Hello, this is my first fan fiction ever, so I really want to hear what you think.
I think this chapter might be a little "heavy", I was trying to give you a taste of the plot, but I might have overdone it, and maaaybe the sentences are a bit long. But stick with me, and tell me what to improve ( I want to hear it if something is good too, of course :) ).
My grammar might not be the best, I'm actually from Norway, but I'm doing my best.
I'm relying on reviews; if I don't get feedback I will of course not continue this story :)
Anyway, enjoy, here is my first chapter.
Eragon was walking through Ellesmera with light footsteps, he felt happy, like everything was perfect. He drew his left hand through a low tree, feeling the life force it held, it made him happy to see the berries that hung under the lowest branches. As he went deeper into the forest, he found himself following a familiar path, the thin track that lead to the crags of Tel'Naeir, as he walked towards the edge, a strange mist gathered around his ankles, it felt like silk to his skin, but when he walked forward, it held him firmly in place. Suddenly afraid, he called for Saphira with his mind, just to notice he could not feel her presence, as panic gripped him, he tried to use magic to free himself, but he could not remember the ancient words that could save him, the mist crawled up his body, tightening around his neck like a noose… "Adurna brakka" a familiar voice said behind him, and the mist slowly let go of him. Turning, Eragon saw that it was Oromis, standing proud and strong about six feet from him. "You must wake up, Eragon" he said, with a sense of urgency "You cannot stay here, it is not safe for you" "Where am I?" Eragon asked, with a confused tone in his voice, the environment had suddenly changed, now they were standing on the top of Helgrind. "There isn't time, you have to get out of here!" Oromis almost shouted, his voice was getting weaker, as if they were on either side of a brick wall, "I cannot hold on much longer, go! Go before it is too late!" Suddenly Oromis started to fade away, as if Eragon was seeing him through water, at the same time, something was pulling at Eragon, he fought back, pulling his mind free of the icy lances that were digging into it, struggling to wake up. The last thing he saw, was a dark gap opening behind Oromis, pulling him in, like he was a leaf before an autumn storm, a soundless howl tore from Eragon's lips…
Eragon bolted upright, pulling his hunting knife from under his pillow, something was wrong, he could feel it in the air. Magic, he thought with a grim expression. Searching for the source of the disturbance, Saphira's mind thouched him, they silently exchanged thoughts and feelings, Eragon could sense Saphira's discomfort at the unpleasant buzz of magic. Throwing off his blankets, Eragon quietly jumped out of bed, searching through the camp for the source, he could feel it coming from somewhere nearby, but he could not detect the exact target, nor what it did, it was as if a stream of magic was being funneled out of nothingness, and it didn't seem to have any purpose.
In another tent, Arya awoke as well, she could feel the minds of the Varden all around her, but none of them seemed as if they were reacting to the threads of magic that went through the camp. She awoke the rest of the elves with a gentle brush against their consciousnesses, they acknowledged her, and silently they exited the tent together.
Eragon went out of his tent, quietly he and Saphira walked towards the source of the energy, Eragon were tensed, he jumped at every motion in the darkness, almost beheading a cat that brushed against his foot. As they came closer, they could see a weak green light shining from the ground, and it was as if something were trying to get up. The elves silently spread around the spot, each ready to fight, if this oddity were to prove dangerous, Bloodgahrms fur were on ends, his entire body shaking slightly. Arya contacted Eragon, Keep a safe distance, this is not a coincidence, it may be a trap. Eragon agreed, he did not know what this was, but had no intentions of sticking his nose closer then absolutely necessary. Caution, that is not your usual said Saphira in a taunting voice I know, but this is not an everyday event either he replied.
As they closed in on the light, it started humming, a low rumble resounding through the ground, it sounded like the muffled growl of a dragon, everyone in the ring stiffened, straining their ears and searching the ground for the magic, and then suddenly, a deafening roar sounded in their minds, knocking down all defenses, and racing through their minds at an prodigious rate, a few seconds later, the presence vanished, and the light subsided into darkness. Everyone in the circle collapsed, Saphira landed on one of the cooking tents, breaking everything in it and making a terrible noise, suddenly the entire camp echoed shouts and the sound of people running towards them. A deep, rumbling voice appeared in Eragon and Saphira's minds, one word resounded like a rockslide, Inòya.
Arya and Eragon stood side by side before Nasuada in the keep while they recounted the night's adventures, Saphira kept to herself for the most part, confusion emanating from her through their mental link. Whatever that was, it knows every detail of our life, the Varden, the elves, and was able to breach our defenses like they weren't there Saphira commented when Eragon completed the report. To Eragon she said, with sorrow in her voice, I wish Oromis and Glaedr were here, perhaps they could tell us what this was, and what it was looking for, and how we should react to this incident, I miss them. Yes Eragon replied I miss them too, but we have to be our own teachers from now on, we do not know when Glaedr will wake from his sorrow, if ever, and even he cannot help us forever, some day we will have to answer to ourselves, and it might as well be today."You are sure this was not some kind of trick on Galbatorix's part?" Nasuada asked, obviously shaken by these disturbing news. Lately the Varden had had too many problems and late minute rescues, and Nasuada's face bore marks of it, she was paler than usual, and her eyes seemed to be made of lead, blue rings encircling them. "Yes, it felt as if this presence was neither foe nor friend, it didn't react in any special way to any of my memories, it just searched them, like a trader checking that all the goods are in place" Eragon said, his voice was trembling a little. Arya nodded, she seemed much more upset about this then Eragon, somehow he was convinced that this was not something that could compromise any of the things they had been working for, it was as if the presence that had searched their minds was just watching them, Arya however did not seem to agree with him on that, but then again, she probably felt a much greater responsibility then he did toward the elves, since she was both an carrier of the Yawe symbol, and a princess. "If it was Galbatorix, he would most probably have used the information to figure out mine and Saphiras true names, making us his slaves, and we would have been enslaved rather quickly I would assume. Also, this magic felt like nothing I have ever experienced before, it was not aimed at anything, it was just flowing around us, like it was a part of the land, I do not think any of the races we know of created this, it felt like this being was made of pure magic, or energy, use what definition you want, it did not feel like it was made of flesh and bone." Nasuada leaned back, closing her eyes, "I will have to discuss this matter with Orin, furthermore, we have to inform the dwarves and the elves of what has transpired, they will want to know, and we need to know if they too had a visit from this creature. Very well, you are dismissed."
