This is a story of forbidden love between a Captain and a student. This story has a screwed up storyline as well, it's set when Hisagi is still a student in the academy and before/during his accident, but has Kensei as a captain still. It needed to be that way for the story. I hope you like it as much as I do~
"So why don't you ever go out and have fun, eh?"
Shuhei's eyes widened in surprise at Kensei's sudden question.
"Eh?"
Kensei waved a hand, including the girls. "You've been here a couple of years, right, Hisagi? I've never seen you with another woman. Waiting for the right one, or can't get the right one?"
Hisagi glanced away, his eyes unreadable as always. "I've been busy with work."
"That's probably for the best, "Kensei grumbled. "Girls are so useless sometimes; I swear."
"Yes, sir," Hisagi agreed, the wind tugging at his long hair. Kensei sighed and drained the rest of his sake.
"Is that all you do, Shuhei?"
"Pardon?"
"Do you only agree with me? Don't you have your own opinions?"
"I do," the young man said, tilting his head slightly. "Most of the time they mirror yours, captain."
"You're such a kiss-ass."
The boy's lips turned into an easy grin, and Kensei suddenly stopped, staring at him. Boy? No. Many years ago this lad was a boy. He was now a man. For the first time, Kensei noticed his broad shoulders and tall, lanky frame. Upon further study, Kensei noticed that his jaw was defined now; his face longer and more masculine.
"Hell, Hisagi. You'd better pick a girl before one of them picks you."
"What?" He asked, startled. Damn, even his voice was deeper than he'd realized. Kensei tossed the empty bottle at him; Shuhei caught it with one hand.
"You're not exactly ugly, Hisagi. Better start scouting for a girl before one of them decides that you're her prey."
A puzzling look swept over his face, but it was gone in an instant. "I think I can handle a woman, Captain."
"You don't know women, then."
"You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me."
Lisa adjusted her glasses and sent him a deadpan stare. "I am not."
"You're lesbian?!"
"I am not lesbian," she snapped, scowling. "I simply have a curiosity."
Kensei snorted. "Yeah, that curiosity of yours is gonna leave a lot of guys begging."
"What's up?" Shuhei's voice called- in those deep tones Kensei hadn't noticed until earlier that week.
"Lisa's a lesbo."
Lisa's aim and her throwing arm were perfect; Kensei's head snapped forward as her shoe cracked him in the back of his head. Kensei stumbled forward, nearly cracking his head against Shuhei's. He whirled, already shouting.
"Woman, I'm going to kill you!"
"There's nothing wrong with being a lesbian!" Lisa shot.
"It's not natural."
"What's not natural about it?" Shuhei asked. Kensei turned and fixed him with a bewildered stare. Shuhei shrugged his broad shoulders, his hair falling over his forehead. "Love between a man and a woman is still love, isn't it? Isn't it unnatural to stop feelings of love for another?"
"Since when did you become a fuckin' philosopher?" Kensei muttered in disgust, picking up Lisa's shoe and rubbing the back of his head with his free hand. "It ain't right."
"Ever consider that you're the rude one," Lisa said, snatching her shoe from Kensei's hand. "Going around accusing others of being freaks."
"I never said that! Shuhei, did I say that?"
"I'd like to stay out of this conversation, sir."
"Too bad, you're damn well in it. Is it wrong?"
"Um..." his dark eyes flicked between the two shinigami. "Is what wrong?"
Kensei rolled his eyes impatiently. "For homo- ugh. Think of it this way- would you kiss another man?"
Shuhei's eyebrow rose on his face, and a rather panicked expression appeared. "Would I what...?"
"See, he wouldn't," Kensei said, pointing. "And Shuhei is-"
"I didn't say I wouldn't, exactly," Shuhei muttered. Kensei whipped around, collaring him.
"Wait, what did you just say?!"
Shuhei eyed Kensei's closed fist around his shirt collar. "If there was one man," he said, his eyes finally rising to meet Kensei's, "that gave me strong feelings of love- why shouldn't I have the right to kiss him?"
Kensei moaned, releasing him. "Oh, my God, he's gay."
"I didn't say-"
"There's nothing wrong with that!" Lisa said at the same time. Shuhei hastily spoke over her.
"No, don't say- I'm not actually gay, Lisa- don't spread that around Seriteri!"
She just gave him a bland look. Kensei collapsed into his chair, throwing his feet upon his desk. He glowered at Shuhei. Nasty little trecherous-
Shuhei gnawed at his lip, avoiding Kensei's gaze. "Erm, Lisa, do you need any help with, um-"
Lisa sighed. "Yeah, why not. Come here, I'm sure Captain Kyoraku can find something for you."
