I know that a lot has happened with Jack and Kate since SNBH (especially the epicness of the Series Finale! I'm still in shock.), but I can't help but go back to this particular episode and explore some of the conversations that I envisioned that occurred between them. I hope that it's believable and true to Jack and Kate as we know them. Enjoy!
Jack lied in bed, blanketed by the darkness of the night, moonlight pooling into the room from the windows. Kate lied close by, her head resting comfortably on his chest, her hand catching the beat of his heart, his arms wrapped snugly around her small frame.
He'd returned from work late again, the same as he had the last three nights, drowning himself in his work at the hospital. Each time he'd come home, he checked up on Aaron, found him asleep with his favorite stuffed animal tightly snuggled under the blanket with him. The sight of the sweet child never ceased to form a huge lump in his throat.
Then he walked the length of the hallway, to find Kate in the middle of their bed, fast asleep, her petite outline under the large covers, her long, dark curls sprawled around her head on the pillow, so beautiful and peaceful that it literally took his breath away.
He stripped down to his underwear and cautiously lie in bed, careful not to wake her, but each time he did so, she instinctively positioned herself closer to him, laying her head within the hollow between his shoulder and chest and draping her arm over his abdomen. The most natural reaction for him was to bring her even closer by wrapping his arms around her, the feel of her, the scent of her the most calming sensations he has ever experienced. The undying need to make love to her pulled at him, as it always did, but he was too exhausted to make it any good for either one of them.
Jack looked down at the small fist of her hand that rest against his stomach, the simple solitaire diamond ring on her finger gleamed giftedly in the moonlight, catching his attention. He grinned at the memory of that night, when in that very bed, he'd woken her from her sleep and asked her to marry him, never having felt more nervous in his life, both overjoyed and relieved at the sight of the happy tears in her eyes, the wide smile on her face, the sound of her emphatic "Yes, of course I will, yes".
Everything had fallen into place for the two of them, Jack thought as he placed his lips at her forehead and laid a light, lingering kiss there. Yet, he felt that the walls would close in on him soon, and he would cave to the guilt that gradually ate him from the inside out. Ever since his daunting confrontation with Christian in the hospital lobby three days before, he was unable to find sleep easily.
The meaning of what he saw and why he kept seeing it haunted his dreams, along with Hurley's insistence that they had to go back. He felt as if he was going crazy, just as he thought he had when he crashed on the Island so long ago and saw his father, walking around, only to blink, and he was gone. This time, it was different, more urgent.
Once Jack made some advancement towards sleep, a noise jolted him back into restlessness. He pried his eyes open and listened. The noise ricocheted through the bedroom door and Jack was on his feet instantly.
As the absence of the familiar heat of Jack's body sliced through the haziness of sleep, Kate opened her eyes, just in time to catch the shady view of Jack emerging from the closet, wearing only a pair of jeans. He moved towards the door.
"What's wrong?" Kate's husky whisper called through the darkness.
"I think Aaron had a nightmare" Jack said as he opened the door and raced down the hallway, with Kate not too far behind him.
Once Jack reached the room, the sight of the distressed child nearly killed him. Aaron clucked at his teddy bear as tears streamed down his face. He whimpered uncontrollably, his uneasiness very evident. Jack reached for the child and pulled him to his chest.
"It's okay buddy" Jack said as he rocked back and forth, his arms engulfing the child as he held him close enough to protect him from all the evils of the world.
Kate stood at the door, completely taken in by the sight of the two most important men in her life. Jack gently wiped the child's tears away as Aaron reached out to him, urging Jack to put his arms around him again. He did so willingly, placing a kiss into his short blonde hair.
The urge to have a child of her own, Jack's child, tugged at Kate as she watched them from the doorway. She was still very aware of Jack's uneasiness around Aaron, and how much he denied to himself that he would make a great father someday, even after she told him, You're good at this. She hated how he was never really conscious of how great he was at it and how one day, how in this very moment, he wouldn't hesitate when it came to being there for a child.
