Psycho Hill Drenched (Silly Novelisation)
Chapter ONE
(Cutscene)
The story started with the protagonist, Muffin Pendulum, moving along the deserted corridor of the Really Shitty Correctional Facility.
"La-la-la-la…" Muffin hummed, hopping around like a girl.
As he approaches the elevator at the end of the corridor, the doors opened and Muffin happily hops in.
(Meanwhile, outside the elevator on the first level…)
Officer Jorge Sewer leaned against the wall, drooling in his sleep.
(Back inside the elevator…)
"Let's see… hmmmm… I wonder where I can go…" He mumbled. "FUCK! Where is the elevator level panel? Why isn't there any buttons for me to press?" Muffin groaned.
Just then, the doors to the elevator suddenly close by itself, making its merry way down.
"What the-? Hey! I haven't even decided which level to go! What the hell? There ain't any buttons for me to press!" He said.
The elevator soon came to a slow stop and opened its door.
"I wonder where this level will lead me-" Muffin grumbled, as he walks out from the elevator.
"AHHH!" Muffin screamed, upon seeing a shadow in front of the elevator entrance.
"AHHH!" Jorge Sewer screamed, waking up from his sleep.
"AHHH- G-GHOST!" Muffin screamed.
"Ghost? W-wait, what ghost?" Jorge asked.
Muffin stopped screaming and stared at Jorge.
"AHHH- A TALKING GHOST!" Muffin screamed.
"AHHH- WHAT TALKING GHOST?" Jorge screamed, looking around. "WHERE IS IT?"
"R-right in front of me!" Muffin shouted.
Jorge stopped screaming and punched Muffin in the face.
"OUCH!" Muffin cried.
"FUCK YOU! WHY DID YOU SCREAM? YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUTTA ME! YOU DICKHEAD!" Jorge screamed.
"Oh, it's just you, Officer Jorgy." Muffin said, rubbing at his aching face.
"Stop calling me Jorgy! It's Sexy Jorge!"
"Whatever… anyway, I'm hungry. Is there any food around here?" He asked, rubbing at his tummy.
"Dammit! Have you forgotten what you are going to do here?" Jorge asked, waving his arms crazy in the air.
"Um… to find food?" Muffin said, with a silly toothy grin.
"NO!" Jorge shouted. "Look here, I've already set up everything!" Jorge told Muffin. "You just have to be quick and do not screw up! Do you understand?"
"Yes... wait, not really… hmmm… oh, you mean…RIIGGGHHHHTTTTT… um… actually, no." Muffin blabbered.
Jorge felt like giving the imbecile another punch in the face.
"Look here, cupcake-"Jorge said.
"I'm Muffin, not cupcake." Muffin corrected him.
"That was just a figure of speech, you moron!" Jorge said. "Anyway, just get your lardass moving already! Hurry up and come with me." Jorge commanded and started walking away.
"Where are we going?" Muffin asked. "Oh, are we going to get some food or something? Is that it? A burger joint? Are we going to a burger joint? Like the Queen's burger? Huh? Huh? Wait. I didn't know there's a burger joint here at the correctional facility…"
"No. Now, just shut up and move already. I haven't got all day." Jorge replied, dryly.
"Um… okay." Muffin said, following Jorge.
(Three seconds later…)
"Are we there yet?" Muffin asked.
"What the-?" Jorge gasped. "No! We've barely even moved!"
"Okay." Muffin said. "So, are we there yet?"
"ARGHHH! No, we are NOT there yet!" Jorge replied.
"Okay." Muffin said. "So, are we there yet?"
"SHUT UP! WE ARE SO NOT THERE YET!" Jorge screamed.
"Okay… are we ther-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, CUPCAKE! OR ELSE…" Jorge interrupted, giving Muffin the finger-slashing-throat action.
"But my name is Muffin, not…" Muffin replied, his voice trailing off into silence.
Jorge took out his gun and pointed it directly at Muffin's head.
Muffin quickly placed his hand over his mouth in fear and kept quiet.
(Later, at the shower area…)
"Now, get in." Jorge motioned to Muffin.
"Shower? But I did not bring my favourite pink fluffy towel and rubber ducky." Muffin said. "Besides, I'm hungry. Can we skip the personal hygiene part and let's go get a burger or something? It will be my treat!"
Jorge stared at him.
"Do we really have to do this? I mean, seriously, I don't smell… " Muffin said, sniffing at his armpits. "… okay, fine. Maybe just a little bit. But it's really not that bad. I don't really need any shower…" Muffin said, moving closer to Jorge.