Shuhei moved around the room, silent as a cat, following Lisa out the door. Kensei shouted after him, letting his words follow the young man.
"Gaaay!"
"What, you don't think she's attractive?"
"Matsumoto?" Shuhei asked, looking startled. "Yeah, I suppose she is."
Kensei dropped an eyebrow, staring at him. "No one 'supposes,' Shuhei. That woman is damn fine. How can you not see it?"
He shrugged easily, slowly sitting down at the chair across from Kensei's desk. "She's not my type, I suppose."
"So what is your type?" Kensei asked curiously. "I haven't seen you really eyeing a girl before."
He shrugged again, this time remaining wordless. Kensei frowned.
"What, don't you have a girl?"
"Um..."
"What, no woman's stolen your heart? No bandit's whisked it away from you yet, Shuhei?"
He glanced down, studying his rough hands. "Well..."
"Come on, spit it out," Kensei said impatiently, leaning forward in his chair. "What kind is she? Strong, silent type? Damsel in distress? Tell me she's not that. Maybe a-"
He held out a hand, shaking his head with a smile of disbelief on his face. "I didn't even say I was in love, Captain."
"Don't have to," Kensei said, taking a sip of water from his mug and setting it down. "It's in your eyes."
He fidgeted.
"So spill it," Kensei exclaimed. "Who is it?"
"I'd rather not say," Shuhei mumbled, leaning back in his chair.
"Okay, so don't give me her name. What's she like, this woman?"
"Well... ," Shuhei murmured, still not meeting Kensei's eyes. "Definitely not... not like anyone else I've ever met. Different."
"Different's good," Kensei approved. "How so?"
A smile curled onto his face. "Temper."
Kensei snorted. "I like her already."
"Strong," Shuhei listed. "Brave. Fearless, at times. Sometimes goes overboard... but that's okay."
Kensei, studying the young man's face, was struck at how soft the boy's features suddenly were as he talked about this girl. An emotion Kensei had never seen on him softened his eyes and his mouth. He looked- extremely gentle.
It was quite a surprise. Kensei blinked, and then smiled.
"So tell her."
Shuhei glanced up. "Come again?"
Kensei leaned back, shrugging. "You obviously care, Hisagi! So do yourself a favor; buy her some roses and tell her she's beautiful."
He grimaced. "The one I love... might not appreciate being called 'beautiful.'"
Kensei raised an eyebrow. "Why not? Is she one of those masculine types?"
Shuhei bit the inside of his lip. "You might... say that."
Kensei narrowed his eyes. "Wait just a damn minute."
Shuhei raised startled eyes to his face.
"That conversation with Lisa... and a 'masculine' type? And, hell... you never once mentioned that this love of yours- was a woman."
Shuhei's eyes widened. "Wh-"
"Hisagi, are you in love with another man?"
Shuhei stood abruptly. "I have to go."
"No, you don't, damn it!" Kensei yelped, seeing the young man quickly darting around the chairs. "Caught you fuckin' red-handed! Who is he? Hey!"
He lashed his hand out and managed to catch his hand; he grasped it tightly, keeping him from leaving the room.
"Who is he?" Kensei demanded.
"Why- why do you care?" Shuhei mumbled, his head turned from him. He was still pulling, but not as strongly.
"I want to know the name of the man who managed to change someone like you," Kensei shot, "into a homosexual! Wh- Goddammit, look at me!"
Shuhei turned his face to the Captain. Kensei's world ground to a halt.
The boy's face was red with a furious, humiliated blush. With a jolt, Kensei realized that he was still holding Shuhei's hand. The gears slowly turned in Kensei's mind as he saw Shuhei's dark eyes flash to Kensei's hand, covering his own.
"Shuhei... it's not... it's not me, is-"
Shuhei snatched his hand away, and with a flash of his academy clothes, he was out the door.
"Wait!" Kensei yelled, snapping out of his trance. "Shuhei!"
The boy slammed the door behind him; by the time Kensei managed to open it and look outside, there was no one in sight. Kensei turned his head left, then right. No, he was really gone.
With a confused curse and a silent sigh, Kensei closed the door behind him and returned to his desk. He didn't continue to work; he simply sat and stared blankly at the piles of paperwork that covered the wood.
"Shuhei!"
The boy's back stiffened, and he turned, as if to leave. Kensei slammed a hand to the wall behind him, barring his way.
