A Revision to Arnold for President
Hello, everyone from Inudaughter. Here I have a bit of an unusual project requiring a copy of Arnold for President from Simon Spotlight, copyright year 2000. Here I have included directions to turn a read of this book into MY edited version of the story. If you have read this book before, you might have observed for yourself its hopeless tone towards politics. Its pure cynicism isn't exactly inspiring, and it relies heavily on scenes which have become cliche. Yet, there are portions in it which are worthy of being reused so I making a rewrite of the chapter book here. To make it fit with my fanfic universe, let us assume that it takes place despite Arnold and Helga both knowingly having a thing for one another. Their run-off against one another will thus, be a point of strained romantic contention. It also mandates that we get rid of anything that would rewind the story to a point earlier in the chronology of the series. So sorry, Helga is not allowed to give Brainy a punch. She was done with that after the psychologist episode. Instead, Helga is going to have to struggle with herself to NOT punch Brainy and stuff him in a trashcan instead. Also, it must take place when both Arnold and Helga are a bit older and Gerald's term as class president as referenced in the show has expired. If you're game, then please read on.
On page 4 of the physical book we read, "The morning bell rang at P.S. 118. Arnold hurried to class through a hallway packed with kids." Read and keep all of Chapter 1, but substitute a Brainy punch on page 6 for Helga straining not to punch Brainy and putting him headfirst into a trashcan instead. Also add these lines for Gerald and Arnold after "Meanwhile, Gerald was patiently trying to convince his best friend to throw his hat in the ring," on page 8. The lines to add are:
"Oh, come on, Gerald," Arnold argued. "You made a great class president last year. Why don't you run for reelection?"
"Nah-ah!" spoke up Gerald as he shook his head. "That was last year and this year, I figure it's your turn, buddy. You can do this! You have my support. Besides, I need a little more free time this year. But don't worry!"
Now go back to the original book, page 8 where Gerald says, "It'll be great, Arnold! And I can be vice-president!" Now keep reading the remainder of the chapter. In this way, we have made way for the new and strengthened the integrity of the original series.
Chapter 2 becomes a little more complicated to edit. Please read and keep all of chapter 2 but only up until page 16. There is a little break with three stars. Delete everything below the three stars all the way to chapter 3. This portion is a now becoming a cliche scene of Helga worshipping her Arnold shrine. But we are assuming one, at this point Helga now sits behind Arnold at school, two the famous characters have a subtle thing for one another, and three that time is advancing. So let's scrap this trying scene for something much more fun and meaningful. Flip back to where we began to trim off. Page 16 reads, "As Arnold took his seat among scattered applause, Helga folded her arms and glanced at the ceiling, annoyed." This is perfect. We can insert a scene between Arnold and Helga here. Please insert the following text to replace what was cut out.
But as Arnold sat down on his seat, he leveled a gaze at Helga that was annoyed. Helga returned it with equal annoyance. Still slouched in her seat, she waited with an expression of impudence for the speech which she knew was to come as soon as class had ended.
"Helga," Arnold said catching Helga at her desk which was situated behind his as soon as she stood. All the other students were gathering their books together and heading for the door. "You didn't have to go so personal on me up there. I thought we were all past that?" Arnold said with a small touch of hurt. Bunched tight with defensive hunch, Helga shrugged her shoulders.
"You don't have to take it so personally, Arnoldo!" Helga unsuccessfully tried to soothe the boy. "Don't get your ego all bruised up over insults as slight as that. This is politics. It's supposed to be cutthroat. If I'd really wanted to hurt you then I'd take odd pictures of you and Abner and spread them all over Hillwood."
"You'd do what?!" Arnold gaped.
"I'm just kidding!" Helga breathed out. "I won't do that to you. But don't tempt me either," said Helga narrowing her eyes at the boy as she fished some chapstick out of a pouch from her desk and smearing it on her lips. Arnold narrowed his eyes at her, not sure if he was attracted to her glossed lips or repulsed by them.
"Sure," Arnold said before stamping out the hall. With a sniff, Helga stared firmly in the other direction.
Now we have reached chapter 3. Whew, what a lot of work! But the work has only just begun because this really short chapter needs a lot of adjustment in tone and balance. This story is supposed to be about Arnold. So it just doesn't have enough in it about Arnold and his struggle for a skateboard ramp. They gloss over it and just what that means- how hard a feat it is to accomplish, and worse, they delve more into Helga who is meant to be a side character. She should not subvert the show here with another scene. Instead, for my rewrite, we will keep page 20 and half of page 22, where Gerald and Arnold are talking. Then, we will avoid the Phoebe and Helga scene altogether. Otherwise the chapter tastes as bad as the peanut-butter and straw sandwiches from "The Journal". What we will use instead are scenes of Gerald and Arnold discussing the skateboard ramp idea to expand the story.
