Pokemon 666: Part 1

by Percival Albatross

This is the first part of the highly-anticipated sophomore effort from author Percival Albatross (Shrek 5). Follow Ash and his friends on a brand new journey...

Pokemon 666: A Brand New Journey

Pikachu: (skydiving)

(Switch scene to inside the Ketchum household. Ash's Mom is cooking or some typical suburban mom shit. I don't know. She's bae though. Enter Ash as he comes down the stairs. He's 26 now. He still wears the same outfit he did when he was 10. Also, did you notice how he's 26? Yea he finally had a fucking birthday for once. Anyway, Ash enters the kitchen and sits at the table. He spits dip into a bottle)

Ash's Milf: wait…Ash? Where's Pikachu?

Ash: oh he's skydiving.

(As soon as Ash finishes this line, Pikachu smashes through the ceiling and slams against the kitchen floor, shattering every bone in his body and turning his teeth into a fine powder. It's a goddamn mess as most of the blood splashes like an ALS Ice Water Bucket Challenge on Milf Ketchum.)

Ash: ah, goddammit. He didn't bring a parachute again. Welp, looks like I gotta take this stupid fuckhead to the Pokemon Center…again.

Milf: haha ok, honey. Just make sure you're back for dinner lol. We're having Tauros-kabobs! :D

(Switch scene to Ash in the Pokemon Center waiting room while Pikachu is in surgery. Nurse Joy, who is looking bae as ever today, sits down next to Ash to comfort him.)

Nurse Joy: are you okay, Ash? It seems like you bring Pikachu in here twice a week for extensive surgery. Is something wrong?

Ash: (takes drag of cigarette. They're in a hospital but fuck it) I guess you could say that. Pikachu just hasn't been right since we beat the Elite Four of like every region ever. And then there was the whole thing where we brought down entire crime organizations like Team Rocket and all. All that adrenaline…it was like a drug to him…well, to both of us. But I was able to get help. I went to rehab. I did what I needed to do because I knew it was necessary. Pikachu, well, he escaped from rehab four times already. It's not worth it for me to take him back again because I know he'll just escape again. It's ridiculous. He's seeking that high again because there's nobody left to fight. We beat them all. All that's left are those pussies on the Routes or here in my hometown but they only raise his Exp. bar by like less than a millimeter. I feel really bad for the guy. He does risky shit like this and just winds up getting mangled. Last Monday, he threw himself into a woodchipper.

Nurse Joy: Jesus… you should get him a leash.

Ash: I tried that already. He shocked me until I dropped it and then he threw it like a lasso around a train hitch and let himself get dragged all the way to Lavender Town. Somebody scraped him off the tracks with a shovel and took him to the Pokemon Center there. And that's another thing…all these trips to the Pokemon Center are racking up medical bills that I have to pay for this asshole…and I don't even have a job…(starts sobbing)…I can't afford this shit.

Nurse Joy: damn. That's pretty shitty. But don't worry. We'll always be here for you (puts arm around Ash).

Ash: really? (looks at Nurse Joy with small tears forming in his eyes)

Nurse Joy: HA! NAAAAHHHHHH! You still live at home with your mom, you deadbeat shithead! HAHAHA

(Everyone in the waiting room hears this and they all bust a fuckin' gut over it. Surgeon enters, also laughing at Nurse Joy's insult, with Pikachu looking brand new and fresh to death as fuck. He's even got a tux on like yo come on bruh.)

Surgeon: haha good one, Joy. Here's your rat, loser!

(Surgeon throws Pikachu at Ash. Ash catches him in his hands which are covered with his classic fingerless gloves haha so 90's.)

Ash: (quietly to Pikachu) let's get out of here

(Ash runs out wiping tears away from his eyes while the crowd continues to laugh at him and Pikachu. Pikachu sees Ash starting to break down and he realizes he's been a real dick lately.)

Pikachu: Pika Pika Pi (Translation: yo bruh I'm sorry, my dude. I'm done with this shit now. I'm not gonna do stupid shit anymore. I promise.)

Ash: thanks, Pikachu. (sniffles) That means a lot.

Pikachu: Pi (Translation: I gotchu, brah.)

(Pikachu fist bumps Ash. Damn man. True love)

(Switch scene to Ash entering his house in time for dinner but nobody is there. Except for Professor Oak, who sits at the table in a bathrobe, fresh from another good sex hour with Milf Mom Ketchum.)

Professor Oak: oh hi, Ash! Are you ready for dinner?

Ash: uh, yeah, I guess so, Professor.

Professor Oak: come on now, Ash. Remember how I said you could call me 'dad'? I'd really like it if you did. It's only a matter of time now.

Ash: fuckin' stop.

(Enter Mr. Mime. Oh right. Mr. Mime lives with them haha I almost forgot about him, that delicious bastard. Anyway, he comes in, screaming his head off for no reason like the typical dick that he is. He trips over a loose shoelace from one of his J's, and falls. He starts flailing around frantically.)

Professor Oak: oh geez. He escaped his cage again. Don't worry. I got this.

(Professor Oak reaches into a pocket of the bathrobe and pulls out a syringe full of elephant tranquilizer. Mr. Mime slaps it out of Professor Oak's hand but Oak grabs it again and wrestles until he is firmly on top of Mr. Mime. Then, Oak injects Mr. Mime with the tranquilizer. He goes to sleep immediately.)

Professor Oak: ok, Ash. I'm gonna put him back in there but you guys enjoy dinner! (Leaves)

Ash: (sighs. Sits down with Pikachu and eats dinner with him)

(Switch scene to Ash lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, wide awake. Too many thoughts are running in his head.)

Ash: (inner thoughts) whatever happened to the good old days? Misty? Brock? God, I wish I could go back… (tears start falling down his cheek)

(Switch scene to the next day. Ash's Mom walks into the living room to find Ash eating Cheetos and watching cartoons.)

Ash's Mom who is a Milf: Ash? What are you doing? I thought you told me last week that you had a job interview to go to today.

Ash: (Looks up at his mom then back at the TV. He rubs his cheesy fingers on the couch, belches, then continues to eat) nah. I'm skipping it. I don't really wanna be a financial analyst anyway.

Bae/Ash's Mom: That's it! (Grabs tv remote and clicks off the screen)

Ash: the fuck?

Ash's Mom: you need to get out of this house, Ash. As much as I missed you when you were 10 and going on your journey, I think you've more than made up for lost time during your stay here. I mean, c'mon, Ash. Get some motivation or something.

Ash: I did the only thing I ever wanted to do. I became a Pokemon Master and beat everyone there ever was. There's nothing left for me.

Ash's Mom: why not do what you're good at and get paid for it, then? Go be a gym leader or something. You can always go help Professor Oak in his lab.

Ash: no! You don't understand! You'll never understand! God, forget it! I'm out of here. Pikachu, let's go!

(Pikachu comes running down the stairs from his room. He has his own room in case you missed that last sentence. Like they had to put a whole new addition on the house for this fucker. He deserves it though. He's like the best Pokemon in the show for those of you that never watched it. Anyway, Pikachu runs up onto Ash's shoulder haha classic.)

Bae Ketchum: where are you even going?

Ash: I don't know but I'm not gonna be back for a while. I'm sick of being told what to do with my life.

Pikachu: (folds arms. Stomps foot) Pika!

(Ash and Pikachu leave together. They hop in Ash's shitty beat-down Volkswagen Beetle and drive off)

(Switch scene to Jigglypuff performing a concert for a crowd of thousands of fans; both Pokemon and people. She sings metal btw. She's fucking screaming hardcore into that microphone. The double bass sounds awesome, don't ya think? I mean it should. Machamp is the drummer after all. The crowd is thrashing like there is no tomorrow. A Jynx is seen twerking at warp speed. At the start of the guitar solo, people start moshing so hard that bones shatter or come out of their skin. When Jigglypuff hits the loudest and highest note of the last chorus, which resembles the sound of an Aztec death whistle, an Onix that crowd-surfed onto the stage earlier in the show leaps off the stage and crushes hundreds under its body, killing them all. Onix just lays there and smiles. This makes the crowd go fucking nuts. Jigglypuff seems to like the sight of all of this too as she gets so hype that she eats the head off of a Ratata and snaps a Zubat's neck. She rubs the blood all over herself and reaches into her pocket to pull out a bag of crank. She snorts most of the shit up right out of the bag and spreads the rest all over the crowd. She thanks the crowd for an awesome show and goes backstage. There's no point to this scene I just thought it'd be nice to show you guys that and I really hope you all enjoyed it. Thank you.)

(As we pan away from the concert via a rising aerial view, we notice a massive being with flaming wings, long horns, and a spikey tail fly over the crowd at 2,000 mph towards mountains in the distance. Huh. Maybe this scene DID have a point after all haha who knows? I don't. Let's just see how this goes.)

(Switch scene to Ash and Pikachu at a diner. Pikachu has ordered the cheese fries and since he's a straight thot for ketchup, he starts pouring it all over them. He empties the entire bottle on these fuckin things. Then he literally jumps into the air and dives onto the table, mouth agape, to swallow the fries whole. Ash just ordered a salad. He isn't too hungry. He's upset and has too much on his mind.)

Ash: hey, Pikachu

Pikachu: (stops chomping, looks at Ash with his head cocked to the side a bit) Pika?

Ash: do you still have Brock's cell phone number?

(Pikachu takes out his iPhone 6 Plus and looks through his contacts. He finds Brock and gives the phone to Ash.)

Pikachu: Pika pi? (Translation: what do you need that for?)

Ash: You'll find out soon enough...

(Switch scene to Brock working in a corporate office as a Financial Analyst. Right. He wanted to be the world's greatest Pokemon breeder or whatever the fuck but now he's a Financial Analyst. Don't you just love this shit? He is doing a lot of work on Microsoft Excel and it looks like whatever he's working on is pretty mind-numbing. This office is an Equal Opportunity Employer so seated in the cubicle next to Brock is a Muk wearing a necktie. He is watching YouTube videos and laughing loudly every time anything remotely funny happens in it. Brock is getting noticeably pissed off.)

Muk: (points at screen) HAHAHAHA

(Muk laughs so hard that he falls off his chair and slams into the cubicle wall that he and Brock share. This knocks an autographed picture of Officer Jenny in lingerie off of Brock's side of the wall. That was the last straw. Brock can't take it anymore. He gets up from his chair and stomps over to Muk's cubicle. He stares down at Muk who is still on the floor.)

Brock: RAAAHHHH! Are you kidding me?! What is so funny that you had to distract me from my work?! (Looks at Muk's screen. A character on the screen farts or whatever 5-year olds think is silly) Oh, real nice. So this is what you do all day? I'm going to the boss about this one.

(Brock stomps off to his boss's office still fuming. He gets halfway to the office when his iPhone starts ringing. His ringtone is the Pokemon show theme song haha that's so cool! :D Brock takes a look at the screen to see who it is. It's Pikachu! Brock has a photo for Pikachu's contact name and it's Pikachu doing a keg stand at one of Lieutenant Surge's raging house parties.)

Brock: (answers) hey Pikachu. How ya been?

Ash: hey, nigga! (That's right. Ash is one of those white kids who calls any of his not-white friends "nigga" because they are not white. This shit needs to stop.)

Brock: Ash, this shit needs to stop.

Ash: what does?

Brock: you calling me "nigga". I'm Asian/Hawaiian/Mexican/Filipino for fucks sake.

Ash: ok. Sorry, nigga. Anyway, Pikachu and I need a place to stay. We just left my Mom's place.

Brock: why would I give you a place to stay? This is the first time I've heard from you in years. You basically left Misty and I in the dust after you became the World's Greatest Pokemon Master.

Ash: wait repeat those last few words again.

Brock: (sighs) World's Greatest Pokemon Master

Ash: THAT is why you'll do this for me. I'll be your wingman for as long as I live with you. Girls won't be able to resist the guy who's friends with the World's Greatest Pokemon Master.

Brock: hmmm I guess you have a point… I'll do it. But I better be getting laid, Ash! And no fat bitches!

Ash: of course, Brock. You know I wouldn't do that to you. C'mon, bruh.

Brock: haha yea I guess so. Alright man, see ya when you get here. (Hangs up)

(Brock continues to march towards the boss's office. He bursts into the door)

Brock: I need a new desk!

(Brock's boss a.k.a. a Slowbro wearing a full suit, looks up from his computer and smiles at Brock. He has a name plate on his desk that reads "SlowBOSS Haha")

(Switch scene to Ash and Pikachu driving to Brock's house. On the way, the Pokemon theme song comes on the radio. Ash and Pikachu look at each other with a look of pure hype on each of their faces. Oh shit. They rock the car so fuckin' hard as they jam out to rock's greatest hit, the Pokemon theme song. When it gets to the line that says "gotta CATCH 'EM all", Ash points both thumbs at himself and Pikachu smiles and points at him also because "catch 'em" sounds like "Ketchum" get it? haha. As soon as the song ends and Ash finishes wiping the sweat off of him from jamming so fuckin' hard, the car starts breaking down.)

Pikachu: (slams fists on the dashboard) piKA!

Ash: shit.

(The car rolls to a stop on the side of the road they are on. I forgot to mention. This road is in the middle of nowhere. Nothing but flat land surrounding it in all directions.)

Ash: (gets out of the car) NO! No no no!

(Pikachu gets out and starts kicking the tires as hard as he can. He hates this car so much.)

Ash: well, what do we do now, Pikachu?

Pikachu: (makes thinking face for a bit then pulls out his cell phone)

Ash: Pikachu? Who are you texting?

(Pikachu looks up at Ash after sending his text and then points to the sky. Far off in the distance, a figure is seen flying towards their direction.)

Ash: …..no way….

Pikachu: Pika! :D

(Charizard swoops down and in one mighty swipe of his arm, he scoops Ash and Pikachu into his grip.)

Ash: Charizard? This is so dope! How've you been, man?

Charizard: (roars and breathes fire)

Ash: haha awesome, buddy!

(This is just like all those other times in the Pokemon movies when Charizard would make his big appearance when all seemed lost for our heroes and he would wreck shit except not really because he's just taking them to Brock's house.)

(Switch scene to Brock getting home from work. He sits down on the couch and turns on Bloomberg to track his stocks. He cracks open a beer and loosens his tie. As soon as he finishes swallowing his first sip of beer, a mighty thump shakes his house's entire foundation. This causes Brock to spill his beer all over himself which is something silly that only Brock would do so it's sure to get the kids laughing haha. Anyway, Brock launches up from his couch and rushes to his front door. He throws it open to see Charizard taking a piss on his tree. Charizard looks back over his shoulder at Brock, smiles, and waves.)

Brock: Charizard? What the fu-?

Ash: Brock! What's good, homie?

Brock: wow. I'm immediately regretting this.

Pikachu: (peeks out from behind Ash's leg) pika!

Brock: oh what?! Pikachu's here? Yooooooo!

(Charizard takes off after finishing his piss. Classic Charizard abandoning this bastard again. He's doing quite well for himself though. He got a great job as the new CEO at a Poke-500 corporation. It's probably why he took off so early, honestly. Lots of paperwork to get done. But we'll get to that later, don't worry.)

Brock: well, come on in, guys!

(Ash and Pikachu enter Brock's house. It's like the typical suburban home you would see in the movies. Really cozy…well, it is aside from the multiple pictures of Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny hanging on every wall of the house.)

Ash: wow, nice place you got here, Brock!

Brock: why thank you, Ash. Say, how about I whip us up some grub?

(Ash and Pikachu cheer in unison.)

(Switch scene to Brock waking up the next morning. He goes to take a shower in his bathroom. He opens the door and catches Pikachu shaving his pubes with Brock's razor. There's literally a rug of loose yellow hair lying on the floor between Pikachu's legs. Pikachu looks up at Brock and smiles)

Pikachu: Pika? (holds out razor to Brock)

Brock: no. No no no. I'll just…take my shower in the other bathroom.