For the past three nights, Kate noticed that Jack would come home later and later. She often tried to stay up to wait for him, to talk about whatever it was that was bothering him, but found herself asleep when he finally did come home, and was too tired to spark the conversation they so desperately needed to have. She also noticed that each time he climbed into bed in the early hours of the morning, he didn't initiate the amazing sex they always had once Aaron fell asleep. She wondered just what that meant.
Kate moved towards the bed and sat next to Jack, who continued to cradle and whisper to a distraught Aaron.
"It's okay. You just had a bad dream. It's okay. You're safe." Jack said.
"How are we going to get him back to sleep?" he asked, worried that Aaron might never settle.
"You should play for him" Kate suggested.
"Kate, I don't know. How is that going to help?" Jack asked.
"Jack, he loves it when you play. I love it when you play. It's soothing and comforting, and that's what Aaron needs right now" Kate said.
They reached the room where the piano was placed; Jack sat in front of it, stroking a few of the keys, while Kate sat nearby with Aaron in her lap.
"Any requests?" Jack asked.
"Try 'To Catch a Falling Star'. It always makes him more relaxed" Kate said.
"Hmm, I remember that song as a kid, my mother would sing it to me all the time" Jack said, surprised that he was sharing the childhood memory, but didn't feel uncomfortable about it.
"It's a Shephard family tradition for sure" Kate teased.
All talking and teasing ceased once Jack began to play the beginning notes of the lullaby. Kate felt Aaron's small body go limp with rest almost immediately, his eyes closed and his chest rising and falling on even breaths.
Kate thought about telling Jack that it worked, that Aaron had fallen asleep, but she was completely captivated by the sight of him, this sexy, bare-chested, kind, generous, giving, barefoot man at the piano, playing his way into her heart for what felt like the millionth time. As he played, she studied his face, read him in the way that only she was able to and saw the concentration he placed into the simple tune, and knew that he was carrying something heavy, and was wrestling with it on his own, like always.
He finally finished when he turned, to see that Kate wasn't there. He figured that she put Aaron to bed and decided to continue.
Kate returned and placed her hands on Jack's bare shoulders, massaging them gently.
"Is he okay?" Jack asked.
"He's fine. He fell right back asleep." Kate said, placing a kiss on Jack's forehead.
"I wish it were that easy for me." he sighed.
Sensing the bothered tone of his voice and having felt the knots of tension in his shoulders, Kate sat down next to him.
"I don't know Dr. Shephard. It seemed to me like you needed that lullaby as much as he did." she teased.
"Yeah, well, I guess its effects on me are wearing off." he said.
"Jack, what's going on?" she asked.
He finally looked her in the eyes, those deep, sparkling green eyes that he loved so much and tried to find the words to tell this woman, this woman who means everything to him that he's sorry, sorry for staying at the office at obscene hours, for not being exactly what she needs when she needs it, the core of his conscience poisoned with thoughts of the Island.
"Kate, this is just something that I have to take care of on my own, that's all." he said calmly.
Kate bit her bottom lip, forcing herself not to say what she truly felt was the issue, that he wasn't happy anymore, that staying away at work in the late hours of the night was his way of escaping an unpleasant situation, a life with her.
"Is it the engagement? Do you regret asking me to marry you? Are you not happy here anymore? Do you want out? Because if you want out, please just say so, because it's killing me that you're holding things back from me" she said, tears spilling down her cheeks.
"Kate, is that what you think? This has nothing to do with you, with us. I love you and I want nothing more than to be your husband" he said hugging her to his chest, unshed tears in his eyes.
Self-disgust overwhelmed him for not thinking about Kate and what his struggles were doing to their relationship. He was so used to being on his own, to having no one. Kate's outburst knocked him back into reality, that he was not alone in whatever it was he was going through, that what affected him, affected her too, and she wasn't shy when it came to telling him.
"Jack, please, just tell me. I need to know what's bothering you. You don't think I notice, but I do. The way you are with Aaron. It's like you're afraid of getting too close to him. But tonight, I saw it, I saw how much you want to be close to him, how much you want to allow yourself to fully embrace him, but something is holding you back, something big and I just want to know what it is, Jack. Please" she pleaded.
