Hello everyone. I just thought that I would write this quick short story while I work on my other ones over the weekend. I hope you all this story as it's based on the "Death Battle" videos on YouTube. It's epic, it's entertaining, and it all leads up to a great climax who will win? Well, you'll just have to read and find out for yourself. Are you ready for a battle?! Great, then let's begin. In 3...2...1!
Boomstick: They're both bald or have very little hair, they both are always in action, and…they're young kids.
Wiz: Numbuh 1, the leader of Sector V of the "Kids Next Door" organization.
Boomstick: And Stewie Griffin, the badass one-year old psychopath.
Wiz: So today, we'll find out which one wins.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: And its our job to analyzes their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a death battle!
Introduction to Stewie Griffin:
Wiz: This one-year-old is not meant to be messed with. If you do mess with him, he'll probably kill you. Not joking, he WILL kill you if provoked.
Boomstick: Stewie Griffin is the youngest member of the Griffin family, but don't yet his young appearance fool you. He's a damn psychopath!
Wiz: Born on June 30 1999, Stewie Griffin has a very sophisticated psyche and is able to speak fluently in an upper class English accent. When he was born, his birth doctor found a map of Europe with plans to bomb its capitals inside Lois, his mother.
Boomstick: From that day on, he was shown not to be a normal kid, but a kid with the mind of a criminal. His weapon arsenal is full of classic weapons. These weapons include a machine gun, a tommy gun, a chainsaw, a machete, a flame thrower, a rocket launcher, a crossbow, a laser gun, a few hand grenades, a handgun, and even a harpoon gun. This is one of the reasons you really should think twice about messing with Stewie!
Wiz: Not to mention his abilities! He can run fast, jump high, trick his enemies, punch hard, kick hard, and even bite hard. He can yell or curse up a storm, and he can even invent things.
Boomstick: Over the years of the "Family Guy" show, Stewie has invented many futuristic inventions, such as a mind controlling device, a carbonite freeze gun, a hypnotic control device, a hovering drill machine, a teleporter device, a multiverse traveler, a Peter-Bot, a clone machine, rocket skis, a weather device, and even a God-damn time machine! Wow, this is one badass little kid.
Wiz: His inventions are very cool and technologically advanced, and he uses them multiple times. However, due to the rules of "Death Battle", Stewie can't use his time machine. But he can use any of his other inventions.
Boomstick: This all proves one thing…if you want to bully a kid, please make sure that kid is not Stewie.
Wiz: However, he's not PERFECT. When his friend Brian gets into a dangerous situation, its been shown since Stewie and Brain are friends, Stewie CAN get distracted from any of his battles to help save Brian.
Boomstick: Wait, what?! Why on Earth does he care so much at Brian?
Wiz: Well, in one episode, he mentions that because of neglect from Peter, his father, he sees Brain as a fatherly figure, more than Peter. So because of this, Stewie can get emotional and weak sometimes.
Boomstick: But despite this, Stewie Griffin is still one badass kid!
Introduction of Numbuh 1:
Wiz: Kids. We all know that they can be fun, happy, and enjoyable bundles of energy. But in a world where all adults are evil, kids can be like…well…little children version of secret spy agents!
Boomstick: The "Kids Next Door" is a worldwide group comprising thousands of kids joined in mutual struggle against teenage/adult tyranny. Following a period of training, every member of the Kids Next Door chooses a number or alphanumeric code (deliberately pronounced and spelled as "numbuh") and is sent to a "sector" that acts as their home base. And no group of kids are more skilled at fighting adults then the kids of "Sector V", headquartered in a massive technologically advanced treehouse.
Wiz: But we're not here to talk about ALL of the kids of "Sector V". We're here to talk about their leader, Numbuh 1.
Boomstick: Numbuh 1? Wait, isn't that the kid with no hair and sunglasses?
Wiz: Correct. But besides his look, he has a vast array of skills. He can jump high, run very fast, do flips in the air, create and operate amazing inventions, and he can dodge projectiles being fired at him! He's also an amazing secret spy, and can sneak into very dangerous and hostile places. He also has his own weapon and spy equipment arsenal.
Boomstick: He has a gumball shooting gun, a wooden "Splanker" for spanking his enemies, a hot sauce gun, an orange juice squirter gun called a "Bajooka", a bazooka laser called a "Blazer", two bongos that act as binoculars called a "Bongoskope", rocket shows, and a random object launcher called a "Catuhplunk".
Wiz: He's also good at manipulating the minds of evil adults sometimes, as well as tricking them into falling into traps made to stop and capture them. He's also shown to be very athletic, and intelligent as well. His friends, Numbur 2, 3, 4, and 5 are amazing partners, but due to the rules of "Death Battle", his friends cannot help him during the battle. But he can use any inventions that he chooses.