(Brock goes to the other bathroom and opens the door to it slowly to make sure nobody is in there this time. There isn't…but it smells terrible. Brock looks into the toilet and discovers the reason why. Oh no. Inside the bowl is shit splattered every which way. Some of it is actually on the floor. In addition…no…there's handprints all over the wall of just pure shit. Brock follows them up the wall to where they extend onto the ceiling.)

Brock: how? How the fuck?

Ash: (crawling on Brock's ceiling naked) Hi, Brock. I'll be done in a second. You're toilet just got a little clogged hehe.

(Before Brock can take out his gun, a loud crash is heard from the kitchen.)

Brock: oh, what now?!

(Brock rushes downstairs into the kitchen to find Pikachu lying unconscious on the floor with all of Brock's dishes smashed to pieces around his body. It appears that Pikachu was looking through all of Brock's cabinets to find ketchup since Pikachu is a straight thot for ketchup. He failed, clearly. All he had to do was look in the fridge anyway haha silly Pikachu)

Brock: there's no way this is happening—

(A knock is heard on Brock's door. Brock answers the door to see his long lost father who abandoned him when he was like 2 or whatever they said in the show. I forget. Anyway, yea his dad's at the door.)

Brock: D-D-Dad?

(Tears of joy start welling up in Brock's eyes. He missed him so much.)

Mr. Brock: come here, son. Give your old man a hug.

(Brock, now crying with more joy than he has ever experienced before, extends his arms to hug his father. This one embrace with his long-lost father will reverse all the horrible and unspeakable things Brock has already endured this morning.)

Brock: (sniffles) oh, dad.

(Before they can fully embrace, Brock's toilet from earlier crushes Mr. Brock from above. Brock looks up to where it came from and sees Ash, now completely soaked in shit, looking down from the bathroom window.)

Ash: dude I don't know what to do anymore. Your toilet is a piece of shit. Wait, who was at the door? Oh was that your dad? Damn my bad, nigga.

(Switch scene to the next day. Ash, Brock, and Pikachu are getting ready to go to the bar to pick up mad bitches. They look so goddamn Gucci it's literally insane. Pikachu is even wearing his Rolex like nah ah stop it.)

Brock: are you sure that this is gonna work? I really wanna bang a Nurse Joy or an Officer Jenny. They're bae after all.

Ash: yes, Brock. I'm sure. Just stick with me and you'll be goin' home with mad gash, brah. A sea of snatch, if you will.

Pikachu: (holds up his Rolex) PiKA!

Ash: yea, Pikachu's right. We better get going!

(Ash, Brock, and Pikachu take a taxi to the bar. The bar they enter is called "MasterBAR" and is shaped like a giant masterball. It's the most popular one in town. Ash lines up a round of Ultraball shots, which is basically Fireball but let's be real; nobody's gonna fund this masterpiece so we'll just have to poorly scotch-tape an ultra ball image over the Fireball logo.)

Ash: (raising his shot glass) to a wild fuckin' night!

Brock: (raises his glass) to fucking Nurse Joy!

Pikachu: (raises his glass) PIKAAAAAACHUUUUUUUUU!

(Fade out to a black screen when the shot glasses clink together with Pikachu's shout fading into the background as well.)

(Switch scene to the morning. Somebody nudges Ash awake with his shoe.)

Ash: wha-? Wh-Where am I?

Shoe Guy: wake up, you lousy bum! You gotta get outta here. NOW!

(Ash squints as he looks toward the sky. All that surrounds him are skyscrapers and other high-rise buildings. The most prominent building is right where Ash is lying. Ash goes to stand up and is hit with an immediate massive hangover. It feels like someone is repeatedly splitting Ash's head apart with an ax.)

Ash: (holding his head) ohhhhh fuuuuuck…. What the fuck happened last night?

(Ash turns around to look at the building he decided to sleep in front of. It's the empire state building. Ash Ketchum is in New York City, folks.)

Ash: what? Where's Pikachu? And Brock?

(Ash walks toward Times Square. He has to figure out where the hell he is. This is not dope at all. Ash notices there are a lot of people looking towards the massive jumbotron in the middle of the city saying things like "wow" and "oh my god". Ash looks up at the screen as well and sees…oh no. A news station is reporting a rescue in progress at the Statue of Liberty. Brock is seen hanging by the thread of his shirt on one of the points of the Statue of Liberty's crown. He is still passed out from last night until a man in a helicopter ropes down to retrieve Brock from the crown. Brock wakes up and immediately pukes all over the rescue guy. The rescue guy then flips Brock off and ropes back up to the helicopter. The helicopter then flies away, leaving Brock stranded.)

Ash: shit.

(Ash hails a taxi and yells at the driver to "step on it" to get to the statue of liberty. Once Ash gets there, he runs out of the taxi without paying and pushes past people as he rushes up the steps to get to the Statue's crown. Once he gets to the top, Ash runs to the edge where Brock is and holds out his hand.)

Ash: BROCK! Grab my hand!

Brock: fuck you, Ash! I was supposed to get laid! What the fuck is this! I'm hungover as fuck! I have cocaine in my pockets!

Ash: we can figure this all out later, Brock. Just grab my hand.

(Brock reaches out for Ash's hand but his last shirt thread snaps.)

Ash: BROOOOOOCCCKKKKK!

(Brock starts flailing hardcore as he screams in horror all the way down. He nearly hits the water when, all of a sudden, a Poliwhirl launches from the water and grabs Brock before he slams into the surface. Poliwhirl swims to shore with Brock.)

Ash: hey, wait! Where are you taking him? Get back here, Poliwhirl!

(Ash runs to the bottom of the Statue of Liberty and starts running to where Poliwhirl is headed. He gets halfway there when he notices the Poliwhirl getting helped out of the water by…Pikachu? Ash runs up to Pikachu and helps him get Poliwhirl and Brock out of the water.)

Brock: whoa, that was crazy!

Pikachu: Pika!

Ash: I'm too hungover for this shit right now, man. Thank goodness this Poliwhirl was here to save you! Also, Pikachu? What are you doing here?

(A voice comes from behind Ash and the rest.)

Voice: Poliwhirl, return!

(A bright red light surrounds Poliwhirl as he gets absorbed back into his Pokeball. Ash and Brock follow the light to the Pokeball to find Misty, who is now legal and extremely hot. She's bae, for lack of a better term.)

Ash and Brock: MISTY?!

Misty: (sighs) you guys have got to be kidding me…

(Ash and Brock look at each other confused then back at Misty)

Misty: (shaking her head) you guys don't have a clue about what happened last night, do you?

Ash: to be honest….no.

Brock: we got really fucked up.

Misty: clearly. At least from what Pikachu told me. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been here in time to save you, Brock.

Ash: Pikachu was with you? Since when? Last thing I remember, he was with us at the bar…

Misty: well, let me tell you what really happened…

(A fade out to a flashback ensues. It opens on Ash, Pikachu, and Brock doing their Ultraball shots at the bar in the same scene we left earlier. It continues on and Ash buys round after round of Ultraball shots. Pretty soon, it becomes clear that they are all shitfaced. Pikachu starts grinding on a female Raichu and gets slapped. Female Raichu's boyfriend, a Hitmonchan, knocks Pikachu out cold on the dance floor. Two bouncers/two Golems remove Pikachu from the bar by throwing him across the street. Pikachu lays there for a solid hour or so while we go back inside the bar to check up on how Ash and Brock are doing. Yup. They're loaded as fuck.)

Brock: hey, bae! Lemme get some of that!

(Brock grabs Nurse Joy's ass and she throws a drink in his face. Haha classic. Ash leaps over the other side of the bar when the bartenders aren't looking and chugs an entire handle of vodka. Nah ah.)

Ash: gotta DRINK 'em all! HAHA (moves on to another handle to begin chugging. This is so sad)

(The same Golem bouncers who threw out Pikachu earlier grab Brock and start dragging him out of the bar. As they are dragging him, Brock starts waving frantically at Ash trying to get his attention but Ash is so gone that we notice he has pissed his pants and is sweating gallons)

Brock: hey, c'mon guys! Let me go! I won't do it again! Ah, who am I kidding…of course I will…I'm so lonely…

(The Golems throw Brock next to Pikachu, who is still unconscious. All that is left in the bar is Ash, who has now stood on top of the bar grabbing at his belt of Pokeballs challenging people to battle him)

Ash: fuck with me! Come on! You know you won't! You know why?! Because the ever best am I! The Pokemon master greatest that was ever!

(The two Golems arrive at Ash's feet to try and get him down but Ash smashes a beer bottle over the one's head, and points the broken bottleneck's sharp edges at the other one's throat)

Ash: back the FUCK up!

(The Golems back away with their hands up. Ash then jumps off the bar and runs over to the DJ booth. Ditto is just trying to bump some mad beats for everyone to dance to but Ash is gonna fuck this up for him.)

Ash: give me that!

(Ash grabs Ditto's laptop and starts playing "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M. He grabs Ditto's microphone and starts screaming into it)

Ash: you know what? I used to be the shit back in the day. I used to have hopes and dreams. And now? Look at me. I'm a deadbeat loser who lives with his mom. But the craziest thing is that I'm the greatest Pokemon Master that ever lived. Show of hands: how many of you actually know who I am?

(A few people raise their hands. One person shouts "You're a drunk asshole!" The rest of the people laugh. After this, the chorus of "Everybody Hurts" kicks in)

Ash: EVRYBODY HUUUUURTS! SOMETIMES! (throws Ditto's mic on the ground and starts pissing on his laptop. Ditto folds his arms and shakes his head in disgust)

(Upon finishing his stream of urine, Ash passes out and smashes his head against the side of the DJ booth mid-fall. Before he can even hit the ground, the two Golem bouncers are there to catch him and they throw him out on the street, next to Brock who is still unconscious but Pikachu isn't there anymore. Hmmm. Weird.)

(Ash and Brock return to consciousness about twenty minutes later but they are still blacked out. Ash checks his cell phone and reads a text from Pikachu that says "Come 2 titty bar". Ash shows Brock the text)

Ash: do you wanna go to the titty bar?

Brock: (shrugs shoulders) eh. Sure.

(Ash and Brock stumble all the way to the titty bar and enter to find Pikachu throwing dollar bills onto the stage for all of the strippers. He hasn't looked this happy since he helped Ash beat the Elite Four.)

Pikachu: (making it rain on dem hoes) Pika! Pika! PIIII KA!

(The strippers absolutely adore Pikachu and his swag so they give him kisses on the cheek as they dance. Pikachu turns around to see Ash and Brock and waves them over to where he is sitting. He's so goddamn hype over this shit.)

Ash: haha having a good time, Piakchu?

Pikachu: Pika! (smiling wide as the sun)

Brock: (staring at the stage in a trance, drooling.)

(The music stops for a bit so the owner of the club, an Oddish with a bowtie named Antonio, can announce the next dancer)

Antonio: oddish! oddish oddish oddish! (Translation: this next one is for all you water Pokemon out there. Give it up for the former gym leader of Cerulean city: Misty!)

(All the water Pokemon in the club start losing it.)

Ash: what's happening?

Brock: (still drooling)

(Misty emerges from the stage and starts her dance to Taylor Swift's "Blank Space". She gets to the end of the walkway when all of a sudden, she recognizes Pikachu, Ash, and Brock and leans down to them)

Misty: (whispering) what the fuck are you guys doing here?!

Pikachu: (reaches up and smacks Misty's ass)

(Misty slaps Pikachu so hard that he gets those classic cartoon swirls for eyes to symbolize how he's dizzy and then he falls out of his chair to the floor. Ash and Brock start laughing)

Ash: haha dumbass…

Misty: you guys! Get lost! I don't want you to see me like this!

Brock: I do.

Ash: (grabs Brock's arm trying to get him to leave.) no come on, man. She's right. Let's go.

Misty: take Pikachu with you!

Ash: (looks down at Pikachu then back to Misty) nah

(Brock and Ash stumble into a taxi but there is already a guy in there. He hands Brock some cocaine and Brock immediately dives in. He splits some with Ash who at first refuses but since Ash is beyond piss drunk, he puts some of that smack on his teeth haha.)

Ash: who this is insane. I feel so awesome right now! Driver! New York City!

(They all drive off to NYC)

(Pikachu wakes up the next morning still on the floor of the strip club. He opens up his snapchat where he sees 5-hour long stories from Ash and Brock. The stories consist of Ash and Brock playing tag on the ice rink in Rockefeller plaza, Ash streaking through the Empire State Building before cops tackle him and throw him out front, and Brock trying to do jumping jacks on top of the Statue of Liberty.)

Misty: you're still here? You've been here all night? (sighs) alright, well where are Ash and Brock?

(Pikachu shows the snap stories to Misty. She grabs Pikachu and they rush to her car and drive to the nearest body of water they can find.)

Misty: we'll be able to get to New York a lot quicker by water. Starmie, GO!

(Misty releases Starmie from its Pokeball. Pikachu and Misty hop on and ride Starmie all the way to NYC, leading them to back out of the flashback…..)

Misty: …and that's what happened.

Brock: huh. Well that explains the cocaine in my pocket…and the Statue of Liberty… boy, drugs R bad.

Ash: what?! I did coke and can't even remember it?! Fuck!

(Brock and Misty look at Ash with disgust)

Ash: oh I mean…yea, Brock…. Drugs sure are bad. (stares at screen and smiles)

(Misty takes Brock, Ash, and Pikachu to Cerulean City on her Poliwhirl and her Starmie. They reach shore in no time. When they step off to get back on land, Misty turns around to face the rest.)

Misty: well, I better be off. I'm already late for my shift because of you guys.

Ash: wait! Why not come with us? You don't really wanna go back to that job, do you?

(Misty hangs her head, contemplating this for a bit)

Brock: I definitely have room in my house for one more! Plus, in case you forgot, I'm a great cook!

Misty: (thinks more) you guys are right. That job isn't for me. I'm meant for more. I was the leader of Cerulean City gym once. Ok. I'll stay. But only until I find a new job.

Ash and Brock: hooray!

Pikachu: Pika! :D

(Switch scene to the next morning. Misty sits at Brock's kitchen table reading over the job advertisements in the newspaper. Ash enters and sits across from Misty, eating potato chips.)

Ash: hey, Misty.

Misty: (doesn't look up from paper) oh hey, Ash.

Ash: I know it's not really my place to ask but…what made you stop being the Cerulean city gym leader anyway?

Misty: (looks up from paper) really, Ash? Now you care? You basically never talked to me after you defeated everyone. And now you wanna know what happened in my life between then and now?

Ash: …yes.

Misty: (puts paper down) fine. I'll tell you. After I parted ways with you and Brock, I went back to being the gym leader I was always meant to be. I learned so much from watching you battle that I used it to my own advantage against any challengers. For a solid three years, nobody could get past me. Nobody was touching that Cascade Badge. And during that time…I met someone.

(Up until that last sentence, Ash was seen not paying attention and trying to balance potato chips on his nose. As soon as Misty finishes that last sentence, Ash perks up and lets the potato chip he was trying to balance smash to pieces on the floor.)

