Being Donna Noble
Donna Temple-Noble pulled her groceries out of the car, palming her keys.
It was a Wednesday. A typical, tedious day of work and commuting and picking up a few things for dinner.
It was dull, numbing. Donna didn't know when she had started feeling so dissatisfied with the daily routine. It had crept up on her, slowly, imperceptibly... She couldn't remember how it had started. She couldn't remember how she knew it hadn't always been a part of her.
And deep down, for some reason, she was so, so sad...
But she went on, going through the motions from morning alarm to work to oil changes to weekends.
She knew she should be happy... And a part of her truly was. She had a good life and a good husband. She was exactly where she wanted it to be.
And they were perfectly secure financially, thanks to the winning lottery ticket she had received on her wedding day. They had bought a nice house with plenty left over to keep her mother and grandfather comfortable indefinitely.
She and Shaun were working on starting a nonprofit organization of their own now. Free counselling and support for war veterans and their families.
Everyone assumed this was inspired by her grandfather. It was, of course. But she kept thinking it was for someone else as well... Until she tried to remember who that might be and drew a blank.
Nevertheless, Donna loved her work. She was grateful for the opportunity to make the world a slightly better place. Not everyone got that chance, not on this scale anyway.
But... It wasn't quite enough.
She had everything she needed, everything she could possibly want...
But still... Something was missing.
Donna, keys jangling in her hand and bags of groceries on her arm, closed and locked the car door. She was about to move into the house, as usual, when for some reason she paused. Something drew her eyes across the street.
There was a man there, leaning against some kind of large electrical box, hands in his pockets... Watching her.
She wasn't afraid.
She knew he was here for her.
Part of her had been waiting for him.
Donna set her groceries down on the driveway. She dropped her keys into her purse and crossed the street towards the man.
He smiled slightly as she approached. "Hello, Donna Noble. Do you remember me?"
"You know my name." A statement. "Do I know you?"
"We met once, a long time ago," he informed her.
She frowned, thinking back. He did seem... Familiar. The man watched her with knowing eyes, waiting silently while she looked him over. He was well-dressed, his suit an unusual style. He had silver hair and a goatee but seemed strangely ageless.
Despite how distinctive he was, it took her a moment to place him.
"You were at that bar..." she realized, the memory strangely hazy.
"That's right," he confirmed, unmoving.
"I'd forgotten all about that... That was years ago." Now that she was looking, she could swear he was wearing the exact same suit.
"The last time we spoke," the man said, "you were looking for someone."
"Was I?" That wasn't quite how she remembered it... But actually, she couldn't really recall the context at all. She felt somehow that he was right. Looking at the man, she saw that he had all the answers to his own questions. So she decided to ask one of her own. "Did I find them?"
He smiled, pleased by her question, nodded. "You did." He shrugged, his expression smug. "With a couple of little pushes from destiny."
"Destiny?"
He smirked. "Just another word for a lot of hard work."
Donna swiped a hand across her forehead, brow furrowed, caught up on one little missing piece of information. "Who was I looking for, though? I can't remember."
The man, so still since she had arrived, became even stiller. He blinked once, slowly, eyes piercing. "Would you like to?" he asked. His voice was quiet and serious. It made her want to lean in closer.
"Yeah..." It was such a strange question and she was shocked by how desperately she did want to remember. "Yes. Please." She was surprised to feel a tear fall wet and heavy onto her cheek.
She was crying? Why was she crying?
The man seemed unphased by her emotional response, as if he had expected it. "I can help you with that," he told her.
"How?" Donna had no idea what was going on, no idea what he was even offering to fix. She just knew that he was right: she did need someone's help. She had needed someone to help her for a long time now.
She'd had no idea who to ask.
"Come with me and see," he said. His gaze was intense but his tone was inviting, kind.
"Come... Where?" she asked, baffled.
The man pushed away from the box he had been leaning against. Never taking his eyes off of hers, he touched one of the panels. It opened inwards. Donna peeked through the door, curious. Inside, she could see... Something. A glimpse of lights, machinery.
She knew she should have been taken aback, should have thought it was strange to walk into a small box as if it would take you somewhere else... But she didn't even think twice about it.
She stepped inside.
She found herself in a cathedral-like space: large, cool, dimly lit. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness as she heard the door close behind her.
And then everything was quiet for a while. She and the man talked but she didn't remember what they said to each other. He had a plan. It was a relief to sit back and let someone else take care of things for a while... She let go.
Donna became aware that she was seated in some sort of reclining chair.
She felt calm, relaxed, safe.
Safer than she had ever felt in her whole life.
It was a bit like when she had had her wisdom teeth out and she wondered if she had been drugged. But no, she wasn't drowsy. She felt awake, alert, her mind totally clear.
She had moved. She was somewhere else now, not inside the enormous box anymore. This was a large brightly-lit room resembling a lab or an operating theater. It was full of advanced technology unlike any she had ever seen. On the wall was a logo, a name: Testimony.