Boomstick: Wow, this kid is really badass! It looks like NOTHING can stop this kid!
Wiz: Uh…not always, Boomstick. You see, in some missions in the past, he was captured by several adult villains, and could not break free of their traps. In fact, the only reason he managed to survive, was either if he was just dreaming the whole thing, or if his friends rescued him at the last minute.
Boomstick: So…he's still alive today because of luck? Not very impressive the more I think about it.
Wiz: But despite this minor weakness, he has outnumbered the evil adults more than he's gotten trapped by them. This shows that even though he's an 8-year-old kid, he's a badass kid who's not meant to be messed with.
And now, the actual battle to the death…
(The scene starts with Numbuh 1 in his neighborhood, holding a vanilla ice cream cone. He walks to the edge of the sidewalk, smiling at his ice cream cone…)
Numbuh 1: Ah, nothing like a delicious ice cream cone after a day of defeating adults. And now, to eat it (begins to lick it)
(Cut to Stewie on a rocket powered bicycle…)
Stewie: Shoot! I missed the ice cream truck! What on Earth am I going to do for ice cream? (Sees Numbuh 1's ice cream cone) Ah, I think I might have a chance to grab some ice cream after all…
(Stewie speeds by and grabs Numbuh 1's ice cream cone and speeds off…)
Stewie: YOINK! (Speeds off with the ice cream cone)
Numbah 1: HEY!
Stewie: Hahahahahahaha! Its like taking candy from a baby! (Licks ice cream)
Numbah 1: Oh, he thinks he can take my ice cream? (activates rocket shoes) We'll see about that! (Flies after Stewie)
FIGHT!
Stewie: HAHAHAHAHA! I love ice cream! (Licks it some more)
Numbuh 1 (approaching Stewie): Not so fast you ice cream thief!
Stewie: Damnit! How on Earth did you catch up with me!?
Numbuh 1: These rocket shoes, you moron!
Stewie: Oh, calling me a moron, huh? (Pulls out machine gun) Well, EAT LEAD! (Fires machine gun) DIE!
Numbuh 1 (dodges bullets mid-flight): HAHAHAHAHAHA! You missed me!
Stewie (speeds over a pothole, nearly falling over): Ugh, why won't you stay still!?
Numbuh 1: I'm not a badass like you!
Stewie: How are you call me a badass you little shit! (Continues firing machine gun)
Numbuh 1 (pulls out gumball gun): Oh yeah? Think you can fire bullets at me!? Well, eat gum! (Fires gumballs at Stewie)
Stewie (gets face covered with gum, causing him to crash his bicycle into a random car): HEY! YOU WRECKED MY BIKE! (wipes gum off his face) Now you're REALLY going to pay the price! (Pulls out harpoon gun)
Numbuh 1: HAHAHAHAHA! (turns off rocket shoes and lands on the ground) What the Hell is that going to do?!
Stewie: Oh, I don't know…maybe, THIS! (Fires harpoon, knocking the gumball gun out of Numbuh 1's hands)
Numbuh 1: You just destroyed my best gumball gun!
Stewie: Yes, you bet I did! And now (tosses down harpoon gun and pulls out a machete) I'm going to finish the job of killing you!
Numbuh 1 (terrified): OH CRAP! (Runs off in fear) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Stewie: COME BACK HERE! (Chases after Numbuh 1)
(Numbuh 1 runs through an alleyway into a nearby neighborhood. He notices an open back door to a random house. He hides behind the sofa in the living room…)
Numbuh 1: I got to do something!
Peter (enters living room): HEY! What the heck are you doing in here?!
Numbuh 1 (shivering): Uh…well…uh…you see…
Brian (enters living room): Oh, hey Peter. (Sees Numbuh 1) Who's this kid?
Peter: Some kind of intruder! (Grabs gun from cabinet) In this house, intruders get shot!
Numbuh 1: Please, I can explain why I'm in here. You see…
Stewie (breaks in via window): I can explain why! I was trying to kill him!
Peter (nods and puts gun away): Okay, go ahead. (Walks away)
Brian: Stewie, what the heck is going on here!?
Stewie: Stay out of this Brain! (Lunges towards Numbuh 1)
Numbuah 1: AAAAAHHHHH! (runs into kitchen where Lois is making meatloaf)
Lois (puts meatloaf into oven): Ah, this perfect meatloaf will be done in only 40 minutes (Sees Numbuh 1) Hey! Who are you and what are you doing in my house!?