Misty: after a couple more years, we finally decided to get married. I gave up the gym and moved with him far from Cerulean City. I was in love with him. I gave up everything I had going for me in order to make this work but I always had my doubts that I tried to push down…..and eventually…..they got to me. We decided to get a divorce and I tried returning to the gym but when I got there, they had already found a new leader. So I made a deal with the Gym Leader Commissioner that if I could defeat the new leader in a Pokemon battle, then I could be the gym leader again. Sadly, I didn't win. It turns out that all that time I spent away from battling took its toll; not only on my Pokemons' strength but also on my battling strategies. I couldn't keep up with the new age of battling and trainers. I forgot a lot of what I had learned as well. They made me leave the gym and told me to get a new job. They told me, "If you put your mind to it, you can do anything, Misty." Boy, were they wrong. I tried doing everything from being a swimming instructor to becoming a financial analyst but I wound up with nothing. Nobody wanted to hire me. There was always somebody better in the applicant pool. Then, one day, I met Antonio. He wooed me over with his swag and charm. Oh, and his weed. Shit was dank. He told me I was beautiful and he made me believe it. I finally got some confidence in my self-image and decided to make myself look like the bae I was destined to be. I decided to work for Antonio in the strip club. And now, I'm here.

Ash: (burps) ah neat. (resumes eating chips. Gets up and leaves.)

(Switch scene to Ash food shopping in the nearby grocery store. He's just trying to buy more chips. He literally ate all of them in that last scene. Ash is pushing one of those classic kids' shopping carts with the part that's like a car in the front. Pikachu's in that part and he's got the worst road rage of all time. He beeps at all the old ladies in front of him when they start taking too long. At one point, when Ash accidently bumps into someone else's cart, Pikachu gets out and starts cursing the person out and flips them off hardcore.)

Ash: where in the world are the chips, Pikachu?

Pikachu: Pika! (points excitedly to the aisle three away from them)

Ash: ah, there they are! Way to go, buddy!

(Ash grabs like ten bags of potato chips and goes to checkout. Ash pays but realizes that he just spent the last amount of money he had left in his bank account.)

Ash: uh oh. Well, dammit, Pikachu. Looks like I really do have to get a job now. That was the last of our prize money…

(They head out. On their way out, they notice a paper nailed to a telephone pole. The paper looks like a typical "missing person" advertisement that you might find in the newspaper but this ad is not for an ordinary person. No no no, my friends. This "MISSING" ad is for Satan. The paper reads: …)

Paper: MISSING: Satan. 10'5". Flaming wings. Long horns on top of head. Spikes on body. Long tail. It's Satan. You should know what he looks like by now. Anyway, if found, please capture and call the following number… REWARD: $50 billion

(Ash makes sure to copy down the phone number into his contact list)

Ash: do you see that, Pikachu?! 50 BILLION! We can live like kings! We'll be on top of the world again! What do you say, Pikachu? Are you with me? Are you ready to capture Satan?!

Pikachu: (raises a fist in the air) Pika!

(Switch scene to Ash bursting into Brock's home holding a copy of the missing Satan poster in his hand. He waves it around in excitement.)

Ash: guys! Guys, look!

Brock: what is it, Ash?

Misty: yea, what's all the excitement about?

Ash: guys, I want you to join me in…helping me find Satan! (Slams the missing ad down hard on Brock's table)

Brock: Satan? He's around here? This gives me the creeps, Ash.

Misty: yea, I'm with Brock. No offense, Ash, but I don't wanna mess with Satan. Don't you think it's best if we stay out of this?

Ash: but, guys…it'll be like old times. Don't you remember all the fun we used to have on our adventures together? Well here's another adventure! Destiny brought us together for this exact moment! I know I kinda walked out of your guys' lives after I became Pokemon Master but this is the best way I can think of to make up for lost time, don't you?

(Brock and Misty look at each other for a bit and it seems like they're considering it)

Brock: it WOULD be fun…and besides, we just can't allow Satan to be out there running around Kanto like that…

Misty: (sighs) oh, dammit, fine. Let's go find Satan!

Ash: allllright!

Pikachu: PIIIIIIKAAAAA PIIIII!

(All three characters leap into the air and pause in freeze frame with their fists raised high and smiles across their faces.)

(Switch scene to Ash, Brock, Misty, and Pikachu packing their things for the epic journey ahead of trying to capture Satan.)

Ash: so since we're going after something that isn't a Pokemon and is actually the Lord of Darkness and Evil, his location probably won't show up on the Pokedex but I'll give it a try…

(Ash takes out his Pokedex. He speaks into it "Siri, help me find Satan"

Siri/Pokedex: sorry, I can't find what you are looking for.

Ash: yeah, I figured.

Misty: so how are we gonna track down Lucifer?

Ash: we have to go back to Pallet. Professor Oak will know…

Brock: also, we should probably ask Oak for a few Master balls because we don't want Beelzebub getting away from us.

Ash: agreed. Alright, let's get to it then.

Pikachu: (nods) chu.

(Switch scene to Ash and the gang boarding a train to Pallet Town. Upon entering the train, Ash and Pikachu sit next to each other while Brock and Misty sit together in the seats behind them. The train begins its departure from the station and a man walks through to collect the tickets.)

Man: tickets?

Ash: ah, yeah. Here ya go! (hands Man his ticket)

(Upon handing the man his ticket, Ash gets a good look at his face. He looks familiar but Ash is unsure of where he has seen him before. One thing is for sure though: wherever Ash did know this guy from, his life has gotten a lot rougher based on his uncomely beard and overall stench. Collecting Misty and Brock's tickets is a woman who also looks familiar. Ash looks back to Misty and makes a head nod toward the ticket collectors as if to ask "Who are they?" Misty seems just as confused and shrugs her shoulders in response.)

Ash: hey, excuse me, sir, but do I know you from somewhere?

Man: …just enjoy your trip, sir. (leaves with the woman)

Brock: jeez what was that about?

Ash: yeah, I don't know. Those two looked so familiar though. I'm going through some severe déjà vu right now, man.

Misty: (gets a look of realization on her face) wait a minute…don't you guys find it just a little but odd that we're the only ones on the entire train right now?

(As soon as Misty finishes her question, the train comes to a complete halt and all the lights inside go out.)

Pikachu: pika?

Ash: uh-oh.

(A single spotlight shines toward the front of the train where the man and woman who were collecting tickets stand back to back. The spotlight silhouettes their features and in the man's hand, we see a rose.)

Woman: prepare for trouble

Man: make it double

Woman: to protect the world from devastation.

Man: to unite all peoples within our nation

Woman: to denounce the evils of truth and love

Man: to extend our reach to the stars above

Woman: (steps forward into full view) Jessie!

Man: (steps forward into full view) James!

Jessie: Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!

James: surrender now, or prepare to fight!

Meowth: (crashes in through the roof of the train wearing a conductor's hat. Meowth was driving the train btw) Meowth! That's right!

(Brock is already halfway down the train aisle charging full-speed like a rhinoceros at Team Rocket)

James: oh damn.

(Brock slams into James full force, smashing James' head into the wall of the train. It splits open and he starts bleeding out. James starts writhing around uncontrollably in some type of seizure from the trauma. Brock doesn't care though. He's already got his knife out and he's pointing the blade towards Jessie and Meowth, who are now cowering away from him in the corner of the train.)

Brock: get off of this train. Now.

(Meowth is the brave one. He runs forward screaming and his claws shoot out from his paws, ready to scratch Brock to death.)

Meowth: RAAAA! I'll scratch your fuckin' eyes out!

(Meowth leaps into the air and swipes Brock's knife out of his hand. He starts swiping at Brock's head, making deep cuts into Brock's cheeks and forehead.)

Brock: AH! Get him off of me!

(Pikachu steps forward and uses thundershock on Meowth. It's a direct hit and Meowth flies off of Brock's head and onto the floor. Pikachu runs up to Meowth and bites Meowth's throat with his sharp fangs. Meowth starts choking on his own blood which is now filling into his throat. Before Pikachu can deliver the finishing blow, Arbok, who has just been released into battle by Jessie, starts squeezing Pikachu's body. Arbok lifts Pikachu off of Meowth and starts choking the air out of Pikachu and crushing his lungs.)

Ash: Pikachu! Oh no!

Misty: don't worry, Ash! I can help! Go, Starmie!

(Before Misty can release Starmie from its Pokeball, Psyduck enters battle haha classic)

Misty: oh, Psyduck! Grrr! I didn't call you!

(Psyduck turns around to face Misty and flips her off. He then faces back to the battle between Arbok and Pikachu and starts using Confusion on Arbok. Arbok gets dizzy and falls over, releasing Pikachu from its grip. Pikachu immediately turns around to face Arbok and grabs him by his tail. Pikachu lifts Arbok high into the air over his head and then slams him down hard onto the train floor. He does this repeatedly until it is clear that Arbok is dead. Then, Pikachu, in a heavy sweat, turns his head a full 180 degrees to face Jessie, James, and Meowth. He smiles at them and blood drips from his teeth. He then crouches on all fours with his head still backwards and starts spider-crawling towards them. Jessie and Meowth back away until their backs are against the wall. James lies on the ground twitching. Then, once Pikachu sees that they are all trapped and can no longer run…)

Pikachu: PI-KA-CHUUUUUUU!

(A blue bolt of lightning launches from Pikachu's body and launches Team Rocket clean through the train wall. They fly into the air covered in blood.)

Team Rocket: looks like Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaaain!

Ash: good work, guys!

Brock: that was really weird…why is Team Rocket an organization again if we took them down years ago?

Misty: yeah, I was wondering the same thing. Something just doesn't seem right.

Ash: well, whatever it is, it can wait. We have the Lord of Demons to catch!

Brock: but, Ash, Meowth was driving the train. How are we gonna get to Pallet now?

Ash: (takes out his cell phone) oh I think I can get us a ride…

(Switch scene to Charizard in his office. Remember when I said earlier that he's a CEO? Well, I sure wasn't lying, was I? Just look at the size of that desk! The nameplate on his desk reads, "Charizard Ketchum: Chief Executive Officer of PokeCorp". Charizard is busy reading over some plans for the upcoming end of the quarter. The company still has a substantial amount of revenue to collect to meet its initial goals and it's now up to Charizard to choose the best plan to do it. I told ya he had a lotta paperwork to take care of! Once Charizard has made his choice, he takes off his glasses and heads over to the copier machine to make copies of the plan for people to see. As Charizard heads over to the copier, we see some of the people he works with: An exeggutor in a suit raises his cup of coffee to say "hello", a Clefairy bats her eyes to flirt with Charizard as he passes, and a janitor named Pete mops the kitchen area. Charizard reaches the copier and puts his paper in to get copied. Nothing happens. Charizard tries again. Still nothing. After multiple attempts, it's clear to see CHarizard is getting pissed.)

Charizard: RAAAAA! (lifts head high and breathes fire in anger)

(Charizard's secretary enters. Her name is Dianne.)

Dianne: what are you all upset about? The copier? The thing just needs toner. Hang on, I'll go get some. Also, you have a call waiting for you on line 3.

Charizard: RAAA! (Translation: thanks, Dianne)

(Charizard goes back into his office to answer the call.)

Charizard: RAAA

Ash: oh thank god you answered. Look, we need your help. We're stuck on a train in the middle of nowhere and—

(Charizard hangs up the phone. Goes back out to the copier. Dianne has properly replaced the toner. Charizard makes copies of his paper and smiles, satisfied that he accomplished this simple task. Suddenly, a loud explosion is heard on the far side of the office. Charizard drops everything and flies toward the explosion. When Charizard arrives to the side of the office, there is nothing but black smoke surrounding him. Then suddenly, from out of the black smoke, a figure with flaming wings, spikes, and horns emerges. The figure launches itself towards Charizard and as it gets closer to him, we notice that the figure is the same that we noticed earlier flying over the JigglyDeath concert. The figure is Satan. Satan tackles Charizard and pins him down. Satan attempts to spear Charizard with one of the mighty horns on his head. Charizard ain't havin' that shit though so he uses flamethrower all over Satan's face. Satan, Lord of Flames, is not affected by this.)

Satan: hahaha you're kidding right? Don't you know who I am?

Charizard: RAAAAA!

Satan: I have no time for this…stay out of my way. I only came here to steal the souls of some of your employees. They help me get stronger.

(Satan ends this line with a smile, revealing his black, sharp teeth. There's three rows of them. He's Satan, remember? Charizard throws Satan off of him and Satan flies through the ceiling of the building. Charizard attempts to fly after him but by the time Charizard gets through the roof, Satan is nowhere to be found. He is long gone. Satan's flight speed is far superior to any mortal creature. Charizard returns to his office and, after helping some of his fellow employees out from under the rubble, he returns to his office. He presses "redial" to call Ash back.)

Ash: oh, hey….you called back….

Charizard: rrrr

Ash: well, what I wanted to say was that we're on our way to capture Satan but we need to get to Pallet Town to see Professor Oak first. On our way, we took a train but Team Rocket was on it so now we're stranded in the middle of nowhere. Can you come get us and give us a lift? I didn't call you at first because I know how busy you are, what with your family and your job and all…

Charizard: (looks over to a picture resting on his desk of Ash and him as a Charmander They both look so happy) Rrrrrr

Ash: does that mean you'll help us out?

Charizard: (hangs up the phone)

(Charizard looks down at his shirt and tie and rips them off. He takes the elevator down to the first floor and walks outside. Upon exiting his office, he gets the mental sense of where Ash currently is. It's the special thing Charizard has to know where Ash is at all times. It's a special link only he and Ash share. Upon spotting Ash and the gang in his mind's eye, Charizard sends a text to his wife reading, "tell Charmander and Charmeleon that daddy's gonna be home a little late tonight. I have some work to do" and takes off towards Ash's direction.)

(Switch scene to Ash getting off the phone with Charizard.)

Misty: well? Is he coming to get us?

Ash: I'm…not sure. He hung up.

Brock: I guess we'll find out soon enough. I say if he's not here in twenty minutes, then we should just try to walk. At least until we can hail a taxi or something.

Pikachu: (looking depressed) Pikaaaaaa

(Just then, the trees start to wave a little bit with more wind than before. Ash starts getting really excited.)

Ash: he's coming! haha!

(Ash and the gang start looking towards the sky to try to catch the first glimpse of Charizard)

Brock: there! (points to his left a bit)

Ash: (looking in that direction) uh oh…Brock?

(Figure approaching faster now)

Brock: yeah, Ash?

(Figure just about to fly over)

Ash: …..that's not Charizard…..

(Satan flies over Ash and the gang and spreads his wings as far as they can extend. He looks down on them as he flies over and winks at them. Then he blasts off and is gone in less than a second.)

Misty: whoaaaaa….was that….?

Ash: yep. That's what we have to catch….

Pikachu: Pi…kaaaaa

(Switch scene to Brock cooking some stew over a fire for the gang. Time has clearly passed since the last scene as nightfall surrounds the backdrop.)

Ash: soooo hungryyyyyy

Brock: don't worry. It's almost done.

Ash: well, I'm gonna go see what Misty's up to.

(Ash walks over to Misty, who sits on top of a nearby hill looking towards the stars. He sits down next to her.)

Ash: Hey. Brock says dinner's almost ready. Whatcha thinking about, Misty?

Misty: Satan…he's big….and scary….

Ash: hey, come on now. Don't you remember back when we first met? You thought bugs were big and scary but you got over that, right? Not everything is as scary as we make it out to be.

Misty: anyone can get over their fear for bugs, Ash. But I don't think anyone can get over their fear of Satan…especially if they see him like we just did…

Ash: no ORDINARY person can get over their fear of Satan, Misty. But you're different. You've always been different than ordinary people.

(Ash moves closer to her)

Misty: and how is that? How am I different?

Ash: you're better than them. You're…amazing

Misty: (starts blushing) wow…well, umm…

Brock: (from far behind the hill) hey, guys! Dinner's ready!

Ash: well, we better be getting back I guess…

Misty: yeah..

(Ash stands up and starts to head back to get dinner but Misty grabs his hand, stopping him.)

Misty: Ash? Where did you go after you became a big shot?

Ash: what do you mean?

Misty: I mean, how come you didn't want anything to do with me after you became a Pokemon Master?

