oOo

Myself,

I don't know how to start the letter. I don't write letters. Usually I just speak out my opinions, or I stay silent. You would know. Since you're me.

It's weird. Writing to future me. But I guess I have nothing better to do, you know? I don't have anyone else to talk to. To confide to. No one. Not even Nightwing, Wally, or let alone Kaldur. I'm alone this time. I have to confide to myself.

We just finished attending Artemis' funeral, by the way. I suppose you'd remember. We're not the type to forget things. It was really quiet. Nobody would speak, and the only sounds that could be heard would be the priest talking or some people sobbing. It shocked me, you know? How could someone so tough and brave, like Artemis, be killed? And how could someone loyal and faithful, like Kaldur, be the one who killed her?

There are just too many things that I ask myself.

Myself… Do you remember when we actually felt happy? Carefree? As if, no worries can pummel us down, ever?

I don't.

Hopefully one day - you - we - will remember what it feels like.

Because I miss it. A lot. I miss a lot of things, but the feeling to be happy again is what I miss the most.

August 8 2011. Remember? It was morning. The team (excluding Wally at that time) were at the beach. Water was splashing around us - the smell of barbeque lingered around our noses - and my favorite; me covered in sand with no way out… It was silly, but I liked it. Made me feel alive.

And this sounds stupid, but I want that date… The exact time… To be back. If only I could make a time machine to go back to that time. Relive it more.

Unfortunately, I had to be here. In this time, alone.

I'll be completely honest here; right now, I have no friends. I'm most closest to Mal and I've been opening up to Blue ever since the mission about Appellaxians, but I wouldn't classify them as close friends or anything.

And it sucks. Having no friends.

Everyone's got their own close friend for some sort. Gar's quite close with Robin, Wonder Girl has Batgirl, Mal has Karen, Nightwing still has Wally… etc.

This is time where I become completely honest.

My best friend was M'gann. I also had Aqualad and Wally, and sometimes Rocket would be a good person to converse with, but it wasn't the same as the friendship I had with M'gann. She was my first friend. My first girlfriend. Eventually, my first love. And in every way possible, I still love her. But why? Why do I still love her after what she's done to me? After she just replaced me with some kind of obnoxious jerk?

I repeat. I'm alone. Yes, Superman has been very supportive of me but he's somewhere in space now.

I don't want to be alone anymore.

I don't want the pain anymore.

I just want everything back.

…

Myself?

Maybe - when you read this in the future, whether you (or I) might be alive or not - everything's better again. Maybe, I can feel happiness again. Freedom. Smiles. Feeling like I'm at home. One day.

One day.

- Conner.

oOo

Author's Note: I tried angst, for a very long time! And failed! Horribly! Sorry guys - It's night and I'm really tired, but I can't rest with this fic idea lingering in my mind.

The letter's really messy and everything but I hope you guys get it?

-Irey West-Wayne