Arnold and Gerald both knew they had little time to prepare for Arnold's speech tomorrow. But Arnold was times, a whiz kid, so he knew what to do. So did Gerald. They needed props for Arnold's speech so they found Sid, then ran down to the skateboard ramp in P.S. 119 to take polaroid pictures of the skateboard ramp they wanted to copy. While Sid was busy taking pictures of the local kids using the ramp, Stinky Peterson jotted down notes on a paper pad while wearing an antique reporter's hat with a ticket in the brim of the hat. Stinky was writing a piece for the school newspaper of P.S. 118.
"Well, this sure will be the cover story for the 'The Weekly Word for certain!" Stinky Peterson crowed to himself in pride. "I'll write the story myself!"
"And I'll provide the photos!" Sid said imagining the glamor of his name in print. But Arnold was speaking to the local kids so he could not hear what his friends were saying. Instead, Arnold stood beside Gerald as they both faced a tall, older girl wearing a striking blue dress and her much shorter friend wearing shorts.
"It took a lot more than fundraisers," the stranger from P.S. 119 explained. "It took local businesses and parents' support as well. This skateboard was years in the making. A controversy at times."
"Hm, well thanks for that piece of advice!" said Gerald shaking the girl's hand.
"It was nice seeing you again, Gerald," said the girl. "Good luck on your reelection."
"Oh, no! I'm not the one campaigning this year!" Gerald corrected the tall, raven-haired girl. Her gestured a hand toward Arnold. "This year it's all about my main man! I'm helping him out to get this campaign started."
"Right. Well, good luck!" said the girl. She moved on and Arnold's friends regrouped to go home.
"Wow, Arnold," said Sid, beaming. "This skateboard ramp is incredible!"
"Yeah, well, it seems like a long shot and a lot of work to get this thing done in one year," said Gerald scratching his chin, "but it does seem like a good campaign promise to me! We'll just do it and try to get the thing done! We've a few details to work out, but I'm sure we'll manage."
"Gerald," Arnold said with worried eyes. "Are you sure you'd not rather campaign instead of me?"
"I'm positive!" said Gerald supportively. "This is healthy for you. Go on and give your best shot. You do want to be president, don't you?"
"Well, yeah. I'm going to try anyway!" Arnold told his friend with a faint grin. Gerald clicked his finger then winked.
"Then you and your skateboard ramp idea will show up anybody else there, you'll see. It's good idea, Arnold."
"Thanks," said the boy.
"Well then, let's you get you home so you can get some good sleep," said Gerald clapping his hand at his friend's back. "Tomorrow's your big speech!"
"Yeah!" Arnold smiled.
Now we have reached chapter 4. It can be kept its entirety with one subtle difference. Let's add, the following right before the chapter text begins:
The time for the great debates had come. Mr. Simmon's lectern had taken on new meaning as a podium draped with a broad decorative ribbon- perfect for making campaign speeches. On either side of the podium were chairs for each candidate for class president and both Curly and Rhonda took their places in them. Helga took one of the seats furthest from the podium and, with an angry expression, crossed her legs and arms to wait. That left one empty chair for the final candidate- Arnold. But instead of sitting in the vacant chair, Arnold stood to the side of the other candidates, listening carefully to a few last words of advice from Gerald. Gerald had prepared his best friend well for this speech- he had convinced the blond-haired boy to wear his best- a black tuxedo suit. Gerald adjusted Arnold's tie before letting the boy out of his grasp. Jabbing his finger under his collar and pulling at the neckline to ponder if he was slightly overdressed, Arnold sat down to wait for the other candidates'' speeches.
Cross out "the next day" to increase the flow after this . As one final touch, add these words to chapter 4.
"With a slightly awkward lapse," before "Arnold stepped up to the podium, thinking, why do I always follow the ones who just got the biggest laugh?" Now change the rest of the paragraph, page 28, to "But Gerald gave him the thumbs up, so he spoke. A camera, used by Sid, flashed in the background. It seemed Arnold and his friends were taking this campaign very seriously." These are the only edits I suggest for this chapter.
Chapter 5 begins with a bit of a repeat to the episode where Gerald and Arnold attend a talent show, so I say cut it. Let's skip to page 32. This is where the story begins to go very wrong. It is also the place where we can make it so much better. So we can keep the portion of Helga's scene on page 32. Do not turn the page over yet. Add this.
"But Helga," said Phoebe. "Why do you want to do this? I thought that you and Arnold are friends."