Ash: no. No no no. I didn't feel that way. I could never feel that way, Misty. I just…..you went back to the gym. I saw you become successful and getting a real job and becoming a real-world adult. That stuff scared the shit out of me. It still does. I was only ever good at one thing. And I accomplished everything I set out to do with it. I felt like there was nothing left for me. I did the interviews and the commercials and the magazine covers but it all felt pointless because I knew all of it would fade eventually. And it did. And when that happened…I felt like you wouldn't want anything to do with a loser like me. I mean, hell, I still don't have a job…I—

Brock: guys! It's getting cold!

Misty: he's right. Let's get back.

Ash: alright.

Misty: just one thing, Ash…you're not a loser.

Ash: well, thanks, Misty. That means a lot.

Misty: (smiles back at him)

(Switch scene to Ash and the gang sleeping on the ground around the dying fire they used to cook with earlier. Charizard slams down onto the ground hard, waking everybody up.)

Pikachu: Pika!

Ash: hey! Charizard's here! haha!

Brock: well, I guess it's time to go.

(Ash, Pikachu, Misty, and Brock all climb on Charizard's back.)

Ash: to Pallet Town!

Charizard: RAAAAA! (breathes fire.)

(Charizard takes off toward Pallet Town and Professor Oak's lab)

(Switch scene to Professor Oak's lab. Professor Oak is quite busy creeping on Ash's Mom's facebook photos. He gets to the one of her in a bikini and starts drooling all over himself. It is then when a knock is heard at the door. Oak quickly exits facebook and goes to answer the door. When he answers, he sees Ash, Misty, Brock, and Pikachu.)

Professor Oak: oh, Ash! What a surprise! Your mom told me you ran away. I'll have to tell her your back.

Ash: don't you dare

Professor Oak: oh. Ok, then. I understand. And look who you brought with you! Brock! Misty! How have you two been?!

Misty and Brock: hi, Professor!

Ash: Professor, we need your help.

Professor Oak: oh, yes. Absolutely. Anything for you, son.

Misty and Brock: SON?!

Ash: it's a long story.

Professor Oak: not really. Ash's Mom and I are dating!

(Misty and Brock do the classic fallover thing they did in the cartoon when they heard this type of awkward news)

Ash: let's just go inside and get this over with.

Professor Oak: yes yes come on in. Right this way.

(Switch scene to the heart of Oak's lab where all of the scientific research is done.)

Professor Oak: so, Ash…what is it you need help with?

Ash: well, Professor. I need another Master ball made up for a special mission I'm on.

Professor Oak: well, can I at least know what this "mission" is before I go giving you another Master ball? It's against the law for anyone to own more than one, you know.

Ash: (looks back to the rest of the gang then back to Oak) you're not gonna believe me but…we're trying to capture Satan.

Professor Oak: you're WHAT?! Ash, anyone who has tried to capture Satan has wound up dead in one way or another. I am not gonna give you the Master ball just so you and your friends can go on some kind of suicide mission.

Ash: have some faith in me, Professor. If anyone can stop Satan from roaming the Earth, it's me. Besides, if I die, I'll just use Pikachu's tears to resurrect me.

Professor Oak: oh yeah. I forgot that happened once. Well, as long as you're confident that you can do it, I can't think of anyone I'd rather give another Master ball to for this.

(Oak turns towards a giant machine and types in a few buttons. A large computer announces, "NOW CREATING: MASTER BALL". From the machine, a Master ball rolls out steaming fresh from the creator onto a metal tray. Oak lifts the Master Ball from the tray and hands it to Ash)

Professor Oak: this is a lot of faith resting in you, Ash. Don't abuse it.

Ash: (nods)

Brock: professor, we have another problem we were hoping you could help us with also.

Ash: oh right! I nearly forgot. Since Satan isn't a pokemon, we have no way of tracking him with any regular Pokedex. Do you have some type of technology that can help us out with that?

Professor Oak: oh but of course! (Takes out his iPhone) Allow me to show you!

Ash: on your phone?

Professor Oak: yes, exactly! You see, Ash, there's this app called "Tinder". It's a way for you to see local singles in your area. If they are around and want to meet up with other people who have Tinder, they will show up in your Tinder area. All you have to do is go to each city in Kanto and open the Tinder app to try and find Satan. He must have a profile for sure.

Misty: we really have to go through every city?

Professor Oak: oh, yes. I know it's not the best or easiest solution but you can't really say that anyone was prepared to face Satan like this. Until better technology comes around, this is your only shot at finding him.

Ash: just downloaded it. Hey…wait a minute…Brock! You have a tinder?

Brock: (turns to the screen and blushes bashfully)

Ash: well, we better be going. Thanks, Professor!

Professor Oak: oh of course, Ash. Feel free to come back anytime! Except Sundays…that's when I'll be banging your mom :)

(Switch scene to Ash and the gang exiting Oak's lab.)

Misty: so what city should we head to first?

Ash: hmmm, maybe we can take the route we did during our time as kids! Haha I mean it would be the easiest way to go.

Misty: ok but can we fly to each city? I don't feel like walking that whole time.

Ash: oh sure we can fly. We just gotta ride on Charizard here.

(Ash motions to where Charizard should be but all that is there is empty space. Turns out Charizard left to catch the last few minutes of Happy Hour before he had to head back home to his wife and kids.)

Ash: oh…nevermind…

Brock: ah, it's not so bad, guys! It'll be just like old times! Maybe we'll meet some trainers along the routes! Haha I'm so fucking hype to find Satan! YEAH!

Pikachu: (Fist raised) PiKAAA!

Ash: (gets looks of motivation) yea! Alright! Let's do it!

(The gang starts to head towards Route 1 and Viridian City when all of a sudden, Ash stops)

Misty: what's the matter, Ash?

Ash: I just wanna do one last thing before we go. But I have to do it alone. You guys go on without me for a bit. I'll catch up.

Misty: uhhh…ok. Whatever you say.

(Misty, Brock, and Pikachu start walking away without Ash. It's a bright day out so Pikachu has to put on his aviator sunglasses to cut down the glare in his eyes. Ash then turns around and starts walking back towards Pallet Town.)

(Switch scene to Ash peeking into the living room of his house through a window. He sees his Mom watching TV but she's not really watching it. It's just on but she's looking at something in her lap. It's square and sliver. A picture frame. It's a picture of Ash and Ash's Mom when Ash was only a toddler. In the picture, Ash is cuddling with a stuffed Bulbasaur doll while he's in his mother's loving arms. Ash notices a tear fall from his mom's face as she stares down at the picture.)

Ash's Inner Thoughts: jeez. I've been a real asshole to her lately. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mom.

(Ash takes out a notebook from his backpack and tears out a page. He writes on it…)

Page: Dear Mom, I know I haven't been the best of sons but I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the way I've been to you. I felt like I should say it now before I go off to capture Satan. If I do this, Mom, I can finally be somebody again and I'll buy you a huge house and anything you want. I love you. Also make sure Mr. Mime doesn't shit in my bed again. He did that once when I was out for a weekend. I think he hates me. Love, Ash 3

(Ash wipes a tear from his eye as he slides the note under the front door to his house and runs back to meet up with the rest of the gang.)

(Switch scene to Pikachu, Misty, and Brock walking along Route 1)

Misty: gee, Ash sure has been gone a while. Maybe we should stop and wait for him to catch up.

Brock: yeah that sounds like a plan.

Pikachu: chu (sits down on a nearby rock. Opens up a Coca-Cola. Takes a sip)

Brock: hey, Pikachu. How's about giving me a sip?

(Pikachu shoots Brock a look of disdain and rejection)

Brock: dammit

(Ash walks up with his hat pulled down over his eyes to hide the fact that he was just crying like a little bitch)

Brock: you ok, Ash?

Ash: (trying to sound happy) I've never been better. Let's just keep going.

(Ash and the gang start walking along Route 1 and when they get about halfway, a kid covered in blood leaps from out of the bushes. The blood clearly isn't from the kid himself and this is made evident to us by the fact that he is wearing a necklace of Caterpie and Weedle heads.)

Ash: what the fuck?

Kid: I challenge you to a Pokemon battle! (holds out a pokeball in front of him, smiling with confidence. More blood is smeared along his teeth)

Ash: ok sure. But if I win, you have to get mental help. Go, Bulbasaur!

(Bulbasaur blasts out of his Pokeball and is ready to wreck)

Bulbasaur: BulbaSAUR!

Kid: Go, Kakuna!

(Kakuna comes out from its Pokeball and just sits there, staring at Bulbasaur. This is all it can do. It's a fucking Kakuna)

Kid: all of my other bug Pokemon have failed and have thus paid the price (points to his necklace) but this one is the greatest bug Pokemon of all-time! Just try and defeat Kakuna! He's unstop—

Ash: Bulbasaur, use Razor Leaf

(Bulbasaur shoots a flurry of sharp leaves in rapid fire at Kakuna and each one slices Kakuna into pieces. When the pieces fall to the ground, a Beedrill fetus is seen inside and it starts writhing around gasping for air. It dies.)

Ash: ok well that was fun! see ya later!

(Ash calls Bulbasaur back into his Pokeball and continues on. The rest of the gang follows behind. The Kid kneels on the ground before his dead Kakuna and starts crying. Pikachu, still wearing his aviators, stops in front of the kid. He holds out his Coke bottle, offering the Kid a sip. When the Kid goes to reach for it, Pikachu pulls it back away from him, spits on his face, kicks dirt into his eyes, and walks away.)

(Switch scene to further down Route 1…)

Misty: just think, Satan could be in any one of these bushes along the road right now.

Ash: that's a good point. I guess I should check Tinder.

(Ash takes out his iPhone and opens Tinder but all that comes up are a bunch of random trainers and Brock again)

Ash: nope. No sign of Lucifer.

(As soon as Ash closes Tinder and puts his phone back in his pocket, a small pebble hits him in the side of the head.)

Ash: OW! What the hell was that?!

(Brock gets hit in the head. Then Misty.)

Brock and Misty: OUCH!

Pikachu: (Pointing off to the side of the road) Pika! Pika!

(Ash, Brock, and Misty follow Pikachu's gave to see three kids poking their heads out from behind a few trees. Before they can hide behind them again, the gang locks eyes with them.)

Ash: come on out here, you pussies!

Pikachu: (takes his Aviators off in an angry swipe) PIKA!

Kid #1: fine. Here we come…

(The kids emerge holding Pokeballs in their hands.)

Brock: guys, what is this? What do you want?

Kid #2: I'm glad we have your attention

Kid #3: we've been waiting all day for a group of three to walk by.

Ash: oh yeah?! And why's that?!

Kid #1: we want to have a three-on-three pokemon battle!

(At this, the three kids hold out their Pokeballs in front of them, pointed at Misty, Brock, and Ash. Ash looks over at Brock and Misty, who nod back at him. It's on.)

Ash: fine. (Smiles) You guys don't know what you just got yourselves into. Go, Pikachu!

(Pikachu runs out in front of Ash, chugs down the rest of his Coca-Cola and throws the bottle far over his shoulder, where it explodes upon hitting the ground. Literally. A huge explosion like from a bomb goes off from this.)

Pikachu: (amped up on caffeine) PikaPikaPikaChuuuuuuu!

Misty: Go, Horsea!

Horsea: Horseeeeeea!

Brock: Go, Onix!

(Onix emerges from his Pokeball)

Kid #1: ah, very nice! Now take a look at our Pokemon! Go, Bellsprout!

Kid #2: Go, Bellsprout!

Kid #3: Go, Bellsprout!

Ash: you're kidding right? All three of you? Bellsprouts? HAHAHA what a joke! Guys, let's take care of this right now. Pikachu, use—wait, what?

(Before Ash can issue a command, the three kids start pouring something on their Bellsprouts. No way. It's Scotts brand "Natural Lawn Food".)

Misty: hey, that's cheating!

Kid #1: hahaha shut up, bitch.

(The Bellsprouts grow all the way to the sky because the kids basically use an entire fucking bag on each one. This is supposed to be used on 4000 square feet of lawn but nope, they don't care. The Bellsprouts look down on Ash and the gang.)

Kid #1: still think we're a joke?

Ash: grrr cheating will get you nowhere! Pikachu, climb up Bellsprout's stem!

(Pikachu takes off in a dead sprint towards Kid #1's Bellsprout, starting at its feet.)

Kid#1: Bellsprout, use vine whip! Quick, before Pikachu can climb on!

Ash: Pikachu, use Agility!

(Bellsprout starts swinging its massive leaf arms at Pikachu but Pikachu, using Agility, manages to dodge each swipe at him except for the last one, which clips Pikachu on his side sending him flying into a tree.)

Kid #1: hahaha we'll take our prize money now and spare you any more damage.

Misty: we'll never surrender to cheaters like you!

(Pikachu climbs back to his feet grinding his teeth in anger)

Brock: Onix, use tackle!

(Onix leaps into the air towards Kid #2's Bellsprout and smashes into it, sending it to the ground.)

Brock: Good work, Onix! Now use Bind!

(Onix wraps itself around Bellsprout's neck area and starts squeezing. Bellsprout starts rolling around trying to shake Onix off of it but it is no use until Kid #3 finally joins the action…)

Kid #3: Bellsprout, get that Onix off of Henry's Bellsprout! Use Solar Beam!

(Oh neat. Kid #2 is named Henry. Anyway, Kid #3's Bellsprout starts charging up until…what's this? Pikachu has climbed all the way to the top of this Bellsprout's head in a sneak attack!)

Ash: Pikachu, use Thunderbolt!

Pikachu: PI-KA-CHUUUUUU!

(Pikachu sends a huge bolt of lightning into Bellsprout's head right before it finishes charging its solar beam. The bolt starts frying Bellsprout's brain and extends down its stem/spinal column. Kid #3's Bellsprout falls to the ground limp and dies. Pikachu leaps off just before this Bellsprout hits the ground and jumps toward Kid #1's.)

Kid #1: Bellsprout, use Bullet Seed!

(Kid #1's Bellsprout fires massive cannonball-sized seeds at Pikachu while he is still in the air heading towards it until one smashes into Pikachu sending him to the ground with some missing teeth and a broken collarbone.)

Ash: Dammit! Pikachu, No!

(Pikachu gets up and limps over to Ash's side)

Ash: it's ok, Pikachu. You rest up. These guys are pussies anyway.

Pikachu: (weakly) piiiiika

Brock: just a little more, Onix!

(Oh right. Back to the battle. Onix continues to choke out Kid #2/Henry's Bellsprout. Henry is trying to think of a way to save his Bellsprout from death by choking but can't think of any. He looks over to Kid #1 who is just sitting there watching everything.)

Henry: uhhh, Glenn? A little help here?

(God, these kids suck worse than I thought. Their names are just downright pitiful. Anyway, Glenn snaps out of his daydream or whatever the fuck he was doing and thinks of something.)

Glenn: Bellsprout! Use—

Misty: stop right there! Horsea, use Water Gun!

(Horsea shoots a rocket of water out of its mouth at Glenn's Bellsprout but all it does is make his Bellsprout grow even larger)

Misty: oh fuck

Ash: maybe you should sit this one out, Misty.

(Misty looks down depressed. It is at this moment that Psyduck decides "nope fuck it" and jumps out from his Pokeball into battle.)

Misty: grrr PSYDUCK! You're being a real PsyDICK right now!

Psyduck: Psy? Psyduck? Psy? Duck? Duck? Psy? Psyduck? Psyduck? Psy—

Misty: shut the fuck up and help me out here!

(Psyduck runs up to Misty and kicks her in the shin, sending her to the ground in pain. Psyduck flips her off.)

Glenn: haha, thanks for the help, Horsea! Now that you're bigger, Bellsprout, use Slam!

(Glenn's Bellsprout knocks Onix off of Henry's Bellsprout, sending Onix into some nearby bushes. Henry's Bellsprout takes in a deep breath of air after having its throat released from Onix's deathlock and stands back on its feet. Onix gets back upright and turns around to face the Bellsprouts, who are now standing side-by-side staring down at Onix intimidatingly)

Ash: oh no.

