Author's Note: Hi everyone! Okay, I know that it annoys some people when I post a new fanfiction without finishing my current ones, but this won't be staying up for long. I just wanted to put it up to see what people think of it and to find out if people think that this is a good idea for a fic. I will be taking this down on Wednesday so that it has time to gain some reviews, but I will be writing more chapters whilst continuing my other fic! I don't know when I will put this up permanently, it might be when it's complete or it might be sooner, but I just wanted to find out what you all think of it! x
Her five-month-old son's screams of hunger bounced off of the walls of the backstreet that she was in as she cradled him in her arms and was able to feel him mouthing at her breast through her dress, a sob of her own leaving her as she tightened her hold of him and lowered herself to the ground. 'Shh…' Anna hushed whilst bouncing him and starting to unbutton the front of her dress, her eyes falling closed as her head fell back against the wall once she had revealed a breast and brought her son closer so he could latch on.
William grizzled and sucked frantically at her breast for a short while, desperate to fill his tiny belly with her milk, but he soon snuggled into her warmth and his sucks became slower and fell into a kind of rhythm. When Anna opened her eyes again she gazed down at her son and felt her heart swell within her chest, a smile spreading across her lips as she brushed her thumb against his leg through the cardigan that he was wrapped in and watched him nurse. 'What would Mummy do without you, hmm?' She whispered tearfully.
She knew the answer to that question.
If she didn't have him then she was sure she would be in a grave now. If she didn't have him then she would have ended it all after Mrs. Kingston, the housekeeper at Wadelock House, had given her notice to her six months ago. She'd succeeded in keeping the swell of her abdomen hidden beneath her uniform by letting it out at the seams for the first eight months, but when her roommate – whom she had considered a close friend for the last two years – had entered their room and seen her bump one evening she had tattled.
Mrs. Kingston had given her such a scolding when she had come upstairs after Lena had told her what she had seen. She had demanded that she revealed to her who the father was; that she revealed to her who the man she had been seeing was, but she had stayed mute. How could she have revealed to her that her unborn child's father was the Butler at Wadelock House, Mr. Vinton? How could she have revealed to her that he had forced himself on her after the other servants had headed up to bed just nine months earlier?
She had been terrified of losing everything.
Now, however, she realised that she might as well have told her about what he had done to her because she had lost everything anyway. She had spent the last six months living on the streets with nothing on her back other than the dress she had left Wadelock in. She had spent the last six months being tormented and spat on. When she had gone into labour with her son no-one had stopped to help her. Rather, she had been told to go and give birth somewhere else instead of in the middle of the street. She had been furious.
Unable to stand due to how intense her contractions had been she had dragged herself into a backstreet and slumped against the wall. Then, for several hours, she had sobbed and screamed and pushed through each contraction until her son had left her body. She had brought him into her arms immediately and tucked him inside her dress, his piercing wails the most beautiful sound on earth as she had looked down at him and shushed him. She could still remember the relief she'd felt at realising that he was the double of her.
He had inherited her blonde hair rather than his father's red hair, he had inherited her blue eyes rather than his father's green eyes and he'd inherited her rosebud lips rather than his father's flatter ones. Everything else about William just screamed her too and there were no words to express just how happy she was. The last thing that she wanted was to be reminded of his father and what he had done to her. He was a terrible human being and if she never saw him again then it would be too soon. That, she was certain of.
Mrs. Kingston had given her wages to her before she had left Wadelock House, but she hadn't touched a single shilling until William had been born. After his arrival she'd spent everything that she had had on things for him. Clothes, cloths, pacifiers…whatever he'd needed. She hadn't bought anything for herself. She didn't care that she was more than likely going to spend the next several months in the dirty, stained, ripped dress she was wearing. All she cared about was the happiness and the health of her precious baby boy.
She felt her son shiver in her arms after a while before he sneezed against her and she pulled the cardigan that he was wrapped in tighter around him to keep out the chill. She sighed as she watched him continue with his feed, slight concern in her eyes as she held him closer to her. He had been sneezing quite a lot over the last three days and she was worried that he was coming down with something. She wished that she could take him to see a doctor, but she knew that she didn't have the money to cover the cost of the visit.
She didn't have the first idea of what she was going to do if he got sick.
She prayed that his sneezes weren't an indication of something more serious.
