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I've just told you how.
Her own words echoed in her mind as she sat down in front of her mirror, biting her bottom lip to stop it from trembling.
She hated feeling this way. The loneliness, the weakness.
She was not weak. She had survived so much heartbreak, so much loss, walked through fire and lived to tell the tale.
What was one more rejection in the grand scheme of it all? She would face it with dignity and grace like she always had.
A knock on her door interrupted her thoughts, and she heard Missandei's soft voice calling out on the other side.
Her friend came in and Daenerys felt a rush of relief at seeing her face. Without saying a word, she went up and hugged her. Missandei was taken slightly aback but hugged her back just as tight when she felt her Queen shaking in her embrace.
"Your Grace, what's wrong?"
Everything, she wanted to reply. Instead what came out was a soft, "I feel so lost."
She pulled back and both of them sat down on her bed. "Coming here, I thought it would feel like home. Feel like the missing part in me would be whole again. Instead, I feel like an immigrant, a stranger, greeted only by distrust and animosity."
Missandei nodded. "I understand Your Grace. The North is cold and unwelcoming."
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I brought you all here to this hostile, frozen wasteland, filled with ungrateful brutes." she spat out, the bitter taste of those wild men giving Jon credit for her all her hard work in the battle.
"Ungrateful indeed," Missandei affirmed, telling her about the encounter in the crypts. Dany was more hurt than surprised. Sansa Stark making snide comments while she risked her life to save her home was not that shocking, but Tyrion staying silent and not defending her did sting. But then again, for some time she had suspected Tyrion's loyalties were fickle, and this was yet another confirmation.
Her truly loyal bear, the one she should have made Hand, was gone. And now she was left with weak ties all around.
Except for those who followed her across the Narrow Sea. Her remaining Unsullied, Dokhrati and dear Missandei.
She turned to her friend and said, "I am in need of your advice once more."
Missandei squeezed her hand and said, "It remains the same. From what I've seen Your Grace, you should listen to your own instinct. You shouldn't follow the words of these men who have other than your best interests at heart," she paused. "I think, we should gather truer, stronger allies. And keep them close."
Dany's eyes sparked with renewed vigor. Yes.
Her genius translator had once again proven how she was wiser than all the men in her council.
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When Sansa Stark suggested remaining in Winterfell for more time, she surprised everyone by agreeing.
"Very well. You have a point Lady Stark, and a few more weeks will not make any difference in the long run I suppose."
All around her, she saw stunned faces and it almost made Dany roll her eyes. Do they really think her that disagreeable? But of course, she was a woman in power, what else would she be other than unreasonable?
She wanted to scoff but managed to school her facial features into a pleasant expression.
"The Northmen shall receive all the time they need to heal. I will take my remaining troops and travel back to Dragonstone."
Jon sharply glanced up and Tyrion furrowed his brows.
"Your Grace," her Hand began but she interrupted him.
"As I was informed, the North is terribly worried about the food shortage. Due to the war, I am sure now there will be fewer mouths to feed. Let me ease that burden even further. I will have provisions sent from my allies in Dorne to Dragonstone, and that should be more than enough for my army. Everyone shall recuperate and reconvene within the appropriate time, and then we will take out our common enemies, root and stem." she finished with a graceful smile and waited for anyone to oppose her.
She didn't miss Sansa's grimace at her bringing up the food issue and was glad that the jab didn't fly over the girl's head. She had made such a fuss in front of all the Lords, well she can have her food in peace now.
The younger Stark sister though, the hero of the Battle of Winterfell, Dany was far more interested in her.
"However, I have one small…request." She made herself sound as amicable as possible.
"Your Grace, whatever you command, we will obey," Jon spoke up, but Dany was careful to not let her eyes stray.
"Arya Stark, I would like you to accompany me to Dragonstone."
The girl gave her a confused look and Sansa exclaimed, "What?"
"You have proven yourself a true warrior, braver and more skilled than some of the most experienced soldiers. As the battle of Winterfell proved, everyone, even a Dragonrider, should be trained to fight with a sword. I wish for you to train me and my friend Missandei for the upcoming battles."
The confusion left Arya's face but some of the suspicion remained, mixed with a hint of pride at the praise. Which Dany did not miss.