He simply sighed a breath of both frustration and relief, at how he felt so very lost without her and how it was a blessing that she was there with him, begging him to cast his concerns onto her. He had never known or loved a woman quite like this one, and he was sure he never would ever again.
"You already know what it is Kate. I look at him and I see her. I see Claire and how much I failed her. The last time I ever saw her, she didn't trust me to help, to keep her safe. She's my sister and I never knew her, and if I tried a little bit harder to find her, she and Aaron would be together. I thought that I was over it, but when I think about Claire, where she is, whether or not she's dead or alive, I think about the others that were left behind, and how I got to be so lucky, so fortunate to have survived it, to have everything I could have possibly dreamed of. How is this fair, Kate? How is this the way that things were supposed to happen? I don't understand it, I tried and I just don't" he said.
"It could never be fair, Jack. It's so sad, but it's the truth. You tried. I was right by your side when you nearly broke your back to get each and every one of us off that Island and I saw how much it hurt you, how much it nearly killed you that you couldn't. Things happened that were out of your control and you can't continue to punish yourself for being happy, for having everything that you could have possibly dreamed of, because no one deserves it more" she said.
He looked at her with those eyes, those rich, entrancing chestnut brown eyes that could suck her in like nothing else could. It broke her heart how much responsibility he burdened himself with, how he incessantly denies his right to happiness. Without warning, she pulled his lips to hers and swallowed him in a passionate kiss. He responded eagerly, the intimate affection of the moment a source of strength and encouragement, that this was right, this was real and it was never going anywhere.
As he stood, he lifted her off the piano bench and carried her to their bedroom, lightly placed her in the middle of the bed and found himself being pulled strategically on top.
"Kate, wait, shouldn't we…uh…talk some more?" Jack asked.
"Jack, there's only one thing I want to do and it doesn't involve much talking" Kate said, pulling his mouth back down to hers.
She wrapped her legs around his waist, inviting him into the cradle of her thighs, allowing herself to savor the sweet pressure of all of his full weight lying atop her.
He found himself getting lost in her advances, in the sheer enjoyment he found in kissing her and being kissed by her. As her hands wandered greedily over the taut muscles of his back, he felt the temperature in the room increase by at least 20 degrees. He fed the flames with his own desire as he reached for the hem of her nightshirt and brought it over her head.
After seconds of tugging at each other's clothes, they lay naked in a band of moonlight from the nearby window. Kate turned until Jack lie on his back, her flushed, exposed frame perched in his lap, so familiar, yet so beautiful and sexy that he silently whimpered with want for her.
"Still want to talk stud, or do you want me to rock you to sleep?" she asked, her sultry, sexy tone forced every drop of blood in his body to gather and form into a pool of painful, strained sexual need at his groin. She knew exactly what he wanted, the sexual banter as satisfying as the sexual act itself.
Words, the ability to fix his lips to form a coherent sentence, escaped him as he felt her lips create a hot trail of kisses along his neck and chest. She grabbed his rigid member with her hand and began to stroke him. She wrapped her lips around the tip, savoring the juices that collected there. Then she took him deeper, until the tip grazed the deep crevices of her mouth. She wanted him to explode for her, to come undone. He was indeed close, judging from the sigh of pleasure radiating from his chest.
Before she got the chance to push him over the edge, he was nudging for her to move back up, towards his face, and she did just that.
"Not if I rock you first" he said with a smile.
In one swift movement, he had her pinned beneath him, her hands on the pillows beside her when she realized what he had in mind. Before she could protest, he parted the dark, now damp curls at the juncture of her thighs and gave her an open-mouthed kiss at her most sensitive spot. She squeezed her eyes closed and blindly reached for something, anything to hold onto as he made a delicious meal out of her.
Sucking, nipping, swirling of tongue, grazing of teeth over that sensitive bud of nerve endings, he planned to make her scream. When he felt her tighten, on the cusp of orgasm, he pulled away, lessening the pressure of his mouth on her.
