Inspired by a total lack of sleep and listening to Afterall by William Fitzsimmons on repeat for hours on end. I highly recommend you go and listen to that while reading this, or do so soon after. This is just a measly little 4K one-shot but I hope you all enjoy it none the less. Reviews make my day.. or night – whatever. Enjoy! RJL

Warning: character death

I don't own a thing except the notion of what you read.

Afterall
Written by RJ Lewis the III

It was always late at night that he would hear her voice. The second he fell into his too large bed and saw the empty, still indented space where she used to lay beside him every night, her voice would fill his mind. He would stare at the ceiling and remember the moments they had shared together. He remembered every moment of it. From the moment he first saw Mikaela Banes coloring furiously away in her coloring book back in the first grade to when he gave her a ride home almost ten years later and from then till the moment she died in his arms. Samuel James Witwicky remembered all of it.

Sometimes he wished he didn't.

When he was six, they were in the first grade together. Even then, when boys thought girls had cooties and they thought the same, Sam knew Mikaela was far out of his own league. He was the scrawny little boy with a mop of untamed hair while she, she was was prettiest of all the girls in first grade with those pink little ribbons in her hair. He remembered that only a few seconds after thinking that, Mikaela had up and punched a second grade boy who tried to steal her crayons. He had stared at her from across the classroom as their teacher scolded her while Mikaela was screaming at the boy, who was on the ground crying.

"That's what you get for stealing my crayons, you stupid head!" she yelled at him. The teacher, Miss Karl, immediately went on a spiel on how it was mean and wrong to call anyone a 'stupid head' but everyone could see that Mikaela Banes wasn't pay any attention at all. That was when Sam began to realize that the strange girl who beat up boys intrigued him.

With a groan, he pulled himself to the side of the bed and let his legs fall off the edge and touch the cold hardwood flooring. Rubbing a hand over his face he tried to push her voice from his head. He opened his eyes while padding his way to the door. Her voice followed him down the hallway but stopped when he stopped outside the last door on the right before the stairs. The door was cracked open with the help of a small pink shoe blocking the full closure. 'Alexis's Room' could be read from the door's handwritten sign as Sam pushed his way in.

He and 'Kaela had painted the room yellow originally when they weren't sure what sex their baby would be. The guys had come over and helped in their holoforms and even Will Lennox and his wife had come to lend a hand. It ended up that Sam and Will did most of the painting while Sarah and Mikaela gushed over baby books and names and Bee and the others had a paint war. By the end of the day, the two human men managed to paint the entire room and the girls had narrowed the list of names down to twenty of each sex and the 'Bots figured out that paint wasn't always washable when it came to their clothes. Not that it mattered, but Ironhide was very upset about the whole ordeal. All in all, it was one of the better days for the Autobots and their human charges.

There had been no attacks reported, no injuries to attend to, no war to worry about. There had simply been the coming together of friends and the celebration of new life in the form of the little bundle growing inside of 'Kaela. That night after the 'Bots and the Lennox's had left, Sam spent the evening lying on the couch with his head beside Mikaela's growing belly and held a long conversation with his unborn child. He and 'Kaela had fallen asleep on the couch together that night and in the morning they were awoken early by Bumblebee and Jazz who had reports on the latest Decepticon attacks and the casualties that needed attending to. A few moments later a call came over his cell from Will, calling him in for a debriefing. He and 'Kaela had separated ways with a quick kiss and even swifter passing of "I love you" before each were driven to their respective locations of work. Just another day at the office.

Now, there were piles of a little girl's clothes thrown all around the room that he had once spent all day painting. Sam was forced to plow through to get to the canopy bed in front of the window. Even in the dark light of the moon one could tell the room was now a bright color of pink. Stacks of short chapter books filled the bookshelves and one half of the room was overtaken by Barbies, other stuffed animals, and neatly stacked board games. From out of the closet flowed even more clothes mixed in with princess dresses and dress up clothes that Sam's mother had given her granddaughter for her fifth birthday two years ago. Mikaela had gotten Alexis a new Barbie doll and the matching car to go with her and had signed both her and Sam's name to it. The doll clutched in his little seven year old daughter's arms as she slept was one in the same.

