she has a weird way of showing it." Santana rolled her eyes. "Come sit down again, talk to us." Rachel was pleading with her eyes and it only took one look to tell him that she was sincere, so he eventually caved.
"Fine." He went back to the couch. "Sorry, I yelled", he mumbled and Rachel smiled.
"That's okay. Santana crossed the line, I understand."
"It's just...she was right', he reluctantly admitted.
"Always am", Santana said. "My mexican third eye is never wrong."
"Whatever", he stared down at his hands wringing them together and Rachel observed him for a while before speaking.
"Look Blaine. I know how you feel. I will always love Finn, he was my first love, but we didn't work out and I had to let him go." She smiled sadly and her eyes were wet. "High school romances rarely lasts and I think it's time you let Kurt go".
"I can't Rachel. I've tried and I just can't. All I want is Kurt. He is all I will ever want, the only one who can make me happy, he's my soul mate."
"Oh good Lord", Santana put a finger down her throat and made barf sounds.
"Santana!" Rachel warned and Blaine glared at her.
"Okay okay, I'll shut up". Santana put her hands up in surrender as Rachel continued.
"Blaine honey, you can't think like that or you will be unhappy for the rest of your life. And as your friend that would make me very unhappy too". She took his hand and squeezed it. "You need to get out there, meet someone new, make an effort like Santana is."
"I don't want to, Rach." He almost whispered and Rachel couldn't stand how fragile her friend sounded.
"You have too."
"But it doesn't feel right."
"It will. Someday". Rachel assured him.
"How do you know that?" He hated how small his voice sounded.
"Been there, remember. I dated Brody and it was right for a while. Maybe with the next guy I meet...and the next one you meet, it will be right for forever. You can do this."
"I doubt it." He looked up at her, unshed tears in his eyes. "You know, I really thought we would get back together when I moved out here, that he was waiting for me and would break things off with Adam as soon as I got my NYADA acceptance letter." He let the tears fall and buried his face in his hands. "Instead I have to watch him with Adam and it kills me Rachel, it fucking kills me." He was full-on sobbing now and Rachel pulled him into her arms.
"I'm sorry Blaine. I am so so sorry". She just held him as sobs racked his body. Santana didn't say anything but crawled closer on the couch and rubbed her hands soothingly up and down his arm. Both of them hated how much their friend was hurting and wanted to fix it. But didn't know how. After a while the crying stopped and Rachel handed him a napkin.
"Thanks." He dried his eyes and blew his nose.
"Blaine, it is not the end of the world." Santana tried. "We get more than one shot at love in our lives, you can learn to love someone else".
"You really believe that?" He stared at her intensely.
"I have to. Otherwise we're both screwed." He laughed and nodded a little at that and she smiled at him before adding: "And I don't want that, I want both of us to find happiness again." She was still touching his arm, comforting him.
"Santana being nice, never thought I would see the day", he joked.
"Just don't tell anyone, it would totally ruin my reputation."
"Your secret is safe with me". They smirked at each other.
It was silent for a while. Blaine was the one to break it.
"Listen guys, I am really sorry I have been selfish and using you to see Kurt. You are really good friends and it wasn't fair to you."
"Don't worry about it. And you are a good friend too, Blaine." Rachel smiled and hugged him again.
"Thanks Rach".
"And kisser", she smirked.
"Rachel!" Blaine blushed, but they all laughed and it seemed to ease the tension. They went back to the movie after that and fell asleep on the couch together.
It wasn't until around 2 am that Blaine was woken up by a loud banging on the door. He removed himself from Rachel and Santana, yawned and got to the door. More banging.
"Relax, I am coming". He opened the door and was surprised by what he saw. He didn't know what to say. His least favorite person in the world was standing there holding his most favorite person around the waist. Kurt looked like he was about to pass out and Blaine could feel himself fill up with worry.
"Adam...what's going on?"