Behind her, the man was moving about, attaching multiple leads to her head. She knew she should be scared but she just... Wasn't. She sat still, patiently, so he could complete his work.
She wasn't normally a very patient person... It was a strange feeling.
Eventually he finished hooking her up to the machine. He came around to the front of her chair and crouched down so she could see him without craning her neck. Donna looked at him and felt she could trust him completely. She knew in the depths of her soul that she would be safe as long as he was here.
She wondered how she knew that.
The man smiled up at her, spoke as if they were old friends. "I'm going to explain what's about to happen, because it's better for the process if you know what to expect," the Master said.
Donna realized she knew his name now, although she didn't remember him introducing himself.
She listened without interrupting, which was also unusual for her.
"Some of your memories have been blocked," the Master explained. "But we're going to get them back." He smiled, as if this statement alone was a triumph, then went on. "Now, normally, I could just remove the block. In most cases that would be easy and we wouldn't need all this equipment. But in your case, the memories are all tangled up with a lot of information you shouldn't really have." He frowned slightly, his expression earnest. "Do you understand so far?"
Donna nodded, carefully, so as not to disconnect the leads. "The stuff I've forgotten is... Dangerous, somehow?"
"Not the memories themselves," he clarified, "but, yes. The things you've forgotten are like a doorway, or..." The Master searched for the right analogy. "... A whirlpool. The information connected to those memories would suck you in, overwhelm you in an instant. That's why they're blocked. To save you. Because remembering would destroy your mind."
He had a plan though. She knew he had a plan. "But you can do something? You can help?"
He stood, patted one of the machines proudly. "Oh, yes... That's where all of this comes in. If I can sever the connections between your memories and the dangerous information, removing the block itself will be easy. I'll process the information, take away the parts that would hurt you, make what's left compatible with your human consciousness..." Donna frowned, because he'd said human as if... As if he wasn't. "And then you can have your memories back." He moved closer, looking down at her almost paternally. "You can be Donna Noble again."
She wanted to contradict him, wanted to tell him that she already was Donna Noble but... Then she realized that he was right.
Donna hadn't known who she was for a long while now.
She looked up at the Master, eyes welling up with tears in spite of herself. "I've been so lost."
The Master stared at her, detached but sympathetic. He put a hand to her cheek, wiping away the stray tear with his thumb. The gesture was somehow caring and impersonal at the same time. "I know," he said quietly. "I understand. Believe me."
Something in the way he said it made her pause. "Did someone do this to you, too?" Donna wondered.
A darkness came into his eyes, pulling him away for a moment. "Not this exactly, but... I certainly know what it's like to be lost." He wouldn't look at her now.
"But who are you, though?" Donna asked. "Why are you helping me?"
"Because..." The Master tried to find an answer, shrugged. "I sort of owe you, in a way? And also because I owe someone else." He smiled again. "We have a mutual friend, you and I."
Donna couldn't understand what he meant. She was pretty sure she didn't know anyone whose world would overlap with this man's. "Who?"
The Master smirked, his eyes lighting up a bit, suddenly involved in the conversation on a new level. "You'll see," he promised. "Tell him I say hello, by the way, next time you see him." He became serious again. "Are you ready?"
"Will it hurt?" She still wasn't afraid but she did want to know.
"No, not a bit," the Master assured her sincerely. "I was very careful about that. It will feel a bit strange at first but that will be over quickly."
"But why am I not scared?" she wondered. "Doctors and hospitals... That stuff usually kind of freaks me out."
The Master chuckled, though Donna didn't get the joke. "Maybe you're going to the wrong kinds of doctors."
She watched him fiddling with the controls on the equipment and she just knew somehow. "It's you though, isn't it? You told me not to be afraid."
He looked at her out of the corner of his eyes. "It's a tricky process. Strong emotions can interfere with the results. So... Yes," he replied finally. "It's because of me."
"It's kind of nice actually..." Donna observed. "Peaceful."
"I'm glad," the Master smiled condescendingly. "It won't last forever though, so we should probably get on with it."
"Ok, yeah," Donna agreed. "I'm ready."
"Alright then. Just relax," the Master instructed. He moved away to the back of her chair, checking the leads one last time.
Donna realized there was one more thing she should say. "Master?"
He popped his head back into her field of vision, eyebrows raised as if talking to a small child. "Yes?"
"Thank you," she said emphatically. "For doing this. Really. You're... A really good person."
The Master frowned in consternation at this, as if he was annoyed by the compliment. He actually seemed almost offended. "I'm not doing this for you, you know," he said sulkily. "I do have my own reasons."
"Right, for your friend," Donna said, unphased. "But... All of this? How long did it take you to set all this up?"
The Master avoided her gaze, his expression a weirdly inappropriate cross between anger and guilt. He didn't answer, instead shrugging defensively and turning his attention back to one of the nearby consoles.
"Well, whoever he is, he's lucky to have you," Donna said kindly. Clearly she'd hit a nerve somehow.
