Disclaimer: I own nothing of Transformers, otherwise Megs and Screamer would be cuddling forever!
A/N: This has Megatron/Starscream implied slash, so if it's not your cup of tea, please turn around right now. I've warned, right? Reviews are loved, please let me know what you think of this one. G1 compliant. Also, can be seen as a side along to "The color of sorrow".
IF ONLY
One more failure, one more battle plan that hasn't worked, one more reason for me becoming your punch bag again.
How long has it been, oh, mighty leader, since the last time you've truly respected me as your second in command? Because now, you see, every Decepticon, no, every Cybertronian, has me as a joke. Thanks to you.
I, Starscream, the best and most perfect flyer of all of our kind, the most skilled scientist and strategist from the Cybertron academy. What have I become? Humph, a pathetic shadow of my former self.
Thanks to you, oh, mighty leader!
If only… Oh, if only you knew how much devotion I had only for you, long ago…
If only you knew how proud I was of following your every step, and how your simply presence would awake in me the most forbidden dreams and desires. You were everything to me back then.
If only you knew how you've made me the happiest bot when you promoted me to your second, and shortly after, how broken I've felt at the coldness you directed towards me. All I wanted was to be around you, near you, be with you no matter what.
If only you knew how you've shattered the trust and adoration I had for you, little by little, and turned my treacherous nature towards yourself, when it should be serving you against the Autobots.
Oh, Megatron… Hah, there you go, yelling and grabbing me with violence, when the fault, as usual, is all yours. Telling me all the good reasons why you should offline me and asking for my gratitude for you not doing so. You see, you should stop empty menaces and do it, if it's you so much wish for.
I glare at you with hate, I know, but you see your moron, if you looked closer instead of beating me to a pup, you'd see other emotions too, emotions I fight hard to conceal.
And if only you knew, mighty leader, you'd see that I'm not pathetic, unstable and stupid because of my failures, as you put it, I am all of that, and more, because deep down, I still love you so much.