Hey there! Random thought floating around after reading some fanfiction! Inspiration comes from Hermione adopted fics. Hope you like it. Like I said REALLY RANDOM! Review please!!

Disclaimer: characters belong to J.K Rowling and I am not sure who chuck Norris belongs to.

Rating: T

Setting: Hogwarts

Mudblood

"Sweetie, there is something that you should know before you board the train to Hogwarts…" Mrs Granger said to her only daughter and the face of Muggle-born witches at Hogwarts, Hermione Granger. They were still sitting in the car outside the train station that 'Mione would soon be entering and also entering her world. Hermione wanting a clean getaway from the tears and declarations of love overflowing her mother's mouth was inching towards the door readying her to run.

"Sure mum! What is it?" Her hand moves to the handle that opens the door.

"Well hunny, I don't know how to say this… its quite a lot to take in as I am sure you know… well you don't know, but the point is that you would… and you know I love you with all my heart… and just cause your dad isn't here doesn't mean he doesn't love you….it's just…." Mrs Granger blubbers about, while Hermione grows impatient very quickly.

"WHAT IS IT MUM??" she yelled trying to get her mother to get it out.

"YOU'RE ADOPTED!" Mrs Granger equally shouted loudly making passing people look at them – strangely.

This was not what Hermione had expected to hear, and so she was shocked speechless. Professor Snape would have been singing Church Hymns to 'Praise the Lord' for something so unnatural to happen to the 'spewing dictionary'.

"What the Fu—udge?" she cleaned her words up just in time as she saw her 'mother's' disapproving glare.

"Look it's time to go. Just know that were not your real parents, you're a pure blood, and that we love you! Have a great year at school!" And Mrs Granger finished cheerfully then proceeded to push her 'daughter' out of the car and drive off with the wheels making a rather loud squeak!

Hermione picked herself off the foot path on which she fell on her arse, and wiped the dust of her clothes. All that was going through her head as she made her way to platform 9 ¾ was that she, Hermione Granger Know-It-All extraordinaire was not a Mudblood.

Through the barrier, Hermione was then surrounded by her friends. Harry being Harry, who often had instincts in his gut and sometimes lower, knew that, his best friend was secretly shocked inside.

"What's up Mione?" Harry asked impatiently, because he had a secret of his own. He had recently wanted to become a cowboy, and he had just got the hat, boots and leather underwear. So far in his books, life was pretty sweeeet.

"I'm pureblood" she said before she realised she said it. Well no point in lying now, is there big mouth? Shut up, I am not a big mouth! Yes you are! No I am not! Yeps! No ways bro! Face it you are and you are also losing your mind! Am not! Are too! Am not! You're fighting with yourself! Point proven… Hermione's eternally dialogue showing on her face but not realising it, made her friends look at her like she was loopy and recently joined the Luna Club.

"Soo… you're not a mudblood?" Ron asked, like the complete egotistical insensitive brat that he truly was. It was on in the recent months that he had started calling himself The Ron and smiled a smile that resembled Lockhart's at anybody, really. It had been a pathetically sad year at Hogwarts, last year.

"No you red head dolt! I'm not and that was never a nice word!" Hermione chastised him and Ron just merely shrugged, looked at his reflection in the train window and got on the train.

Once they were all seated in a compartment on the train, with Harry shifting around in his seat trying to find a comfortable position, as his leather western underwear was chafing, she then proceeded to tell the others about her story. By the end her friends were hanging onto her every word of how cruel her 'parents' were, and she decided she liked the attention. That was until the Question started coming from everywhere.

"So Hermione, got no more mud in ya blood, ay?" Neville the Idiot asked because he thought he was kool. He wasn't. He had a secret crush on The Ron and tried to match him in the personality department.

"No Neville, it isn't." Hermione ground out deadpanned. The other's just nodded in a 'oh, well that's lovely…' sort of way. Suddenly the doors burst open and the Snake Gang slithered through. They really walked, but they threatened people they came across with biting them if they said that the Gang would do something normal. Whatever. The Gang consisted of Twiddle- Dumb and Twiddle- Dumber and Tall, Blonde and Obnoxious who happened to be Mr Draco Malfoy.

