All I ever wanted was you; to be near you, to hear your voice, to hold your hand in mine, but I went and messed everything up. You know the saying time heals all wounds? That's a LIE. Nothing will heal the gaping hole in my chest. I promised myself when the inevitable split occurred, I wasn't going to go Bella Swan style and leave the world, but what choice do I have? You are why I smiled. You are why I sang, and you are what kept my broken form from shattering. Every minute without you is torture. I know this is my fault and it sounds cliché, but every time I think of you I die a little, because you are what I had and lost. All of this is written because I want you to know... No... I need you to know: I love you.
I closed my book of letters that I'll never send. It was all I had to keep from falling apart all together. It two hours past midnight, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep with these words still inside of me threatening my life. Now, they were on paper and not on my chest, making it hard to breathe.
I guess it was the elephant in the room that I pretended not to see. I always knew somewhere in the back of my mind that something would bring an end to this, to us. I just never imagined that it would've ended this way, with him out of my life for good. With him out of everyone's lives for good. I just thought that maybe it would be a phone call saying "I can't do this anymore," or he'd moved to LA like he had dreamed his whole short life. But a motorcycle accident? It's just so hard to believe that he was in and out of my life so easily.
And I just had to be there to see it all happen. I just had to be on the motorcycle with him. And he just had to give me his helmet when he realized that brakes weren't working. "Hug me," he had said. And I did. Then he told me to jump off the bike. Had I not questioned him, he would've had time to jump, too. I should've jumped when he said jump. I should've not taken his helmet. I should've convinced him that we didn't need to ride in the rain. I should've. I should've. I should've!
But I didn't. Stupid me thought it would be fun. Stupid me ignored that little voice that said it was a bad idea. Stupid me actually enjoyed the ride before it ended along with his breath.
Now, my left arm is in a cast, my ribs are bandaged, and my leg is in a boot. When they took me to the hospital that stormy night, I was bruised and bleeding and… broken? I guess you could say that. They thought I'd fallen apart, but it was just my heart that'd broken.