Why was he even there? He didn't understand, he expected them to be here. He knew this was where they spent their lunch period on Tuesdays, it was their thing. But fuck, he couldn't not go. He had to see what the fuck was going on with Finn, all the shit he was talking about in the locker about doing something special for Rachel. And yeah, he wasn't really paying attention, but the dude is loud as hell, he couldn't help but overhear every single word the guy was saying. He must've gotten that from Rachel, holy shit.
But the last thing he expected was to watch Finn get down on one new and propose. Like, completely serious and not joking. He wasn't sure if he was more pissed or hurt, but all he wanted to know was her answer. He needed to know if Rachel was really going to say yes to someone that was only going to hold her back, someone that always had held her back.
That's the funny thing about Rachel, she thinks she needs someone at all times, but she doesn't. She won't need anyone, like, ever. Eventually, for a family and stuff. But right now? Fuck no, she shouldn't need anyone. She has every right to want someone, everyone does, even him, but shit, she doesn't need anyone.
New York, that's what she needs. That's what she's always needed and wanted, nothing else. But then sophomore year happened and it was like New York was a thought shoved to the back of her mind like it meant nothing and it sure as fuck wasn't nothing. That was her future, those were her dreams and aspirations getting thrown away the moment she let Finn Hudson in.
He knew she didn't really love him, he could see it on her face. Even then, watching her from the back of the auditorium, his hands gripping the armrests of the chair as he waits for her answer, that she didn't love him. If she did, she would've said yes already, she wouldn't have hesitated and jumped at the opportunity. But she wasn't, she was standing there with this expression on her face that even he was having trouble reading. And he knows Rachel almost as well as the back of his hand, as crazy as that sounds, but hell, he couldn't deny the fact they've gotten closer over the past three years. Almost like it was back to when they were just kids and nobody gave two shits about what other people thought.
Rachel loved the idea of love, she loved the safe choice because she's afraid of taking risks. Shit, that might not sound like Rachel Berry but it sure as hell is. There is no doubt in his mind, that's the only reason why she's still with him. With him she doesn't have to worry, she can fit him into her scheduled and detailed life just fine, that's what matters. But he can tell that's not what she wants, that she wants more. Because he wants the same thing.
Fuck, shit, he missed her answer. She's walking through the aisles, heading in the opposite direction of Finn but he's got this big dopey smile on his face. Her answer couldn't have been that bad, but as his eyes trailed he could tell this was anything but okay. She didn't look sad exactly, more like...Conflicted. He really should've been paying attention, that way he would've known what the fuck was going on. But then she's getting closer and he has nowhere to go or hide, so he just does the most logical thing and watches her.
"Don't do it."
They're both surprised, him at the fact he actually said something just before she walked by him and her because it was obvious she hadn't seen him sitting there. Which is weird as hell, since Rachel notices everything. She would've seen him, but that's on a day when your boyfriend doesn't propose to you so he guesses that it makes sense.
Their eyes meet for a brief moment, both of them breaking the stare before it actually started to mean something. There have been so many of these kinds of looks shared since they dated for that week when they were sixteen, ever since then things between have them have sort of been...Unanswered but not ignored, completely at least. Like, he sure as hell knew how he felt. Just sometimes he couldn't read her well enough to tell if she could possibly feel the same way too. Either that, or it was all clouded by Finn, which was also a pretty damn good explanation.
She doesn't say anything, just bows her head and starts towards the door of the auditorium again to leave. And he could let her go, walk out of here without finally realizing just what the fuck she is doing and what she's going to end up losing if she ends up telling him yes. She can't, he won't let her do that. He owes her that much to tell her the truth, after everything she's...they've been through. He has to.
He looks out over the stage before he starts speaking, just as he hears her push open the door, "People always told me that graduating was the start of your life, where everything finally starts feelin' like all the shit we went through with school was worth it. Its the start of your life, and if you..." He couldn't even say it, that's how wrong the whole thing was. "People get married when the start's over, when they're ready to settle down and are used to the way life is."
The small click he heard indicated the door shut, but he could feel her there still. He always fuckin' knew when she was there, they had this pull towards each other that he could feel whenever they were in the same room. Hell, he could feel on the opposite end of the hallway, but he always denied it, there was no way it could be that strong. They weren't even together, he didn't even know what the hell to call them. It was damn confusing, and the last thing he was thinking about.
"If you say yes to him," He licked his lips nervously, scrubbing a hand through his mohawk, "It's over, Rachel. Before it even started, don't you get that? If you pick him, you're picking a hold on you. And not the one that everyone wants, the one where someone is there by your side every moment, no matter what. When you get rejected from your first audition and when you get your first callback. You're going to settling, you're picking a hold that will hold you back. That will keep you from those dreams that you've had set since you were six. Don't let one person hold you back, especially when they shouldn't have a hold over you at all."
He covered his face with his hands for a moment, rubbing them over the length of his face before sighing, "I'm not trying to make your decisions for you, I'm just trying to get you to see that there's more to life than Finn Hudson. That your life won't end if you say no. 'Cause let's face it, Rach. You're fuckin' awesome, and that's comin' from me. Finn isn't the only one out there that could love you, you're going to find someone better. Someday you're going to realize you're so much more than this."
That was it, that was all he had to say. Well, not really, he could've said a hundred times more, but he didn't. He just listened to her shift in her seat for a few moments, obviously trying to figure out what to say or if she should say anything at all. It was clear she opted for the later, listening to her walk out of the doors with a final click to let him know he was alone.
He grabbed his backpack just before the bell rang, slinging it over his shoulder and heading out of the auditorium. From there, down the hall, out the doors, to his truck. He didn't care, it was senior year. He applied to colleges, accepted here and there, so it wouldn't even matter if he skipped the second half of the day. He needed to clear his head and shit, which meant a date with his truck parked at the lake just outside of Lima and a bottle of Jack. He wasn't complaining, fuck no.
Later that night, while he's laying in the bed of his truck, more than halfway to being drunk, he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. He digs it out and looks at it, the two words clearing his mind for just a moment, just enough that he could smile and comprehend what was going on.
Thank you.
He took another swig of the bottle in his free hand, capping it off when he was done and putting it down. With a smile and no regrets whatsoever, he types a reply back to her. And no even an hour later, her car is parked next to his, both of them laying in the bed of his truck, this time with water and advil instead of booze. Her head thrown back from laughing, the first real smile on her face that he's seen since they won Sectionals freshman year. She was back, his Rachel was back. He didn't know exactly what happened between the time she walked out to when she sent the text, but it didn't matter. None of it mattered anymore. Except for one thing, and he already did that, proving to her that she's more than anything she could ever get here. More than Finn, more than Lima, more than Ohio. That's all he wanted.
And when she falls asleep with her head on his lap, he thinks that maybe he could be part of that 'more'. He could be New York. He could something more than all of this too. Most of all, he could be something more for Rachel. And he was going to spend the rest of his senior year figuring out, right up until graduation, their lives began. He had a funny feeling that maybe their lives started just a bit sooner than everybody else's.