Sometime later she was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of footsteps heading in her direction and, when she glanced up from her son, she realised that it was an elder gentleman with a cane. Knowing that she was once again in the way and that he would be unable to get past her if she didn't move she struggled to her feet, William whimpering against her breast at the movement before she shushed him and pressed a kiss onto his temple. 'Sorry.' She apologised to the gentleman as she made space for him to walk past.
'There's no need to apologise, Miss.' The gentleman replied after stepping past her.
His words made her heart race in her chest.
No-one had treated her with so much respect in months.
She returned the smile that he offered her when he stopped for a moment and when he continued walking through the backstreet she sat back down, her lips finding the middle of her son's forehead before he opened his eyes and looked up at her. 'Maybe there are some good people left in the world, sweet-pea.' She whispered whilst easing one arm out from underneath him, a surge of love for him coursing through her veins when he gave a soft coo when she ran the back of her index finger down his cheek. 'I love you.' She said.
When William pulled back from her breast and smacked his lips as if to tell her that he was finished with his feed she brought him to her shoulder, one of her arms supporting his rear whilst she began to pat his back in order to coax up his wind. Her stomach gave quite a loud growl after a few minutes and she knew that – once she had brought up her son's wind – she would have to walk to the back of a café and plead for something. That was one of the things that she hated the most about living on the streets. The begging.
On occasion, she would find a kind-hearted waiter or waitress who would give her some of the food that hadn't been sold the day before. More often than not, however, all she received was a sharp slap across the face. That would lead to her searching through the bins at the back of shops and cafes for something to eat. It was so degrading. It was at times like those that she hated her life the most. Just six months earlier she had been a ladies' maid and now she was sleeping between rubbish bins every evening with William.
She had lost count of the amount of men who had approached her at night. She had lost count of the amount of times she had been pressed up against the wall, with her baby in her arms, and kissed. One time, one of the men who had forced himself on her had tried to take her son out of her arms. He had hissed that William would die if he stayed with her and that she would never be able to give him the life he deserved. She had seen red when the man had touched her son. He could've done whatever to her, but not her baby.
In that moment she had done what any mother would have done, no matter the situation they were in, and fought to protect her baby. She had kneed him, with quite some force, in the nether region and when he had doubled over she had ran. She couldn't quite recall how long she had run for, but she could remember sobbing as she had sat down with her son in a backstreet and hid them both from view with rubbish bags. All evening she had stayed there, clutching her son to her chest whilst he had snoozed and kissing his face.
Ever since that evening she had found it hard to trust anyone.
She had felt as though the world and everyone in it had been against her.
When William let out a burp against her shoulder she knew that she had managed to get his wind up and so she brought him back into the cradle of her arms, her gaze falling on his gorgeous face as she drew him close to her. 'Shall we go and get some breakfast for Mummy now?' She crooned whilst slipping one arm out from under him so that she could start to button up the front of her dress, a giggle escaping her when he gurgled quietly. 'Come on then.' She smiled once she had fastened up the buttons and begun to stand up.
Just as she got to her feet, however, the sound of footsteps and the tapping of a cane reached her ears once again. When she turned her head towards the sound she realised that it was the same gentleman that she had seen earlier, but this time there was a bag in his free hand. 'Oh good, you're still here. I thought that you would be gone when I got here.' Was the first thing that he said once he had reached her, Anna looking at him in silence for a moment whilst he smiled at her and she cradled William close to her chest.
When he offered the bag to her she felt her heart race.
'What is it?' She asked him in a soft voice.
'Just some rolls, fruit, vegetables, jam and a few bottles of water.' He admitted.
She offered him a smile as she reached out to take the bag from him.
'You didn't have to waste your money on me.' She told him.
'I didn't waste it.' He replied. 'You're on the streets with a child, Miss, and just one look at you told me that you haven't eaten for a while. I don't claim to know everything about women, but I do know that if a nursing woman doesn't eat a lot then she doesn't produce much milk at all.' The gentleman leaned against the wall whilst he looked her in the eyes.
Anna kept quiet for a moment. 'Can I reimburse you? I don't have much, but I…'
'No.' He cut her off with a shake of his head. 'I'd feel terrible if you gave me money.'
'Can I at least ask your name?' She raised her brow.
He smiled at her again. 'It's John. John Bates.'
'I'm Anna.' She revealed. 'Anna Smith.'
'It's nice to meet you.' He told her. 'Would you like me to hold that young man for you so that you can have something to eat?' He watched her lower her gaze to the child in her arms for a moment before she lifted it back to his and sighed as she looked in his eyes.
