A/N: This defies all logic. So let's just assume that Harry had defeated old Voldie, "Gred and Forge" had somehow been hired as part-time teachers and Draco hadn't been thrown into Azkaban.

Just for laughs and NOT to be taken seriously, you hear?

I do not own Harry Potter. I'm not wishing to own it, either, but only because it's a hell lot of responsibility.

Of a jilted, egoistical jerk...

The Boy-who-lived, the Chosen One, it didn't matter now. None of it did. Harry Potter sat despondently in the Gryffindor Common Room, contemplating the meaning of life.

He had been ditched. Again.

It (possibly) hadn't been his fault, really. He just had this tendency to talk like an imbecile every once in a while (which is to say that he was prone to it 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and every single day of the month, which of course leads us right up to the year. Enough said.) In fact, it had been this very characteristic which had caused Cho to decide that she might have been better off dating someone else. He had been somewhat demoralised by that, but the present situation was totally different.

The one who had done the ditching this time was Ginny Weasley.

Not that it was actually a bad thing, but it had been humiliating to him to see her kissing Seamus Finnigan earlier. No matter how Harry tried to put this in a somewhat-positive light, one fact remained: that Seamus Finnigan, the one universally acknowledged to be more pathetic than he, Harry Potter, had actually managed to steal his girlfriend.

Pathetic, wasn't it?

... and of condescendingly kind offers.

Draco Malfoy strutted into the Great Hall, as usual, albeit without his faithful dogs, Crabbe and Goyle. He hated to admit it to himself, but he looked to be an awful lot smaller without those trolls. Still, he was sure that with all his charm, he would be able to obtain new slaves soon.

Catching sight of Harry, he strutted over. "Potter." He allowed a short pause to reign as he allowed the truth of his presence to sink into Harry's thick skull. "Did you get dumped again?" he raised his chin further, trying to look as intimidating as possible, but since he was somewhat vertically-challenged, it didn't have as much of an effect as he would have liked.

Harry proceeded to ignore him. Draco almost huffed in frustration (No Malfoy enjoyed being ignored. Of course, no Malfoy was supposed to be undignified enough to actually huff, either.) before deciding to take more drastic action.

"I'm talking to you, idiot!" Draco raised his voice for all to hear. "You got ditched again, I've been told." At this, most of the people in the Hall, inclusive of teaching staff and janitor (Filch, I mean. Excuse me.), turned to stare (for it is a truth universally acknowledged that most humans often enjoy dishing the dirt on their more famous counterparts) curiously.

At this, Harry looked up. "Hey, Malfoy." He said tonelessly. "Where's Crappy and Gargoyle?"

If Draco hadn't been a Malfoy, he would have bristled at this, but he merely replied coolly, with an insult thrown in for good measure. "They're Crabbe and Goyle, idiot." He snickered. "I see that you do not have the brain capacity to remember two names." He added lightly.

"I don't know, they were just insignificant enough to slip my mind, just like you. There are better things to think about." Harry retorted.

Draco's face was steadily turning a pretty shade of fuchsia. Malfoy or not (about the flushing, that is), he did not like being compared with dogs. "Yes, you half-wit. You lose girls even faster than you lose brain cells, which is really saying a lot."

"Yeah, but weren't you specially trained in the art by your father?" Harry raised an eyebrow. "Just imagine if you had been worse than me, it would have been amazing."

"Seeing as you're so pathetic, I shall deign to help you, then." Draco looked proud of himself. "Then we will engage in a competition."

Harry's eyes shone with hope. "What is the forfeit?"

Draco didn't hesitate. "The loser shall dress in drag and dance all through breakfast, for at least an hour, after which he will wear the costume for the rest of the day."

Harry raised an eyebrow. "You sound experienced."

"Thank you for the compliment."

A/N: I want honest opinion here. Was it really bad? (Cries/sobs in utter and complete anguish... NOT!)