A/N This is my first whack at this. please let me know how i do.

She knew this would happen, so when it did Kate was disappointed in how cliché the universe worked. This was something she saw in her worst nightmares, something she heard through stories around the precinct, and something her mentors scolded her about when they repeatedly told her not to mix personal with professional. 'You can only deny it for so long' is what she told herself.

The extraordinary Katherine Beckett never froze. Well she did once, but that was because she was trying to overcome her shooting.

A cop works better when they act on instinct. Training teaches one to react to the situation and not think about that. It teaches how to clear a room, how to aim and shoot, how to take down a suspect, how to react when someone has you in an old-fashioned showdown, how to deal with a hostage at gunpoint situation. All that training went out the window when the gun wasn't pointing at some random civilian that he picked off the street. It was pointed at him. Castle.

At that point in time when she connected who was the hostage immediately her mind thought of the outcome. 'If he dies right now he might as well shoot me too. He can't die now, not after we just started, not after there is too much left unsaid. Not after four years of putting up with him to have Castle leave like this.'

Her mind fluttered back to waking up this morning.

She had stayed because he begged her to. Though the begging was just a show they put on because she loved the ways he persuaded her to stay in his bed and he knew her pride was too big for Kate herself to ask to stay the night. They'd made love because they couldn't get enough of each other and they fell asleep holding one another because there was no better way to fall asleep.

She woke up closer to morning to the feel of his hand rubbing underneath her shirt that was actually his along her stomach in a soothing way. She felt his breath at her neck as he gently pressed a kiss to her shoulder. Laying on her side, Kate pressed back towards his chest as he moved his kiss up to her neck, this one a little longer than the last, tongue darting out to taste each spot. His other hand sneaked under her body and grasped her hip so he could pull her closer. Both of his hands started a gentle squeeze as his kisses moved up slowly until he kissed right behind her ear. "Morning" he said through his smile as she sighed. She responded with a smile of her own. They didn't need to look at the other to see the smiles and happiness that was apparent. These were the moments that both of them realized if life were a little more perfect, they'd be in heaven. Just as things started to turn into what they really wanted her phone went off. "of course" Castle grunted disappointingly as the movements of his hands stopped but he still gripped her hips as not to lose contact. She spoke to the dispatch on the phone while his lips peppered the open area of skin that the shirt allowed. When Kate hung up she tossed the phone on the other side of the bed and flipped in his arms to kiss him. They teased with their lips and tongues just daring the other to make it go farther knowing that if they went there they'd be late and it would warrant a lot of ribbing from the rest of the crew. "Tonight" Kate promised as she jumped away from his embrace and towards the closet to dress. Castle watched with a smile that took up his whole face and replied "Tonight sounds great." With that he bounded after her to go to the scene.

Her mind was stuck in that moment in bed when she saw him standing there. The fear that ran threw her when she realized if he died, mornings like todays would never happen again. Any other person's hands would not be able to touch her in that exact same way and even if there were ones, she refused to try to find them.

So really, when Kate Beckett knew this was going to happen, surprise was not at all the first emotion, it was more like denial. 'This is not happening right now.'

All they had done was get a lead and when they came around the corner there Castle was with John Rikes right behind him, gun pushed into his back underneath his "Writer" vest. Kate's heart seized up and literally stopped. A bullet to the heart would have felt better, she knows from previous experience. Her whole body tensed up and she could see her gun shaking out in front of her. Her knees were close to buckling and faltering out from under her.

"A bullet to the liver if you come any closer, Detectives."

"Put the gun down now, John. You can't win this time." It was Esposito.

"Let him go and come quietly. You're only making this worse for yourself." Ryan.

Kate's eyes connected with Castle's and she saw the fear desperately trying to be covered up by courage. She hopes what he sees in her eyes is a more successful version of it.

"Let him go John or I will put a bullet in your brain without another thought." Was that her voice? That was a better cop voice than what she thought she'd sound like. It gave Kate a silent boost of confidence.

"I leave here without anyone following me and I won't hurt him."

"Yeah, right." It was a soft mumble from Castle. It was too shaky to know that he knew this was going to end badly. 'Don't be stupid Castle,' Kate prayed. Castle jerked suddenly in an uncomfortable way that once again Kate was holding her breath. Rikes shoved the gun harder into Castle's side.

"You're the hostage. You're not supposed to talk." Rikes turned his attention back to the three cops. "now let me go or I will pull this trigger and let him bleed out slowly before you take me back to prison."

"Shoot me and your prison will be six feet under." Castle was feeling cocky, Kate could tell. But he was also distracting Rikes so the team decided to start their move.

"Why are you talking? Annoying me only makes me want to shoot you more." Rikes jerked Castle's collar that he was hold so that he spoke right into his ear.

Beckett held back the laugh that wanted to come up inappropriately at the fact that she remembered feeling the same way.

"Listen, detectives, you are going to have to let me leave or your little writer pet is going to die." That helped stifle the laugh.

Beckett moved forward ever so slightly towards Rikes, Ryan and Esposito on each side of her moved outwards expanding their line and moving it forward. "I can't do that. You will just have to put the gun down and come with us."

Beckett stopped while she talked as she watched out of the corner of her eye Esposito continue his calculated movements. She was trying to distract Rikes so that they could move on him without hurting Castle. "You don't want another death on your conscious so let's just leave right now with your life. There's no other way John."

"Yes there is!" Rikes stated and then two gunshots went off.

For the seemingly umpteenth time, Kate's heart stopped as she watched Castle crumple to the ground.

i hope i intrigued you some...