"For God's sakes, Sam, it's her birthday!" Mikaela yelled furiously, completely forgetting about the cake baking the oven. "It's your daughter's birthday today! You know, the little girl who you see running around here? Yeah, her!"

Okay, so she was a little pissed, Sam could see that – but it wasn't that big of a deal. He'd been working doubles to cover for McIntyre, who'd gotten injured on their last mission; he hadn't had the time to stop and get a gift for Lex. He knew that 'Kaela already had a few gifts picked out, not to mention all the ones that his parents were bound to dote on their granddaughter. Lex knew that he loved her, whether or not he got her a superficial gift to prove it. He would make it up to her.

"I realize it's her birthday! I just didn't have time after work to get her a gift!" Sam yelled back in defense. "You know everyone's been scrambling to cover for Mack! It's not like I deliberately didn't get her a gift, 'Kaela!"

Mikaela laughed and slammed a cooking pan down on the counter. She jutted out one hip and looked thoughtful. "It's funny you should mention work, actually. Will and a couple of the other guys are already here, and you want to know what they brought with them? Gifts for Alexis! Imagine that!" The sarcasm was hard to miss, even for Sam.

"And last time I checked, none of the other guys were liason to some bigass, hunk of junk, alien robots from outer space either! I didn't ask for this, 'Kaela! You think I like missing her dance receitals and school plays? Don't you think that it bothers me to know that I have no relationship what-so-ever with my daughter? Don't you think I care?!"

Mikaela's response was interrupted by a small voice. "Mommy?"

Both adults turned to see their newly turned five year old daughter standing in the doorway, looking confused. Standing beside her was the holoform of Bumblebee, who's expression was one of hurt and confusion that matched the girl whose hand he held in his.

Oh, shit.

"Bee-"

"Mommy, why are you crying?" Alexis cut her father off in a high pitched voice, a note of fright lacing it. She pulled away from Bumblebee and ran to Mikaela, who scooped her up into a hug. "Is Daddy being mean again?"

Sam looked at her in disbelief before looking at his wife, who was wiping the tears off her face with a slight smile. He gestured to the two of them with a look of betrayal. "You two are working against me, aren't you? Spreading vicious lies about me, huh?"

His two girls looked at each other for a moment before both dissolved into a fit of giggles. He and Bee watched them, Bee out of awe and curiosity and Sam out of a simple amusement. This was how he wanted his girls to always be; happy and smiling and without a care in the world. Sometimes he wished he could put little Alexis in a time capsule just so he could keep her the way she was, right now. No one could be happier than a five year old on her birthday. And a simple glance at Mikaela showed him that neither could a mother be any happier than when she's with her child. As he stood with Bee and watched, he knew this was where he was supposed to be.

Later when it came time for Alexis to open her presents, Sam was ready to explain to her why there wasn't a present with a tag reading "From Daddy". He never got a chance when she came running to where he and Mikaela were standing to watch and hollered her thanks for the new barbie that had been signed "From Mom and Dad".

"I'm sorry," Mikaela said after their daughter had returned to opening all her presents with her friends. She gave him a small smile.

Sam shrugged and pulled her closer to him with one arm. "So am I."

Two years later, Sam wasn't sure how he was going to be able to raise Alexis on his own. He didn't know a thing about raising a little girl, let alone how to do it without the girl's mother. There were things a dad just didn't know how to do. He couldn't braid her hair, he was an awful cook, and he didn't have a clue what he was going to do when she got older and started liking boys. It wasn't like he really could lock her away and save her from the outside world. Hell, at seven years old she was almost smarter than he was with the help of Ratchet and Optimus.

Alexis had come home from her first day of first grade complaining about "real homework" they were given and almost immediately Ratchet jumped at the chance to tutor her. When Optimus learned of her boredom as well, he too offered his knowledge. Sam couldn't remember the last time she had looked so happy. Now she went around the house spouting off random bits of information and acting twenty instead of seven. He had a hard time keeping up with her now, how was he supposed to for the next ten years before she went off to college?

Oh god, college. The thought of his baby going off to college made him literally sick to his stomach. He shuffled over to the bed and lifted away the covers from his sleeping girl and got in beside her. She grumbled in her sleep and yanked the covers away from him. Sam snorted at her as he settled into the Disney Princess sheet covered bed. He rested one of his arms behind his head for support and put the other around Alexis.