"Yeah," said an annoyed Helga. "But what about me? I crave this presidency! Why does ol' football head think he can up and grab the position for himself without a fight?! Because he's a natural cherubim or somethin'?! As if! No stinkin way I'm giving up without a fight! I'm going to prove his whole campaign is lameo. Pfft! If you ask me, ol' football head has sunk to a new low. This whole skateboard ramp thing is as big a bribe to our classmates as I've ever seen. Vote for me and have lots of cool fun! Yeah, sure like that has anything to do with what actually happens inside a classroom. You know, where there's supposed to be a class president?"
"I see a conflict of ideology," observed Phoebe.
"You think?" said Helga lifting an eyebrow. "Like I want Arnold and his stupid skateboard running over me everytime I go the jungle gym. It's a wonder that kid hasn't been put away for a hit-and-run. But still, even I have to admit that a campaign promise like that is a brilliant tactic. Which is why I'm going to cut him off at the knees."
"How would you do that, Helga?" flinched Phoebe.
"By building that skateboard ramp first!" said Helga. "Ol' Arnoldo can't take credit for something someone else has done, now can he?"
"You mean, you're going to steal Arnold's idea?" Phoebe gasped.
"Like he can sue me for copyright infringement or something?" Helga knocked on wood. Then she lifted a hand up and swung it in a dismissive gesture. "Nah that'll never happen! Trust me Phoebe. This school needs a real leader like myself. Not AR-NULD," said Helga making a goofy face. But Phoebe's attention was directed down the hall.
"Shh!" Phoebe hissed in panic. Helga had herself had begun to walk, and as they did so, they neared the lockers of Arnold and Gerald. The two boys were up ahead, standing outside their half-open lockers as they chatted.
Now you may read page 34. It works.
Chapter 6 lies ahead. If we reuse everything from page 35 and page 37, also all but the last paragraph of page 38, then we have a really tense and emotional scene to write the tail of. In fact the tension is so high, only one thing makes sense. A serious argument between the two friends. So look to the third paragraph of page 38. It reads, "Arnold gave Helga a look he almost never used on anyone: a cool-as-ice stare. He stared at her for a long moment, then turned back to his books."
In fact, let's keep some lines immediately following that, too. "Helga felt a chill pass through her. Arnold was actually mad! Really, really mad!" That is all from chapter 6 we will use. We will also not use any of chapter 7. It has so many rehashed lines it's sickening. It also feels like a rip-off of the plot from the class float episode. Why we have to tolerate Wolfgang's presence and why Arnold is friends with him is beyond me. How would Wolfgang have known so much about the actions of grownups and faculty anyway? It's outside his area of expertise. If Arnold had asked him how to do a good uppercut, Wolfgang would be the kid to ask.
Now we have plenty of space to work in before chapter 8. Remember what I said about a disagreement between our two, romantically inclined heroes? Also recall the much maligned episode where Arnold and Helga hatch an egg but go through the emulation of a divorce? Also, do you recall Rhonda's and Nadine's fight in "Best Friends"? Most importantly, please recall the time Arnold poured paint on Helga in "Girl Troubles". There is a precedence here, a theme of conflict we can naturally draw on. This leads me to this- the fallout.
Debating politics was only a brief portion of the morning, fortunately. But the remainder of the morning did not improve. Arnold did not seem to return to his usual warm, demeanor. If anything, the air in the room seemed to get colder, until Rhonda got up from her seat.
"That's it!" Rhonda stated out loud for the rest of the class to hear. "I'm going to my locker for a thicker sweater! It's way cold in here!"
"I'd turn up the thermostat," said Stinky Peterson. "Only I don't think that will help with nuthin!" Arnold slowly got up to his feet. Btu her did not turn his angelically blond locks of hair around. Instead, with a cold and silent fury, he began to empty his school desk.
"Wha… what the heck are you doing, Football-Head?!" Helga cried in panic. Arnold only gave her a dirty glare.
"Moving out," the blond-hair boy said with bone-chilling severity. Arnold gathered his schoolbooks and ruler to his chest and stamped across the room to a desk at the far end of the room. He dumped his belongs in it, then looked miserably out the window, his chin curled against his wrist as he looked out the glass. Helga swallowed hard in anguish. Even when he was angry at her, the boy was painstakingly beautiful.
"Hah! You think you know me so well, Football-Head?" snapped Helga. "Who needs you?!" she lied. "Phoebe get over here! You sit here now!" Helga demanded her best friend. Helga pointed fiercely at the now empty desk and chair before her. Phoebe immediately stood up from her own chair.
"Moving!" Phoebe said obediently. She obeyed but sunk deep into the chair as if she longed to sink into it where no one could see her. Both Arnold and Helga kept giving her glances, making her the center of their mutual anger for one another. But Gerald, too, glanced at Phoebe frequently with a sad, miserable smile. Phoebe sunk even lower.