There was just something about the man in front of her that told Anna that he could be trusted. She could see nothing but kindness in his eyes and she doubted he would make a run for it with William. 'If you wouldn't mind.' She nodded whilst moving closer to him.
'Of course I don't.' He said.
She set down the bag of food before easing William into the cradle of John's arms, soft shushes escaping her when he grizzled at the transition. He soon settled again, however, his hand coming to rest on John's chest whilst he wriggled into a comfortable position. Once Anna was certain that he was comfortable she sat on the ground again and opened the bag of food, a groan of delight escaping her when she pulled out a bread roll and bit into it. It had been so long since the last time she had been able to eat such fresh food.
She felt rather self-conscious for a moment when she realised that she had managed to eat the roll in under a minute, but if John had noticed how fast she had eaten it he gave no indication. He just smiled at her from where he was leaning against the wall with her son in his arms. After returning his smile she pulled out another roll and ate it almost as fast as the first one. 'Can I ask you a question?' John inquired after a couple of minutes.
'If you like.' She nodded once she had swallowed another bite of bread.
'How long have you been out on the streets for?' He asked. 'If you don't mind me asking.'
She sighed as she looked up at him. 'In two weeks I will have been out here for the past seven months. I was forced to leave Wadelock House when I was eight months pregnant and then William was born three weeks after that. I thought it was hard out here when I was alone, but it's so much harder now that I've got him. I have to protect both of us.'
'Have you ever thought of going to a homeless shelter?' He raised his brow.
'I went to one for a few days after leaving Wadelock, but a woman there hit me because she thought that I glared at her. When a worker came over she said that I had started it and so I was kicked out of there as well. I don't dare go anywhere else because I feel like they're just going to send me to the workhouse. I can't go in there.' She shuddered.
John looked at her for a moment as she got a bottle of water from the bag and opened it in order to take a sip. 'Were you made to leave Wadelock because of your pregnancy?' He asked whilst snugging William a little closer to him when he let out a gentle whimper.
'Yes.' She almost whispered.
'Couldn't you speak to William's father about it?' He frowned. 'Is he still around?'
She felt tears burn in her eyes. 'He's still at Wadelock House.'
'He…lives there? Why didn't he come with you when you left?' His frown increased.
'William's father isn't my husband.' She whimpered. 'He's the butler at Wadelock House and…and he raped me. He waited until the other servants had gone to bed and then…and then he pushed me against the wall and kissed me before dragging me into his pantry by the hair. When it was over he left me there on the sofa.' A tear danced down her cheek.
When she wiped it away she looked up at him and was able to see the anger in his eyes.
'Didn't you tell anyone?' He kept his voice soft.
'He told me that if I breathed a word of it to anyone he would find out and he would kill me.' She told him. 'I don't know if he meant it or if he just said it so that I would keep it to myself, but I didn't want to find out and so I didn't tell a soul. I felt so stupid and, if I'm honest, I still feel stupid because I feel as though I must have led him on somehow.'
John shook his head. 'No. No, you didn't.'
'You can't know that.' Her voice cracked. 'How can you when I'm not even certain myself?'
'I just know.' He replied. 'I can tell that you're not the kind of person to act like that.'
She gave him a tearful smile.
'William was the one good thing to come from everything that's happened to me over the last ten months.' She admitted. 'He's given my life meaning and he's given me something to live for. If I hadn't had fallen pregnant; if I had been forced out because people had found out what had happened to me, I would have ended my life. I would have walked out in front of a bus or something. I would have had no reason to carry on, I'm sure of that.'
John lowered his gaze to the infant in his arms before looking back at Anna and smiling.
'I know you probably don't hear this a lot, but you're a wonderful mother.' He said.
'I am?' She raised her brow.
'Do you doubt it?' A crease formed in his brow.
She gave a silent nod. 'Sometimes.'
'Well, you shouldn't.' He told her. 'I would expect this little man to be thin and light, but he's not. He's a perfect weight and he's got a good deal of meat on these bones of his.'
His words caused Anna to giggle.
'Have you got somewhere to go tonight?' He asked her. 'It's going to rain quite heavily.'
'I'm sure I can find a…a sheltered backstreet or something.' She replied, trying to sound as confident as she could even though she actually hadn't no idea of where she would go.
'Or…' He trailed off, 'you could come back to Downton with me for the night.'
