A Cockroach

Shikamaru rubbed his eyes as he climbed up the stairs. When Naruto had called him over, he had sounded like he was having trouble with something. It was far too early in the morning for the blond to have called him for anything, but the urgency in his tone had raised the Nara's curiosity just enough to make him get out of bed.

Shikamaru wasn't privy to his friend's antics these days. The guy was getting weirder and weirder every day, as if the isolation of living alone was taking its toll. Shikamaru wondered if Sasuke could have helped Naruto if he was still around.

When Shikamaru saw Naruto that morning, he realized nobody could help him at this point.

He opened the door to Naruto's apartment and stared down the long hallway. At the end of the hall, Naruto stood over the kitchen sink and was peering at it with an expression of deep concentration.

Shikamaru blinked in a manner of reserved surprise. See, the odd thing was not the fact that Naruto was staring so intently at his sink.

"Naruto?" asked Shikamaru.

The blond glanced at his friend standing in the doorway. "Hey, Shikamaru. What's up?"

Shikamaru kept his tone level, trying not to sound concerned. "Where are your clothes?"

Naruto didn't even flinch. "In the sink."

"Why?"

Naruto looked at the sink for a moment and then back at Shikamaru. "Can't you tell?"

Shikamaru stepped in and closed the door. He certainly didn't want to alarm the whole of Konoha with Naruto's nudity. "No, I'm afraid not, Naruto."

Naruto faced him and brought his finger up. "There was a cockroach by the sink."

Shikamaru waited to see if there was more to that explanation. After a long pause, Shikamaru asked: "Is that it?"

"Yes," answered Naruto. "What else is there?"

Shikamaru considered himself to be a patient man. "I'm not sure. Maybe you could enlighten me?"

Naruto placed his hands on his hips. If he was aware of the fact that Shikamaru could see his genitals move in the lower portion of his eyesight, he didn't show it. "They say cockroaches have fear."

"Do they now?"

"Yes. I heard it from Shino."

Shikamaru wouldn't put it past the bug lover. "And how is this relevant?"

"Cockroaches get scared, Shikamaru."

"Of what?"

Naruto smiled to show his bright teeth. "Apples!"

Shikamaru pointed to the orange clothes in the sink. "How does this explain—"

"I threw an apple at the cockroach, and it ran down the drain, Shikamaru." Naruto ran his hand through his hair and turned his front to the sink.

"So, why did you put your clothes in the sink?"

"I wanted to eat the apple."

Shikamaru looked at Naruto. He really looked at his face, and Naruto looked back for a second. There was a prolonged silence between the two of them until Shikamaru said: "So, the clothes are in the sink because…" He drew the sentence out, hoping Naruto would finish it.

Naruto kept staring at Shikamaru like his eyes were made of white glue. "I'm glad you're here, Shikamaru."

"Naruto…" Shikamaru was trying, really trying. "What's going on?"

"I ate the apple, and the cockroach is gone."

"And your clothes are in the sink?"

"Yes," said Naruto. "They're clean."

"OK." Shikamaru was going to get to the bottom of this. He just had to by this point. "So, you saw a cockroach and wanted to scare it with an apple, so you threw it at the cockroach?"

Naruto nodded. "Yep."

"Then you took off your clothes to eat the apple?"

"You got it!"

Shikamaru felt a little relieved. "Why?"

"To scare the cockroach."

Shikamaru wanted to sit down. "But I thought it was scared of apples?"

"It is. That's why I ate it."

"The cockroach?" asked Shikamaru.

"Why would I eat the cockroach?"

"I don't know!" Shikamaru roared. He saw Naruto's shock show, and he immediately felt bad. Shikamaru rubbed his eyes again and sighed. "I'm sorry, Naruto. I didn't mean to yell like that."

Naruto grinned. "That's all right. It happens."

"I'm just trying to figure out what's going on and why you're naked."

"Because I—"

"Because you were trying to scare the cockroach, right. I know that, but why?"

"I wanted to eat the apple," Naruto stated.

Shikamaru leaned against the counter. His head was pounding. "Why am I here, Naruto? Did you call me just to confuse the hell out of me?"

Naruto's head tilted in confusion. "No."

"Then why did you call me?"

Naruto looked down at his naked body and then looked up sheepishly. "I need some clothes. Could I borrow yours?"

Shikamaru shut the door behind him after he left. He would never ask a question again.

This is my stupid attempt at humor. I wrote this at 3:00 in the morning, and I thought it was just silly enough for you guys to get a kick out of it too. I'm going back to writing my incomplete works now. Let me know what you think of this... whatever this is.

-CM