He knew that all he had to do was add a finger or two into her, and pump them in and out while he focused on that pulsating, reactive knob with more force and he would take her where he hadn't taken her in days, and once he did, she was there, arching off the bed, her clinched fists buried in his hair as she bucked into him, her toes curling into the skin of his back below his rib cage, a scream that sounded like it came from the darkest, most sinister depths of hell flowed freely.
He escaped her firm clutch and watched her, strands of hair stuck to her damp forehead, her entire body flushed, her skin sweaty with lust, pride swelling within him at the fact that he could bring her to such heights each and every time they came together this way.
"Ssssh, we don't want to wake Aaron before we get to the best part now do we?" he teased and kissed her.
"Mmm, I think I've created a tall, dark and handsome monster" she giggled hoarsely, trying to find her breath.
"No, he was always here babe; he just needed you to drag him out of his cave" he smiled.
"I love you so much Jack." she said, wiggling beneath him, so worked up over what was about to occur, preparing to feel all of the sensations that came with him being inside her again. She could feel fresh beads of sweat on her skin, just at the thought of it.
She clawed her nails into the muscles of his back, into the cheeks of his backside until she felt the tip at her opening, so ready to feel him inside of her again. She never knew this type of desperation, passion and spark that ignited every fiber of her being, the kind of sex that made her crave more, all day, every day. Not until Jack. He knew just how to touch, tease, grasp, nip, lick, and suck in a way that turned her into putty and completely at his will. Control was completely relinquished from her grasp every time he touched her. She often wondered about how much practice he's had at this, what number of women made him so incredibly good at this, but all that mattered was that she was the only woman he'd do this to for the rest of his life.
He finally pushed into her, one glorious inch at a time, as they both let go of a breathy moan of relief simultaneously. Already on the verge of a second orgasm, Kate began to move, her hips pumping into him. Jack grabbed her thighs, stilling her as he brought his mouth to hers.
"I think I've created a gorgeous, green-eyed monster of my very own" he teased.
She thrust her hips against his soft restraint, bucked and clawed his back again until he moved against her, meeting her with his own powerlessness. He gasped against her mouth as their bodies collided over and over, the animal call of flesh smacking wildly against flesh filled the room.
"God I missed this" he groaned through gritted teeth, working to not end things prematurely.
"I've missed you so much" she moaned, gripping the slippery skin of his back, her lips latching onto his neck, biting and sucking fervently at the skin underneath his ear.
Groans of pleasure, grunts of exertion and a little pain mixed in with the sounds of their frenzied coupling.
"I'm coming again, come with me Jack, please" she pleaded with him, pulling him closer, feeling him speed up for a moment and then he became still. The stinging light behind his eyelids blinded him as he heard her cry out against his ear. She shook against him a few times and continued to moan and squeal as she rode it out.
His body jerked against hers a few times and then he stilled, staying inside her, his warm seed filling her, her warm body wrapped around his and in no hurry to let him go. He moved his mouth to her ear and whispered softly.
"You are the only woman I have ever truly loved and I get it now Kate. I deserve to be happy, no matter what. Thank you for showing me that" he said, swallowing her up in a wet, hot kiss.
Their connection still throbbed and pulsated between them, their chests pressed together, slick with sweat and their breathing still labored. He rose onto his knees, taking her with him as she brought her arms around his neck and held her legs tighter around his waist. He folded his legs beneath him and sat up with her in his lap, the feeling of the satiny, silky glove of her body taking him deeper made his breath catch in his throat.
"I love you Jack and as long as I have a breath left in me to breathe, you'll never be alone" she panted, moving against him, gliding up and down his rock-hard shaft in slow, even strokes. Her head fell back on another moan, as he took one of her nipples into his mouth, sucking desperately, needing to cling to her. He held her to him as they found another perfect, fluid rhythm.
They made love well into the morning, content with the barrier they'd just broken down and even more content with the fact that they would make this work, that they were not alone and never would be ever again.
Thanks for reading!