"Seriously, you smell worse than my grandma's ass!" Jorge thought. "Get away from me, you fartface!" Jorge shouted.
"Fine! If you say so…" Muffin said, taking a step back. "… now, can we just go get some food already? I think I can smell fries from the other side of the corridor."
"Damn you, Muffin!" Jorge scowled. "For once, can you just stop thinking about food? Listen, there's someone who is all yours inside."
"Huh? Who the fuck is it?" Muffin asked, giving Jorge a suspecting look. Suddenly, his eyes beamed with horror. "GAH! Are you trying to hook me up with some smelly whores? Please don't tell me it's that bitch from the whorehouse down at Brahms. I'm telling you, she looks like shit, man! Look, I don't fancy just any kind of whores, okay? I've got some standards, at least. Anyway, I only bang whores down at South Ashfield…"
"Shut your fucking mouth and just get in there…" Jorge said. "… by the way, if you can do what I tell you to do, I shall reward you with a little present."
"A prezzie? I love prezzies! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Muffin giggled, doing his thank-you girly dance.
"Oh god! Not that sissy dance again…" Jorge groaned.
FLASHBACK…
"Officer Jorgy, there's no toilet paper in here. Can you pass me the toilet paper from outside?" Muffin asked.
"The name's Sexy Jorge! Godammit, why can't you ever get it correct? And what the fuck is that smell?" Jorge groaned, at the unpleasant pungent. Argh! Here's your fucking toilet paper… take it." Jorge said, using one hand to cover at his nose while he attempts to pass Muffin some toilet paper from underneath the door with his other hand.
Then Muffin suddenly jumps out from the toilet cubicle and danced like a little girl.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you! Officer Jorgy!" Muffin giggled like a sissy.
"GAH! PUT ON YOUR PANTS, FOR GOODNESS SAKE!" Jorge screamed. "OH GROSS! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BROWN PIECE OF DISGUSTING THING HANGING FROM YOUR ASS? I-IS THAT… T-THAT YOUR SHIT?"
Muffin, being too engrossed in doing his thank-you dance and rubbing himself against Jorge's body, was oblivious to the screams and shouts from Jorge. Some of his shit had smeared on Jorge's uniform while his other remaining clumps of his shit fell and splattered on Jorge's new shiny shoes.
Jorge fainted.
END OF FLASHBACK…
It took Jorge a lot of self-control to restrain himself from the urge to beat up the loser. Jorge shakes at his head in disgust. The thought of seeing Muffin perform his happy girly dance never fails to bring back grotesque memories that made him cringe in disgust.
"Muffin, just get in there…" Jorge said, almost on the verge of gorging his eyes out to relieve his pain from being visually raped by Muffin's girly thank-you dance.
"Oh, okay!" Muffin said, reaching for the door to enter.
(Inside the entrance of the shower area…)
"Hello?" Muffin shouted, looking around the dimly lit wet area.
CLICK.
Muffin turns around and fidgeted at the door knob. It was locked.
"Officer Jorgy! What are you doing? Let me out! This place gives me the creeps! It's so quiet in here that I can hear my own heart beating…" Muffin paused. "… no wait… oh, that's just my stomach growling."
"Shut up, Muffin! And for the last time, it's Sexy Jorge! Dammit! Now, get moving already!" Jorge voice blasted from the intercom.
"O-okay…" Muffin whined, feeling hurt and hungry. "I'm scared…"
Muffin uses both his hands to cover his eyes and slowly made his way into the shower area.
HEARTBEAT
HEARTBEAT
"Oh god, I hope there are no ghosts in here!" Muffin prayed silently.
STOMACH GROWL
"Is that my stomach growling? Man, I'm hungry… no wait. Why am I still thinking about food at such a critical moment? My life is at stake here! W-what if there are g-ghosts in here?"
HEARTBEAT
"Oh great! I can't see where I'm going with my hands covering my eyes. B-but I'm too scared to see... and I'm still hungry."
STOMACH GROWL
STOMACH GROWL
"FUCK! Why am I still thinking about food?"
STOMACH GROWL
STOMACH GROWL
"Dammit! This is not helping! I'm still hungry and I can't see where I'm going. I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!"
Muffin finally decided to remove his hands from his face and open his eyes.
He stopped in his track and opened his eyes. Muffin screamed.
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SILENT HILL AND ITS SERIES.