Her breath caught in her throat. 'Downton? As in…as in Downton Abbey?'
'Yes, that's the one.' He nodded. 'I work there as the Earl of Grantham's valet. I'm sure that Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Carson, the housekeeper and butler, would allow you to spend the night in one of the attic bedrooms.' He could see the unsure expression on her face.
'Will I be able to keep William with me? Will he be able to sleep in the same bedroom as me? I…I just wouldn't feel comfortable being separated from him.' She admitted softly.
'That's understandable.' He nodded. 'No, I'm certain arrangements can be made.'
Anna thought about his words for a moment. 'Are you sure I'm not going to be a bother?'
'I'm positive.' He reassured her. 'Mrs. Hughes is so hospitable. You'll see.'
'All right.' She nodded before getting to her feet and picking up the bag of food again. 'Just for tonight though. I'll be gone at dawn; the last thing that I want to do is outstay my welcome.' John gave her a nod in response before beginning to ease William into her arms again, his gaze fixed on her when she brought her son close and kissed his hairline.
He could see how much she adored her baby.
It didn't surprise him though.
She must have felt as though William was the only human on the face of the earth that adored her. He was the one thing that she had in life that she was able to say was hers.
'Shall we?' He said to bring her out of her thoughts after a few seconds.
All she gave him in response was a nod and a smile before the two of them walked out of the backstreet together and she started to follow him in the direction back to Downton.
It was a little over an hour later when she was sat on the edge of the sofa in the sitting room of the housekeeper at Downton Abbey, her head tilted to one side as there was a smile on her lips and she watched William fall asleep in her arms. Mrs. Hughes had been kind enough to allow her to sit in her sitting room to feed and change her son's cloth and she had even brought her a bowl of hot water and a washcloth so that she could freshen up a little. Ever since she had arrived at Downton everyone had been so kind toward her.
Well, everyone that she had met anyhow.
Mrs. Hughes had reassured her that it would be fine for her to use one of the bedrooms in the attic for the night and that – after dinner – she would take a Moses basket from the nursery and take it into her room for William. The one downside, however, was that she had had to tell His Lordship and Her Ladyship that she was staying. She had had to tell them about how Mr. Bates had found her and also about how she had been living out on the streets for months after leaving Wadelock. What if the two of them judged her?
She was waiting for Mrs. Hughes to come back downstairs and tell her that the both of them wanted her to leave; that the both of them didn't want her in their house. If she was honest, however, she wouldn't blame them for saying that. She was nothing and she – by now – was more than used to being treated like nothing. Downton Abbey was such a prominent house and she felt far from worthy of being beneath its roof in that moment. Mrs. Hughes had sworn that His Lordship was kind, however, which gave her some hope.
When she lowered her gaze to William and saw that he was fast asleep in her arms she felt her heart race. For the first time in his life he had fallen asleep swaddled in a soft blanket. He had fallen asleep someplace warm. Ever since his birth five months ago he'd been forced to sleep skin-to-skin with her underneath her dress so that he hadn't come down with hypothermia. Even then, however, she had still been able to feel him shiver on top of her. It had killed her to know that her baby hadn't had somewhere warm to sleep.
At least she wouldn't have to worry about that tonight.
Tonight he would be sleeping in a cot whilst swaddled in a blanket.
Tonight he would be content and comfortable.
After a couple of minutes, the door to Mrs. Hughes' sitting room opened and she looked up from William to watch the housekeeper enter the room. 'You've been in her for quite a while now, my dear,' Mrs. Hughes pointed out whilst making her way over to her with a steaming cup of tea in her hand, 'so I thought that you would benefit a little from this.'
'Thank you so much,' Anna whispered in response, 'that's very kind of you, Mrs Hughes.'
Once the elder woman had set her cup of tea down on the table beside the sofa she sat down beside her and sighed as her gaze fell on William. 'He's a lovely wee boy.' She kept her voice soft and low so not to wake the infant. 'What's his name?' She raised her brow.
'William.' Anna replied whilst looking at her baby with pride in her eyes. 'William Michael Smith. He's named after my two older brothers who died in an explosion at the factory that they both worked at when I was about seven.' Her heart shattered at the memory.
'That must have been so hard for you and your parents.' Mrs. Hughes shook her head.
'It was just Mum and I.' Anna explained. 'Dad died in a fire when I was three.'
A tear rolled down her cheek before she brought one of her hands up to sweep it away.