When they walked out of the throne room, Eragon sagged slightly, reaching to the wall for support, "What is wrong?" Arya asked, a tone of worry in her voice. "Nothing, I just had a really bad night" he told her, it was actually mostly true, so he could say it without lying, she caught the spark of emotion in his voice however, and with a meaningful glance at Saphira, she touched his mind. I can tell when you're not telling me the whole truth Eragon, now tell me, what is bothering you? Eragon was taken aback; Arya was usually not so straight forward, the only time she had asked him so directly, was when she gave him a rebuke for giving in to the council of elders after the fight in Farthen Dûr. I had a dream about Oromis before this "main event" started, except it didn't feel like it was a dream, it was like the visions I used to have about you when you were imprisoned, only it felt like I was really there, not just a ghost hovering over the situation. Then he told her about his dream, trying to explain what it had felt like, it was strange for Eragon to talk to her in this way, she was usually very reserved when it came to talking with her mind, usually it was only when she felt it was needed, and she kept the contact as short as possible, but now she commented on his dream, attempting to soothe his discomfort. When he was done with his tale, she looked at him for a long while before she said anything, and when she spoke again, the words were hesitant, I want to show you a memory, it is easier for you to understand then. Suddenly images flooded his mind, Arya sat beside a gray haired man with blue sparkling eyes who lay on a bed, they were obviously in a heated discussion, "It could have killed you father, you could have died!" Arya whispered, showing more emotions than Eragon had ever seen her do, he understood that this was her father, Evandar, "Yes, it could, but this is too important to neglect, I need you to speak to Veren and Reil for me, this could very well prove us all wrong, perhaps there does exist another world after this one, perhaps what happened last night was an insight into that void. I have studied some of the obscure scrolls of Flúai, and I found a hint that he experienced the same, I suspect that it was this experience that drove him to madness, if he left some part of himself in that other world or just went mad as a result of the shocking nature of this revelation, I know not." Arya's expression grew pale, "Those manuscripts are written by a madman, an outcast, he probably had a wild imagination, you are just trying to make the pieces fit together, do not pursue this, for my sake." Evandar examined her for a long time before he spoke again, and when he did, his voice was weaker than before "Please, go to Veren and Reil, consult with them, I need to know if they have any information on this topic"
The memory faded, and they were once again back in the hallway, Arya had tears in her eyes, Eragon saw she had been crying for a while, he took her hand lightly, I am sorry was the only thing he managed to say, Arya resumed talking My father always respected my wishes, even if they went against his beliefs, he loved me for who I was, my mother… She hesitated, breathing deeply, my mother has a completely different personality, her wishes leave little room for others to be themselves. Restraining her feelings, Arya straightened; Veren and Reil was an ancient pair, their wisdom and experience far exceeded that of any other person at that time, when her rider died, Veren flew as far up into the sky as she could get, and then she folded her wings, never to open them again, unfortunately, that was the same day that my father requested me to consult with them. I was the one that found her; she had landed right in front of Reil's house, resting beside her rider. Flúai was an elf, with a brilliant mind, he discovered many lost words in the ancient language, but he had one flaw, he believed that there existed a world beyond this one, not with gods and people being judged by how they act in this world, prayers and sacrifice, but simply another realm, where we would return to our "original form" as he put it. He believed we are made from energy, and that when we die that energy is restored in its pure form in the spirit realm. He went mad eventually, my father read his scrolls, and noticed a small part, right before his work became all madness, nonsense about how the Beor mountains were really giants, and that some day they would destroy this world, where he had a dream, similar to yours. Except he didn't mention anything about a "guide", my father also had such a dream, but in his dream, Veyoloth, another ancient dragonrider was there and helped him. My father tried to reach back into that dream, using magic to do so, it almost killed him, he was so close to dying that he had to stay in bed for a week afterwards. I do not know how to put this, but I am starting to wonder if my father was right, perhaps our existence here is not the only part of our lives, your dream is the third of that kind, and this is indeed something worth noticing. But let us put this at the back of our minds, we need to figure out what was going on tonight right now, let us go.
Saphira contacted Eragon as they entered the light from the bright morning sun, Why did you not tell me about this dream before? A hint of hurt in her voice, Eragon did not reply at once, he was confused, Arya talking to him in such an intimate way, showing her memories to him, and even changing her beliefs because he had a dream? And this strange magic that seemed to have left no traces I was so occupied with everything, when I woke up I had enough to think about for a while, and then the report to Nasuada, I didn't really have time to concider it until we were out of the throne room. She accepted his explanation, but he felt she was unsatisfied with it. I'm confused he thought privately, looking up at the sky with an exasperated expression.
So, that's it for now, I hope you liked it, I really like the Inheritance cycle and enjoyed writing about this. C'mon, give me something to improve the next chapter with, do you miss something? Tell me, and I'll see what I can do :))