A/N : Hello! :} Thank you for taking the timeout to read my story. I really appreciate it.

Summary: What if there was someone in the shadows watching Harry from the start? Why? Because even Death gets bored of paperwork. The Harry Potter story told from a cynical , sarcastic and pessimistic Death's POV. When a five year old Harry Potter meets a weird man by the name of Joe while the Dursleys are away visiting Marge, someone had clearly forgotten to explain the concept of "stranger danger" to the poor boy. Because not only does Joe turn out to be Death but he's bored and has decided to make Harry's life his new TV show. As it turns out, Harry is a wizard and a very important one at that. Apparently he is "The-Boy-Who-Lived". Joe informs him of the prophecy about himself and Voldemort and the manipulations of one Albus Dumbledore. What ensues is a series of hilarious events as Joe and Harry completes the prophecy and defeats Voldemort and Dumbledore while causing mischief and mayhem along the way. Well one thing's for sure, after this is over, there sure as hell not an encore.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. All credit goes to J.K Rowling.

" Yellow for B" - Regular speech

~No it's not you moron~ Mental Speech

" Yeah it's B for Boobs " - Death Speech

On with the show!

Prologue: Well it all went a little like this

Tap... Tap... Tap... Tap... Tap...

Tap... Tap... Tap... Tap... Tap...

Tap... Tap- WILL YOU KNOCK IT OFF BRAT?!

Harry chuckled moving away from the window. Joe was so fun to annoy.

"What is it Harry?" asked Hermoine looking at him in confusion. Harry glanced over at Joe who was silently staring out the compartment window in annoyance.

"Nothing Hermoine. Just thinking about all that has happened this year." Joe snorted looking amused. For someone whom many feared, Death was very bipolar. Perhaps immortals had some sort of man period, that certainly would explain Voldemort.

"Yes, I guess you're right. It has been an interesting first year. Although, did you really have to do that at the ending feast?" Oh god not this again.

"Hermoine I couldn't let Malfoy or Weasley get away with what they did"

"I know, but Snape didn't really do anything wrong." At this even Joe turned and looked at her in disbelief.

" Is she joking?! Snivellous deserved what we did and more! I still say we should have thrown him to the bottom of the lake and fed him to Gregory." Harry couldn't help but agree with Joe. Snape deserved it, hell he was just begging for it.

~True but I don't think even Greg would have found him appetizing~

" Yeah, he probably tastes like the ball of grease and slim that he is." said Joe looking as though he has smelt something foul.

"Hermoine trust me when I say Snape most definitely deserved it." Harry said chuckling at Joe's observation. His best friend simply huffed and went back to reading her copy of Hogwarts : A History.

" Ready to go back to the barn?" Joe asked referring to the Dursleys.

~ I don't think a whale counts as a barnyard animal. But anyways as long as they leave me alone until September then I'll be fine.~

" Hey at least you can practice magic during summer. Then we can ditch the Dursleys and stay at the Leaky Cauldron"

~ I suppose~

They both fell into a comfortable silence after that. Hermoine was completely engrossed in her book and Harry began to think about his first year, which led him to think about what it would have been like without having his immortal sidekick by his side.

You see my dear friends, Joe is also known as Death. How Death got such a stupid name was beyond him but he has truly helped - if not been a pain in the arse - since his appearance in Harry's life.

Life had changed upon Joe's arrival and for the better. During the year all the amazing pranks they had pulled,especially on the weasel, the grease-ball and the ferret. How funny classes were because of Joe's comments that only Harry could hear. And of course they're greatest prank – making his relatives seem like nut jobs, especially after what they dubbed " the incident".

Oh dear! You seem a tad bit confused...Of course you weren't there!

You totally should have been because it was a moment for the record books. The Dursleys looked so foolish trying to blame him for a lot of things : the ice cream, the dogs, painting the walls orange over night, crashing the car, throwing Dudley of – hahaha good times. Of course, of course! Any who..

Well it all went a little like this...

AN: Do you like it? Yes? No? Let me know

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