'You've had a lot of loss in your life…haven't you?' Mrs. Hughes stroked her back.
Anna nodded with a sniff. 'I thought things would improve at Wadelock, I honestly did.'
'And then that…that wicked man…' Mrs. Hughes almost spat.
'Yes,' Anna cut her off, 'he ruined everything.'
A few silent seconds passed between the two of them.
'Where will you go after tonight?' The elder woman asked.
'I don't know.' Anna replied. 'I…I think I'll be able to think better once I've rested up.'
Mrs. Hughes hummed. 'Why don't you go upstairs and get some sleep whilst this wee one takes his nap? You might as well whilst you have time, Anna, and I can come up and wake you when it's time for dinner.' Anna turned her head in her direction with a gentle smile.
'Would that be alright?' She raised her brow.
'Of course.' Mrs. Hughes returned her smile. 'I wouldn't have suggested it otherwise.'
The gratitude was evident in the young woman's eyes.
'The room that I've prepared for you is the first bedroom at the top of the stairs that lead to the women's corridor. I put the Moses basket in there before I came down here, so everything's all ready for the two of you.' Mrs. Hughes trailed a hand along her spine.
'I'd like to give you something for letting me stay here.' Anna said. 'I'd like to pay you.'
Mrs. Hughes scoffed. 'I won't take your money. You need it, dear.'
'All right,' Anna sighed, 'but if there's anything I can do…'
'I'll let you know.' Mrs. Hughes finished for her. 'Now, up to bed with you.'
The two of them shared one last smile before Anna rose from the sofa with William in her arms and made her way over to the door. 'Thank you again for this. I appreciate it.'
'You're welcome, Anna.' Mrs. Hughes reassured her.
And, with that, the young woman opened the door and stepped out of the sitting room.
When she was alone, Mrs. Hughes sighed to herself and clasped her hands in her lap. If there was one thing that she wanted more than anything it was to help that poor young woman. She seemed to be around the same age as Gwen, one of the housemaids, and the thought of Gwen being out on the streets, terrified and with a little boy so young, made her heart shatter. She just wished that there was something she could do to help Anna.
But what?
Anna ran the back of her index finger down William's cheek when she was sat up in bed in her room that night, her eyes half-lidded with exhaustion as she watched him snooze in the Moses basket beside her. He looked so peaceful and content and she wished that she could look at him every night from now on and see the same expression on his face. She knew that that wasn't going to happen though. In the morning they would be leaving.
Tomorrow night she would be lying in a backstreet with him again, forbidding herself to fall asleep in case he got cold or someone tried to take him. The two of them were safe here at Downton – they weren't at risk – and, if she was honest, she didn't want to leave. Mrs. Hughes and Mr. Bates had shown her such kindness and she wasn't yet ready to go back into a world that hated her. A world that treated her and her son like utter trash.
Earlier that evening, for some absurd reason, she had considered leaving William behind at Downton. She had thought that he would be happier there and that he would be able to grow up in the nursery, but then he had opened his eyes when he had been sucking at her breast and he had glanced up at her and she had hated herself for even considering such a thing. She might not be the perfect mother, but she knew that she was his world.
And he was hers.
If she left him behind in the morning she would have nothing to live for and – like she'd told John earlier that afternoon – she would end up dead. When a tear danced down her cheek she leaned over the side of the Moses basket and kissed the side of her precious little boy's head. 'Mummy would never leave you behind, sweetness,' She allowed her lips to graze his ear whilst she whispered into it, 'I mean that will all my heart, Will, honest.'
She then left one last kiss to his cheek before using the back of her hand to brush the tears from her own cheeks, a tearful sigh leaving her once she had blown out the candle and laid herself down. It felt incredible to have a pillow under her head and a quilt over her again. The mattress beneath her wasn't the comfiest, she would admit that, but she didn't care in the slightest. She would rather lie on that than lie on concrete all evening.
As she closed her eyes and settled down to sleep that night, her lips curled up slightly.
Even though she would be saying goodbye to Downton and to the people in it at dawn the next morning, she would never forget Mrs. Hughes or Mr. Bates. The two of them would always have a place in her heart because of how kind and hospitable they had both been.
That was one of the small number of things that she was completely certain of.
Author's Note: Thank you all for reading this pilot chapter and I hope that you all enjoyed. I would be so grateful to you all if you left a review to let me know what you think! :)