Brock: this doesn't look good!

Glenn: alright, Henry, it looks like Onix is the last Pokemon left. Should we end this now?

Henry: (nods) absolutely.

Glenn and Henry: Bellsprouts, use Solar Beam!

Brock: oh no you don't! Dig, Onix!

(Onix grunts and digs deep underground just before the Bellsprouts launch their solar beams simultaneously, combining together to form a mega ultra fantastic solar beam.)

Henry: grrr where'd he go?!

Brock: hehe you'll find out soon enough.

(Just then, Onix sticks its head out from under Glenn's Bellsprout's feet and bites one of them. Onix then shoots back underground, pulling Glenn's Bellsprout with it. Onix pulls Bellsprout deep underground until just its head is sticking out. Onix then moves on to Henry's Bellsprout and does the same. The Bellsprouts start moving from side to side trying to escape but it is no use. They can no longer use their arms.)

Brock: way to go, Onix! Good job!

Onix: (launches up from underground smiling)

(Psyduck sees this as his big moment and calmly walks up to the two Bellsprouts. He bows before each one of them with a smile on his face. Henry and Glenn look at each other confused by this display but they just shrug at each other as if this is no big deal. Psyduck holds up his webbed hands and claws shoot out from each one of them. He then leaps into the air and, in one Fury Swipe, Psyduck decapitates Henry's Bellsprout. Psyduck then takes the Bellsprout head and throws it miles away. Psyduck then faces the last remaining Bellsprout; Glenn's.)

Glenn: dear god…no….my Bellsprout…..

(Psyduck starts picking the pieces from Henry's Bellsprout's throat out from inbetween his claws. He does this right in front of Glenn's Bellsprout to make a point and it is apparently working since we see a tear fall from the Bellsprout's eye as it prepares for death.)

Glenn: (runs up to Misty crying) please, ma'am, you have to stop him! We were only foolin' around with the Scotts fertilizer. We'll battle you again…in a fair fight. Just let my Bellsprout live. I've had him since I was 2 years old. I got him as a tiny seed for my birthday and I raised him ever since. He's my best friend. He's like family to me. I love Bellsprout. Don't you understand?

(Psyduck walks over and quietly places the head to Glenn's Bellsprout at his feet. He then smiles at Glenn, flips him off, and returns to his pokeball on his own.)

Ash: alright, looks like we're done here. Ok bye, losers! :D

(Ash and the gang start to leave but then Ash remembers…)

Ash: oh yeah haha silly me. I almost forgot. We're gonna need that prize money. I gotta get my Pikachu healed up and since we're on a big adventure, we're gonna need some food. So let's just call our winnings around $3000 and we'll be on our way.

Glenn: (through sobs) but…that's all we have…

Ash: sucks to suck, bitch.

(Ash and the gang collect their winnings and divide them evenly. They then return back on their journey but not until Pikachu puts his aviators back on and pisses on the dead Bellsprouts.)

(Switch scene to Ash and the gang finally entering Viridian City. Ash takes out his phone.)

Ash: well, we made it to Viridian. Might as well check Tinder before we keep going….

(Ash looks at his phone for a while as he swipes through many Tinder profiles that are not Satan. HE then stops on one and goes wide-eyed)

Misty: well, is he here Ash?

Ash: Satan's not here…but look who is

(Ash turns the screen of his phone to show his friends.)

Brock and Misty: (GASP)

Pikachu: pika!

(On the screen is Gary Oak. He is shirtless and ripped and at the beach. Girls surround him in bikinis. He smiles like a typical douchebag)

Brock: wow no way! We haven't seen Gary in forever.

Ash: yeah and I really don't want to…

Misty: ah come on Ash. Aren't you over that kid stuff by now? I'm sure you and Gary have a lot to talk about.

Ash: I don't wanna talk to that asshole. He was a shitty kid and I can't say that I like him as a President.

(Yep. You heard that right, folks. Gary Oak is the current President of Kanto.)

Brock: it's ok, Ash. We don't have to meet up with him if you don't want to. Besides, Satan isn't here anyway so we can just keep on moving to Pewter—

Voice: well, well, well…if it isn't Ash Ketchum, the Pride of Pallet Town?

(The gang turns around to find Gary Oak in a full suit and tie surrounded by secret service/a gang of machokes. They're all in suits too haha isn't that funny?)

Ash: Gary…

Gary: well, Ash? Aren't you gonna shake my hand? You're not still mad at me for when we were kids are you?

(Ash reluctantly holds out his hand)

(Gary grabs Ash's hand hard and twists it)

Ash: ow fuck! What the fuck, Gary, you dick!

Gary: hahah even as the world's greatest pokemaster you're still a gullible little bitch.

Ash: oh cool I remember when I was in 5th grade

Gary: What're you doing out here anyway?

Ash: I'm not telling you.

Gary: fine. Don't tell me. I'll find out soon enough. I am president after all. I know everything that goes on around here.

Ash: fuck off, Gary!

Brock: yea, Gary, fuck off!

(Brock picks a rock up off the ground and throws it at Gary. It hits him square in the head and draws blood. He starts stumbling backwards wide-eyed until he falls over. Two of the machokes quickly come to Gary's aid and lift him onto their backs. They start rushing to the nearest hospital. The remaining three machokes start chasing after Ash and the gang. Since Pikachu is hurt and can barely walk without limping, Ash makes a quick move to pick up Pikachu into his arms before darting off)

Misty: (sarcastically) oh good going, Brock!

Brock: can we not focus on that right now and just focus on getting away?! they're catching up to us!

(They must have been running for miles when suddenly, Pikachu hops out of Ash's arms and takes a stand against the Machokes. The Machokes surround Pikachu and smile at each other. They think they're gonna give Pikachu the beating of his life. Too bad they're wrong…as usual haha. Pikachu stomps his foot on the ground and it literally cracks. Then Pikachu snarls, showing his teeth. The hair raises up on the back of his neck.)

Pikachu: PikaCHU!

(Pikachu fires three blue lightning bolts square into the chests of each of the Machokes. They blast off their feet and fly away in different directions towards the sky.)

Ash: damn, Pikachu. You just keep getting stronger.

Pikachu: Pika! (turns around to Ash and gives him a thumbs up with a wink/smile)

(Ash and the gang turn back toward where they have now found themselves…Pewter City)

Brock: home sweet home

Voice: hey, look! It's Brock!

(A massive crowd surrounds Ash and the gang as they swarm towards Brock asking him "Where've you been?" and "How's life as a financial analyst?")

Ash: what's the deal with this, Brock?

Brock: I guess ever since I retired from the gym, people here have missed me. I gotta admit though, I think it's kinda creeping me out.

(Some random dude runs up to Brock and smooches him on the cheek)

Brock: AHHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK!

Misty: seems like these people like you a little too much, Brock.

Brock: I hate this

(Suddenly, Pewter City's Nurse Joy comes running up to them from the crowd.)

Brock: I love this

Nurse Joy: You! I've been waiting for you to get here!

Brock: oh yeah? (Leans closer toward her) And why's that?

(Nurse Joy slaps Brock hard across the face.)

Nurse Joy: that's for peeping on me through my window five years ago!

Brock: (rubbing his cheek) oh yeah I forgot I did that haha

Ash: alright, everybody settle down. Listen, Nurse Joy, I'm sorry for what my friend did to you. But can you please heal my Pikachu? He needs help.

Nurse Joy: Oh yes, he looks like he's in bad shape. Let's get over to the Pokemon center right away. But YOU (points at Brock) stay outside!

Brock: haha just like last time

(Everyone stares at Brock)

Misty: you're fucked up

Brock: (looks down, ashamed) I know

(Switch scene to inside the Pokemon Center. Ash and Misty enter behind Nurse Joy, who is now holding Pikachu in her arms as she heads to the ER to perform surgery. Brock waits outside since he's a pervert fuck)

Nurse Joy: ok you guys wait out here in the waiting room. Ash, I'll be right out with your Pikachu good as new.

Ash: thanks, Nurse Joy. You're a lot nicer than the Nurse Joy from Pallet Town.

Nurse Joy: ah, yes. Joy. She's the bitchy one.

Ash: haha I agree.

Pikachu: pika

Misty: sounds like Pikachu agrees too.

(Nurse Joy, Ash, and Misty share a long group laugh together. This is a terrible joke but c'mon let's be real. When was Misty ever the funny character? Let's cut her a fuckin break ok? Nurse Joy heads to the ER still in fits of laughter but as soon as she crosses the threshold to the operating room, she stops and gets serious. She has to perform surgery after all for fucks sake)

Misty: oh, Ash. I just remembered. We haven't checked Tinder since we got here.

Ash: oh right! Let's see.

(Ash pulls out his phone and checks tinder. He swipes through multiple profiles of Brock. Apparently he has more than one now and is desperate to get laid.)

Ash: (hangs his head disappointed) nope. Nothing. No sign of Satan.

Misty: well don't get too upset, Ash. Nobody said this was gonna be easy. You didn't really expect to find Satan this quickly did you?

Ash: yeah I guess I shouldn't take it too hard. I guess I'm just used to things going my way all the time. Like how my first four gym badges were complete bullshit.

Misty: haha yeah you were terrible back then. If it weren't for everyone just handing you free gym badges for fixing their dishwasher or whatever then who knows if you ever would've been the greatest there ever was haha

(Ash gives Misty a stern glare. He's done letting her be the funny character now. He's had enough)

Misty: (nervously) oh hehe sorry.

(Nurse Joy re-enters with Pikachu looking brand new. Kid's got a fucking Versace suit on.)

Ash: damn, Pikachu. You look good.

Pikachu: pika Pikachu!

Ash: alright, well we better get back on the road. Let's go get Brock.

(Ash, Misty, and Pikachu leave the PokeCenter and find Brock sitting against a tree, sleeping. All of his bags he packed with food are gone.)

Ash: Brock! Brock! Wake up! Someone stole all the food!

Brock: oh well fuck me. I knew this was gonna happen. Everybody steals in this goddamn city.

Ash: goddammit. You're buying all the new food as soon as we get into Cerulean City.

Brock: fair enough. Hey did Nurse Joy say anything about me while you guys were in there? Like, does she want to go on a date or something?

Ash: Brock, you need to stop making tinder profiles. I saw like 20 of them when I checked for Satan inside the PokeCenter. Also, the names you make for them are really not gonna get you laid. One was just "CoolBrock". Not to mention the one that had a profile picture of your flaccid penis with the username "bROCKhard".

Brock: (sigh) I like that one…

Misty: there was a picture of Brock's dick?

Ash: it had warts. You don't wanna see it.

Pikachu: Pika :(

(Ash and the gang continue on until they see a tubby trainer sitting on the side of the road eating out of Brock's food bag. He has finished off three Wawa sandwiches and is moving on to the Wegmans pre-made pasta dishes.)

Ash: hey! That kid has our food! Get him!

Pikachu: Pika!

(Ash and the gang run towards the pudgy trainer, who has now tried packing up the food back into the bag. Tubby tries to stand up and run but trips over his own shoelaces. This is when Ash tackles him and pins him to the ground)

Pudgy Trainer: hey! Get off of me! Ahh!

Ash: you stole our food! I'm calling the cops on you!

Pudgy Trainer: no!

(Using his fat kid strength, pudgy trainer shoves Ash off of him. He goes to run again but Ash grabs his back foot and trips Pudgy Trainer facefirst into the ground.)

Pudgy Trainer: grrr… that's it! I've had enough! You want this food back? Then I challenge you to a Pokemon battle over it!

Ash: haha do you even realize who I am, kid?

Pudgy Trainer: no and I don't care! You're mean and I'm hungry!

Ash: ok then. Your challenge is accepted. Go, Squirtle!

(Squirtle launches from his pokeball)

Squirtle: squirtle squirtle!

Pillsbury Doughboy: Go, Timothy!

(A Tangela launches from its pokeball. That's right. This kid named his fucking Tangela fucking Timothy. Even if you never wanted Ash to win a battle in your entire life, you want him to win this one now.)

Ash: wow. Weird name. Whatever. Squirtle, use Slash!

(Squirtle runs up to Tangela and lops off a chunk of its dreads or whatever you wanna call the things that make up this spaghetti demon)

Tubby: No! Timothy, use Sleep Powder!

(Timothy reaches into his pocket to take out his bag of sleep powder to use on Squirtle but whoops it looks like he left it at home. Ash immediately notices and takes advantage)

Ash: Squirtle, use Skull Bash! (This is an actual move by the way. How metal is that?)

(Squirtle cracks a devious smile as he grabs Timothy, lifts him in the air, and turns him upside down.)

Tummy Boy: no… (looks at Ash) wait. I know who you are. You—You're Ash Ketchum. Please, just spare my poor Timothy and I'll give you all your food back.

Ash: haha see that's just the problem, fat ass. You wouldn't really be giving us back ALL of our food now, would you? Because your tummy there couldn't resist those Wawa hoagies could it?

Tubby Trainer: (starts crying) I'm sorry. I was so hungry!

(At this point, Squirtle is standing over a rock with Timothy hanging upside down in his hands. He looks back at Ash waiting for the "go-ahead")

Ash: alright, Squirtle. Do it.

(Squirtle does it and boy is it a fuckin' mess and a half. It's super effective.)

Ash: ok so we'll be taking our food back now. And $50,000.

Fat Kid: but…why? That's so much money! That's way more than I ever gave any other trainer that's beaten me.

Ash: yeah but see I'm NOT any other trainer. You fucked with Ash fucking Ketchum.

(Ash swipes the money from the kid's hands and continues on toward Cerulean. As the rest of the gang passes by the now-crying pudgy trainer, Brock hands him a business card for his office and Misty pats him on the back. Pikachu just walks by without even looking at the kid. Yo.)

(The gang continues on until they reach Mt. Moon. Oh good. I hated this place in the show. Let's see if I still hate it now. Yup, I do. All the clefairies have apparently pooled all their money together to buy a moonbounce except one of them painted a sign on it that says "MT. MOONbounce" haha aren't they quirky as fuck?)

Brock: wow, the clafairies are still quirky as fuck.

Ash: they sure are! haha c'mon, Pikachu! Let's get on the moonbounce!

Pikachu: Pika! Pikaaaa!

Misty: hey guys! Wait up!

(The gang climbs into the Mt. Moonbounce and start jumping like crazy. They're all in their late twenties at least but Brock is probably 30-something. The clefairies can't get enough of this shit. They usually never get visitors because nobody likes Mt. Moon so they're understandably ecstatic. One of them puts on upbeat pop music from a nearby stereo)

Ash: hahah this is so much fun!

Misty: wait a minute! Brock! What're you doing?! You still have your shoes on!

Brock: oh shit. Whoops.

(The clefairies notice this and throw Brock out of the moonbounce. Brock lands hard on his ass.)

Brock: ow! Aww man I never get to have any fun (folds arms and pouts)

(Meanwhile, back in the Mt. Moonbounce, Pikachu, Ash, and Misty have started holding hands with the clefairies and are jumping up and down in a circle. Suddenly, one of the clefairies breaks the chain and shoves another clefairy. Then that clefairy shoves another one. A mosh pit breaks out INSIDE the moonbounce. I told you. They're quirky bastards. The reason why a mosh pit has started becomes apparent when Ash, while being thrown into the air by a rather muscular clefairy, looks outside of the moonbounce to see a red moon rising above the horizon. To add to the hype, the DJ clefairy who put the pop music on earlier starts blasting "Bad Moon Rising" by Creedence Clearwater Revival. This makes the clefairies mosh even harder. One of them starts climbing to the top of the moonbounce and begins to twerk. The only clefable of the group separates the remaining clefairies into two even groups on either side of the moonbounce. The two groups get down into runner's starting positions)

Misty: ummmm, Ash? What's happening?