"Don't even think about it."
Shuhei didn't glance at his face; he kept his eyes downcast. "What is it, Captain?"
"Don't fucking 'Captain' me! You have some explaining to do!" Kensei snapped, glaring at him. The young man didn't change his gaze from the bend of Kensei's arm.
"Explaining about what?"
"Well, why don't I just fuckin' scream it to the world!" Kensei exclaimed. Shuhei didn't move. In a flash of anger, Kensei threw his head back.
"Hey! Everyone, over here! Hisagi Shuhei is in lov-"
"Stop!" Shuhei exclaimed, grasping a fistful of Kensei's shirt. Kensei's jaw clenched.
"What, you're gonna fight me?" He growled.
"Why are you so mad?" Hisagi exclaimed.
"Because first you tell me you're in love with me and then you fuckin' disappear! Next thing I hear, you've been attacked by a Hollow in the real world and half your fuckin' face gets ripped off!"
Shuhei stared up at him, silent. Kensei's eyes roamed the young man's face; from the smooth, tanned left side, unmarred by battle- to the bound and wrapped right side, still soaked with blood.
"Damn it, boy, you could have been killed."
Shuhei suddenly moved, hitting aside Kensei's hand from the wall. The expression in his one visible eye was cold and pained.
"That hurts, you know," he snapped.
"What does?" Kensei shot back, taken by surprise. "Calling you boy?"
"Pretending you care," Shuhei threw back.
Shock pulsed through Kensei, and he stared at the boy's marred face. Shuhei shook his head in disgust and started to leave. Kensei's hand snapped out- almost on its own.
"Hold on just one damn minute. 'Pretending?' You think I don't care about any of my soldiers?"
Shuhei didn't meet his eyes again; this time, out of anger. Kensei moved more directly in front of him.
"Answer me, Shuhei! Do you really think I don't care at all?"
"That's not the part that hurts!" Shuhei exclaimed, his teeth gritted. "It doesn't hurt to think you don't care. It hurts to think you DO, dammit!"
Kensei, shocked, stared down at the young man. The wind blew again, lashing his black hair against his bandages.
"So it hurts you to know I care about a comrade?"
"It hurts to hope," Shuhei said, raising his face and staring openly at him. "It hurts to think that it might be more than just the usual concern."
Kensei was struck, suddenly, at the openness of his face. As one dark eye glittered at him, words completely deserted Kensei. Questions ran through his mind, one after the other.
What had he done to deserve this?
Why did this brat care for him?
When had he grown up so tall and confident?
How hadn't he noticed what the fuck was going on?
"Shuhei-"
"Forget it," Shuhei said, pulling away from him. "I knew all along you wouldn't understand. You're 'normal,' Captain. I'm the freak here."
"Who the hell called you a freak?" Kensei shot.
"You did," Shuhei murmured. "Just a few weeks ago, when Lisa... came out of the closet."
Kensei froze, his stomach churning.
"I've asked for a change in fields," Shuhei said quietly. "You won't have to see me anymore."
"Shuhei-"
"Captain-"
"Shuhei, turn around."
The tall form hesitated a few instants before grudgingly pivoting. Kensei sighed. "When was the last time you changed your bandages?"
"I don't remember."
"Then it's been too long. They'll get infected, dipshit."
"I'll get Unohana-"
"Don't bother her with it," Kensei snapped. "There are bandages in the office. Come on."
Shuhei's eyes flashed. Kensei remembered what he said earlier- it hurts to think you DO care. Kensei's head ached, and he didn't know what to do- so he resorted to the one thing he did know what to do.
Instinct.
And his instinct was to keep this boy close, or he would be gone forever.
Now why, Kensei wondered, would I care about whether or not he's gone forever? Wouldn't it be easier for me if he disappeared?
He knew the answer, however. If Shuhei disappeared, Kensei would feel so completely alone. From the first moment he'd me the boy they'd had a unique bond.
"Goddammit," Kensei muttered, shoving Shuhei in front of him. "Walk faster."
He almost missed it, but Kensei barely caught a glimpse of Shuhei's sad little half-smile.
"Holy flying fuck."
"It's not that bad."
"Not that bad?! How the hell can you even see through that eye? I'm surprised it's still intact!"
Shuhei shrugged, lifting one hand to brush his fingers along the deep gashes over his right eye. Kensei swatted his hand away and grasped the boy's jaw with his hand, tilting his head so he could see the wound.
The three lines were thin, but they were long; they went the entire length of Shuhei's face. Kensei felt his own face tightening as if he could feel the pain himself.