"Hello, Captain Scarface, Pop Goes the Weasel and Slutty Mudblood. Pity the summer is over, I was getting really good at gluing my hair to my head with something slimy like the gel I use. The Young Bald look really makes me look sexy don't you think?" Draco flashed a smile, that daddy's money had fixed and whitened and for little extra on the side, sparkled when put at a certain angle.

"It's Sergeant Scarface to you! I am a cowboy! Can nobody see that?!" Harry whined, clearly not happy that no one could see he had an awesome hat.

"For the last time Malfoy, it's The Ron! Gee's, I know I am god, but you can remember the name can't you?" Ron said, angry that the phrase was not being used how he had envisioned it. He then proceeded to sink into his fantasy land where there was a wizard amusement park named after him.

"I am a pureblood. I was adopted. I am just like you…" Mione trailed off cringing wishing that she wasn't anything like the boy who was really a girl without the necessary anatomy.

''Really? Not so bloody muddy are you?" Draco started snickering at his very poor joke that he thought was hilarious. He had a rather big head, but a very small brain. Pity.

"… Guess not." Hermione groaned as she looked out the window. If people kept asking this question she would become psycho and would properly scare Voldemort. She could feel it under her skin. Awkward silence fell and remained that way until the train arrived in Hogsmeade. The 7th year students slowly made their way out the train.

Along the path that went up to the school the young girl was greeted by Hagrid. He was a kind soul as long as nobody touched his Muggle Barbies. They were his precious, and often when stressed he would take out a comb and start brushing the doll's hair.

"Hermione, hows ya summer goin'? Everthin' alrigh'?" the half giant asked.

Hermione silently sighed and launched into the story, while wondering if she sounded like a broken record. She sure as hell felt like one.

"Soo… No dirt pourin' outta ya veins now aye?" he said with a slight chuckle. Mione's blood was boiling, to the point that there was a small popping noise in her wrist. People didn't think this was possible. What can I say? Hermione is special.

"No Hagrid I am not a Mudblood!" she said in an extremely angry voice, startling those around them. Hermione quickly walked up the path swearing she was going to hex the next person to say anything about a mudblood. She avoided anybody who she knew and walked into the castle really fast. She got as far as the Great Hall before anybody asked about her blood.

She felt sorry for Lavender, really really really deep down. But the girl had it coming ever since last year when she had taken her crush away. She simply mumbled the word "Mudblood" under her breath before Hermione whipped out her wand and curse her with acne, baldness and having very stained teeth that were the orange colour of Cheezels. She really looked disgustingly ugly, and when she went to The Ron to complain, he simply screamed like a girl and said that she was trying to give him 'the ugly bug' like some sort of disease. This scene lifted Mione's spirit a little but not much.

So it was rather unfortunate that Professor Albus Dumbledore came to talk to our new head girl at that very moment. It was this moment that would go down in Hogwarts A History forevermore. The old man, slightly more kooky and a lot more paranoid about dark lords and their evil bidding *cough*The Ministry of Magic *cough* that when inquiring about her summer and Hermione telling him, he ran screaming through the tables that she was a "MUDBLOOD TRAITOR!!" and promptly tripped on a table's edge and fell on top of Mrs Norris who was really Chuck Norris in disguise, with a loud "Meeeoooowww!!"

Hermione, whose mental sanity was being tested all day, broke and she let out a hysterical laughter that truly had an evil component to it. She dropped to the floor, holding her sides in pain, because she couldn't stop laughing. In the end she had to be knocked out so she could breathe. Ouch, her head would properly hurt tomorrow.

In the end, Hermione Granger was transported to St. Mungo's for the Permanently Insane as she would constantly giggle. She had the street name of Giggling Granger. She was the new circus freak for a while. Pity she doesn't remember it; something to do with being insane. And as for Albus Dumbledore, well he went to Azkaban for animal cruelty. It took Mr Filch a lot of guts to testify against him and a soaked lace hanky, but he had to do it for Mrs Norris and all other abused creepy cats everywhere.

Really, it was just another day in the Wizarding World.