A/N:
Omg, 1000 words, exactly. Exactly 1000 words, thank you.
Pairing:
Kakashi/Iruka
Rating: T ... I guess.
Summary: "Sometimes,
I wonder if I'm insane. And then I think, I must be."
Warnings:
I think there might be a spoiler or two in there. Watch out. It might
also be kinda depressing. Maybe.
Sometimes, I wonder if I'm insane. And then I think, I must be. I must be insane. Because I'm wondering if I'm insane. Sane people don't wonder. They don't need to, do they? Because they know they're sane. And if they wondered, there'd be room for doubt. And if there's doubt, there's possibility. The possibility of insanity. And then I wonder how I got to be like this. Out of my mind, I mean. Sure, I was never very social, and kept to myself a lot when I was a kid... But that's how a shinobi should be. Don't get attached, that's what my father would always say. Way to follow your own advice, dad. Look where it got you.
I'm not one to talk though. First Obito; it still hurts to think about him. We'd confided so much in each other, all our deepest secrets. He didn't want to be a shinobi, he told me. I don't blame him. It's dirty work we do. He loved life to much to risk it everyday. He wanted a family. He wanted a nice job, maybe at the academy, he'd say. He figured if he wasn't going to fight, he might as well help out and teach others to. He wanted to go home everyday to a beautiful family, a loving wife and kids. Two or three, he wanted. Enough that he was guaranteed grand children, but few enough that it wouldn't be too much to handle. And that's where he made his first mistake. He got attached. He got attached to life, and that is the number one unwritten rule of being a shinobi. Never, never, get attached to life. But Obito wasn't a shinobi. He was just a kid. And that's all he ever got to be. Sometimes, I think he and Rin would've been a great couple. They complimented each other so well. I haven't heard from Rin in a while.
Sensei's only mistake was caring too much. He cared about the village too much. If he cared less, he'd still be alive. He'd still be hokage. He'd still have his family. I'd still have him. Sure, we wouldn't have a village for him to be hokage of, and sure, maybe I'd be dead. Hell, he'd probably have died either way. The village would have most likely been destroyed. Call me selfish, but I can't help wish he hadn't sacrificed himself. Because there's always the possibility that we would have survived, and there's always the possibility that I'd still have him. He was my best friend, my older brother, my favourite uncle. He was everything I looked up to. And, I can't help but think he ruined Naruto. Because, really, he did. Through out Naruto's entire childhood, he was ridiculed, hated, by everyone. Because of sensei.
Naruto's only mistake... Well, Naruto made many mistakes. He reminds me of Obito. Of his father. He got attached to life, to the village. To the villagers. He was so bent on saving Sasuke, that he almost forgot to save himself. And he did it to save Sakura. Because Sakura needed Naruto, and Naruto liked being needed. He has selective thinking. We all know Sakura only needed Naruto, because she needed Sasuke. Naruto ignored it. Sakura has selective thinking too. She thinks Naruto brought Sasuke back for her. Naruto needed Sasuke for himself, because Sasuke knows what it's like to be alone, always alone, to feel cut off from the world. But that's why Sasuke left. Because he was needed. And he liked the feeling of being needed. Even if it was by Orochimaru.
My only mistake... Well, I made many mistakes. I remind myself of Naruto. Only not really. But I got attached to life, to the village. To the villagers. To Naruto, and Sasuke, and Sakura, and it killed me. It killed me. I died a little inside when Sasuke left. And then Naruto left. And then Sakura was still there, but not really, because she was dead. She was dead, too, on the inside. And then I got attached to Iruka. Iruka. Because, really, how could I not? And Iruka got me attached, attached to life, to the village, to the villagers. And, really, how could he not? It's his duty, I think. To do this to me. His job. People say he was meant to teach, I beg to differ. He was meant to do this to me. To make me feel again, to make me feel alive. Because, really, I do. Really, how could I not? Iruka... He's... Just. He's just. He just is. And I love him for it. Because, really, how could I not? He's so full of life, of hope, of possibility. Full of everything I'm not. Wasn't. Probably never will be. And I suppose it's a good thing he's got enough for the both of us. Because I can't change how I see life, how I live it. And Iruka knows that. And he accepts that. And I think he might even love me for that. I think he might even love me. And that makes me so happy, so god damn happy. Because I might be loved. For the first time in probably twenty years. And because he's beautiful. And he's smart. And he understands. And I think he might even need me. Because, really, how could he not? He knows, he knows what it's like to be alone, always alone, to feel cut off from the world. But that's why I love him. Because I'm needed. And I like the feeling of being needed. And it's been so long since I've been needed.
A/N:
So, wow. I wrote that in like, 40 minutes. I probably shouldn't be
proud of that.
Also, it's not beta'd. So if you notice any errors,
let me know, and I'll fix them. Eventually.
Reviews are welcome,
concrit is encouraged.