"God," he muttered, brushing a thumb over the ridges. "You should have lost your eye, Shuhei."
"That's what Hanataro said," Shuhei mumbled, his breath warming Kensei's wrist. Suddenly very conscious of that fact, Kensei released the boy, dropping his hand.
"Let me go get the iodine."
Shuhei's mouth turned into a small frown. Kensei glared.
"What? Don't you dare try to fight me on this. That thing needs to be cleaned properly."
"One of the real healers can-"
"There's a fucking Hollow uprising going on. I think the doctors should be used to save lives, not dab a little ointment on a few cuts."
Shuhei sighed as Kensei fished around in the cupboards. "I hate iodine."
"Too fuckin' bad," Kensei said, pulling it out and studying the bottle. "Damn. Wish I had more."
"If you were more skilled with the healing hado," Shuhei began. Kensei glared.
"Who's wearing the captain's robe, shrimp?"
"That would be you."
"Yeah, you're damn right it's me. Not you. So you can shut up about my lack of power."
"Lack of healing," Shuhei corrected.
"Don't push it," Kensei glowered. Shuhei's mouth turned into a half-smile; Kensei's eyes were drawn to it. He was smiling strangely. It must hurt to raise his mouth on the right side. Therefore, his smile was suddenly lopsided, lazy.
It was surprisingly nice.
What the fuck- Kensei smashed the thought from his mind, unscrewing the iodine bottle. Shuhei started fidgeting.
"Stop squirming," Kensei ordered. "It's not going to hurt."
"You're a damn liar is what you are," he muttered, glowering at the brown bottle. "That stuff- that isn't natural!"
"Oh, my God, don't be such a sissy about it! Hold still before I get some in your eye."
"But-"
"HOLD STILL!" Kensei thundered. Instantly Shuhei's eyes flicked closed, and his lips tightened.
"Hurry," he muttered.
"Yeah, yeah. Just don't move," Kensei mumbled, taking the brush and tapping it to the top of Shuhei's first cut. The boy instantly flinched, his eyebrows wincing under his touch. "Easy," Kensei murmured without thinking. He steadied Shuhei's trembling head with his left hand, painting the dark iodine onto his face with the other.
It was then that Kensei suddenly realized exactly how attractive the boy's features were. His hand slowed; Kensei stared for a brief instant at Shuhei's pained, drawn face. Even tightened in agony, his face held a certain... beauty to it. Some sort of grace that many men and women alike lacked.
The sharp smell of the iodine brought Kensei back to what he was doing. He drew the brush down the second cut, tightening his own features when Shuhei's winced beneath his touch.
The third cut must have been the most painful. As Kensei touched the drop of iodine to the wound, Shuhei suddenly let out a cry, his hand coming up instantly.
"Easy," Kensei said rapidly, gritting his teeth and trying to keep the iodine from spilling. He latched onto Shuhei's wrist, trying to stop him from accidentally hitting the iodine. "Shuhei- stop."
"It hurts," Shuhei said, and Kensei suddenly heard the quiver in his voice. Bewildered, he stared down at the boy as he brought his arm up and draped it over his eyes. Shuhei's white teeth dug into his lip. "It hurts so damn much."
Suddenly, Kensei wasn't sure what he was talking about- the physical pain over his eyes, or the pain that he held within him.
He found himself staring at Shuhei's hand, where it lay limply beside his face. Not a woman's hand. A strong, capable hand; a hand that had held the hilt of a sword and had struck down many enemies. His eyes traveled up his arm; a strong arm, of course. Shuhei didn't take his training half-heartedly.
And it was as he was studying the curve of the arm that Kensei saw the gleaming streaks suddenly sweeping down Shuhei's face.
"Damn it," Shuhei hissed, sitting forward and trying to dry his eyes without touching the iodine on his eye. "God damn it all."
"You're still such a fucking crybaby," Kensei sighed, stepping forward. "Look up here."
"Don't make me," Shuhei said. "I'm already a wimp- feminine now, right, because I'm in love with another man?"
Kensei scoffed. "Any man who admits to loving me is no Goddamn wimp, Hisagi."
"Now I'm crying on top of it all. Just peachy."
"Hisagi, I told you to look up at me," Kensei ordered, and slowly, the dark head lifted. It was like a punch in the gut to see his eyes glimmering with tears. Gone was the confident soldier. Replacing him was a love-torn young man, his eyes brightened by angry tears and his face slightly flushed. Kensei shook his head in disbelief. "Jesus, it's like you're a whole different person."