Sansa shook her head. "This is an unusual request. Why should Arya leave her home, to travel to Dragonstone? This is not unlike taking a hostage as some sort of-"
"I will do it." Arya cut in and Sansa blanched.
"I will travel with you and train you. However, I have one question: anyone in your army can train you, why me?"
Dany smirked. "As I said, you are the best. And I want to learn from the best."
Arya gave her a small smile in return and Dany cherished the victory. Slowly but surely, she will chip away the ice surrounding this family.
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The night before her departure, Jon Snow knocked on her chamber doors.
She let him in but offered no greeting, waiting for him to speak.
After a long bout of uncomfortable silence, he asked, "Why do you want me to stay here? Why won't you let me accompany you to Dragonstone?"
She shrugged. "I need someone loyal to me to stay here in the North. From what I've seen of these lords, they switch sides at the turn of the moon. Trustworthy today, betrayer tomorrow. At least with you here, I can rest assured they will remain loyal to my cause. So long as their King does."
Jon did not miss the bite in her words.
"And you think their King won't?" he asked just as harshly.
"Of course not, I have full faith in you." She said, walking away from him to get closer to the fireplace, welcoming the warmth with relief.
He followed her. "I haven't told them you know; I haven't told my sisters about my true identity."
Yet. She wanted to reply. Instead, she said, "How do you feel Jon?"
"I beg your pardon?"
Dany turned to face him. "In all the chaos, I never asked you how you felt. After finding out your real parents, it must not have been easy."
Jon's shoulders sagged with the burden of the truth and he felt immensely glad that she had taken the time to ask him that. "I feel…angry and grateful at the same time. My uncle let me believe I was a bastard my whole life to protect me. He sacrificed his honor and reputation for my life, and I am thankful yet cannot help feeling betrayed and lied to at the same time. It's irrational I know but we can't control how we feel."
She gave him a wistful smile. "No, we cannot."
He stepped closer to her. "Most of all though, I think of my mother's sacrifice. All my life, I wondered who she was. I would constantly ask my uncle who I thought was my father about her, and he would never tell me anything. So I imagined her as a highborn lady, with beautiful eyes and hair and a lot of love for me in her heart. But then why did she abandon me I asked myself? Turns out, she never abandoned me. She loved me with all her heart and tried to protect me even in death. To learn that, brought me equal amounts of joy and heartbreak. My mother cared for me, but she was dead. I can never thank her, never embrace her, never see her." He said softly as tears escaped his eyes.
Dany wiped them away and he leaned into her hand. "I am sorry. My mother also died bringing me into this world, and I wish I could do something to ease your pain. But a mother's love cannot be replicated, it does leave us hollow in some ways. Only time can help us heal."
She brought him close and he rested his forehead against hers. "Time and other forms of love. I know the truth has tainted our relationship for you, because you were not raised the Targaryen way."
He opened his mouth to protest but she pressed a finger against his lips. "Please, let me finish. I do not hold that against you Jon, though even within the history of the Starks there have been marriages between nieces and uncles. I want you to know, that I consider you my family. After being alone for so long, I have found that there is another Targaryen in the world. Our House will grow, it will thrive. Despite everything Jon, I love you because you are my family."
She kissed his cheek, tasting the salt of his almost dried tears. He sighed. "I love you too."
Just not the way I wanted it. She thought of her bear, of his longing looks and sad smiles, and for the first time understood his pain. Life has a funny way of coming around full circle.
"I just…I just need a little time. To figure everything out. To make sense of it all." Jon said. His feelings and emotions were all a jumbled mess that he wasn't sure how to untangle.
She let go of him and nodded. "Take all the time you need. You will have enough of that when I leave tomorrow." She said politely and the layer of distance was back between them.
One step forward and two steps back.
It seemed as though he might say something more when Missandei called out from the other side of the door.
She entered and gave Dany a pointed look.
Jon understood they wished for privacy, so he took his leave, casting a final wistful glance towards Dany.
After he left Missandei handed her a sealed letter with Dorne's sigil. From Quentyn Martell.
As she read the contents, she felt equal parts apprehension and anticipation.
The time had come for new alliances to be forged, and she could only hope they would prove stronger than her previous ones.