Leelee's note: This is an answer to two challenges. The first was my own, to write an adult-ish dialogue fic using at least three characters. The second was someone on my mailing list's, which was to write an OMIGOD fic to gross her out. This story is disgusting, unless you're an H/J shipper. (Honestly, I've never met one of those shippers, but the world is vast and wide and I don't get out much.)
Warning: I bought a copy of 'THE BIG BOOK OF FILTH (6500 sex slang words and phrases) and used it to write this story. Footnotes are at the bottom. THIS MAY SQUICK YOU. You have been warned, so do not flame me.
Disclaimer: I don't own Labyrinth or the characters, which may comfort some of you, if this is any indication of what I'd do to them.
Disturbed
(the one and only chapter)
"Hallo, Jarey!"
"Don't address me so informally."
"I see you've brought a friend along, too!"
"I didn't - oh, you mean my pork sword(1). Yes, well, I . . ."
"Don't be coy, Jareth! Hey, what's Hoggle doing here?"
"Cor, I couldn't let my pickle kisser(2) King wander off without his sperm burber(3) to smoke the white owl(4), now, could I?"
"WHAT!"
"Jareth, is there something you want to tell me?"
"Leelee, I have no idea what this dwarf is going on about. I swear, he simply followed me here and -"
"Jareth, my anal astronaut(5), my turd-burglar(6), my hitchhiker on the Hershey highway(7), my -"
"Stop humping my leg!"
"I think I'm going to be sick."
"Leelee, come back here! Don't leave me alone with this over-ripe fruit(8)!"
"Cor, Jareth, I'll show you that I'm not over-ripe, that I'm still a man-eatin'(9) semen demon(10)!"
"Now I'M going to be sick!"
"What say we go on back to the castle, have a nice white swallow(11), drink from the fountain of yer youth(12), and soon you'll be singing me praises as the greatest rectal ranger(13) you've ever had punchin' yer donut(14)!"
"LEELEE!"
"Jareth, I'm not coming any nearer. Not until Hoggle puts his pants back on."
"I'm begging you, SAVE ME!"
"What's in it for me?"
"Grr, back yer ass off, bitch, he's MY ass burglar(15)!"
"That's my rear end you just pinched!"
"Jareth, good luck with your new boyfriend. See ya!"
"Leelee, stay! I can give you your dreams! Take a crystal! Just get this dwarf away from my crotch! . . . Leelee?"
"She's gone now. It's just me and you, my lavendar cowboy(16)."
"Hoggle, let go of my purple-headed custer chucker(17) and get your fingers out of my anus!"
Footnotes:
1 - pork sword = penis, slang as 'the knife'
2 - pickle kisser = homosexual man
3 - sperm burper = homosexual man
4 - smoke the white owl = to fellate
5 - anal astronaut = anal term
6 - turd-burglar = homosexual man
7 - hitchhiker on the Hershey highway = 'brown' homosexual term
8 - over-ripe fruit = older gay man
9 - man-eater = homosexual man
10 - semen demon = homosexual man
11 - white swallow = fellatio
12 - drink from the fountain of youth = to fellate
13 - rectal ranger = anal term
14 - donut-puncher = anal term
15 - ass burglar = anal term
16 - lavendar cowboy = effeminate homosexual man
17 - purple-headed custer chucker = penis, slang as 'the weapon'
Warning: I bought a copy of 'THE BIG BOOK OF FILTH (6500 sex slang words and phrases) and used it to write this story. Footnotes are at the bottom. THIS MAY SQUICK YOU. You have been warned, so do not flame me.
Disclaimer: I don't own Labyrinth or the characters, which may comfort some of you, if this is any indication of what I'd do to them.
Disturbed
(the one and only chapter)
"Hallo, Jarey!"
"Don't address me so informally."
"I see you've brought a friend along, too!"
"I didn't - oh, you mean my pork sword(1). Yes, well, I . . ."
"Don't be coy, Jareth! Hey, what's Hoggle doing here?"
"Cor, I couldn't let my pickle kisser(2) King wander off without his sperm burber(3) to smoke the white owl(4), now, could I?"
"WHAT!"
"Jareth, is there something you want to tell me?"
"Leelee, I have no idea what this dwarf is going on about. I swear, he simply followed me here and -"
"Jareth, my anal astronaut(5), my turd-burglar(6), my hitchhiker on the Hershey highway(7), my -"
"Stop humping my leg!"
"I think I'm going to be sick."
"Leelee, come back here! Don't leave me alone with this over-ripe fruit(8)!"
"Cor, Jareth, I'll show you that I'm not over-ripe, that I'm still a man-eatin'(9) semen demon(10)!"
"Now I'M going to be sick!"
"What say we go on back to the castle, have a nice white swallow(11), drink from the fountain of yer youth(12), and soon you'll be singing me praises as the greatest rectal ranger(13) you've ever had punchin' yer donut(14)!"
"LEELEE!"
"Jareth, I'm not coming any nearer. Not until Hoggle puts his pants back on."
"I'm begging you, SAVE ME!"
"What's in it for me?"
"Grr, back yer ass off, bitch, he's MY ass burglar(15)!"
"That's my rear end you just pinched!"
"Jareth, good luck with your new boyfriend. See ya!"
"Leelee, stay! I can give you your dreams! Take a crystal! Just get this dwarf away from my crotch! . . . Leelee?"
"She's gone now. It's just me and you, my lavendar cowboy(16)."
"Hoggle, let go of my purple-headed custer chucker(17) and get your fingers out of my anus!"
Footnotes:
1 - pork sword = penis, slang as 'the knife'
2 - pickle kisser = homosexual man
3 - sperm burper = homosexual man
4 - smoke the white owl = to fellate
5 - anal astronaut = anal term
6 - turd-burglar = homosexual man
7 - hitchhiker on the Hershey highway = 'brown' homosexual term
8 - over-ripe fruit = older gay man
9 - man-eater = homosexual man
10 - semen demon = homosexual man
11 - white swallow = fellatio
12 - drink from the fountain of youth = to fellate
13 - rectal ranger = anal term
14 - donut-puncher = anal term
15 - ass burglar = anal term
16 - lavendar cowboy = effeminate homosexual man
17 - purple-headed custer chucker = penis, slang as 'the weapon'