"Perfect. Look, I'll just-"
As Shuhei started to stand, Kensei grasped his shoulder and shoved him back down.
"I didn't say you could leave."
"But-"
"No buts!" He barked. "Let me finish with this supid iodine."
Shuhei sat, his lips pressed together.
"Eyes closed," Kensei reminded him. It was when he closed his eyes again that Kensei saw how long his lashes were.
Was homosexuality contagious or something? God, damn it, what was wrong with him?
"Can I ask a rather personal question?" Kensei asked, drawing the iodine over the cut, as the eye flinched beneath his fingers.
"Of c-course," Shuhei gritted out.
"Why the hell is it me?"
Shuhei opened his good eye, staring up at him. "What?"
"Kensei finished with the iodine. "Stay still. I have to bandage it again. I said why is it me?"
"Why... did-"
"Why did you fall in love with ME."
Shuhei closed his eye again as Kensei spread the first bandage over the cuts. "I don't know."
"You don't know why you're in love with me?"
"Of course I know why I love you," the boy returned. Kensei's hands jerked, and Shuhei let out a cry of pain. "Ahah!"
"Sorry," Kensei mumbled. "You just- you said that so... bluntly."
It took Shuhei a few moments to regain his composure; he finally leaned his head back again for Kensei to continue.
"I just don't know why it was you so specifically. I can list the reasons. I just don't know why it's you that makes me feel this way. I don't care, either. Even if I love alone, I'll love every flaw of you, every perfection, everything. I can't control it."
"Damn," Kensei muttered. Why the hell did those words hit home?
"What?"
"Nothing. Just- the wound opened up again," Kensei lied, pretending to hold the bandage to it to stop the bleeding. "How long have you felt that way?"
"Years."
"Fucking years?!"
A small smile tilted the left side of his face. "Why are you so surprised?"
"Were you on fuckin' broadway when you were alive?" Kensei snapped. "Cuz you're one hell of an actor."
"I just knew you probably wouldn't feel the same," Shuhei murmured. "Why should I tell you when even I wasn't sure of how I felt?"
"So it's just... natural for you to feel this way?"
The smile faded from Shuhei's face. "Well... yes. First I noticed I simply enjoyed your company. That everything you said made me laugh somehow. That I got worried whenever you were injured in a battle. That, although you never looked at me as a lover, or anything of the sort- I still felt my heart race around you."
Kensei was staring at him, his mouth dry.
"I've loved you for years," Shuhei murmured.
"Damn it, Shuhei. Why couldn't you fall in love with a woman, like everyone else?"
"Trust me," he whispered. "I wish I knew."
"You look down today."
"Lisa, what does homosexual love feel like?'
Lisa's blue eyes fluttered slightly, and she adjusted her glasses as if to try and hide it. "Y-you mean, making love, or-"
"No! Jesus."
Lisa placed her book down and sat on Kensei's desk. "May I ask why you're asking?"
"No, you may not. I just want to know."
Lisa blinked. "It's no different than any other love."
Kensei scowled. "That can't be true. More people would be gays."
"Not true," Lisa said. "You'd be amazed at how many people shove their own emotions for another of their gender down. 'It's not right,' they tell themselves, so they don't persue it. Sometimes, though, a love that they can't push down will come along. And that's when you have a problem."
"Because the other isn't always gay."
"Right," she said. "Loving someone of the same gender? It's no different than you falling in love with- Unohana."
"Hell, no."
"For example, Kensei. It may be a bit stronger, perhaps..."
"Stronger how?" Kensei frowned. "I'd assume it would be weaker."
"They hold back their feelings," Lisa said, "but when you dam a river, the water just builds up. The love is forbidden; it gives it a sense of longing, a sense of desire that most people don't have. To hold yourself back from the one you love makes the love more precious, and tender."
Kensei frowned, staring at a groove in the desk.
"Why do you ask?" Lisa questioned.
"No reason," Kensei returned. Then, he frowned. "Have you... kissed another girl?"
"Not me," she said. "I know someone who has."
"What did she say it was like?"
She shrugged. "Soft," was all she said.
"I suppose for a male..."
Lisa raised a suspicioius eyebrow. "Probably rougher," she said. "Kensei, are you sure you don't want to-"
"I'm sure. Get out."
"Whatever," she said, and she sauntered out. Kensei dropped his chin into his palm. Staring out the window aimlessly. It was only when he saw a flash of black hair and white bandages that he realized he had somehow, in the crowd of Academy students, singled out Shuhei.