Lunchtime came with no emotional respite for either Arnold or Helga. If anything, things got worse, because Arnold and Helga bumped shoulders at the line in the school cafeteria. At conflict this time was the stockpile of fresh tapiocas. Narrowing her eyes, Helga grimaced at Arnold.
"You want this?" Helga snapped. Giving in to old, bad impulses, a furious Helga purposely dumped a round paper container full of tapioca pudding on Arnold's hair. There was a slightly satisfying smoosh. But then, Arnold surprised all present by snatching up a second bowl of tapioca pudding for the table and upending it on Helga's head. Toe-to-toe, both kids glared at one another.
"Arnold! Cool it man!" Gerald rebuked his friend.
"Humph!" Helga said before stomping off, her fists clenched tight as if she were tempted to use them. But instead of bashing Arnold, Helga tossed her lunch tray into a bin and stamped out to the schoolyard. She hid behind the school dumpster and took out her Arnold heart-shaped locker. She lay her wrist over her eyes so she could not see the daylight as she mourned.
Now reexamine page 39. There is text we can use, after all. This is the text:
"Oh, Arnold," she breathed, barely a whisper. "I've always loved you. And I've always pretended to hate you. It's been our little routine. But you always seemed to forgive me." And just then, in that moment, Helga deeply regretted everything she had said the campaign.
This bit of text will work if we add these significant words, "But maybe none of it was worth it. Maybe this campaign wasn't worth driving you away!"
Ouch, this feels like deja vu. But at long last, we get to chapter 8 and we can use all of it with a few tweaks to page 47. Is it really such a good idea for Big Bob to still be dealing with Nick after what transpired in the movie? Perhaps a different name might be used.
Chapter 9 can also be used pretty much as is, except remember the kids are older now than they used to be.
Chapter 10's beginning is also useful- more useful than the original writers intended. Remember what I said about it having a cynical, defeatist view of politics? I hate defeatist, so let's carry the plotline forward to overcome the spirit of defeatism here. What is the only thing that can defeat a despot? The solidarity of a united people. So we will let Curly run the role as villain here for little fun. Then we will vanquish evil with good for happy ending. To start this process, use chapter 10 all the way to page 58. We should use the paragraph which extends to the next page. This is:
"Mr. Simmons called after Curly as he disappeared down the hall. "Curly? It's only one-fifteen. Curly, where are you going? Come back!"
At this point, we have reused most of the book and begin to add new material. Let's shift Arnold and Helga's reunion back to the classroom. School has not dismissed yet. Pages 59 and 60 have not occurred. Add this.
Students filed back into their seats when lunch period had ended. A weary, sighing Helga lowered herself into her chair and flickered her eyes sorrowfully toward the empty seat. Any moment now, Phoebe would be filling it- her replacement for the boy she had driven away with her cruelty. Helga rested her hand on the lid of her desk and opened it look inside. At the bottom of her desk was a half-torn, construction-paper valentine. Helga's lip trembled.
"Helga?" came a voice from just before. It wasn't Phoebe as Helga was expecting. It was Arnold with his books and a school ruler in hand. The boy stood nervously at the edge of the desk he had occupied up until their latest feud.
"What are you doing?" Helga nearly snapped, but she managed to keep her tone of voice mostly level. She stared, her eyes wide and hopeful.
"Moving back in," said Arnold quietly so as not to make as scene. "That is if it's alright with you." Helga's face grew crimson hot.
"No, no! I mean, yes, yes! Do anything you wanna!" Helga said shaking a hand before crossing her arms and slouching in her seat. "It's no skin off my nose. Hey, Phoebe?" Helga told the approaching girl. "Go sit somewhere else!"
"Going!" Phoebe sung with a delighted grin. She sat down at her old desk beside Gerald. Helga kept both her eyebrows lowered to their most southern-point, then relaxed one of them to fold upwards with curiosity.
"Say, Arnoldo? What gives? Aren't you… well mad at me? I… was mean," Helga admitted out loud at last. Her eyes fell.
"Well, I was," Arnold admitted. "I was really, really angry. But I guess I wanted to thank you for what you said today. It took guts."
If you've noticed, we've begun to use some of the text on page 59. Use the final paragraph, then all of page 60 but disregard the picture. This scene should occur in the classroom instead. That's a cruel amount of typing, but you now a have a better-than-ever revised version of Arnold for President. But if you want to find out what happens at P.S. 118 with Curly for President and see more Helga and Arnold, then read chapter 2 of this fanfic post. Thank you and all the best from Inudaughter.