Ash: oh haha they're gonna do the wall of death!

Misty: we gotta get out of here!

(Misty grabs Ash and Pikachu by the wrists and tries to run out of the moonbounce before it happens but it's too late. The clefable screams at the top of his lungs and the two groups run into each other as hard as they can. You can hear the bones splitting. The worst part of this is that Ash, Misty, and Pikachu are trapped in the middle. The clefairies start tackling each other and piling up on top of Ash, Misty, and Pikachu until Ash notices something odd.)

Ash: hey, everyone! Stop! The moonounce is deflating!

(The stereo gets turned off immediately and the clefairies scream in horror as they try to escape the moonbounce and see their life's work crumble in an airless heap upon the ground. Everyone makes it out before the moonbounce fully deflates. Once fully deflated, one of the clefairies walks slowly over to the moonbounce crying and kneels down before it. Pikachu goes over to the clefairy and puts his arm around its shoulder. Pikachu starts crying also.)

Misty: who would do such a thing?

Brock: hey guys! Help! Help me!

(Ash and Misty look over to see Brock handcuffed and being dragged by Jessie and James of Team Rocket onto their Meowth hot air balloon.)

Ash: Brock!

Misty: oh no! We can't let them get away!

Ash: you're damn right we can't. Pikachu, get them!

Pikachu: Pika pi!

(Pikachu rushes towards Team Rocket, already charging up electricity into his cheeks. Suddenly, Meowth leaps in front of Pikachu and makes his claws come out. On one of the claws, we see a piece of shredded moonbounce material.)

Ash: Meowth! You popped the moonbounce!

Meowth: Meowth, that's right! And now I'm gonna pop this Pikachu! (Raises paw high into the air, ready to swipe across Pikachu's face)

Ash: Pikachu! Use Thunderbolt!

(Pikachu fries Meowth easily and he drops to the ground smoldering. Pikachu then continues on toward Jessie and James, who have now thrown Brock into their hot air balloon and are trying to get in.)

Jessie: wait! We can't leave Meowth behind!

James: grrr. Hang on. I'll go get him. But first I gotta take care of this Piakchu. Go, Weezing!

(Weezing launches from its pokeball)

Weezing: weeeezing

James: Weezing, use Sludge Bomb!

(Weezing blasts a load of sludge from the holes on his round body. The sludge splashes onto Pikachu and makes the ground around Pikachu all sticky. Pikachu can barely move. James then runs up to Pikachu and pulls a gun on him. Like a real full-on gun.)

Pikachu: Pika?

James: (Through gritted teeth) I'm so sick and TIRED of this GODDAMN PIKACHU

Ash: Pikachu! Use Agility!

(James fires his gun but just before the bullet reaches Pikachu, he dashes out of the way and winds up behind James. He starts trucking it toward Weezing. Before James can even turn around to see what happened, Pikachu has already used Thunder Punch on Weezing, separating the two heads from each other.)

James: No! Weezing! Grrrr AAAAHHHHH!

(James starts firing multiple bullets at Pikachu in anger until he runs out. Not a single one hits Pikachu though because Pikachu continues to use Agility to dodge them all. James ditches the gun and starts chasing after Pikachu but is stopped almost immediately by Ash who tackles James to the ground and starts punching him in the head repeatedly.)

Ash: don't (punch) fuck (punch) with (punch) Pikachu (knockout punch, leaving James unconscious)

(Jessie has now climbed fully into the hot air balloon and notices Pikachu now charging towards her)

Jessie: oh forget it! I'm leaving James and Meowth behind.

(Jessie starts taking off but Pikachu launches a thunderbolt through the balloon, deflating it.)

Ash: haha looks like karma came back to get you, eh Jessie?

(Jessie climbs out of the hot air balloon but leaves Brock inside. She stands across from Ash and Pikachu.)

Jessie: Enough of this! Go Arbok!

(Arbok emerges from its pokeball)

Ash: hey, Pikachu. How about we have some fun?

Pikachu: (nods his head in agreement) pika

Ash: alright, Pikachu. Run around Arbok as fast as you can!

(Pikachu runs around Arbok so quickly he appears as a yellow blurry circle around Arbok. Arbok gets so dizzy trying to focus on him that it starts throwing up everywhere. Finally, Pikachu stops running but Arbok is still clearly dizzy.)

Jessie: snap out of it, you worthless snake! Use Poison Sting!

(Arbok lifts its poisonous tail high into the air, ready to strike. But at the last second, it turns around and stabs Jessie with it. The poison courses through Jessie's veins instantaneously and she falls to the ground limp and barely breathing. She twitches around for a minute or so, making choking noises as she gasps for air, but then goes motionless. Arbok then tries to use it on Pikachu again but winds up just stabbing itself from still being so dizzy. Arbok's eyes roll into the back of its head and it falls on top of Jessie, probably dead from the looks of it.)

Ash: haha that was fun. Alright, let's grab Brock and get the hell out of here.

Misty: but wait, Ash. What about the clefairies? We should at least help them out before we go. They lost something that really meant a lot to them.

Ash: yeah, you're right. (Ash looks over to the clefairies) Hey, guys. C'mere!

(The clefairies run up excitedly to Ash and they are all happy because they saw the whole battle. One of the tiniest and cutest clefairies runs up and gives Ash a hug but she can only reach his leg haha aww.)

Ash: well isn't that adorable. Say, you guys deserve a moonbounce. That wasn't right what Team Rocket did. And this one will be ten times better, I promise. Here, I'm gonna order the best one they have on Amazon right now and have it shipped here first thing tomorrow morning.

(All the clefairies cheer excitedly. They're really hype about this new moonbounce.)

Brock: (climbs out of the Meowth hot air balloon) and hey who knows? Maybe you guys can let me use this one!

(The clefairies stop cheering and look at Brock with a look of pure hatred.)

Brock: ok yeah that was dumb.

Ash: well, we'll see you guys later!

Misty: bye, clefairies!

Pikachu: (waving goodbye) pika pika pi!

(The gang continues on toward Cerulean City. Misty seems a bit tense as they pass by the sign that reads "Welcome to Cerulean City")

Ash: what's the matter, Misty?

Misty: oh it's just that this isn't right. I shouldn't be here after I just quit my job and then there's the whole thing with seeing the new gym leader…in my gym.

Brock: we don't have to stay too long, Misty. We'll just take a minute to see if Satan is here and then we'll keep going, right Ash?

Ash: mhmm. Now let's see here.

(Ash takes out his phone and searches through Tinder, trying to catch a glimpse of Satan. He doesn't see anything. Ash keeps scrolling until he finds the profile of the new Cerulean gym leader. She's smoking hot and is single.)

Ash: whoa

Misty: what is it, Ash? Is Satan here?

Ash: ummm no but would you mind if I just went over to the Cerulean gym for a bit? I uhh just want to see what they've done with the place since you left.

Misty: since when did you ever care about how my gym looked?

Pikachu: (Turns towards Ash. Cocks his head to the side, quizzically) Pika?

Ash: umm I don't know. Okseeyabye

(Ash takes off in a dead sprint towards the Cerulean gym. Pikachu decides to follow him because why not? He wasn't about to be stuck around the two sidekick characters for another minute. Ash and Pikachu enter the Cerulean gym and they see the new Cerulean gym leader swimming in the pool with her Seaking. The new gym leader is in a bikini and is bae. She stops swimming upon spotting Ash.)

New Gym Bae: oh. Hey there! Hahah I didn't see you there. Wait. Oh my god. Are you Ash Ketchum?

Ash: (blushing) uh yeah hi! We just came to stop by to check out the gym and meet the new gym leader we've heard so much about.

Bae: (gets out of the pool and starts drying off with a towel) oh yeah? Well I haven't really changed much of anything in here. Misty did a really good job with this place over the years before I got here. She was such a huge role model for me until I became the Cerulean leader. I still can't believe I beat her in a battle for this gym. I'm Brooke by the way. (Extends hand for handshake)

Ash: (Shakes hand) Brooke. Nice to meet you.

Brooke: likewise. Oh look you brought your Pikachu! Isn't he cute?

Pikachu: pika! :D

Ash: Pikachu still goes everywhere with me. In fact, we're on a pretty big journey right now.

Brooke: oh yeah? To do what?

Ash: ummm it's kind of a secret mission.

Brooke: oh okay. Well, I don't wanna hold you guys up then. It was nice meeting you! (Turns to go back to swimming with Seaking)

Ash: uhh Brooke?

Brooke: yes, Ash?

Ash: well, I was wondering…I saw your profile on Tinder so I was just wondering if maybe you'd wanna go grab some food or a cup of coffee or something?

Brooke: oh, Ash. I'd love to… but… I already have a date with someone else tonight.

Ash: oh okay. I understand. Maybe some other time then. Come on, Pikachu. (Turns to leave)

Brooke: wait!

Ash: (turns back around) huh?

Brooke: that guy I'm supposed to see soon…I don't think it's really gonna work out. He's not really my type. So sure! I'd be happy to go get some coffee with you.

Ash: really? Okay, awesome!

Brooke: just let me get changed and then we can go.

Ash: sounds good to me! And hey, if you don't mind me asking…why wasn't that other guy "your type"?

Brooke: oh well…he was Satan.

Ash: …..what?

Brooke: I was supposed to go on a date with Satan tonight but I don't know. I guess I just can't really see myself dating the Lord of Evil, ya know?

Ash: wait. Brooke. Back up. Where were you gonna go with Satan tonight?

Brooke: just some restaurant. Why does it matter? I'm going out with you in just a few minutes. Why are you so concerned?

Ash: because that's part of my secret mission I mentioned earlier. Pikachu and I are on our way to capture Satan.

Brooke: …..I'm not sure I understand—

Ash: you need to go on that date with him.

Brooke: what? Why? You're really weirding me out right now, Ash.

Ash: Brooke, just listen to me for a minute. Hear me out. You go on that date with Lucifer tonight. My friends and I will disguise ourselves until he shows up and then we'll jump out and capture him. What do you say?

Brooke: wait…did you say "your friends and I"? You're here with friends? Who?

(Just then, Brock and Misty enter and see Ash talking with Brooke.)

Brock: oh there you are, Ash. Geez, you took off so fast. It took us a while to catch up.

Misty: what's going on, Ash? Oh. And… (hangs her head, upset) hi, brooke.

Brooke: Misty? Hey! How are you?

Misty: (quietly) fine I guess.

Brooke: oh. Okay…

Ash: guys. Satan's not in Cerulean now…but he will be. Brooke is going on a date with him later and we can be right there to catch him!

Brooke: I still haven't agreed to this, Ash. I'm not sure I want to be involved in this. If Satan knows I'm part of a big setup and you guys fail to capture him, I could probably wind up dead.

Ash: everything will be fine, Brooke. Trust me. We can't fail to capture Satan when we have the one thing in the world that can capture anything.

(Ash pulls out the Master Ball from his pocket. He holds it out in front of Brooke)

Ash: so what do you say, Brooke? Will you help us?

Brooke: (thinks for a while and then…) sure. I'm in. It's been a while since I've had something exciting to do. Let's catch Satan!

Pikachu: Pika pi! (gives a thumbs up)

(Switch scene to Brooke taking her seat at the restaurant. Satan still hasn't arrived but Brooke got a text from him a while ago saying "Hey bae. Stuck in traffic. Gonna be a little late. Order us a bottle of red wine on me until I get there." Brooke orders the red wine then looks around. She has a tiny earpiece in her ear that is hardly noticeable. She's using it to communicate with Ash and the gang, who each have an earpiece as well. We notice that Ash and the gang have disguised themselves as waiters in the restaurant and are spread out, walking around with trays to look inconspicuous. Brooke reaches up to her earpiece and turns it on)

Brooke: ok, guys. I'm ready. Do you all copy?

Ash: copy.

Brock: copy.

Pikachu: pika.

Misty: copy…I guess. I don't really wanna be here.

Ash: what's the matter, Misty?

Brooke: yeah come on. You can tell us if something's bothering you.

Misty: Brooke, I'm sorry. I know I'm one of your role models and everything but I'm still not cool with the fact that you have my old job. I know you deserve it…and it is rightfully yours…. but I guess I'm just really jealous of you is all… I'm sorry, guys. I can't help you out with this.

(Misty turns off her earpiece and throws it on the ground. She runs out of the restaurant in tears.)

Ash: wait, Misty, what are you-?

Brooke: guys! …..He's here.

(Satan enters wearing an all-white suit and a massive rolex watch. He strolls up confidently to his seat at Brooke's table. Ash and the gang listen in on the conversation.)

Satan: ah, Brooke. You look absolutely stunning.

Brooke: oh, thank you. You don't look so bad yourself, Lucifer.

Satan: haha why thank you. Oh look, here comes our waiter now with the red wine.

(Brock strolls over with the bottle of red wine)

Brock: how are we this evening?

Satan: wonderful, thank you, sir. What are your specials for this evening?

Brock: (stares back at Satan wide-eyed. He doesn't know the fucking specials.)

Ash: (through the earpiece) God dammit, Brock. I told you to memorize the specials.

Satan: (still looking at Brock) ummm, sir? The specials?

Brock: ummmmm uhhhhh l-l-let m-me go ch-che-check on th-that f-f-f-for y-you, sir.

Satan: that's quite alright, sir. Take your time.

(Brock sets the bottle of red wine down on Brooke and Satan's table then walks away quickly. He is shaking from nervousness. As he approaches the board with the specials written on it, Ash grabs Brock by the shirt)

Ash: you idiot! You nearly blew this whole thing for all of us!

(Pikachu walks by with a tray for a nearby table and kicks Brock in the shin)

Brock: I'm sorry. Dammit, how was I supposed to know that Satan likes to order the specials when he goes out to eat?

Ash: it's a well-known fact, moron!

Brock: okay okay I'll get it right this time. Any idea where Misty might have gone?

Ash: no clue. We'll figure that out when we're done here. Now get back over there and tell Satan what the specials are for tonight.

Brock: (gulps nervously)

(Brock goes back over to the table. He is sure that he knows the specials now. Once he arrives…)

Brock: sorry about that, sir. The specials for tonight are—

Satan: whoa there. Aren't you going to open this bottle of red wine for us first? You left in such a rush after you brought it over last time that you must have forgotten.

Brock: oh, yes. Terribly sorry about that, sir. Here, let me just pop this cork off for you.

(Brock pops the cork off and pours a glass for Brooke. He then turns to pour a glass for Satan and winds up spilling half of it all over Satan's white suit.)

Brock: well. I lived a good life.

(Satan stands up from his seat at the table and the flames shoot from off his body so high that they burn the entire suit off and rise to the ceiling. Spikes shoot out from his head and chest area. Satan then flexes and grows another 5 feet or so. He is now towering over Brock as he stares down upon him with anger.)

Satan: I'm going to make this hurt.

Brock: I understand.

(Brock, willing to accept death from spilling wine on Beelzebub, doesn't even make an attempt to run. Satan raises a mighty fist back into position. Before he can drive it into Brock's face, Brooke steps out in front of Brock and puts her arms out in front of her)

Brooke: Lucifer, stop! Don't let this ruin our evening together. Please. You have to remember to control that temper of yours.

(Satan, upon hearing this, realizes what he is doing and stops. He lowers his fist, returns to his normal height, makes the flames and spikes on his body go away and sits back at the table.)

Satan: (to Brooke) I'm sorry. I got carried away. (To Brock) You really must be more careful. That was my favorite suit.

Brock: (speechless and pants full of shit)

Satan: (sighs and puts his head in his hands, ashamed)

(Suddenly, Brooke starts running away towards an exit.)

Satan: Brooke, where are you, going?