He was laughing at something a girl was saying- Matsumoto. Kensei's stomach pitched suddenly. Hadn't Shuhei mentioned he found her attractive? The thought ran through his head- what if he fell in love with her instead?
I'm losing it, Kensei thought immediately after, dropping his gaze and staring at the decorative dagger lying on his desk. Slowly, however, his gaze rose again.
His smile was slightly wider now, but it was still lopsided. As Shuhei and his group came closer, Kensei could see more and more details. He saw the curve of his neck, the swing of his arms as he walked. The movement of his hips and thighs as he turned around, walking backwards and speaking with the girls and Ikkaku.
Kensei realized his heart was suddenly beating fast; his stomach was tightening. He glanced away from the window, swallowing hard. Paperwork. Medical bills.
Medic. Shuhei should get his wound-
God damn it.
Kensei slowly glanced up again, looking out the window. To his disappointment, he couldn't see Shuhei anymore.
It was probably for the best.
"Tousen?"
Shuhei nodded, his eyes bright. "I passed! Finally."
Kensei's stomach felt like it was weighted with stones, and he didn't know why. "So you're... in Tousen's squad now, huh?"
"That's right," Shuhei said. "This time everyone seemed very impressed. I passed with flying colors."
"Of course you did," Kensei said, rubbing his neck. "Why wouldn't you?"
Shuhei shrugged, and Kensei glanced at him.
"Is that the only reason you came?"
Looking startled, Shuhei nodded. "Well, yes."
"You idiot. It's two in the fuckin' morning, raining it's ass off, and you're over here singing about a new promotion. Hell, it could have waited."
Shuhei only smiled. "I wanted you to know first."
"Why," Kensei muttered. "Because you're in love with me?"
Shuhei looked slightly injured. "No... because it was you that got me into Gotei in the first place, Kensei."
"Whatever," Kensei said, taking off his sword and gloves. "You can go now, then."
Shuhei hesitated as Kensei shrugged out of his captain's cloak. Kensei finally glanced at him to see his eyes downcast.
"What?"
He shook his head. "Nothing. Just... I've barely seen you these past few weeks... you hardly talk to me... I just figured you'd give me some congratulations."
"Congrats." He said shortly.
Shuhei looked up at him in disbelief, and Kensei realized his mistake.
"Okay, hold on," he said, kicking himself already.
"Fucking kidding..." Shuhei muttered, turning around and heading for the door. Kensei vaulted over the couch and made it to the door just as Shuhei did. He yanked the boy back inside and slammed the door shut. For extra emphasis, he locked it.
"Wh-"
"I'm sorry, okay?" Kensei said, just as thunder rippled across the late-night sky. Shuhei's dark eyes stared at him, filled with pain, mistrust, and anger. "I'm sorry."
"Okay, whatever," Shuhei said, reaching for the door handle. Kensei's hand snapped out and latched onto his wrist. Shuhei tried to pull back. "Let go."
"No," Kensei said, glaring. "Listen, I fucking apologized, the least you could do is accept it."
"I won't," Shuhei said bluntly. "I don't think you're sorry. Why should I take a false apology?"
"I'm not a liar! I'm seriously sorry. Sorry for holding back from talking to you, sorry for ignoring you, sorry for slighting you- I'm fucking sorr-"
"Just stop!" Shuhei yelled, suddenly. Kensei automatically flinched back a centimeter. "Do I have to spell it out for you, Kensei? I love you. So much it hurts! I go to sleep every night wondering what might happen if you- if you had-"
Kensei stared in shock at Shuhei's tense face; the boy looked down, his bangs hiding his eyes from view.
"And you go and... act all worried over me. Say you wondered where I was. Demand to clean my wounds. Hold my face as you do. Tell me to be careful. Ask up on me. Tell me you noticed my limp. Make me wonder if you watch me. Damn it, Kensei. Do you know how much I love you?"
Kensei shook his head, his stomach churning. "I've never-"
"Of course you haven't been in love. Someone like you? You're too focused on fighting. If you did fall in love, it would be with a woman. A tall, beautiful woman. Long hair, maybe blonde. You seem to like blondes, Kensei. With blue eyes. Doesn't that sound right? Long blonde hair, blue eyes, big breasts-"
"Shut up."
"Someone who would make you feel like a true man, and not a-"
"I said shut up!"
Shuhei just shook his head again; his hand reached for the doorknob again.
And again, Kensei caught it. The rain picked up its tempo; the small building seemed filled with the sound of the raindrops and their soft breathing.
