LHL- It's friday night, and instead of having a sociallife, I'm here thinking about how Roxas felt throughout the Deep Dive, Twilight Town, and waking Sora... I think I already mentioned all that in the summary, but whatever, there it is again.Oh yeah, and no, this does not connect to the Axel poem, Chasing You. Though the titles would work well together. So anyways, hope yall like it.
Looking Back
I know I may sound crazy, but please hear me out. I still don't understand how it happened. It was just a simple task. Get rid of them. The same order I was always given. Simple enough, right? After all, I've destroyed hundreds of them before. It was my job to destroy them. But this time, something was different.
I still don't know what it was exactly. How any of it had happened. It was a blur and darkness. Then nothing. Absolute silence. At this point I wonder why it was always my job to do this? Was I set up to fall? Fall so someone else could rise to take my place? Or had I taken theirs? Whatever it was, it doesn't matter now.
I'd been used to the darkness. Ever since I was found the first time, I'd lived in it. Surrounded by nothingness had always seemed normal. And yet this time it was different. This time I was changed by it. The nothingness became something. Becoming a strange thing I'd never known before. I suppose you could call it light. No matter how false it may have ended up being in the end.
But I was content with being in it. It may have been fake and fleeting. But I wanted to stay in it for as long as I could. I wanted to forget everything from before. The darkness. The nothingness. That life that wasn't even meant to exist. I would just let all of it fade away. Only look toward the false haven I was kept in. That place where the sun always seems to be setting.
And so I did it. I forgot everything. I lived a new life. New people surrounded me. I had friends to share laughs with. And even enemies to cause pains, different from before. But I welcomed both of these. They were better than what I'd forgotten. And so I loved every minute of it.
That may have been why it was so hard to let go of it. I knew something was changing. My mind kept warning me of the approaching future. But I refused to listen. I wanted to stay here forever. Be stuck in this dream forever. Never having to wake up to that nothingness again.
But it wasn't my choice to make. Or was it? I'm not ever sure anymore. Maybe in the end I did choose to wake up. Maybe I was the one who chose to change dreams. To sleep forever in a dream that would never seem to be mine. Always out of reach. I was never the one saving them. I could never save anyone. I would only watch from the place I seem to sleep in now.
So I guess my awakening was different than I thought it would be. After all, I didn't awaken to that darkness, that nothingness again. This time, I awoke to a new, yet familiar, light. A light different from the light of the setting sun I had become so used to. One that shined brighter than any other I'd seen.
Maybe it was destiny. Or maybe it was just another false dream. I don't really care anymore. I don't see any point in fighting it now. Though it's sad sometimes, it's still better than that life I wasn't meant to live so long ago. I've finally escaped that life of nothingness.
I don't know how long it'll last though. With every day that passes I wonder if I will awaken again. Awaken into that darkness, that nothingness from before. Every trial, every sacrifice, I watch it all silently. Always hoping that this light will never falter. Never need a reason to throw me back into that so-called life. I never want to go back to that place. That place where darkness and nothingness are everything.