He may have lost one of his girls, but there was no way in hell anyone was taking the only thing he had left. No way.

No matter what happens, I'm really glad I got in that car with you.

"Sam! Get down!"

He could hear Optimus yelling at him, he could feel Bumblebee beside him, protecting him as best as he could from the Decepticons surrounding them. He could see all the destruction and terror surrounding him. He knew that they were losing and that they needed to cut their loses and pull back. As an commanding officer and a member of the NEST unit, he knew all of this. But he didn't care about any of it. None of it mattered because he had to get to 'Kaela and nothing else mattered.

He didn't know what she was doing at the base when the 'Cons attacked and honestly, he didn't give a flying fuck right now that she was supposed to be at home watching Alexis and being safe. He didn't care that the night before she had asked him to move out or that she 'didn't love him anymore'. He didn't care about any of that, because he still cared about her and that was enough for him.

"Mikaela!" he yelled.

He slowed his paced and turned in circles, looking for her. The last he had seen her, she was with Hound and Mirage, both of whom were now on the list of injured and with Ratchet in the med bay. He had no idea where she was, but he was going to find her and drag her butt back to somewhere safe. Where that 'somewhere' was, he didn't know yet. But he was going to drag her there, tie her to something inanimate and solid to the ground. Then he would give her a nice talk about staying out of harms way before leaving her to take care of Decepticon scum with Bee and the others. That was the plan. All he had to do was find the damn woman.

Decepticons were everywhere. The damn beasts had attacked without warning at 1800 hours and easy blasted their way past the bases outer defenses. Luckily there were a few Autobots on duty to hold the offenders off until Optimus Prime arrived with the others. But even with Optimus and the other 'Bots, they were getting their asses handed to them on a golden platter. It seemed that Starscream was the leader of the attack while using Soundwave to keep the others in line. He had brought along with him a total of fifteen 'Cons and from what Will had told him in a brief meet a half hour earlier, Prowl believed more to be on their way. This was not turning into a good day.

"Sam!

He looked to the left and almost let out a sigh of relief. Mikaela was about 300 yards away from he and Bee and looked fairly unharmed. She looked tired and dirty and about to kill the next Decepticon who looked at her the wrong way, but otherwise she looked fine. She was alive and standing. That's all that mattered.

"C'mon!" he yelled to her, motioning her with his arms. It was almost comical the way she looked both ways before sprinting across the open bay area towards them. She was halfway to them when Bumblebee was pulled away be a series of shots being fired on a pinned down group of Rangers. Sam held out his hand for her to take just as the ground beneath her exploded and both of them were flung away from each other.

"Dad?"

Sam looked away from the hole he was trying to burn in the ceiling to look down at his daughter. Her still sleepy eyes looked up at him in confusion. She had his eyes, but that was about all she had of his. Everything else was 'Kaela, through and through. It almost hurt to look at Alexis after Mikaela's death. But Optimus had quickly reprimanded him for ignoring his only daughter and he felt like an ass for even thinking that way later.

"What's up, chicken butt?" Sam asked groggily.

He had no idea what time it was. He hadn't been asleep, but rather opted to stare at the ceiling and protect his sleeping daughter. There was no work in the morning, Will had seen to that. He'd been given two months leave and Optimus had given his word that the grieving remaining Witwicky's would be undisturbed by issues pertaining to intergalactic war. Bee was parked out in the drive way along with Jazz, who the 'Bots had named Alexis's guardian upon his system revival a year ago. Even Lex didn't have anything to do in the morning, he'd already called her in sick for the week, he figured she deserved a break just as much as he did.

"Do you miss her?" Alexis asked, not taking her young gaze off her dad. It was apparent who she was referring to, that went unspoken.

He didn't hesitate. "All the time," he said quietly as he tightened his arm around her. He looked down at her again. "Do you?"

She sat silent for a moment before nodding her head slowly. He could see the tears in her eyes that she was refusing to let spill over onto her cheeks. "Did you still love her?"

It was his turn to nod. "Yeah, yeah I did," he said. He gave her a small smile and pinched one of her cheeks which made her smile slightly and turn her head away from him. "And I think I always will."