Numbuh 1 (Jumps onto kitchen counter and grabs her chef knife): Sorry woman, but I've got a job to finish! (Blocks Stewie's machete)
Stewie: Oh, so you think you can just block my machete like Captain Jack Sparrow can block a sword!? Well, guess what you little shit?! I'm more lethal than you! (Swings machete at Numbuh 1, who keeps blocking it with the knife)
(For 45 whole seconds, Stewie and Numbuh 1 keep on fighting each other with the sharp weapons. Suddenly, Stewie slices Numbuh 1's knife in half…)
Numbuh 1: What the!?
Stewie: HAHA! I sliced your knife! Prepare to die! (points machete at Numbuh 1's neck) Any last words?
Numbuh 1 (pulls out Splanker and begins to spank Stewie in the face): Yes, this!
Stewie (drops his machete): OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! STOP IT (struggles to fight back) THAT HURTS, STOP IT!
Numbuh 1: No! Little brats like you have to pay! (Keeps spanking Stewie)
Stewie (pulls out a crossbow and shoots Numbuh 1's Spankler out of his hands) Hahaha! Now you can't spank me! (Pulls out flame thrower) Hey, is it just me or is it getting BOILING HOT IN HERE!? (Turns on flames and tries to burn Numbuh 1)
Numbuh 1 (doges and flips in the air, jumping out the window): Haha! You missed!
Stewie (jumps out after him): DID NOT! (Burns Numbuh 1's backside)
Numbuh 1 (in pain): AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! (Falls backward and gets cornered against a tree)
Stewie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU'RE FINISHED!
Numbuh 1 (coughs): No…I'm…NOT! (Gets out a homemade whipped cream bomb and pulls out the pin) Get ready for a SWEET EXPLOSION! (Throws detonated bomb at Stewie)
Stewie: Oh shit! (Tries to pull the bomb off, which was stuck to his shirt)
(Explosion cloud of smoke and whipped cream goes off, nearly destroying the whole neighborhood...Stewie is thrown backwards by the explosion, and he lands on the ground in pain…)
Stewie: Oh boy, I really made that kid mad, didn't he? I got to get out of here (Begins to crawl away, but a shoe pins him down to the ground, making him face the sky. Numbuh 1 appears…) Oh crap…
Numbuh 1: You're fast…and you're intelligent… (Grabs Stewie by his shirt collar and lifts him off the ground) But you can't outsmart me, you little shit! (Pins him against a tree) Now, I want go see you in pain. I want to see you suffer. No one takes my ice cream…no one!
Stewie (freaked out): Alright, alirght! But before you hurt, can I at least have one last request? Please! It'll only be a second…
Numbuh 1: Okay, fine. What's this last request?
Stewie: My last…request…is…is…is…THIS! (Quickly pulls out a running chainsaw and cuts of Numbuh 1's hands, causing Stewie to fall to the ground)
Numbuh 1 (falling to the ground in excruciating pain, with blood spewing all over the place): AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! (Closes eyes and dies)
(Stewie then continues to cut the now-dead Numbuh 1 with the chainsaw, cutting open is stomach, and causing his internal organs and blood to fly everywhere. Stewie then shuts off the chainsaw, and grins at his accomplishment…)
Stewie: YES! I DID IT! HORRAY! NO MORE BLAD BRAT! Yes, I'm such a winner! Oh, if only I had an audience to witness this glorious moment of mine! (Gets on his bicycle and takes off) Time to see about catching that ice cream truck...
KO!
Boomstick: That was one epic battle! And the best part is, no one got hurt…except for Numbuh 1…
Wiz: Both children were very skilled in combat, but Stewe's more "lethal" approach to fighting gave him a better advantage here. Despite Numbuh 1's skills, he's just not lethal as Stewie is.
Boomstick: Think about. When you're up against a kid who has a reputation for killing many innocent people, chances are you won't get out alive at the end. Stewie was not fooling around in this battle. So, think twice before even thinking about messing with him!
Wiz: Numbuh 1 was skilled enough to distract Stewie, but not enough to kill him. He was just as skilled at Stewie when it came to dodging the bullets and stuff, but that wasn't enough to kill Stewie off.
Bookstick: No amount of "Elmer's Glue" or glitter can bring Numbuh 1 back to life. Boy, I hope his friends don't freak out when they see his body...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Of course they're going to be freaked out and sad! Boy, I'm such a joker. Man, I really need to call t back on the coffee.
Wiz: The winner of this "Death Battle" is Stewie!
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick, signing off. Have a nice day!
THE END!
And that's our "Death Battle" for today, folks! Yeah, I made sorry for the bad words, but that's how these "Death Battles" usually are on YouTube. And yep, the winner is Stewie. Yes, that violent kid has won the battle. Considering what he does on "Family Guy" at the time, I wouldn't be surprised. But for now, it's all over and I hope you all review this story. Well, I got to go now. Goodbye!