"I'm not really into blondes," Kensei said. Shuhei opened his mouth. "Shut up. I don't like blue eyes, either. I'm not even into big breasts. Want to know my type, Shuhei?"
"Not-"
"Tan skin," Kensei said, his heart hammering. He softened his grip on Shuhei's wrist. "Black hair- raven black. Sort of messy most of the time, but cut very short. Almost like a man's."
Shuhei's eyes flickered. "I-"
"Shut up. I don't like blue eyes. They're too simple to read. I like dark eyes, eyes filled with mystery. Eyes I can't always read." Slowly, he slid his fingers from Shuhei's wrist to his palm.
Tears were gleaming in Shuhei's dark eyes. "Damn it, Kensei, if this is some kind of-"
"Shut up," Kensei said, softly, threading his fingers through the boy's long, strong ones. "I like long eyelashes, dark eyelashes. I like a lazy grin that tilts up too high on the side."
"Ken-"
"Shut up, Shuhei. I like three scars, all on the right side of the face." Tears were clearly visible now, but they didn't overflow his dark eyes. Kensei's heart twisted in fear and in wild hope as he brought his left hand up to trace those scars. "Know what else I like, Shuhei? I like crybabies."
"If-"
"Shut up," Kensei said, drawing him closer. Shuhei's eyes flashed, and Kensei saw his lips start to open with another half-comment. His stomach tightened again. "You know," he said softly, his hand moving from the scars to trace the groove the corner of his lips made. "It's been driving me crazy the past two weeks- what your mouth feels like."
"Are you-"
"Shut up," Kensei breathed one last time, catching the rest of the boy's sentence with his own mouth.
It wasn't anything like he imagined it. Kensei felt the muscles in his stomach tighten as soon as their lips met.
Shuhei's mouth was so soft. Delicate- imossibly tender. He was shocked at the reaction he felt within his own body at the simple, short kiss. He drew back, trying to get control over those emotions.
Shuhei raised his head, daring to place a kiss on Kensei's lips. It was the feel of that gentle mouth against his, searching, begging for attention, that sold Kensei. He wrapped his arms around Shuhei, feeling his strong body fold against his own.
Such a tender mouth. Such a soft tongue. Such maddening, gentle gasps for air that he made as Kensei kissed him harder and deeper. He'd never felt something like this before. It was controlling him, guiding him. Shuhei's hands were at his neck and head- he felt his strong fingers threading through his hair. He continued to gasp for breath, as if Kensei were stealing the air from his lungs.
And for some reason, that drove Kensei crazy. He felt the couch against his thigh; he pressed Shuhei against the back of it, feeling the powerful body bend beneath him, taught and trembling.
"Damn it," Kensei breathed, turning his head to kiss Shuhei's jaw, his neck. The boy let his head fall back, with the barest moan of pleasure escaping from him. Kensei couldn't remember the next curse he let out; he could only remember the feel of Shuhei's sun-kissed skin under his mouth and teeth as he slowly drew the robe from his powerful shoulder.
Thunder rumbled overhead; lightning flashed suddenly, and instantly all light disappeared from the room. The only sensation Kensei was aware of- Shuhei's tense body and his rapid breathing.
"Ken-Kensei- the lights..."
"We don't need them," Kensei whispered into his ear; he felt the boy shiver slightly as he did so. He softly bit the cup of Shuhei's ear and was rewarded with the barest of shudders. "Do you like that?" Kensei asked softly, running his teeth along the ridge of the ear. "Hmm?"
As a response, Shuhei turned his head and kissed the inside of Kensei's ear with his soft mouth, his warm breath brushing across his ear.
Shivers and fire rushed through him at once; he felt his body quiver violently.
"Do you like it?" Shuhei returned, and then that soft, gentle mouth moved from his ear, down to his neck. Kensei gritted out a curse, not believing the effect it had on him. Those lips, softly probing- that tongue, very barely caressing his skin-
Kensei only wanted more. More of Shuhei, more of this young man. To make his breathing come even faster, to make him moan again with that soft, daring pleasure. To feel his bare skin under his palm, under his fingers, under his body.
Kensei slid his hand down Shuhei's body, feeling for the cloth that held his pants to his waist. At this, Shuhei shivered.
"W-wait."
"Don't tell me to fucking wait now," Kensei growled, practically begged. Shuhei brought his hands to Kensei's chest, holding him back slightly.