"Well..." The Master still seemed uncomfortable, but brushed it off, glancing at her sideways. "Let's agree to keep that as our little secret, shall we? I wouldn't want him getting any ideas. I'd never hear the end of it..." he chuckled to himself.
Donna puzzled over this. Who did something like that? The Master had openly admitted that she was a friend of a friend, at best. But to put in so much work and then not want anyone to know, especially the person you were doing all this for? It was... Baffling. Counterintuitive. Deeply contradictory.
She wasn't sure what the Master was going through but she suddenly felt a sort of pity that he was doing all of this alone.
"Will you be there, when it's all over?" she asked the Master as he went about his preparations.
He didn't seem to sense the reason behind her question. "Yes, but you won't see me. I'll take you home and you can go on with your life. You can go back to doing whatever it is that Donna Noble does." He said it as if he had no idea what that might be. Donna didn't doubt that was the case.
"Actually," she finally corrected him, "it's Temple-Noble now."
"Really?" He seemed interested, paused in what he was doing. "Huh. I must have missed that somehow... Well. Congratulations." He said it genuinely.
"Thanks," Donna responded.
"I only seem to meet people with hyphenated names these days..." He gave her a weird look. "Must run in the family..." He cocked his head, squinting at her. "Why didn't you go with Noble-Temple?"
Donna made a face. "We decided it sounded a bit too tourist attraction."
The Master clearly disagreed. "I think it sounds distinguished."
"Yeah... But." She shrugged. "Bit pretentious. Not exactly subtle."
"Names aren't supposed to be subtle," he informed her, as if this was an absurd thing to say. "Who wants a subtle name? Names should be memorable."
She thought about his name. The Master was certainly not easily forgettable.
"Your friend though..." Donna said. "The one you're doing all this for. Why now?" For some reason this worried her. "Is he ok?"
The Master was busy again, checking last-minute readings. "He will be," the Master replied confidently. "All part of the Plan..." She could hear the capitalization on the word Plan. He smiled at her over his shoulder. "Maybe find him when you get back. He'll be happy to see you."
"Yeah... Might do that." Donna found herself oddly excited at this prospect.
"Alright," the Master announced, rubbing his hands together. "All set. Here we go."
"Well then..." Donna said. "Goodbye, I guess. And really. Thank you."
"Until the next time, Donna Temple-Noble," the Master responded.
He started up the machine.
The Master had been right: it did feel strange. Donna could feel it immediately in her mind, tickling, tugging, snipping. Thoughts and memories were released willy-nilly, flying all about like fireflies, freed like sparks on the wind, like sea spray from the crashing waves... She had no control over any of it.
She couldn't hold onto her thoughts.
But she didn't panic, didn't try to fight it. She let her mind evaporate knowing it would soon reform the way she had known it in that unremembered past.
Her consciousness slipped away, blown like sand...
... And Donna was standing in her driveway, blinking, bags of groceries on the pavement next to her.
She felt that she had missed something, somehow...
Had she dropped her keys? No, they were safely in her purse.
It took a moment of mental searching as she tried to pick up the train of thought she had lost years ago...
And then it all came flooding back.
"Doctor."
Donna started crying, feeling relief and joy and a thousand other emotions all at once.
Shaun came running out of the house, alarmed to see his wife breaking down in the driveway. "Donna! Donna, what's wrong, what's happened?"
She hugged him tightly, laughing and sobbing at the same time. She finally managed to get a couple of words out. "I remember. I remember all of it."
"But..." Shaun's voice took on a hint of panic. "Are you ok? The... He said you couldn't remember, not ever, that it would burn up your brain..."
Donna shook her head. "No, no it's all fixed now. I'm fine. Oh my God, I can remember all of it. Oh, Shaun, I'm so happy!"
"But how... How did this happen?" Shaun asked, understandably confused.
"It was..." Donna faltered, thinking back. The story was blurred, hard to place. The details were gone but she didn't even care. Her benefactor had left her enough to understand what had happened. "It was a friend of the Doctor's," she smiled. "He just... Showed up and fixed me."
Shaun was thrilled now, confident enough to share in her enthusiasm. "Donna, that's amazing!"
"We have to celebrate," Donna decided, grabbing her husband's arms. "We have to go out! Oh Shaun, I have so much to tell you," she realized.
She'd traveled with the Doctor. She had stories to tell that no one would even believe. Rediscovering them with Shaun would be like reliving them all over again herself.
And she couldn't wait.
"So many incredible things!" Donna said as Shaun picked up the groceries to take them into the house. Where would she even start? "I was at Pompeii!" she remembered. "And oh, it was horrible... But it was brilliant."
Donna wasn't sure how it could have been both but didn't know how else to put it.
"Oh, and I met Agatha Christie and there was a giant wasp!" she shouted, following her husband inside.
Across the street, a man smiled and a large electrical box vanished.
And no one noticed.
The End