Brooke: (upon reaching the exit, looks back at Satan, and into her earpiece screams…) ASH, NOW!

Satan: Ash? Who the fuck is-?

(Ash and Pikachu drop their trays and make a straight run towards Satan. Ash reaches into his pocket and takes out the Masterball. He reaches back to throw it. Satan turns to see Ash and Pikachu heading towards him and as soon as Ash releases the Masterball from his hand, Satan uses Teleport and disappears. The Masterball continues flying through the air since it no longer has a target and it bounces off the far wall of the restaurant.)

Ash: Shit! No! He's gone! We were so close!

Pikachu: pika pi!

Brock: I have shit in my fuckin' pants.

(Ash walks over to the Masterball and puts it back into his pocket. Everything in the restaurant is quiet with a sense of fear and defeat.)

Ash: (sigh) we failed…let's go find where Misty went.

(The gang goes outside along with Brooke.)

Brock: where do you think she could've gone?

Ash: I think I have an idea…

(The gang goes into the Cerulean City Gym and finds Misty sitting alongside the pool, with her feet in the water, staring blankly into it. It is clear to see that she has been crying.)

Ash: Misty? Are you okay?

Misty: I am now I guess. I think I just needed to come here by myself to get some closure. Sorry I bailed on catching Satan. How'd it go?

Ash: we…didn't catch him.

Misty: what? How? We have the Master Ball.

Ash: well…apparently Satan can teleport. I never would've guessed that since we've seen him flying everywhere and especially since he drove to his date with Brooke. I mean he waited in traffic for fuck's sake.

Brock: so what do we do now?

Ash: we keep going after him.

Pikachu: Pika?

Misty: are you sure, Ash? It could be even riskier now that he knows your face and what you're doing.

Ash: (nods) I'm sure. We can do this, guys.

Brock: …just after I get a new pair of pants

(The whole gang starts laughing for a while over this and through this, they all find the confidence to keep chasing after Satan.)

Ash: so before we head out on the road again…would you want to come with us, Brooke?

Brooke: (Sigh) I can't. I'm sorry, Ash, but my duty as Cerulean's gym leader far outweighs the duty to capture Satan. But I wish you the best of luck. And, hey, if you're ever in Cerulean again, we'll have to go on that date we agreed on.

Ash: (nods) absolutely. Well, goodbye, Brooke.

(The gang starts to leave. They wave to Brooke as they walk out of the gym.)

Brooke: bye, guys! Good luck!

(The gang starts making their way toward Vermillion City.)

Ash: if we want to stop Satan from teleporting the next time we find him, we only have two options: we get him really weak in battle or we get a Pokemon with Mean Look. Personally, I prefer the Mean Look idea.

Brock: me too.

Misty: yeah, it seems like the best ide—hey!

(Misty gets hit in the head with a stick of some kind. The stick is then picked up by a Farfecth'd who starts making a run for it.)

Ash: hey! Get back here, Farfecth'd!

Pikachu: Pika Pi!

(Pikachu and Ash start hauling ass after the Farfecth'd. The Farfetch'd keeps running away until he gets hit by a pickup truck. The Farfecth'd gets blasted into a million pieces and some of it lands on Ash's jacket.)

Ash: oh shit!

Pikachu: Pika!

(The truck comes to a stop and the driver gets out. It's Lieutenant Surge. He stumbles around, seemingly wasted, and then spots what's left of the Farfecth'd he hit.)

Lt. Surge: oh damn. That's the third one today. I swear, it's like these things want to get hit. Wait…Ash?

(Lt. Surge's eyes get wide upon spotting Ash and Ash has never felt so frightened in his life. Lt. Surge is still ripped as ever, even in his 60's. He runs up to Ash and gives him a mighty bear hug.)

Lt. Surge: oh Ash it's so good to see ya!

Ash: ummm you too, Surge…

(Ash looks back to Pikachu as if to ask "What the fuck?" Clearly this isn't the same badass hardcore Lt. Surge we knew in the TV show.)

Lt. Surge: oh, and you got your Pikachu with ya, too! And Brock and Misty! Wow, it's like a reunion of the time you beat me in my gym all those years ago. Tell ya what: you's guys come back to my place and we'll hang out and catch up. Come on, I'll drive ya's!

Misty: umm that's ok, Surge.

Brock: yeah, we're kinda on a mission right now.

Lt. Surge: (Suddenly becomes very serious) I won't take no for an answer

Ash: oh umm ok yes, we'll go.

(The gang piles into Lt. Surge's truck and he drives them to his house in Vermillion city. For some reason, Surge has all of his weightlifting equipment out by the garbage.)

Ash: (aside, to Brock) hmmm, that's strange.

Brock: what's strange?

Ash: Surge's weightlifting equipment is all out by his garbage. I thought he would still be lifting after all these years. I mean look at him. He's still ripped for a 60-something year-old guy.

Brock: yeah, he's in great shape. Well, I'm sure there's a story to it

Lt. Surge: here we are! C'mon, I'll show you guys around.

(Surge leads the gang to the inside of his house and gives them a tour. In every spot that there might have been weightlifting equipment before, lies multiple Magic the Gathering and Dungeons and Dragons memorabilia. There's a poster for the Big Bang Theory hanging on the wall next to his TV. There are Star Trek DVDs strewn about across the floor. On his computer, a game of World of Warcraft is paused. The thing that really catches Ash's eye is the massive mural spanning across all the walls of Surge's bedroom of My Little Pony. In addition to this, he has My Little Pony bedsheets, My Little Pony stuffed animals, and the entire collection of My Little Pony figurines on every shelf.)

Lt. Surge: now, I know what you's guys are thinking. (blushes and giggles) Guilty! I'm a certified Brony! haha!

Brock: (under his breath) it looks like you're certifiably insane

Ash: (stifles laughter)

Lt. Surge: (suddenly serious again) something funny about me bein' a brony, Ash?

Ash: uhhhhh no?

Lt. Surge: ok! Haha! I'm so happy you's guys are here. I don't get many visitors since I closed the gym down…

Ash: you closed your gym down?

Lt. Surge: well…Kinda. I mean, you can still get a Thunder Badge…but…you don't have to battle for it.

Ash: well then how do you get it?

Lt. Surge: oh, you just put a quarter into the vending machine where the gym once was and it gives it to you.

Ash: so wait, the gym's not even there anymore?

Lt. Surge: oh. Nah. Once people discovered I was a brony and that I liked other things people would consider "nerdy" or "gay", I lost all credibility as the "tough guy" gym leader. Kids made fun of me. They called me names like "dork" and "geek". It was hard. I quit and in a fit of roid rage, I demolished the foundation of the gym with my own two fists. After the gym crumbled, the Pokemeon gym commissioner told me there had to be some way kids could still get a Thunder Badge so they put the vending machine there. Honestly, Raichu took it the hardest. He moved out because he couldn't believe I destroyed the gym in order to keep being a brony. He even threw one of my limited edition Rainbow Dash figurines into the garbage but luckily I was able to find another one. Scary though, right?

Ash: uh sure. So where does Raichu live now?

Lt. Surge: he found an apartment somewhere in Saffron City. I tried writing letters to him explaining how I was sorry about the gym and all but he just always wrote back telling me not to bother him anymore and that he's too busy with his career right now as a financial analyst.

Brock: wow that's rough. I'm a financial analyst too by the way.

Lt. Surge: (looks at Brock silent)

Brock: …but that's probably not what you want to hear. Sorry about Raichu.

Lt. Surge: eh, it's okay. Besides, I got you's guys here now. Hey, the new episode of My Little Pony's coming on soon. You guys wanna watch it?!

Ash: Pikachu, use Spark!

Pikachu: Pika!

(Pikachu launches a flash of lightning at Surge and it hits him square in the head, knocking him unconscious)

Misty: Ash! Why'd you do that?!

Ash: there's no way I'm watching fuckin' My Little Pony.

Brock: it was a new episode, Ash. And now he's probably gonna be out for the whole thing. When he wakes up, it's gonna be over.

Ash: fine. I'll fuckin' DVR it for him but as soon as I set the recording, we're out of here. We'll check Tinder for Satan but if he's not here, then we're booking it. This shit is too weird.

(Ash sets Lt. Surge's Verizon box to record the upcoming episode of My Little Pony and the gang goes outside. Ash then immediately pulls up Tinder. No sign of Satan. But you probably saw that coming.)

Ash: Satan's not here. Ok so I guess it's onto Lavender Town.

Pikachu: pika

(The gang continues on to Lavender Town but they soon reach a stopping point when, Ash, leading the way, bumps into Snorlax's tummy.)

Ash: oh goddammit. Snorlax is in the way again. Where the hell is the Poke Flute guy? He usually wakes this bastard up.

Brock: oh he died a while ago and I think they buried him with the flute.

Ash: well that's stupid. We have to think of some other way to get past him. Hmmm.

Misty: maybe we can fly over him

Ash: hey, yeah, that sounds like a plan. Go, Pidgeotto!

(Pidgeotto emerges. Ash climbs on)

Ash: ok we'll go one at a time. Pidgeotto, fly me over that Snorlax.

(Pidgeotto carries Ash over the Snorlax then returns for the rest of the gang and, one at a time, they all make it over Snorlax. Once they are all on the other side, they hear muffled screaming coming from behind them. It almost sounds like…)

Ash: hey, I think somebody's trapped under the Snorlax!

Misty: oh no! We gotta get them out!

Brock: but how? The only way Snorlax will move is if we wake him up and the only way that's happening is with the Poke Flute.

Ash: (thinking) hmmm. That might not be the ONLY way

Brock: what do you mean, Ash?

Ash: start cooking up a lot of food. And make it really smell good. Maybe the scent of food will be too much for Snorlax to resist.

Brock: good idea. I'm on it.

(Brock starts setting up a fire pit to cook over and he throws in some ingredients. Soon, the aroma of food is so strong that it can be smelled from miles away. In fact, some wild Pokemon start gathering around the edges of the road to see what's cooking.)

Ash: oh damn. Looks like we're gonna have to ward them off. Pikachu!

(Pikachu, who is busy jumping up and down on Snorlax's tummy like a trampoline, immediately stops and runs over to Ash.)

Ash: Pikachu, keep an eye out on the Pokemon hiding in the bushes. They can come out at any minute to try and steal our food.

(Muffled screaming heard from under Snorlax)

Misty: don't worry, whoever you are! We're gonna get you out! Just give us a few more minutes, ok?

(Pikachu stares down all the Pokemon crowded around the gang's area. Some Raticates are grinding their teeth in anticipation. A few spearows and fearows look down from high branches in the trees.)

Pikachu: (waving his arms as if to say "Go away") Pika Pika Pi!

(A spearow decides this is a good time to go for it. He spreads his wings and swoops in from his branch and angles toward the pot that Brock is cooking in. Before he can get there, Pikachu zaps the Spearow with a bolt of lightning that turns it into a burnt turkey. All the other Pokemon aren't that hungry anymore and run away. Pikachu nods his head and goes back to Snorlax's tummy. He puts his aviator sunglasses on and lays out flat on Snorlax's gut, ready to start getting a suntan. Pikachu then pulls out a margarita from somewhere and starts sipping. This is the life.)

Ash: (pointing at Snorlax) why hasn't he woken up yet? The food smells so good that I'm gonna eat it if he doesn't.

(Snorlax hears this and jumps up so quick that Pikachu slams to the ground, smashing his margarita glass to pieces. Snorlax starts running toward the pot Brock is cooking up.)

Brock: easy there, Snorlax. Here. Have as much as you like.

(Brock holds the pot out to Snorlax nervously. Snorlax takes the entire pot and swallows it whole. In the meantime, Misty helps whoever was trapped under the Snorlax onto their feet. We finally get to see who it is and we realize that it's…)

Ash: Drake? What are you doing here?

(Before Drake, yes, Drake, the dude once from Degrassi and now famous music artist, can answer, Snorlax has picked Brock up from off of his feet and is preparing to eat him too)

Brock: oh no. Why me?

(Before Snorlax can eat Brock, a bolt of lightning hits Snorlax right in his tummy. Snorlax looks over to where the bolt came from and finds Pikachu, ready for battle. He holds a piece of broken margarita glass in his hand as a weapon. Snorlax jumps high in the air over Pikachu and prepares to slam down on top of him but Pikachu scurries out of the way. Snorlax slams hard onto the ground. The force of the impact causes Snorlax to release Brock. Brock immediately gets to his feet and runs away. Snorlax tries getting back to his feet but this requires too much effort and he falls back to the ground, asleep.)

Ash: you okay, Brock?

Brock: yeah I guess so. I think I pooped my pants again though. Hey, what's Drake doing here?

Ash: good question. How'd you wind up under Snorlax, Drake?

Drake: ah well it's kind of a funny story. I was on my way to do my annual concert at Diglett's Cave and, as usual, I was riding my tricycle to get there. But then it got a flat tire so I had to start walking. Out of nowhere this big dude (points to Snorlax) comes out of the bushes and tries to eat me. So I just kept throwing rocks at him until he got tired but that was even worse because he just fell asleep on top of me. Damn, I'm gonna be so late for my concert though.

Ash: nonsense, Drake. We'll get you to your concert on time.

Drake: yeah well I better get there on time because if I don't, the Digletts get unruly and they cause a massive earthquake that can kill hundreds of Pokemon.

Misty: well what're we doing just standing around? We gotta get Drake to his concert!

Ash: let's do it.

(Ash pulls a really weird-looking whistle out of his pocket.)

Misty: what's that, Ash?

Ash: oh, it's my Tauros whistle. Whenever I want to call on one of my Tauros, I blow into this and it emits a sound only they can hear. They'll be here in no time. I figured we could ride them to the concert. They're super fast.

Misty: oh, how convenient!

Ash: yep (blows into the whistle) shouldn't be long now.

(A slight trembling is felt in the ground and over the horizon, a massive stampeded is seen coming towards the gang.)

Brock: this is gonna be so metal.

Drake: did someone say metal? I think I can do that.

Ash: please don't.

(Too late. Drake has already pulled a microphone out of his designer jeans pocket and starts belting "The Trooper" by Iron Maiden. He hits every note flawlessly which is really no big surprise haha. When he gets to the chorus, the Tauros squad finally arrives and the gang each climbs on top of one)

Ash: on to Diglett's Cave!

(All the Tauros lean back and scream. The noise they make is like nails on a chalkboard. Usually they make a normal Tauros sound but let's be real for a minute. Drake is singing "The Trooper" by Iron Maiden so don't take the metal out of this, ok? The Tauros blast off towards Diglett's Cave at light speed. They cover the distance in about 2 minutes. A new record. Ash and the gang immediately climb off the Tauros they are riding and run into the cave.)

Misty: uh oh. It looks like the Digletts are already getting a little anxious.

(The Digletts have set up a massive stage for Drake to perform. The lights are all focused on the center but there is no Drake. The Digletts start rumbling around in their little holes from side to side and up and down until the ground starts trembling a little bit)

Misty: you better get up there, Drake. Nice job on "The Trooper" by the way. I liked it more than the original.

Drake: haha thanks, Misty. Good seeing you again, bae.

Ash and Brock: BAE?!

Misty: oh. Yeah. We-uhh- hehe- we know each other (blushes).

(Drake rushes to the stage to perform. As soon as he grabs the mic and starts rapping, the Digletts immediately stop their rumbling and start nodding their heads to the beat.)

Ash: whew. We did it. Who knew that it was Drake all these years who stopped that Earthquake from happening?

Brock: yea that's pretty cool. Should we stay and watch the show?

Ash: no. We have more important things to do.

Misty: ah, come on, Ash. We can stay for just a few songs, can't we?

Ash: (sigh) fine but only for a few songs.

Pikachu: (ecstatic) Pika!