"Kensei-"
Kensei covered that tender, protesting mouth with his own, feeling the heat of his tongue as it yielded to his. Shuhei let out a soft moan again, his hands sliding to Kensei's arms. Kensei slowly moved his hand down-
And Shuhei jerked his head away. "No," he gulped, struggling from under Kensei's body. Lightning flickered across the sky, illuminating Shuhei's toned body as he started shrugging back into his robe. Frustrated, Kensei took a step toward him- he wanted to take the boy into his arms again; fold him beneath his body; make him shiver.
"I- we can't go this fast."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Kensei demanded, seeing Shuhei's shadow from where he was standing next to the couch. Kensei's hands were shaking with emotion. "After what I just felt? You can't be fuckin' seriou-"
"I am serious," Shuhei said, his deep voice lost in the darkness. "Kensei, you don't know- don't know how much I've wanted this. For years now. What I felt there-" his voice broke slightly. "Y-your body over mine? Your mouth over my skin?"
"Then why stop now?" Kensei asked softly, his heart hammering and his blood still boiling. "Shuhei, just five minutes. Five minutes, of you. Just you and me-"
"No," he said, regret filling his voice. "I'm too... too afraid."
"Afraid of what?"
"Afraid that somehow it will ruin... that feeling."
"Feeling."
"That breathless feeling in my stomach. The one that whispers, just keep believing. Just keep waiting. If that goes away, Kensei- because of THAT... because of what we almost did? I'd never forgive myself."
Kensei shook his head, feeling his shoulders quivering. "You get a man that hyped up... that excited. And then you fucking... pull the rug from under my feet."
"That feeling," Shuhei murmured. "That tense feeling- like you're ready to cover every part of me that you can find with your kisses? As if the only thing you want in the world is to feel my body against yours?"
"What about it," Kensei asked, shocked that he knew what his body was feeling right now.
"I've felt that for years now. Every time I see you."
Kensei stared at the dim shadow that was Shuhei. "Fucking torture."
"So... one more night... I guess it isn't that bad of a wait."
Kensei felt his stomach twisting. "I guess one night isn't all that much compared to what you've gone through, huh?"
Shuhei was silent.
"Fine," Kensei muttered. "Keep your Goddamn pants on. But come here real quick."
He heard Shuhei's confident footsteps approach him.
"What is it," he heard, and he reached out, catching onto his upper arm. Quickly, Kensei pulled him into his grasp and tilted his head back, kissing him again.
"Your mouth," Kensei murmured, able to feel Shuhei's increasing heartbeat through his hand on the boy's thrown-back neck, "is the most beautiful thing I've ever tasted."
Shuhei couldn't respond; Kensei was kissing him again. And again. Each time he kissed him, the soft lips grew warmer, the sweet breath came faster.
"K-Kensei."
"Mmm," he murmured, very slowly drawing back from the hot, desperate mouth.
"When did you fall in love with me?"
"Dipshit," Kensei murmured, running a hand through Shuhei's thick hair. "I was always in love with you. I just didn't realize it."
"When did you relalize it?"
He shook his head. "I don't know for sure. Probably the day I saw you walking from the academy."
He felt the boy's shoulders shaking.
"Hisagi? Hisagi."
He realized he was laughing softly, the boy lifted his hands to Kensei's face and kissed him, long and slow. This time, Shuhei controlled the kiss and it was Kensei that felt breathless after that hot, tender tongue left him. Kensei had to control his breathing; his head felt light and his heart hammered.
"What was that for?"
"I thought I saw you then," Shuhei laughed. "I hoped you were watching me... it looked like you were, but when I turned around, you were staring at your desk."
"You saw that?"
"So you were watching me?"
"Yes," Kensei said, not in the least embarrassed in this dark room, with Shuhei's powerful arms around his neck and their bodies rising and falling to their breaths. "I tried to, at least. I had to look away."
"What? Why?"
"Because I didn't expect to suddenly feel emotion for you," he admitted. "The sun was shining off your shoulders, Hisagi." He brought his hands up to rest on the boy's broad shoulders. "I could see every muscle. You turned, then, your body twisting. I could see-" he swept his hands down to his waist. "I could see the tilt of your hips... the rise of your thigh. It made me... long for you."
Shuhei trembled again, with another laugh. "Muscle, hips, thighs, hunger- I feel like a chicken commercial."
Kensei brought his hand back up to Shuhei's head; he brought his forehead to meet his. "Hey, Hisagi."
"Yeah?" He asked, his breath warming Kensei's lips.
"I don't know what we're gonna fucking tell the others."
"Shit."
~The end, thank you for reading 3 Please send me reviews