Alexis snuggled into his side and reached up to take his hand in both of hers. Her fingers played with the golden wedding ring that still encased his third finger. She spun it and fiddled with it until she fell back to sleep. Sam let out a sigh and used his free hand to wipe away the stray tear that escaped his eye. Resting his head back on his arm, he continued to count the specks on the ceiling. He wasn't going to get anymore sleep tonight.

"'Kaela!"

The dust was settling around the bay as Sam pulled himself to his feet and continued yelling. He could hear the fighting continue around them, but he tuned it out as he spun around, searching. He couldn't see Mikaela or hear if she was calling for him. He called out again and waited. He could feel his heart speeding up as nothing but cannon fire and robotic voices met his small human ears.

"Mikaela!" he shouted. He looked around him at the debris caused by the explosion and almost stumbled. Concrete chunks from the bay floor was splayed all across the room not to mention the huge crater that had been created by the blast. "Oh, god.."

He climbed quickly over the piles of debris and made his way to the crater, hoping with every fiber of his being that she would be there, waiting for him to save her. He slipped a number of times and ignored the concrete and sand that dug their way into the cuts on his palms. Once at the side of the crater, which looked to go at least twelve feet into the ground and into the plumbing below the base, he looked over the side and tried to stomp on any ounce of fear building inside him.

The sight that meant his fearful gaze made him want to crumble. Caught beneath a large chunk of concrete debris was Mikaela, white and still. "'Kaela!" he almost screamed her name. Her head moved slowly in the direction of his voice and took that as a sign she was still alive. Turning away from her for a moment, Sam yelled for help. "Bumblebee!"

He didn't wait to see if the yellow bot heard him or not before he began his climb down into the crater. He slid down the rock side to her and quickly made his way to her, calling to Bumblebee the entire way. Once he was close enough, he started talking to her instead. He scrambled over the rocks to get to her and once he did he knelt down beside her.

"Hey baby," he said, taking her bloodied and scratched hand in his own. He reached over a hand and brushed the hair out of her equally bruised face and gently rubbed her cheek. He looked at the large slab on top of her before looking away sharply. He yelled for Bumblebee again. "I'm gonna get you out of here, okay? Everything's gonna be fine. Bee's gonna get you out and then Ratch's gonna patch you up. You're gonna be fine."

There were tears in her eyes, he could see them. Her eyes were glassed over and he felt like she was staring through him instead of at him. Her hand was limp in his. He was going to lose her. He tightened his grip on her hand and bent down to kiss it quickly before going back to talking with her. He didn't even know if she could hear him, but he kept on talking anyway. He told her about how he fell in love with her in the ninth grade when she showed up to school on the back of her dad's motorcycle with a too short skirt and a smile to die for. He told her about all the stupid things he did to get her attention. He told her about the poem her wrote for her on Valentine's Day in fifth grade but was too scared to actually deliver to her. He told her everything he could think of, everything he remembered.

And lastly, before he completely lost her, he told her how much he loved her and how sorry he was. He kept talking to her long after she closed her eyes with a small smile on her face. He kept talking after the shouts and cannon fire ceased. He kept talking through the shouts of Bumblebee and Will. He just kept on talking. He finally stopped talking when Will forced him away from the body of his high school sweetheart, his wife, the mother of his child, the love of his life.

He felt Optimus lift him out of the crate and set him back on his feet only to catch him as he fell to the ground, sobbing. He heard Ironhide swear to avenge the death of Mikaela, heard him condemn the Decepticon who had taken her life; Starscream. He heard Will and Bee trying to get him up. He heard and felt all of it. But he didn't care. Mikaela was gone.

---

"Sam, wait!"

He stopped and turned, the Allspark tucked beneath his arm. She walked towards him and put both her hands on his arms, holding onto him without really holding him. She paused and look at the ground before looking back at him.

"No matter what, I'm really glad I got in that car with you," she said. Sam looked at her for a moment, knowing that would be the perfect moment to kiss her. But he didn't and instead he turned and he ran to save all their lives. He turned and ran so that someday, he would have the chance to kiss her any day of the week he wanted. He ran so that someday he could have a kid that would meet another kid and they would fall in love and have kids together that would go out and do the same. He ran so that everyone would have the chance to feel exactly what he felt for Mikaela.

Everyone deserved at least that much in life.

Reviews are always more than welcome.
Hope you enjoyed it.
RJL