(Pikachu puts on his drake hat. It's literally a hat with Drake's smiling face on it. Pikachu starts crowd-surfing.)

(Switch scene to after the show. The gang is emerging on the other side of Diglett's Cave heading towards Lavender Town. It is late at night.)

Ash: boy, that was some show.

Misty: I can't believe we actually stayed for the whole thing.

Ash: I can't believe that Pikachu could do all that molly haha.

Pikachu: piiiiiiiiii (Translation: bruh)

Ash: we should try to find a place to stay for the night. I think I saw a road sign for a Holiday Inn up ahead.

Misty: that sounds good to me.

Brock: yeah. I could use a bed. And a shower.

Pikachu: (trying to decide whether his feet are actually hands or if his head is actually a tea kettle)

(Switch scene to Ash and Pikachu getting into their pajamas as they prepare for a good night's sleep in their room at the Holiday Inn. Their Shrek jammies have matching designs haha.)

Ash: well, goodnight, Pikachu. Hopefully that molly wears off by tomorrow.

Pikachu: (standing perfectly on his head as he stares at Ash wide-eyed without blinking)

(A knock is heard on the door.)

Ash: huh? Who could that be?

(Ash answers the door. Before he can even get a good luck at who it is, he is knocked unconscious. The assailant then takes Ash's body and drags it behind him as he runs down the hall toward the elevator. Pikachu immediately snaps out of his molly high and dashes after the captor. The captor stops in front of the elevator but then it takes too long as he sees Pikachu chasing after him down the hall. The captor throws Ash over his shoulder and decides to take the stairwell instead)

Pikachu: Pika-pika-chu!

(Pikachu picks up the pace as he starts following the captor down the stairwell. Suddenly, the captor stumbles and falls down the entire last flight of steps. Ash flies off his shoulder and onto the ground next to him. Pikachu runs up to the captor, who is now also unconscious, to get a better look at him. It's James from Team Rocket.)

Pikachu: pika pi! :(

(Suddenly, Meowth appears from the nearby entrance to the stairwell)

Meowth: hey James, Jessie and I are waiting in the van. Ya got the kid or wha-? Oh goddammit.

(Pikachu smiles and sends Meowth flying through the nearest wall with an electric blast. Pikachu steps through the hole and onto the hotel parking lot, where he sees Jessie waiting in the driver's seat of a Team Rocket van. She looks horrified when Pikachu holds up Meowth's broken body and motions to James's unconscious one. She tries to start the van but the engine fails. She repeats this as Pikachu takes very slow steps toward the van. When Pikachu stands right in front of the van, Jessie stops trying to start the engine and starts weeping. She knows she's gonna be back in the hospital again. Pikachu climbs onto the hood and punches in the windshield. The glass rains down around Jessie.)

Jessie: oh god (sobbing) please, Pikachu. We'll never come after you or Ash again. I promise. This is the last time. Just don't send me through another surgery again. Please.

Pikachu: pika pi chu pkia chu chu pi!

(Pikachu shocks the entire van until the entire thing explodes. Pikachu lands perfectly onto the ground unscathed while Jessie flies miles into the air, crying.)

Pikachu: (folds arms, satisfied with his work) chu.

(Pikachu returns inside and wakes up Ash with a tiny spark on his arm.)

Ash: ow! Hey! What happened? James? Wow, thanks for saving me, Pikachu.

Pikachu: (Nods. Puts his headphones in and blasts some Kanye)

(Switch scene to Ash and the gang checking out of the hotel.)

Misty: so how'd you guys sleep?

(Ash and Pikachu stare at each other and smile.)

Ash: like babies. No problems here haha. (Fist bumps Pikachu)

Brock: oooookay? So I guess we're off to Lavender Town then?

Ash: yup. Let's go!

(Ash and the gang enter Lavender Town. They know exactly what to do)

Ash: alright I'm already checking Tinder. There's nothing on Satan though. (Wow. What a fuckin shocker.)

Misty: well, we still need that Pokemon with Mean Look. There's a ton of them in the Pokemon Tower.

Brock: hey, yeah! That's right! Let's head that way.

(Ash and the gang go to the Pokemon Tower but they stop when they see that it's not there anymore.)

Ash: what? Where's the tower?

Brock: there's a sign over there. Maybe it'll say what happened.

(The gang walks over to the sign and read what it says. It reads…)

Sign: there were ghosts that once haunted the tower that stood here. We believed these spirits of Pokemon past were contained here. We were wrong. We were so wrong. Pokemon Tower: torn down after the Lavender Town Tragedy

Ash: "Lavender Town Tragedy"?

Voice: hey! What in the world are you kids doing here?!

(Ash and the gang turn around and see an old lady standing behind them with a shotgun raised in their direction)

Ash: woah! Take it easy, ma'am…We were here years ago and we thought there'd be ghost Pokemon to catch in the Pokemon Tower here…well, the Tower that WAS here

Old Lady: don't you know what happened here? Nobody should ever be around here!

Misty: sorry, miss. We honestly don't know. What did happen?

Old Lady: (lowers shotgun) well, last month, the ghost Pokemon got tired of being disturbed in their tower. It was supposed to be a place to pay your respects to Pokemon that have passed on but instead trainers like yourselves started comin' into it and interrupting their eternal rest…all in the name of trying to capture them. So late one night, they got tired of it when a man named Giovanni came in trying to capture all of them. He came in with an army of gang members…a gang called Team Rocket…They caught a few ghost Pokemon but then the spirits retaliated. They sent Giovanni running after a majority of his Team Rocket thugs were killed inside the Tower by the ghost Pokemon. Then, as they chased Giovanni out of the Tower, they escaped and started attacking people throughout Lavender Town in a type of blind rage. Many people in this once wonderful town died that day. Eventually, the sun rose and all of the ghost disintegrated to nothing. But Giovanni escaped in his helicopter with the Pokemon that Team Rocket collected for him. I can still see the smile on his face as he flew away. It was as if he knew that was all going to happen…..

Brock: that's terrible!

Old Lady: absolutely it is…you kids better get going. Cops don't like it when you hang around here…

Ash: but you're standing here…with a shotgun…..

Old Lady: haha yeah I guess so. Oh well. See ya!

(Old Lady scurries away quickly and Ash and the gang continue on…)

Misty: boy, I never knew Team Rocket did something like that…it's really disturbing that they're that evil.

Ash: I don't understand…I thought I took down Team Rocket and Giovanni was arrested for life. Something must have happened…

Brock: but what would they want with the ghost Pokemon?

Ash: maybe they want the same thing we want…..

Pikachu: pika?

Misty: you really think they would go after Satan too?

Ash: definitely, now that I think about it. Otherwise, why would Jessie and James be trying to stop us? We haven't seen them in years and now all of a sudden they're back? They're trying to stop us so they can get to Satan first.

Brock: with Satan's mighty powers, Team Rocket could take over the entire world.

Ash: exactly. I'm not gonna let that happen. We need to get to Satan before they do.

Pikachu: (raises fist) pika

Ash: you said it, Pikachu. It's on to Celadon City now.

(Ash and the gang continue on. A few miles down the road, Ash's cell phone starts ringing. He takes a look at the screen and notices the contact name: Professor Oak)

Ash: (answers) hello?

Professor Oak: hey, Ash. I heard you helped Drake get to his concert on time the other day. Good work!

Ash: is there a point to this phone call or can I hang up?

Professor Oak: oh…yes…um let's see. How should I phrase this?

Ash: just tell me!

Oak: oh okay then! Your mother and I are moving in together

Ash: (hangs up)

Pikachu: Pika pi?

Ash: oh it was Professor Oak. He just wanted to say hi.

(The gang keeps walking until they see a trainer up ahead. He waits for anyone to pass by so he can challenge them. Ash stops and turns to the others)

Ash: (near whisper) ok, I don't know about you guys but I'm really done fighting these weak trainers lately. It's not even fun anymore. Can one of you handle this?

Misty: I can. I was hoping to get some battling in before we met Satan.

Ash: ok it's up to you then. Good luck.

(Misty takes the lead and walks toward the trainer. When she gets close to him, the trainer nearly jizzes his jeans in excitement as he runs towards her, eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep. He looks and smells like he's just been standing out here in the hot sun for weeks.)

Trainer: hey! Hey, lady! Hey!

Misty: ok yes I see you. Chill. Jesus.

Trainer: sorry, I just really wanna battle someone. I've been out here for three weeks (told you)

Misty: nobody has come by in three weeks? Why didn't you just go home?

Trainer: (shrugs shoulders)

Misty: alright, well whatever. I'm here to battle you and make you cry ok?

Trainer: oh I think YOU'LL be the one crying, missy! Haha! Go, Growlithe!

(Growlithe leaps from his Pokeball and barks. He looks happy and eager to battle as he smiles and wags his tail)

Misty: oh, big mistake! Go, Gyarados!

(YO.)

Gyarados: (Roars, shaking the ground)

Trainer: oh dammit. Growlithe's the only Pokemon I brought with me…do you care if I run to the nearest PC real quick and grab a grass pokemon like my Ivysaur real quick?

Misty: Gyarados, use Hydro Pump!

Trainer: (depressed) well, get ready, Growlithe. Here we go again….

(Both the trainer and his Growlithe put floaties on while Gyarados prepares to blast them away. They don't seem too enthused about it. Growlithe even throws on a pair of floral-patterned swim trunks haha)

(Gyarados uses Hydro Pump. It's super effective. The blast of water carries the Trainer and his Growlithe miles away on a strong river-like current.)

Misty: hey! Don't go floating too far away! You owe me money from this!

Ash: geez, Misty. That was pretty damn good.

Misty: (giggles)

Ash: alright, well now that that's taken care of…Pikachu!

(Pikachu, who is currently lounging on a beach chair in a Hawaiian shirt and sipping a Pina Colada, looks up from his Playboy magazine and sees Ash waving him over. He folds his beach chair back up and runs over to Ash. They continue on to Celadon City.)

(Upon arriving in Celadon, Ash and the gang notice something very different about the city. Even the way it smells is different…..)

Brock: damn yo this that dank shit, bruh!

Ash: haha you said it, Brock.

(All around them, posters of pot leaves and flags with Marijuana logos on them hang from every street pole and wall. Many people are seen walking around smoking blunts or bowls. The whole town looks like it's moving in slow-motion…or maybe it's that contact high haha)

Ash: whoa, I think I'm getting some kinda contact high…how long have we been here?

Misty: stop. There's no such thing as a contact high.

Ash: haha ok, don't be so serious. Hey, where'd Brock go?

Pikachu: (pointing) pika!

(Brock is seen walking back to the group with his arms full with loads of pot brownies. It's literally overflowing. He drops a few on his walk back to Ash and Misty)

Brock: hey guys. Can you believe this was only worth $5 bucks?! Haha I'm gonna get so high!

Ash: no. We can't be getting high. Don't you remember why we're here in the first place?

Brock: (shrugs shoulders, causing even more brownies to fall to the ground)

Ash: god, forget it. I'm checking Tinder and then we're going to see Erika about what the hell is happening here.

(Ash checks Tinder and…..nope. Still no Satan. If you're expecting him to show up on Tinder anytime soon this might not be the story for you.)

Misty: anything?

Ash: nah. I figured as much though. Let's go see Erika.…come on, Brock!

Brock: (stops eating the last of his pot brownies from off the street.) …..I think I'm dying…..

(Ash, Misty, Brock, and Pikchu head towards Erika's gym. A giant neon pot leaf sign hangs over the entrance with a slogan that reads: "Erika's Gym: Where Best BUDS Battle". Ash, Misty, and Pikachu start walking inside but Brock hangs back, just standing there at the entrance, eyes transfixed on the neon pot leaf.)

Misty: Brock?

Ash: forget him. He'll probably be there when we're done talking to Erika.

(Upon entering, Ash, Misty, and Pikachu start coughing from all the smoke that fills the room. They can barely see. Music with heavy bass pumps throughout the gym. Someone is passed out on a nearby couch. A bong is passed between three Vileplumes. When they inhale, they hold it in for a few seconds, then they exhale through the flowers on their heads hahaha. Soon, Ash, Misty, and Pikachu make their way to the back of the gym where they find Erika. She looks like she's getting ready to battle another trainer.)

Erika: are you sure you're ready, trainer?

Trainer: as I'll ever be!

Erika: ok then! Go, Gloom!

(Gloom comes out of her Pokeball upside down. She falls over and starts rolling around…)

Erika: ah, fuck! Gloom! (points to Gloom's pokeball) Were you getting high in there again?

Gloom: (drooling more than ever) Glooooooooooooooooooom

Erika: ugh! I wish this legalization thing never happened! It's like you're in some kind of Kush Coma.

Gloom: (now choking on her own spit. She doesn't roll over though. She is now frozen in her Kush Coma)

Erika: the only good thing about this is that I don't have to smell your shitty fumes anymore over all this dank shit.

Gloom: Glooooooooooooom gloooooooooooom

Trainer: maybe I should come back another time?

Erika: no, you deserve this (sighs) here. (Depressed monotone) Congratulations….you've won….the Ganja badge.

(Erika holds out the "badge" for the trainer which is really just an expertly-crafted joint)

Trainer: wow! The Ganja badge! Alright! We did it, Scooter!

(This kid named his Shellder "Scooter". Okay.)

Trainer: woohoo!

(Trainer and Scooter runs out of the gym in excitement. Erika hangs her head in shame but notices Ash and Misty out of the corner of her eye.)

Erika: oh, Ash. Misty…..how much did you guys see of that?

Ash: just enough to get an understanding of all this…

Gloom: (spits up an entire pot plant.)

Erika: oh, I just hate it so much! Like yeah, I get that we're the "Grass-Type" city because of my gym and the Pokemon I use for battle, but did we really have to pass a law legalizing THIS grass? (Holds up another beautifully-rolled blunt) I mean, I don't even smoke the stuff. Just look at the toll it's taking on Gloom.

(Gloom holds a hand up in front of her face, but soon slaps herself by complete accident. Kush coma.)

Ash: I knew Gary was a lousy president…he should have vetoed this shit. Have you won any battles since this was passed?

Erika: no! I even had to give up my perfume business because nobody can smell it over all this dank kush.

Ash: haha yeah this shit sure is dank. It's making my fuckin' eyes water.

Erika: it was good seeing you guys but I don't want you to see me lose like this. It's a disgrace to gym leaders everywhere. Please. Just take these Ganja badges and leave. Hopefully we'll meet again under much better conditions.

Ash: yooo sweet! That's the shit I was looking for this whole time haha. Yo this blunt is fat bruh! I'm for sure lighting this up as soon as we catch Satan.

Erika: (stares at Ash with hatred)

Ash: oh come on now…don't be a narc.

Erika: …I just gave you a blunt.

Ash: oh. right.

(Ash, Misty, and Pikachu walk out of the gym and find Brock still staring at the sign. It looks like he hasn't blinked once since he first set his eyes on it)

Brock: …OOOOHHHHH I get it! HAHAHA "Where Best BUDS Battle" haha like POT!

Ash: damn that's some kinda loud…

Brock: yeah it is! This shit's got me feelin' some type of way, bruh.

Misty: guys, fuckin' stop.

Pikachu: (shakes his head in disgust)

Brock: oh what was that Misty? I can't hear you. This weed is too LOUD! HAHAHA

Misty: you're a monster.

(Brock snaps out of his high a few hours later after consuming 50 tacos on his own. Munchies game is on point RN)

Ash: ok, now that you're not high, can we keep going now please?

Brock: sure. (Sneaks a bite of a pot brownie from his back pocket. Nobody sees this except Pikachu who snatches the rest from Brock's hand and devours it in one bite)

Ash: alright then. The next stop is Saffron City but I think we should take a little detour first.

Misty: what do you mean, Ash?

Ash: I think we need to check out the old Team Rocket hideout.